Bird Came Down

“Daddy,” Taylor said sleepily from the big chair in the living room.

“He insisted on staying up for you,” Scott’s mother said.

“Did you, Buddy?” Scott whispered, picking Taylor up.

“You look nice, Daddy.”

Scott kissed him on the top of his head and he said, “And so do you, and now it’s time to go to bed. Say goodnight to Grandma.”

“G’night Grandma.”

G’night ma,” Scott said, hefting Taylor up in his arms and going up the stairs. He placed Taylor tenderly into bed, and when Nathan woke up he kissed him too.

“You too sleep tight,” Scott said, closing the door behind him. “Daddy loves you.”

Having done that he went down the hall, and turned the handle of the last bedroom. He walked in, closed the door behind him and knelt on the side of the bed.

“Wake up,” he said.

Joey woke up instantly and blinked up at his brother.

“Scott.”

Scott’s hand fell on Joey’s throat like a cuff and while Joey lost breath, Scott said, calmly, “I know… what you did…. You little fuck.”

Scott released Joey’s throat, and Joey sat up, gagging in bed.

“I’m watching you, asshole,” Scott told him.

And then he got up and left.

There was a very soft knock on his door, too soft for Joey. Felix answered and said, “That would be the wanna be rastas from downstairs?”

“What you did….” The tall one began.

“Use your words,” Felix said after a rime.

“People get fucked up trying shit like you did,” the short one said.

Felix smiled at him.

“Not by you,” he said, looking up at the tall one, then, looking down, “and certainly not by you.”

“This is not going the way it was supposed to,” the short one looked up at the tall one.

“Just behave like neighbors,” Felix said, “and no one gets their door smashed in. Oh, by the way, you should bring me up a joint.”

The shorter one blinked at him.

“A joint,” Felix said, “and no hard feelings.”

Suddenly, the tall one said, “Do you want to come down and get high?”

Felix thought about and said, “Yes.”

I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you

“Now a lot of people think George Harrison made this song, but this is the original,” the tall one, called Rob said, as he licked the blunt closed. “So much better.”

A whole lot of precious time
It's gonna take patience and time, um
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it
To do it right child

It was a better version and Felix thought of saying something about white people profiting off of Black music, but just took the blunt and inhaled, holding the smoke in his lungs and letting his eyes water a little as he passed it to Kevin, the shorter one. He had noticed Kevin with his five o’clock shadow, wiry brown hair and stocky build before he noticed that Rob, leaking smoke from his nostrils now, had a certain attractiveness as he sang, smoke leaking from his nostrils:

Set on you
I got my mind set on you!

Rob gestured to Kevin, and for a moment, Felix had this sixth grade feeling, as if they were about to share a secret and leave him out, but just then, Rob opened his mouth, and breathed smoke into Kevin’s. They stayed that way a moment before Rob said, “You don’t mind, do you?”

“That is the last thing I mind,” Felix said.

On their way back upstairs, Kevin of the cargo shorts and snug tee shirt confided in Felix, “We get a little gay sometimes. Especially when we get high. Rob thought you might be freaked out.”

“Kevin,” Felix said when they reached his door, “I get a little gay every day. Sometimes a lot.”

“You’ll wanna bring coffee,” Ben said, winking at the waitress. “Felix likes his coffee.”

“I’m fine,” Felix said. “I had plenty of coffee.”

Ben held his hand out.

“It’s all on me. So don’t worry about it, and you get anything you want.”

“I forgot you had a generous streak.”

“I think you forgot a lot about me,” Ben told him as the waitress brought a pot of coffee and Ben said, “Thank you, Naomi.”

She winked at him.

“I think she likes me,” Ben said.

“And?”

“I’m just saying. Uh, can I get some of that coffee?”

“Well, you did pay for it.”

Felix looked down the list and said, “Maybe I will pay for my own meal.”

“Why?” Ben said, then, “Oh, yeah. I’m not gonna do that anymore.”

“You’re not a vegetarian anymore?”

“I am,” Ben said. “But I’m not asking you to be one with me?”

“I used to think it was cute, and then when you’d offer to pay for my meal as long as I didn’t order meat it got a little…”

“Crazy?”

“Tyrannical.”

When Naomi returned, Felix ordered the fish and chips, and Ben the fried vegetable tray. Felix said, “How did you get back here? I mean, why did you come back? If I’d left, I wouldn’t come back.”

“Ah,” Ben folded his hands under his chin, “I don’t know about that. I love being back home. I thought things were better on the other side of the rainbow.”

“Does it stop raining enough for you to ever get a rainbow in Seattle?”

Ben chuckled and shook his head.

“That’s what I miss about you.”

“You missed me so much you trashed my apartment when you came back?”

“If you can remember,” Ben said, “I was very methodical. I didn’t break anything and I never touched any of your art.”

Now it was Felix’s turn to smile and he said, “That is true. And that is you.”

“I could never damage anything that was yours,” Ben said seriously.

Naomi came with two beers, and put them on the table.

“There you go, guys.”

“Thanks Naomi,” Ben said while Felix nodded.

Before Felix could puzzle over opening the beer, Ben reached across the table and did it himself.

