Fucked and Fucked Up
Revenge required careful planning, and Lyn could feel Alexander’s eyes following him everywhere, as if there was no other thing their owner was interested in. Therefore, he needed to get away from his horny roommate and his astonishing fuck-me eyes. The night before, Alexander had asked for nothing in return for the spectacular rimjob he had given. This lack of reciprocity annoyed the hell out of Lyn, and he had to think of something that would truly rattle the asshole’s cage.
Should he go in for the kill? Tell Alexander that he wanted to fuck him and suggest doggy-style as the choice of position? Would a cock in his ass make the demon change his mind about how far he wanted to take things with his old pal? Lyn worried that it wouldn’t. Even if he hated it, Alexander would just pretend it was all fine, only to piss off his opponent. And then, he’d want to get on top, and Lyn really couldn’t have that.
Convincing Alexander to let him go for a run alone had been quite a feat. Lyn had to promise that he would repay his roommate for the inconvenience – what inconvenience was that? – in whatever way the other party deemed appropriate. That, and the kiss he’d had to offer, the one that had left him out of breath before he had managed to escape out the door.
Lyn shivered as he remembered the way Alexander had kissed him this morning. He broke into a steady run, letting his mind analyze the situation. Running helped him focus, the same way meditation did for other people.
The lingering sensation of lips pressing against lips flooded his mind, even as he tried to push it away. Faster, he was going faster, as if he was running from something. Was he a coward now? The moment Alexander had made his first sexual move, Lyn had risen to the occasion.
He wouldn’t melt into a puddle now because of a kiss, no matter how great it had been. The morning breeze was fading now, allowing the sun to beat down on the one guy crazy enough to go for a run at this time of day. But he needed to fill his lungs with the salty air, to feel his cheeks cooling, while he struggled to chase away the imprint of Alexander’s lips on his mouth.
It took him a few moments to realize someone was calling his name. He slowed down and changed direction the moment he noticed who was waving at him from across the beach.
Bella smiled as he jogged toward her. “Lyn, I thought it was you.” Unlike when they met for the first time, her smile was warm, and her eyes were friendly for a change. A chance existed that he had imagined Bella’s dislike. Although, on most occasions, Lyn wasn’t wrong when interpreting how people looked at him – how they saw him.
“Hi Bella,” he said, offering an equally open smile. “How are you?”
“I’m sorry about interrupting your run, but there’s no one else that can help me with what I’m about to ask you.”
So Bella knew a thing or two about bridging a gap she herself had created.
“I’ll be more than happy to help you,” he said. “Just name it.” He wiped the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand.
“Let’s walk a little,” she offered. She wore a cute summer dress with large sunflowers, and Lyn’s heart ached as he knew exactly how Brad had to see his fiancée. She was beautiful, truly so. Good genes and excellent self-care ensured that she was making the best of what she’d been given. Lyn appreciated neatness because he was the same. The silky curls of her hair bounced lightly, and every smile she doled out made her look like a princess.
“I apologize for being such a mess,” he said, gesturing at himself.
“I interrupted your run, so don’t bother about a thing.” She appeared to be taking her time to issue her demand.
Was this about Brad? Lyn felt his heart starting to beat faster. But except for that last fight that had driven them apart, there was nothing compromising in his and Brad’s shared past that would warrant a strange conversation with the bride-to-be.
“It’s about Alexander,” Bella started, making Lyn’s heartbeat drop back to a steady rhythm. “My friends – my girlfriends – are disappointed that he spends his days cooped up in his room.”
That wasn’t true. And cooped up wasn’t a term Lyn would use for Alexander. What that guy was doing when inside—
“They want to get to know him better, but so far, they have barely managed to get a glimpse of him.”
“What would you like me to do?” Lyn asked politely. Bella’s friends’ interest in Alexander was natural. It also reminded him that Alexander was supposed to get over his divorce by getting together with a woman, or two, or however many he desired.
Not fool around with his friend from college. Definitely not that.
