Ask GayDemon: Masturbation Math

What's a normal amount of times to jerk off a day? I'm spending most of my evenings playing with my cock and edging, and cum about six times every day. Am I normal?

-Six Shooter

Yeah, you're totally normal because it's normal to lie about sex and there's no way in hell you cum six times every day just from jacking off in the evenings. Six may be an exaggeration but obviously it's enough times to get you worried. And it's not just evenings you're spending jacking off either, is it? Add in mornings before work or college or whatever, and during lunch break if you can find some privacy in a toilet. You love toilets.

And you're also normal because you're worried you're doing it too much. Like something horrible is going to happen to you. What exactly would that be, besides overdevelopment of the muscles in your dominant arm? Is there a digital readout on your forehead that everyone can gawk at that showcases the number of times you came that day? Does a huge clap of thunder sound every time you shoot, rousing the neighbors and followed by a giant public P.A. system decreeing that yes, you came again?

Or maybe you expect some city-wide siren like before an air raid. Because this is totally 1943.

So yeah, you're normal because you're questioning your natural sexual behaviors. But obviously, you're not worried enough to be turned off. In fact, thinking of yourself as some sort of masturbation freak probably turns you on more. And if I say that you should be ashamed of yourself and do your best to stop your disgusting, pathetic masturbation addiction, or at least cut it down to a reasonable, say, three cums a day, then you'd probably spring a boner and jerk off right then.

Because you're a six shooter. That's who you are. So build your life around that. Make sure you have time to jerk it. Maybe cut down on the number of cums and actually more deeply edge and get lost and fucking high in it. Because why the fuck not? Cancel on friends or lose all your friends or whatever. I don't care. Just focus on your cock. Masturbation is everything.

Now go sign up for a porn site you find through GayDemon (Gemini Men is a hot one with solos you'll dig). You may need to up your cum count to seven times a day to be sane so you need as much high-quality, sleazy-ass porn as possible.

Send your question to [email protected]