“You always had trouble with that.”

“You did damage something of mine,” Felix said.

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Ben said, “And you ruined my car so we’re even.”

Felix looked at him.

“I’m joking,” Ben said. “I know what I did. I was a coward. I… No one’s ever loved me again.”

“What about—?”

“Please don’t bring her up again.”

“Alright.”

“No one ever loved me. Me, not who they thought I was or who they wanted me to be. I didn’t appreciate that. I was really dumb.”

“You’ll get no argument from me there.”

“I didn’t think I would. Now what about that Scott?”

“Scott?”

“Yeah, the tall handsome former football player who busted my face?”

“Nothing’s happening with Scott.”

“That’s nuts!” Ben blew that away with a hand gesture. “Of course there is. He would kick ass for you. I know that look.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do. Because believe it or not, I would have kicked ass for you.”

“That would have been—”

“Futile and unnecessary, but I would have done it. All one hundred twenty pounds of me.”

“Well, I think something would happen with him. If I allowed it. But he’s confused. He’s got a wife and two kids.”

“What?”

“I mean he’s leaving his wife, getting divorced, and his wife is a real bitch. But that is pretty much the story of every bisexual who hits you up. I’m basically like, when the ink dries on the divorce papers, get a hold of me. Until then,” Felix gave a superior sigh, “it really doesn’t matter.”

Naomi brought their food in steaming newspaper, and placed it on the table cautioning, “It’s hot, guys!”

“Thank you,” Felix said.

“I’ll be back to check on you later,” Naomi said.

Ben nodded and Felix said, “She thinks you’re adorable.”

“She thinks we are adorable,” Ben said, opening up his paper so that the fried vegetables steamed in his face. “I told her you were coming, and I think I’m transparent. I think she saw how excited I was.”

“Well…” Felix shrugged.

“And I am excited,” Ben said, taking a fried vegetable, and dipping it in ranch dressing. “But I see by the look on your face that you’re totally in love with this Scott guy.”

“I… I like him.”

“See,” Ben pointed at him with a fry, “you can be transparent too. I wondered if I still know you, and I still do.”

Felix carefully broke the fried fish in two. It was so moist it almost fell apart, and he dipped it in Tartar sauce.

“If you knew me so well, then how could you do the things you did to me?” Felix said. “If you knew me so well, how could you be so blind?”

“Ouch, Felix,” Ben put down a vegetable.

“But you did, and I am over it. Mostly. Except…”

“I know,” Ben said. “I know it. I know.”

“Benny, I’m not exactly sure what you want from me? I don’t know why you’re excited for me to be here.”

“I want us to be together.”

“You just said you knew how I felt about—”

“I want to be in your life. I want us to be friends together and yeah…”

“And yeah, what?”

“Nevermind,” Ben nearly looked cross.

“You cannot leave it hanging.”

Ben took a breath and looked around, but the Pub was pretty empty.

“If you’re not with Scott right now, then why can’t you come upstairs with me?”

“What?”

“I live upstairs now. In the apartment over the Pub.”

“You want…” Felix rewound what Ben was saying in his head.

“Let’s have sex,” Ben said. “I want to have sex with you.”

Felix had an instant erection, but he took a sip of his beer and pretended to be more interested in greasy fried fish and Tartar sauce than he’d ever been before.

“Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“I slept with Scott. Almost by accident, but not quite.”

“Oh,” Ben said. “Well, okay.”

“And I was already sleeping with his brother when he came back into town.”

“Shit.”

“Yes. And now I’m not with either one.”

“I’m trying to figure out where you’re going with this.”

“Benjamin, if I go upstairs with you, whatever happens is just a divergence and a distraction from dealing with Scott and his family. It’s not an invitation to a relationship.”

“I’m cool with that,” Ben said, crossing his arms over his chest. “It can be what it is.”

“Okay.”

“And what it is, is the two of us having sex up in my room.”

Ben, being Ben immediately followed this bold statement by coloring, and Felix thought of all their time in the past. If anything was going to happen, it had to be up to him, and he looked across at Ben. He wasn’t in love with Ben, but he did want to have sex with him. It wasn’t even so much being physically attracted to him. Ben was angelic and pretty. Sex always seemed like an opportunity to Felix, and walking away from it was an opportunity rejected.

“Ben, come here.”

Ben raised an eyebrow, but he obeyed and rounded the table to sit next to Felix.

“Yeah?” Ben said.

Felix pushed his hand between Ben’s thighs and firmly gripped his dick. Ben’s eyes changed, but just then Naomi was coming. Ben colored, but Felix laughed, pulling on Ben under the table as he smiled up at Naomi and said, “Thank you,” taking the check with his free hand.

“That’s for you,” he told Ben.

Ben’s mouth was half open, and his eyes unfocused.

“He’s talking to you, silly,” Naomi said.

“Yeah,” Ben said while Naomi walked off, shaking her head.

“I can’t concentrate if you keep doing that,” Ben’s voice was shallow.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Ben closed his eyes.

“Fuck, no.”

Then he said, “Yes. We’re in fucking public.”

Felix released Ben and Ben put down his money.

He said, “We need to get the fuck out of here.”