I was eighteen and a senior in high school before I ever noticed him. In a rural community high school with a class size of 300 - it was easy to know everyone from every little town in three counties. It was one day during lunch and I was sitting in the hallway with my friend Donny. A large muscled brunette with dark brown eyes meandered by and stopped.

His name was Doug.

"Faggot!" he said to me.

He was eighteen too, one of the older juniors; a result from having been held back in school.

When I didn't acknowledge him, he said it again even louder.

"Hey faggot!"

The volume of his voice garnered the attention of everyone within ear shot.

Donny asked him who he was yelling at and he pointed is knuckled finger directly at me.

"Me?" I was flabbergasted. Why was he calling me a 'faggot'?

"He's a fucking faggot Donny. Why are you sitting next to a faggot? Are you a faggot too Donny?!?" Doug said boisterously.

Donny was the captain of the baseball team and a point guard for the varsity boys' basketball team. Donny stood up to confront him and asked what his problem was.

"Him, he's a fucking faggot and he's my problem!"

"What did I do to you...?" I stammered with his name, "...Doug?"

He rushed up to bench I was sitting on and slammed my head back against the wall, crushing my chest with his force and ramming his knee into my stomach. I almost threw up my lunch from the blast.

"What did you do to me you fucking faggot? Oh I will show you..."

Donny grabbed Doug by the shoulders and twisted him off me to the floor.

"Leave him alone Doug!"

"I'll fucking show you!"

Mr. Locke, one of the lunchroom monitors, came running down the hallway. Apparently someone had seen the conflict and rushed for his help. I learned later that Doug had a history for causing trouble at school and several confrontations with lower and upper classmen.

"What's going on here?!" he demanded.

"Nothing sir," Doug piped up. Then he shot me a look as if to say, 'one fucking word I will kill you'.

"Just a little disagreement Mr. Locke; I think everything will be fine." said Donny.

Doug got up off the floor and straightened his shirt.

Mr. Locke told Doug to get up and go to class. As he walked away, Donny took a seat next to me.

"Are you okay?"

Still grasping my stomach, I said, "Yeah, but what the fuck was that about?"

"Doug Merrick is a junior on the boys wrestling team. Did something happen between the two of you?"

"I don't even know him.  What the hell was that all about?"

"I don't know, but if he's pissed at you, it would be best to stay away from him."

"Great! Just what I need; a fucking psycho wrestler who's got a hard on for me," I joked.

Donny laughed, "Just watch your back."

The bell rang.

"Come on. We've got to go."

We both got up and went down the hallway towards class.

The word about the altercation between Doug and I got around school like wild fire. When I came out of Chemistry after sixth period, Stacie Kohlis stopped me in the hall.

"Hey Jason."

"Hi Stacie, what's up?"

"I heard about you and Doug over lunch."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I guess he's going to be waiting for you after school. I'd watch my back if I were  you."

"What? Do you know why?"

"Not a clue; but good luck, I got to go."


After the final bell rang, I went to my locker and grabbed by pack. As I was loading it up, someone pushed me from behind and I fell forward into my locker. When I turned around, I saw Doug and his friend Damon walking by. Doug was looking back and giving me the bird.

I just looked at him.

Where did this asshole come from, and why was he heckling me?

Mrs. Swanson, a very sweet and cantankerous little English teacher in her early 70's, saw what had happened and came up to me. "Are you okay Jason? Why is Doug Merrick bothering you?"

"I wish I knew ma'am."

She told me the best way to deal with him was to just kick his ass, then she patted me on the shoulder and said, "Good luck honey; now go get him," then gave me an encouraging little shove.

Mrs. Swanson had the respect of EVERY student in school and she was known for not taking shit from anyone. She prominently displayed an old cricket bat on the wall of her classroom and it was rumored there was a small loaded gun in her pocket book.

I walked out of school and noticed a gathering in the parking lot. As I got closer, I saw that everyone was in fact standing around my car. When I broke through the crowd, there was Doug standing on the hood!

What the fuck?

"There you are you little faggot! What took you so long? I've been waiting here for at least 20 minutes. Were you too scared to come outside?"