“Brad tells me you’re the only one with any real pull when it comes to Alexander. No matter how many times I nagged him about his friend – and yours – he kept saying the same thing. ‘Talk to Lyn, he’s the one who can get Alexander to come around.’ Do you think you can convince him to come out of his shell? At least a bit? I’ll be indebted. There’s a party this afternoon, and my girlfriends are getting their hopes high.”
“No problem. I’ll bring him to the party if I have to drag him there myself.”
His chest was lighter. Yes, how could he forget that he wasn’t supposed to hoard Alexander to himself only because he was such a good kisser? And cocksucker. And rimjob giver.
No, no, no, he would not let his mind pull him back into the gutter again. Alexander needed to get out of his funk, and there was no better way to do that than meeting other people.
“I’m counting on you,” Bella said, clasping her smooth cool hand around Lyn’s elbow very briefly. “I know he’s something of a complicated fellow. According to Brad, of course.” She let out a short, embarrassed laugh.
Lyn stole a glance at her. He didn’t need a magnifying glass to see what was going on. Bella liked Alexander. He had made an impression on her, as he did on most women wherever he went.
“Well, it must be because of the divorce,” Lyn suggested dutifully. “He’s still hurting over it, and--”
“The divorce?” Bella lifted a perfect eyebrow and stared openly at him. “But that was years ago.”
Right. Lyn had no idea when the divorce had happened. On the other hand, Bella didn’t know Alexander and what effects the first real heartache would have on a guy with an unfeeling heart.
“I believe he loved his wife very much,” Lyn said with conviction he didn’t possess.
“Really?” Bella didn’t act surprised. She was.
Lyn was at a loss. He was filling in blanks now, and he felt like it was the wrong thing to do. Actually, it had been Brad who’d given him the impression that Alexander was emotionally damaged because of his marriage ending in separation.
“But it was such a short marriage,” Bella added. “Of course, you’re his friend and know him better. Especially since men don’t really talk about their feelings.”
Lyn opened his mouth to ask about how short Alexander’s marriage had been but closed it immediately. As his friend, he was supposed to know such details.
“That’s true,” he confirmed. “Don’t worry about a thing. Alexander will be at the party, and he will be incredibly charming.”
Bella laughed. “Isn’t he always?”
Boy, she had no idea. But Lyn gave her a short chuckle in return before she bid him goodbye and was on her way.
***
“The ladyfolk on the premises require your attention,” he said the moment he got back and opened the fridge in search of a bottle of water.
“What sort of attention?” Alexander asked, coming behind him and crowding Lyn with his impressive physique.
Lyn barely had room to turn and drink his water. The run had been refreshing, as well as his conversation with Bella. “The sort of attention a strapping single man like you should offer the beautiful ladies present,” he replied promptly.
He pretended to be absorbed in drinking water to avoid staring at his roommate. Their eyes, however, inevitably met.
As always, he had no idea what Alexander was thinking. His face was an impenetrable mask, all his features frozen into the very picture of disdain for everyone and everything surrounding him.
Alexander said nothing but reached into his pocket, extracting one of those long cigarettes he seemed to have preferred in the past. Lyn smacked his bottle down on the counter and grabbed the cancer stick from Alexander’s hand.
“Stop doing this shit. For real, are you a doctor or a quack? Practice what you preach.”
He didn’t explain his own outburst and turned his back to Alexander. He crushed the cigarette and let the pieces swirl down the drain as he washed his hand in the sink.
Alexander glued himself to Lyn’s back, cutting off any possibility of retreat. “Wow, Lynton, I’m impressed.” The words were said in an ice-cold voice. In contrast, his body was warm and made Lyn feel too hot.
“Alexander, for real, man,” Lyn said. “I know you must’ve loved your gal very much, but it’s time to move on. Especially since it’s been years.”
“Years? How many, Lynton?” Alexander’s breath on his ear was unbearable.
“I don’t really know,” Lyn admitted. “I thought it would be inconsiderate of me to ask you about it.”
“Or you didn’t care to know.”
