Secrets Between Us
[Memory, Senior Year, April]
There was just so much to do. Lyn navigated between textbooks with the highest speed he could achieve on land, but if felt like they would swamp him soon. He only needed to stay ahead by gulping down large portions of text without even worrying if he could digest them or not.
Across from him, Brad lounged with one arm thrown across the table, his head resting against his shoulder. Lyn snuck a glance at his friend. There was no surprise there. Graduation was breathing down their necks, and Brad still couldn’t find in himself the desire – or need – to study. Lyn had warned him that he would help him in every way he could, but the truant in question needed to apply himself to his studies, nonetheless.
Brad had been restless lately. He tried to avoid hard work more often than ever, and when Lyn insisted he became moody and started brooding. And Lyn truly didn’t have the time required to micromanage his friend, not when so much hung in the balance for his own future.
He felt guilty about it. Ever since the night when Brad had confessed vague details about his fears, Lyn had waited patiently for further clarification to come from his friend. None came, though, and Lyn’s attempts at probing Brad had only caused friction between them.
Brad had to have been talking like that only because he was plastered that night. He tended to be theatrical on occasion, but Lyn couldn’t let go of the feeling that his friend needed him, even though the help he’d get this way was limited.
All the more reason for him to study and be a dependable person for his friend.
Friends.
Lyn stole a look at Alexander. An open book lay before him, but Lyn could tell Alexander’s eyes weren’t moving across the page as they should. While Brad was moody on occasion, Alexander seemed to have remained stuck in the same mood since the beginning of senior year.
A feeling of helplessness washed over Lyn. He struggled to return to his own studying. Asking his friends directly what was wrong got him absolutely nowhere, so there had to be other ways.
What ways those were remained to be discovered.
“So,” he asked, trying to sound casual and failing, “how long until we’re done here? I want to buy you both dinner.”
“I have plans,” Alexander replied.
“With your girlfriend?” Lyn teased.
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Alexander said, stiffening visibly.
Brad snorted, drawing their attention to him. “What?” he asked. “His Majesty is a big-ass player. Didn’t you know that, Lyn?”
Lyn blinked in confusion. “We don’t have to believe all the rumors. Like I don’t believe the one about you sleeping with three different girls in the same night, at the same party.”
Brad threw Lyn a long, hard look that made him shift in his chair. Where was the fun-loving friend he’d known for so long?
“Actually, that one is true.”
Lyn groaned for show. “Okay. But that doesn’t mean Alexander isn’t affected by people saying mean things about him. Despite his overall, well, I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude.”
Brad snickered, but it wasn’t a pleasant sound.
“He gives fucks,” he agreed with Lyn, while Alexander remained conspicuously silent. “He gives so many fucks about things he shouldn’t give a fuck about.”
“Like what?” Lyn had noticed a growing tension between his best friends lately, but he had chalked it up to their becoming increasingly nervous about finals and graduation. Whatever Brad was implying here, it seemed personal.
Brad pursed his lips and looked away. There was no reaction from Alexander.
“I can’t get anything done,” Brad complained and stood, grabbing his books. “Come by later, Lyn. It’s freaking suffocating in here.”
Was Brad talking about Alexander?
“Did you two have a fight or something?” Lyn asked, as soon as Brad was out of earshot.
“Brad is a brat,” Alexander replied. “He doesn’t understand or, better said, doesn’t want to understand the meaning of the word ‘no’.”
Lyn sighed. He understood now. “Did he ask you for help with his studies? I’m taking care of that already. He doesn’t have to come to you for help.”
“The kind of help I’m willing to give him is not the kind of help he wants from me. I will, however, not change my position just because he’s spoiled. Which, by the way, you’re responsible for.”
Lyn couldn’t contradict Alexander about that. Brad was spoiled; he was among the people who spoiled him, so he had no right to complain when their other friend pointed it out.
“How is it going?” he changed tack, knowing that he wouldn’t get anything else out of Alexander. He gestured with his chin at Alexander’s textbooks.
“As expected,” Alexander returned a cryptic reply. “I must go, too. Make sure not to keep Brad waiting. Who knows what might happen if he pouts for too long? He might pull a muscle in that pretty face of his.”
Lyn opened his mouth to say something, but Alexander had already gone.
What the hell had gotten into those two? It wasn’t like them to snipe at each other like this. Alexander was blunt and direct and corrected Brad on occasion, but Brad always took it in stride, never getting angry.
It was hard to focus on his textbooks now, but he had to do it anyway. He had no choice.
***
Lyn observed his friends from afar. They were sitting opposite each other, a strange detail that struck him as incongruous. Per their usual habit, Brad always chose to sit on the same side as Alexander, across from Lyn, but now his posture seemed… challenging.
Provocative.
He frowned and walked faster. Brad was gesticulating wildly, talking too loudly, while Alexander, who had his back to Lyn, remained unmoved by the performance taking place in front of him.
“So moral absolutism is lazy?” Brad asked, his face a picture of anger. “Are you calling me lazy?”
“Your argument is invalid,” Alexander replied placidly. “I am not calling you lazy. Just uninformed. And unwilling to learn.”
Brad chuckled and leaned back, throwing his pen on the table. “Fuck me sideways. You really got your panties in a twist over what I told you, didn’t you? You just can’t stand that I might have a chance--”
“Hi, guys,” Lyn interrupted the flow of what seemed about to turn into a river of expletives pouring out of Brad’s mouth. “Don’t tell me you guys are fighting. That’s not nice.”
Brad tsked and crossed his arms. “We were having an intellectual fight,” he said. “Until you butted in.”
“Oh, forgive me,” Lyn said, putting his hands up in mock surrender with a smile on his face, in hope of defusing the situation. “What are you two going head-to-head about?”