"What the fuck is this all about Doug?" I asked him.

"Oh, I think you know - FAGGOT!" he blurted out loudly so that everyone could hear.

I looked around the crowd and people were talking quietly amongst themselves. I noticed Donny and Stacie in the crowd. If things got serious, would Donny come to my rescue again?

I walked up to my car, unlocked the driver's door and threw my bag inside. Doug jumped down and came around the door. He put his arm on my left shoulder. When he spun me around, I was ready for him. My right fist made contact with his jaw and he went to the ground.

"WHOA!" everyone yelled.

"NO DOUG - I DON'T KNOW" I yelled at him.

He got up without saying anything, rushed at me, and slammed me in the gut with his shoulder. I fell back and down, hitting my back on the door sill of my car. That's when the fist pounding started.

Doug had straddled me and started punching at my face. I raised my arms to protect myself, and when I got the chance, I shoved him off me, stood up and kicked him in the thigh.

He swung around on the ground and grabbed my legs causing me to fall forward to the ground. That's when things got interesting.

He crawled on my back and put me in some kind of wrestling hold, his arm around my neck, he pulled back and was straddling my backside. I pushed up and rolled over on top of him.

That's when he wrapped his legs around my midsection and started to squeeze.

I could barely breathe.

I struggled but he had me in a hold and I couldn't get him off me.

As I lay there on top of him, I could smell his sweat. He had that "jock" smell. It was pungent and sour. He smelled of dirty gym socks and ass.

"How you gonna get out of this one faggot?" he managed to say under the strain he was exerting.

I couldn't respond.

"I'm gonna fuck you..." he started to say and I began to wriggle free. His arms were sweaty and slick. I was able to pry one arm away just enough so that I could breath.

"You're gonna FUCK ME?" I blurted out so that people could hear me.

I could hear the crowd mumbling.

I managed to get a jab into his rib cage with my elbow causing him to release me. As I went to get up off him, my butt pressed into his pelvis.

Did I feel a boner?

Once I got up, I rubbed my neck and looked back at him.

"I'm gonna fuck you UP is what I said!" as he started to get up.

I kicked him to the ground and he fell back hitting his head against the door of the car.

"I heard him; he said he wants to FUCK YOU!" Donny said aloud to the group. Everyone started to laugh.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. And look - he's got a fucking boner!" I hollered; pointing to the impressive tent pitched in his pants.

That's when everyone really started to laugh and point.

Doug looked down and tried to push his stiff prick down and to the side. He face was red from our fight, but now he was full on blushing. He really did have a hard on.

"Who's the faggot now DOUGIE!" someone yelled.

He stood up, covered his crotch with one of his hands, and took off running towards the football field adjacent to the parking lot. Everyone watched as he ran the entire length of the field and across a couple of lawns until he was gone.

I finally caught my breath and looked around at everyone. Spying Donny I smiled, he gave me a 'thumbs up' and I knelt down putting my hands on my knees and continued to compose myself.

"Okay everybody - show's over!" Donny yelled out at the crowd, and everyone dispersed.

"What the hell was that all about anyway?" I asked when Stacie came up to me.

"Well, do you remember last year when that girl, Deanna, asked you to go to the prom and you told her 'No' cause you were already going with Emily?"


"Well Deanna is Doug's older sister."

"Oh fuck! Deanna Merrick! I never put the two together!"

"Yeah, she ran her car into a telephone pole that night and is now paralyzed from the neck down."

"But that was over a year ago; why is he doing this now?"

"I have no idea." Stacie said.

"Shit. Does he honestly think I'm the reason his sister drove her car into that pole? What should I do?"

"Nothing..." Donny told me, "I think you've humiliated him enough that he'll leave you alone for a while."

For the next four days no one saw or heard from Doug.

Doug's best friend, according to Stacie, was Damon Heller. The following Monday I saw Damon at lunch asked if he knew where Doug was.

"I don't know. Why do you care?"

In all honesty, I wasn't looking forward to a rematch and feared he might be laying in wait somewhere. Some of the things Stacie had told me frankly scared the shit out of me.

"I just hadn't seen him since the fight."