Lyn bit hard on his bottom lip. That hit way too close to home. The reproach was fair, and he felt caught in a trap that had been laid quite negligently. “I--” he started. “We used to be friends, that’s true. But I can’t lie. Eight years without exchanging a single word is a long time. We’ll be friends again, but it might take a bit.”
“I don’t want to be friends,” Alexander said promptly and pressed harder against him.
Lyn snorted. “Right. You want a fuck buddy. I’m not judging you. I’ve had plenty of fuck buddies in my life and there’s nothing wrong with it.”
“Fuck.” The word dropped like a needle on a hard surface. Alexander pulled away abruptly. “Sex means nothing to you,” he added, as if he had just had a eureka moment.
“What?!” Lyn turned to face his old friend, too scandalized by that accusation to remember that it was safer to talk to Alexander about difficult topics without facing him.
“Yes.” Alexander ran one hand over his face. “I should have realized that.”
Lyn shook his head. “You have a really complicated mind. I have no idea what to say. Look, I promised Bella that I’ll bring you to this afternoon cocktail party so you can show your face to the ladies.”
“Ah, so it was Isabella who put you up to this?” Alexander crossed his arms.
Lyn realized with a sinking feeling in his gut that he wouldn’t be able to honor his promise. If Alexander dug his heels in, there was nothing he could do. He had overshot his ability to convince his old friend of anything, and Brad had also been talking out of his ass, putting him on the spot.
“Yeah,” he admitted. “She’s worried that you’re not having fun.”
“No, try again. The truth this time, Lynton.” Alexander continued to stare him down with those unnerving eyes of his.
“Okay, fine. Any sort of diplomatic overture is wasted on you anyway. Bella has a lot of single girlfriends. They are young, beautiful, rich, just like you. And it’s only logical that you’d put yourself out there, get to know one of them and get over whatever you need to get over.”
Only then did Lyn realize that he hadn’t stopped to breathe once during his little speech.
“Okay,” Alexander said.
“What?” Lyn had to ask. He wouldn’t put it past Alexander to play a cruel prank on him only to enjoy seeing him squirm, as he’d done so many times before during their years of friendship in college.
“Anything for you,” Alexander added in the same calm voice. The only one losing his shit over this conversation was Lyn, after all.
“Why are you doing this?”
“You will have to make it clearer for me to understand what you are asking.”
Lyn linked his hands behind the back of his head and pushed his elbows forward as if he had to deal with an unexpected, insupportable pain. “You know very well. You enjoy torturing me.”
“How exactly am I doing that?” Alexander asked, examining Lyn with cold eyes.
How could he explain it without sounding like an idiot who, after all this time, was still trying to impress Brad? The only true reason he wanted to help Bella and her friends was that: he wanted Brad to think they were great friends still. How many times before had he used Alexander in one way or another, only because the posh asshole had never seemed to care about it?
Alexander knew. He was taking his pound of flesh; Lyn knew that in Alexander’s eyes he was as good as naked. He could pretend all he wanted that he was different, that he wasn’t the same unsure guy from college, that he knew what he wanted now from life, from friendships, from any sort of relationships, but Alexander only had to stare at him, and Lyn was back to being the person he had always been—
The warm hand on his shoulder stopped his self-hate filled thoughts.
“It has never been my intention to torture you,” Alexander said in a gentler voice. “Seeing the truth hurts, though. You know it. You’re way too smart not to know it. Until you make your choice, I’ll be here.”
“What choice? And after – what happens after?” Where will you be? Lyn wanted to ask, but left that last question out of it.
“Then I will know. And I’ll finally stop torturing myself.”
Lyn said nothing. He only sensed a strong temptation growing inside him to grab Alexander’s hand and squeeze it hard to make sure it was real. As much as he hated to admit it, Alexander anchored him; yes, he forced Lyn to admit to having weaknesses and flaws, but people were supposed to be honest with themselves, right?