Brad scoffed and turned his attention back to Alexander. Lyn hesitated for a moment, not knowing where to sit, when Alexander pulled the chair out by his side, ending his dilemma.
“I’m explaining to this bull,” Brad said, pointing rudely with one finger at Alexander, “that in life, you can’t always be clear about what you want or think, but you still must make a choice. Just floating around in gray waters is worse than picking one side and sticking to it.”
“That’s a point of view,” Lyn agreed pleasantly. “Right, Alexander? Brad can choose moral absolutism if he so desires.”
Alexander didn’t spare him a glance. He stared back at Brad, without blinking. “He doesn’t desire to choose anything. He only hopes to provoke me since he cannot impress me.”
Brad’s expression turned into a deep frown. “And you know that how, Your Majesty? Oh, but it’s so like you,” he commented, throwing his hands in the air, “to make people feel dumb when all they’re trying to do is talk to you about what matters--”
“I do not make you feel dumb. It’s your choice to feel that way,” Alexander replied, cutting Brad’s words short.
Brad pushed himself up from his seat and smacked his hands on the desk. “You,” he hissed, “only pay attention to people when they talk like you. When they think like you. Heaven forbid you actually see anything that’s beyond your fucking precious syllabus.”
Lyn stared at his friends, too overwhelmed to know what to say to make them stop.
“You’re here to perform,” Alexander countered him. “Forgive me if I don’t feel the need to applaud.”
“Alexander,” Lyn reproached, “come on, why are you talking to Brad like this?”
“Fuck this shit,” Brad said, his handsome features contorting in what looked like real pain. “You always win, Your Majesty, but that doesn’t make you right.”
“Brad,” Lyn pleaded, following his friend with his eyes as Brad stepped away from their study table.
Brad didn’t even reply. He left Lyn there to stare at his retreating back.
Lyn looked at the table. Brad had left all his things spread out on it. That meant he’d at least get a chance to talk to him when he returned for them.
“Why are you engaging him in such arguments? You know he’s not like us. He puts his heart into his arguments,” he said, moving to sit in Brad’s place.
“While we’re as cold as ice,” Alexander replied smoothly. He opened his laptop, his fingers moving easily over the keyboard.
“Maybe we are,” Lyn agreed. “We shouldn’t put him down like that, though.”
“I’m doing it, not you. He’s all sunshine and warmth, but we like the dark better, don’t we, Lyn?”
His shortened name fell off Alexander’s lips so softly that he didn’t find it in his heart to call him out on it.
He opened his textbook and focused on the words on the page. It was easier than trying to figure out why his friends were fighting. Was it a girl they both wanted to date? But Alexander had a girlfriend now, while Brad was playing the field as always.
It was a mystery. But he’d get to the bottom of it, eventually.
***
“Why are you two fighting so much?” Lyn asked directly, as soon as Brad let him in.
His friend took his bag from Lyn and threw it on a chair.
“He’s pissing me off,” Brad said with a sigh.
“He’s just being himself. You know he’s tough as nails. And yeah, I suppose he’s too cerebral to care that there are other things in the world. You know, like feelings.” Lyn made an effort to smile.
Brad snorted and ran one hand through his hair. “Oh, he feels enough, don’t worry about that.”
“I beg to differ.” Lyn sat on Brad’s bed without being invited. He had no idea if Brad wanted him to stay. In all honesty, he wanted to get back to his studies, but he didn’t want to leave before he got some kind of answer or promise from Brad that he would stop fighting Alexander on philosophical issues and the like.
“You don’t know Alexander,” Brad said, shaking his head slowly and looking at a spot over Lyn’s shoulder without seeing him. “You don’t know him at all, Lyn.”
“Are we also going to get philosophical? The two of us? Then I can tell you that no one ever truly knows anyone. People always keep a part of them to themselves. It’s natural; it’s not a bad thing.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Brad plopped down by Lyn’s side and threw one arm over his shoulders, pulling him close. “But some things, they need to share them, right? ‘Cause otherwise they might regret not sharing them or saying anything.”
When Lyn met Brad’s eyes, he was stunned by the raw honesty in them. Was Brad calling him out on his own lack of honesty?
“You have a lot of studying to do, don’t you?” Brad asked, squeezing Lyn’s shoulder briefly before letting go.
“I can stay,” Lyn replied. “If you need someone to talk to.”
“Nah,” Brad waved him off, his smile returning. “I need someone to drink with, and I know you’re not that guy.”
“Sorry,” Lyn said, attempting to make his apology sound like a joke.
“Don’t be. You’re my best friend,” Brad said. “Even if you could let go a little more once in a while.”
“We’ll do that after graduation,” Lyn promised.
“We’ll sure do that. It’s going to be wild.”
Brad pulled him close into a hug. And held him for a moment too long for Lyn to be sure that they were just two friends sharing an embrace.
TBC
Author's note:
Thank you for reading! (And apologies for the cliffhanger... I'm addicted to cliffies, sorry!)
@Derek - yes, Alexander was seriously in love from day one... I like to believe that I still have a few surprises in store for you, even if this feels like the climax of the story (and it is). Brad is actually more observant than Lyn gives him credit.
@Buchanan - it makes my day when readers say they didn't see it coming :D I'm pure evil, I know :))
@FCW Reading - oh, the situation is plenty complicated right now... let's see how each of the characters deal with the aftermath.
@DavidB - I knew people would be shocked by Alexander's 'darker' nature. I wrote this story with flawed people in mind, and from the start, I had no intention to make him 100% perfect. And the more readers said how much they liked him, the more I thought... oh, how will they react when they'll know the truth? I think, realistically speaking, we never love someone only for themselves; we care about us more, actually, when we want someone to love us back. And that's my take (curtsy).
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