"Oh..." he said disappointedly.

He walked away before I could ask him anything else.

That afternoon, Donny and I had a scrimmage in the gym for a few hours. Around 5:30pm, we decided to call it quits. We had both worked up a good sweat.

"I totally kicked your ass man."

"Yeah, well, I ran yours off."

"Nah, I just let you think that."

"You gonna shower before you go home?" I asked.

"No, I'm already kind of late. I'll just catch you tomorrow."

"Okay, have a good night."

"Yeah, you too."

Donny grabbed his stuff while I gathered up mine. As I walked to the stairway that led to the locker room I heard the heavy steel door slam behind him and I jumped.

Pausing, I turned around and scanned the gym for anyone else. But it was empty.

Suddenly, I heard one of the other gym doors open.

"Are you done in here?" - It was Mr. Edgar, the school janitor.

"Yeah, I'm just going down to take a shower and then I'm leaving."

"Okay, I'll come back later then." and he left.

I scooted down the stairs flipped on the lights. The locker room was cool and felt good, despite the mildew smell of wet towels and sweaty jock straps. I set my stuff on the bench and undressed. Over at the linen car I grabbed couple towels and wrapped one around my waist; the other I threw one over my shoulder to take with me. When I turned around, there was he standing in front of me.

"FUCK!" I yelled as I jumped back against the linen cart. The cart moved, I lost my balance, and fell to the ground. The jolt to my tailbone was intense and I winced in pain.

When I opened my eyes, I barely had a chance to see Doug's fist coming at me and knocking me square in the jaw. I heard a wringing in my ears and then everything went black.

In the darkness, I heard a voice mumbling and then felt a tug on my arms. I felt a sharp pain in my wrists and then the cold tile floor sliding under me. I opened my eyes just a bit and realized that I was lying on the floor.

I pulled my arms down and felt resistance.  Leaning my head back I could just see the bottom of Doug's boot make contact with my face. The darkness returned.

When I opened my eyes again, my vision was cloudy and I could taste blood in my mouth. As my senses began to return, I realized my arms were above my head and my wrists were tightly bound together. That's when I noticed the tingling you get when your hand or foot falls asleep.

I batted my eyes trying to clear my vision and looked up. My wrists were tied together with one of the jump ropes from the weight room and it was anchored against the steel railing in the shower room. I was on the floor.

"What the fuck?" I said in a whispered voice.

I looked around. The lights were on, but one of the bulbs had burned out and another was flickering. This wasn't uncommon. We always joked that the shower room looked like some kind of prison scene from a horror movie. Only this time, I honestly felt scared.

How long had I been like this? My hands were tingling and numb. My backside hurt from my fall and I was still wearing just a towel. I struggled against the jump rope, causing the wooden handles to clang against the metal bar. That's when I heard him.

"Oh - is he awake in there?" Doug said auspiciously.

I heard him walk down the hallway towards the entrance to the shower room; his boots shuffling against the tile floor. When he finally came to stand in the entryway, he was bare chested and his jeans were unbuttoned at the waist.

"I was just getting ready to come down and wake you up."

"What the fuck are you doing Doug?"

"I told you, I'm going to FUCK YOU up."

"This isn't funny, let me go."

"I'm not laughing, and I know you certainly won't be. But 'no', I won't let you go."

He wasn't an attractive guy by any means, but this entire scene made him even more vile. He looked more like some semi-modern Neanderthal, large forehead, square jaw, beady eyes, military style crew cut, brownish red hair, and brown eyes. But his body was complete perfection.

Being on the wrestling team demanded him to be in top shape where weights were closely monitored and calories were counted. The muscles of his upper body were almost overly developed with his pecs looking like two slabs of beef mounted on top of a washboard, flanked by two rounded shoulders, bulging biceps, veins stacked on top of muscle in his forearms and these powerfully calloused hands.

Doug was not someone that anyone wanted to fuck with, and for good reason. It was a miracle that I was able to fend him off that day in the parking lot. Public humiliation is the only thing that saved me.

He unbuttoned his jeans until I could see the white of his underwear. He kicked off his boots and then removed his socks. His jeans fell to the floor and he stepped out of them.