Alexander wrapped both hands around Lyn’s neck, caressing his throat gently with his thumbs. “I will do what you want. I will go to the party, and I will flirt with every single woman in sight. But expect to pay dearly for it.”
It sounded like a joke, but it wasn’t. Lyn swallowed hard, way too conscious of the sensations triggered by the slow movement of Alexander’s thumbs. When he had sex, it was planned, scheduled in advance, prepared.
What he felt now was the urge of an animal. He wanted to pounce on Alexander and kiss him hard, wrap his legs around him, smash their bodies together, roll on the ground fighting until one of them gave in.
Lyn didn’t know if he would win such a fight. He’d rather not start it to find out.
“Sure. Whatever you want.”
Alexander smirked. He leaned in closer, making Lyn angle his head, expecting a kiss. “Whatever I want. Famous last words, Lynton Calloway.”
He moved away, his hands dropping fast. Lyn stared after Alexander as the guy began undressing, whistling a tune.
“I’m taking a long shower. Don’t bother me until after we’re done with this silly party.”
“Why?” Lyn felt his throat was as dry as old parchment.
Alexander gave him a long look. The kind of look that poked holes in the strongest defense. He then gestured with his chin, pointing somewhere lower on Lyn’s body. “I might feel tempted to fuck you. And you’re not ready.”
Lyn opened and closed his mouth a few times. It was too late for a comeback. Alexander had already disappeared into the bathroom.
He looked down. Yeah, he was hard, and it had been impossible for Alexander not to see it, and, of course, comment on it. This guy only had to put his hands around his neck, caress him gently, and Lyn was a goner.
This vacation was fucked. Fucked up. Or he was. Very much fucked. And very much fucked up.
***
It was impossible to look anywhere without catching a glimpse of Alexander who, as promised, had turned on the charm to the max. The soft jazz music performed live mingled with the guests’ conversations so Lyn couldn’t tell what Alexander was saying to that woman in red to make her laugh so freely, throwing her head back, sounding like she had gotten tickled.
Well, he had asked Alexander to be there, but seriously, when had he mentioned that his friend should behave like the prize of a stupid reality television show? Many of the women present flocked around him, wanting a piece of him, and Alexander immediately angled his body in such a way that his conversation partner didn’t feel neglected by his willingness to greet a newcomer.
Lyn tore his eyes away. This was what he had wanted, right? No, correction. This was what Alexander needed to do to get over the heartache caused by his divorce. He was a real catch, and women wanted him from the moment they set their eyes on him. Really, he could have his pick, and Bella’s friends were all lovely. Any of them would do, Lyn thought, while taking an aggressive sip from his Paloma.
“Lyn, darling,” someone called from his right, hooking one arm through his.
“Hi Bella,” he said, thankful for the distraction.
She was stunning in her silk midi dress and natural glow, barely enhanced by her perfect makeup. No wonder Brad was smitten; if he weren’t gay, he’d most likely dream about her, too. The single pearl pendant hanging on a thin gold chain triggered a memory. Yes, it was the sort of thing his mom liked to wear. Maybe that was the reason he couldn’t bring himself to dislike her. Or better said, she was too perfect to be disliked.
“You’re a wizard,” she said, laughing softly. “You really did it.”
She had to be talking about Alexander, of course. Lyn looked over to where her eyes glided. Alexander was surrounded by five beautiful ladies and seemed to be on top of the world.
He must have stared too hard and too long because he missed what Bella was telling him.
“Sorry, could you please repeat that?”
Bella laughed. “You don’t have to be jealous,” she quipped.
“I’m not.” He pressed his lips together; his reply had come out rather clipped.
“I have just the perfect quest in mind for you,” she said, dragging him along. “Brad tells me you’d never pass on an intellectual challenge.”
Ah, damn, now she wanted him to meet her other girlfriends. Whatever leftovers Alexander passed up, of course.
He shook his head to chase away his petty thoughts. Looks weren’t everything. It was something he had to tell himself every day, before launching into another complicated grooming routine to supposedly get as close to perfection as possible.
