Ask GayDemon: Lycra Lover

I think I'm becoming a complete pervert. I recently joined a gym to shape up and I am amazed by the amount of incredibly obvious bulges in lycra! I can't help but stare at these guys' packages and very often they'll notice and I look like a right perve! Is there something wrong with my self control? Can I do this perving more discreetly?

-Loving Lycra

Remember raising your hand to go to the bathroom in elementary school, asking "Can I go to the bathroom?" And the teacher would rightly correct you with "I don't know. Can you?" Because you really should say "may" not "can"?

Well you're doing it again. The lesson clearly didn't take. Your elementary school teacher should have been even bitchier. Though in this case, maybe you actually can't stop. You may also be bad at bluffing in a poker game. You may have several tells, from how wide your eyes get to how your breathing may change, revealing a strong hand, or a bluff.

But there's no bluffing here. You have a thirst for lycra bulges. And thankfully, your gym is full of fellas working out in this wonder fabric. Technically it's a brand of spandex so should be capitalized. Like Jell-o or Jeep. But II'm happy to keep it uncapitalized, because I want it to be as commonplace in the world as you do. I want the guy's to wear it to the gym (with zero underwear) and out on the streets, going fresh from the gym to the grocery store, the club, the apartment building laundry room I share with them.

So yes, you're a lycra pervert. Congratulations! You're still standing so nobody has bashed you for it or kicked you out of the gym either. Believe me, gym ownere know some of their membership is there for more than working out. Luckily, your fetish can be satisfied visually. You don't have to suck cock while doing sit-ups as that might get you kicked out.

So start thinking about what you want to do beyond looking, if anything. Maybe follow up some obvious lycra gazing with a crazy thing called hello. Or even a less subtle, those tights look good on you. Where did you get them? Or if you want to go down the perversion rabbit hole, tell a guy you saw some workout clothes (including tops so you don't totally scare him off) that you think would look good on him and you're happy to get him some as a friendly gift. Find out his size and do it.

You may want to leap right into finding a guy who will model what you bought for him since otherwise, you're just out the bucks without a guaranteed sighting of him in exactly that.

So you can be discreet in how you approach a guy when you talk about it. But no need to be discreet in staring in general, though you might want to bring in some eye contact or it can be a bit intense. Plus without eye contact, you'll never get to the next level.

Or just skip all the talking and start a shameful underground group of perverts called the Lycra Lickers. Though don't be surprised if the name's already taken. Because, nobody is alone with this stuff, unless you choose to be.

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