I was beginning to freak out.

"Doug, I don't think you have thought this through." I pleaded with him.

He walked up to me, and in the dim light I finally saw what I had felt against my backside that day in the parking lot.

The outline of Doug's prick against his boxer briefs was staggering. It lay inside the white cotton, a good two inches in thickness, on its left side. The tip was nestled somewhere near the edge of his hip. His prick was a good seven inches in length. The tightness of his briefs only made it more apparent that he was packing some serious cock.

As he approached, his briefs rubbed against my nose and I tried to turn my head in disgust. That's when he grabbed my head and pushed my cheek tight against his crotch. I could feel the heat of his prick against my face and the bleach tinged musk wafting from between his thighs.

"Oh, I thought about this long enough. Now it's time to do something about it." He pulled back and began to remove his underwear.

"Doug, what are you doing?"

After lowering his white briefs and stepping out, he grabbed them and stood up. As he did this, his dick was getting hard and was curving towards the left. The head of his dick was pointed (more so than my own), it looked like the head of a squid or something. It wasn't very big, but the trunk that supported it was massive.

He leaned forward and slapped the side of my face with his cock.

"No, please don't..." I begged him.

"First you're goanna blow me, and then I'm going to stick this big fucker up your ass."

Was he serious? My fear was turning to anger as I wrestled against the rope holding my arms to the railing.

"You stick that thing anywhere near my face and I'll bite the fucker off - do you hear me!?!" I yelled at him.

His hand came down and back handed me hard across the face. It felt like my eye was going to explode out of its socket - POW!

Once again, I could taste blood in my mouth.

"If I feel one tooth against my dick, you're gonna get stuck in the neck with this" and in his left hand I saw a small black pocket knife with a sharp pointed end. It was maybe four inches in length unfolded.

My eyes went wide as he brought the blade close to my face.

"You get me?"

I nodded in fear.

Doug grabbed the hair on the top of my head and held it straight. The knife came in towards me on the left, and his dick slapped my face again on the right. He kept twisting his hips side to side as he slapped me with his monster cock.

"Now open up!" he commanded.

My eyes began to tear up and I thought I was going to start crying.

"Oh come on you fucking pussy - are you gonna cry now?"

He jerked at my hair even harder.

I closed my eyes tight, tears streamed down my face, and I opened my mouth.

When I felt the tip of his prick touch my upper lip, I flinched in fear.

"Easy... we are gonna take this slow, okay?" he said, "And remember, no fucking teeth."

I felt the cold sharpness of the knife press against my left temple.

"Now put your tongue out."

I did as he instructed, and I felt the underside of his warm dick lay against my quivering tongue. I opened my mouth as wide as I could so that my teeth would not make contact. Sweat was rolling down my face and chest. I was scared out of my fucking mind.

"Oh yeah, that's nice." he uttered as his slowly slide it forward into my mouth.

As it advanced deeper into me, it touched against the back of my throat and I gagged hard.

"Oh oh easy now, you're gonna need to relax Jason."

I opened my eyes.

Through my tears I could see the massive shaft coming out of my mouth leading back to his groin. It was laden with blue and purple veins, at its base were a bushy mound of reddish brown pubic hair with a trail that led up to his navel. As my eyes traveled up his torso, I counted at least eight ridged abdominal muscles. Above them I could see his heart beating under his chest, his huge pecs heaving with heavy breath. He was looking down at me, eyes ablaze with fire and hatred - or was it lust?

His dick advanced again once our eyes made contact and I closed them as he pushed his cock into my throat.

I gagged again.

He pulled back, I took a deep breath, and then he gently pushed it in past my uvula and I felt my throat begin to expand and snap.

My eyes went wide, my mouth and lips straining to stay open, tears continuing to stream down my face; my nose running with the drainage of my internal tears.

Once he was in, he pulled back just enough for me to inhale and then he pushed his prick back in. I felt it go further down and I had to angle my head back to accommodate its length. I felt his cock advance further down my throat, my neck expanding, until my nose was buried in his pubic hair. His pungent stench was filling my nose.

It was there that he held me for what seemed like an eternity.

Doug was up on his tip toes.

I was sitting on the floor, leaning forward, the pull of my restrained arms tearing away at my shoulders, his hand tightly held the hair on my head, his cock impaling me through the mouth and into my throat.

And with the slightest rocking motion, he started to fuck my face.

He moved perhaps only a few millimeters, but it was enough to cause me the most unbearable pain, his cock pulsing and throbbing against the outstretched muscles of my esophagus, tears and mucus emptying out onto the shaft.

"Oh yeah... fuck yeah... I knew you'd be a good cock sucker... Mmm... Take my cock Jason... Take it..." each pause met with a tiny thrust. It was just enough to keep him deep inside me.

I felt as if I was suffocating.

I began to see stars and felt as if I might pass out. I was barely able to catch a breath between thrusts, my larynx being crushed by Doug's monster cock.

"Oh... Oh... Oh... No... Not yet... I'm not ready yet."

The temptation to bite down with all my might was overwhelming, but I realized that my jaw was not only swollen from the two hits I had taken, but it may even be dislodged!

As I tried to move it I heard a 'SNAP', like a twig breaking in two and I feared the worst.

Doug continued to throat fuck me, taking his sweet time as I struggled against my binds and his cock.

Finally, the tiny thrusting stopped. I felt the quickening of the pulse from his cock and saw his abs constrict and relax as he bent slightly at the waist, his hips jerking.

"Oh FUCK!" he screeched.

He was coming inside me.

Not that I could taste or feel it, but from his movements, I knew it was happening. I was swallowing another guy's spunk for the first time in my life.

When he pulled out, I began to cough and gag. The taste of his salty jizz oozed around my gums and over my tongue. I began to feel globs of his cum inside my mouth. Dare I savor them or spit him onto the floor. But I was overcome as it fell from the corners of my mouth.

"I fucked you silly didn't I?" he said over his heavy breathing I couldn't respond. My head hung on my chest. My wrists and hands still bound to the railing.

"HUH?!?" he screamed at me.

I flinched and jostled at the loudness of his voice; but I still didn't respond.

"ANSWER ME!" he yelled again.

My stomach wretched, and I tried to puke on the towel at my waist; dry heaving until his nectar was expelled from my insides. But it was no use - I could smell and taste him on my face.

It felt as if his putrescence continued to overtake every cell in my body; his stench, the smell of his loins, his jizz, his sweat on my body - he was everywhere!

I screamed out in a deep guttural yell that echoed through the locker room; breathing heavy and crying, grunting and struggling against my binds I tried to break free.

"AHHH!!!!" I screamed out.

He stood back, looking at me, and he started laughing.

"You think you're so fucking tough? Look at you; you pathetic cock-sucking faggot. Wait till I tell people that you begged me not to kick your ass if I just let you suck my DICK!!"

"NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU!" I raged back at him.

I looked him straight in his eyes, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE DONE YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER!!!"

He stood there in silence. I could see the rage building inside of him. I tried to catch my breath after my rant and that's when he hit me in the jaw again. This time I felt and heard it crack - it was broken. I cried out in pain, it was excruciating!

"OH GAWD!" I cried out.

"I'M A FUCKING IDIOT?" he yelled in my face. He shoved my head over to the side, my jaw cracking as he did so - the pain shooting throw my head and neck.

It was then that Doug took his wadded up underwear and shoved them in my mouth, my jaw shifting and grinding as he shoved them in. The pain was unbearable.

He bent down and rolled me onto my side, my wrists sliding and twisting at the railing, my legs flopping over. Then he pulled them out straight, my back arched upward with my arms, and I was facing the wall and floor, my arms twisted even further and tighter.

He stepped forward, grabbed my waist, and lifted me up until my legs bent underneath me; exposing my ass. I was limp in anguish and pain. My head hanging low between my arms. Looking down, I saw the blood dripping onto the tile floor.

"In case you're wondering, this is the part where I fuck the shit out of your ass, Jason!"

I felt his thumb slip inside my ass first and tug down hard on the sphincter. My head was spinning. I had nothing left to resist with. It was only when I felt the head of his prick push against my hole that an excruciating sensation shot through my insides.

And then it was as if someone was tearing me apart - he pushed his log of a cock into my ass, and my guts strained and tore against the pressure and force he was using on me.

I screamed and cried out around the underwear lodged in my mouth; blood and tears raining from my head.

But in an instant, all of the agony and pain subsided. Was it really happening? Was I really here, in this place, now?

And I realized he was inside me again.

Soon, all I could feel was Doug's heavy thrusting against my backside and the pressure of his cock deep in my belly.

Surely it wasn't over, had I succumbed to my attacker?

Currents of electricity shot through me like fire, sparked by the movement of his dick. A feeling of euphoria washed over me, I inhaled deeply, and it felt as if I had been plugged in.

Doug continued to pound his meat deep into me and I heard myself let out a soft moan.

And then another...

My eyes rolled up into my head.

And then another moan escaped my lips...

Each one getting a little louder.

What I was feeling was indescribable.

"Oh you like that do you?" he said to me.

I didn't respond, but grunted with each thrust he drove into me, moaning as he withdrew and reentered.

"You like my big dick in your tight little asshole?"

And without a thought, I began to push against his thrust until the flesh over my ass rippled with his pounding.

I gave in to the pleasure that was now surging through me - damn my jaw and my torn asshole - his cock had filled me so full that I felt alive with fire! It felt like he was poking at the base of my heart, I was becoming breathless.

"OH GAWD!" I managed to shout through my underwear gag.

"FUCK YEAH - IT'S GOOD ISN'T IT?" he yelled at me.

"UH HUH!" I groaned back.

His pounding intensified, and I was rocking fiercely on my knees, my hands grabbing onto the railing to stabilize myself.

I didn't want it to end.

My fear had turned to a crazy mad desire. I hated him for what he had done to me, but this was fucking amazing! That huge cock of his spreading my ass wide, filling me with his pounding heat. I couldn't get enough.

The underwear fell out of my mouth onto the floor, it was soaked in blood.

I managed to eke out a whispered "don't stop Doug" only to feel the pain in my jaw return.

"What did you say?" his whispered back as his rhythm slowed.

"...don't stop..." I whispered again.

"You want me to keep going?" he said in amazement.



"...fuck me Doug...fuck me harder..." I said in a whispered voice.

I felt him lean forward and his mouth came next to my right ear.

"You want me to fuck you harder?"


"You like Doug's big fat cock up your ass don't you."

"...oh gawd yes..."

He pulled back and rammed it in hard. A guttural moan escaped my lips as my head flopped back against his force.

He started pumping against me again and I became lost. His hands grabbing at my waist, pulling me into each of his forceful cock thrusts, my ass expanding violently to accommodate him.

"Fuck me Doug, fuck me harder"

And he did.

My hips and back strained against his thrusting as I moaned out louder and louder.


He was grunting with each thrust now.


And then this moan came from deep inside my somewhere. Our violent scene of rape had turned into this hot sadomasochistic fuck session.

My dick became hard and began bouncing against my belly, my balls aching for release.


And he did, just enough to smear my drippings around the head and send me into madness.

Doug wrapped his arms around my waist to hold me, his head resting against my back as he fucked me even harder.

My firm dick flapped against his forearm.

"Oh god, you do like this don't you."

"...uh huh..."

I felt his calloused hand grasp my aching cock and begin stroking it, my hips shuttered as the sensation overtook me.

"Oh yeah..."

Within seconds, I was overcome with orgasm while he worked me into a convulsive frenzy. I screamed out as my hips jerked to the surges of seed that burst out of me all over his hand and the tile floor.

My screams echoed throughout the shower room and beyond.

As the last spurt of cum oozed from the tip of my ravaged cock, I collapsed against the wall, my breath lost, my head spinning.

As Doug pulled out, I gasped in disappointment; only to flop over on my side with a slap to the tile. Did he come inside me?

He untied the rope from the bar and I fell completely to the floor, my head landing on my arm.

Doug stood up, "Look at me."

I managed to turn my head and open my eyes just enough to see him looking down.

"I was right." he said just before he began pissing on me. The warm liquid splattered over my spent and broken body.

When he was done, he turned, gathered his clothes, and left.

My last image was of Doug naked backside walking out of the shower room and then darkness.

It was nine days before I returned to school, and when I did, it was with a wired jaw, six stitches below my left eye, and three cracked ribs.

During my absence, the rumors had culminated into everything from me being assaulted by some random pedophile while I was in the locker room to an attempted suicide. The most obvious and yet most discredited was that perhaps Doug had come back to finish what he had started. No one was ever to say for certain, and when the police questioned me; I told them I could not remember what had happened. Frankly, I was reluctant to say anything to anyone. The police continued to pursue the matter, but I was ambivalent. It was something that my parents said they understood, and yet I could sense my father's overwhelming desire for justice.

Doug had been questioned by the police, as was to be expected I suppose. The timing of my attack to our fight in the parking lot was more than coincidental. Doug had managed to convincingly deny everything to anyone who asked.

I don't know if we were embarrassed, too humiliated, or both - but things were different. When I saw Doug in the halls at school, we did not acknowledge each other. His interest in me seemed to have disappeared, and yet I could sense something was still going on inside his head. Someone doesn't do the things that he did to me and not feel something afterward.

After several weeks, people began to not notice us at all, and that was fine by me. When graduation came in the spring, my wounds had mended and I was left with a 'rugged' scar below my left eye. The matter seemed to have been by everyone; everyone except Doug and I.

The day after graduation commencement, I received a text from Doug asking me to meet him east of town near the old Melbourne farm. It was an old farm that no one had lived at for years and the house had been abandoned. I was reluctant, but my curiosity got the better of me. When I arrived he was standing on the front porch.

I got out of my car and walked up to him.

"Hey" he said.


He had a difficult time looking at me; standing there with his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"How are you?"

I asked him why he wanted to see. He told me that he had been asking around about how I was doing, but that people were getting curious as to his concern, so he decided to ask me to meet him.

I told him I was doing alright... healing, and getting stronger. He looked relieved. When he stepped off the porch and came up to me, I was ready to defend myself. But instead, he put his arms around me and held me.

"I'm so sorry for what I did to you", he said softly.

I didn't hug him back, and after a few seconds, he stepped back. To say that I was surprised by his remorse was an understatement.

"Are you still mad at me?"

"Are you kidding me? Doug, I never had ANYTHING against you. This whole thing was all you! You were the one who had all this rage built up towards me."

"But after everything I put you through, you must be mad at me?"

"Doug, it doesn't matter. What happened between us doesn't matter."

"It doesn't?"

"Doug, you don't matter."


He looked as if I'd just pulled the life out of him. He couldn't process my lack of emotion or disinterest in his words and feelings. I finally asked him what he wanted from me.

"I wanted to tell you that I was sorry and ask for your forgiveness."

"After all this time, you decide you are ready to tell me you are sorry."

"And to tell you that", he paused and looked down at the ground, "...that I missed you."

"You missed me. What does that mean? You saw me every day in school!"

"But I couldn't talk to you. I couldn't be close to you."

"Be close to me?"

"People might have suspected something."

"What is it that they would suspect Doug; that we fucked and you got me off?"


"Yeah, I liked it; so what!" I couldn't believe that I had actually admitted it to him.

"What do you mean so what?"

"I mean - SO WHAT! It turns out that I like rough sex, I like to get pissed on, I like having sweaty underwear shoved in my mouth, I liked getting fucked. SO WHAT?!"


"What Doug? You thought if I came out here that we start something again? "

He looked down at the ground again, kicking up some loose dirt.

"Yeah, kinda..."

"Jesus Doug, grow up! We fucked, you came, I came - that's it. End of story."

"So that's it. It's just over?"

"Doug, it never even started."

I turned and walked back to my car; my heart was racing.

As I drove away, I saw him standing in the front of that old house and I almost felt sorry for him. But I couldn't let him know that HE had unlocked the demon deep inside me; that he was the one that had set me free.

The next chapter of my life was about to begin, and as my car kicked up the gravel dust along the country road, I reveled at the thought of what I was going to find next.


Christian Crowne

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