Like a kid, he felt the desire to drag his feet, to postpone the bitter experience of having to flirt with a woman he couldn’t be interested in. Although telling Bella directly about his preferences in a partner would clear the air in the short term, he didn’t think it was either the time or the place to do such a thing. After all, he wasn’t here to create any disturbance before Brad’s wedding.
To his surprise, Bella took him behind the bar, in the French doors, through the beach house, until they reached the backyard deck. When Lyn caught a glimpse of the person lounging in a beach chair with a straw hat pulled low over his face, he felt a sudden twinge in his chest.
“Luke, look alive,” Bella said sharply. “There’s someone here to see you.”
A low growl emerged from underneath the straw hat, and there was no movement from Luke. He hadn’t bothered to dress appropriately for a cocktail party, and it looked like he couldn’t be bothered, in general, to be part of whatever his sister had planned. He was only wearing a pair of shorts and nothing else.
Lyn knew his mind was racing for no reason. Alexander had suggested that there was something going on between Brad and his future brother-in-law. What if the demon had gotten half of it right? Such as Luke being gay? And now Bella, having learned from Brad that Lyn—
“Lyn, could you please convince my feckless brother that law isn’t boring?” she said, interrupting his train of thought before it turned into a trainwreck.
Luke finally pushed the hat away from his eyes and grinned at Lyn. “How did she rope you into this fruitless endeavor, my good dude?”
“Hey Luke,” Lyn said, pushing his chin out in acknowledgement.
Luke gestured at the lounge chair on the other side of the small table on which various glasses, empty, lay.
“I know it’s a lot to ask,” Bella said, turning toward Lyn and squeezing his arm, “but Brad tells me you’re great at dealing with desperate cases. I mean, he told me all about how much you helped him in college.”
So that was what she meant by intellectual challenge. Not some sparring session with a woman who’d be on the same wavelength as Lyn – in Bella’s book – but dealing with this younger, sillier version of Brad.
“I’ll do my best,” he assured Bella, although it wasn’t clear to him at all what she expected him to do. Convince her brother that living the life on mom and dad’s money was bad? Lyn wasn’t that much of a hypocrite not to realize that he might have turned out differently if perpetual financial strain hadn’t been a big part of his motivation to succeed.
“I leave you two to it, then,” Bella said with satisfaction. “And thanks so much for bringing Alexander. I wouldn’t mind organizing another wedding. I mean, not right now, but soon.” Her eyes shone as she bit her bottom lip. Obviously, she was taking great pride in her abilities as an organizer of various events. Weddings, in particular.
Luke groaned and stretched, angling his head and throwing Lyn a lopsided grin. The guy was a charmer, no doubt. A good-for-nothing through and through, but the sort that was always fun to have around.
“So,” Lyn started, smoothing an invisible wrinkle out of his pants, “where do you stand on this, Luke?”
Bella’s brother blinked hard and then guffawed like a schoolkid. “Don’t tell me you’re going to actually do what she says. Man, you and Brad both. Though Brad has the excuse that he’s completely whipped.”
With a character like that, Lyn had to count his blessings; at least he didn’t use any crude words.
“She must be worried about you,” Lyn said primly, feeling like a stern uncle too set in his ways to understand young people.
Luke waved. “Nah, she’s just playing.” He leaned over the small table, looking straight into Lyn’s face. His eyes were really pretty. Lyn could swear he felt the need to swallow hard. What the hell was wrong with him? He always looked at handsome guys with a detached attitude, while calculating if they were worth the trouble or not. It had to be Alexander’s fault; Lyn was damn sure he wasn’t some barbarian with an itch in his britches.
“Let me tell you a secret,” Luke continued, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “My dear sister only cares about how people see her. And right now, as an extension of her, it bugs the hell out of her that she can’t introduce me to all these fancy dudes and chicks because there’s nothing about me that she’s proud of.”
The words had been uttered casually, but Lyn couldn’t help feeling a jolt of sympathy.
“I mean, she’s always been the perfect one.” Luke fished a beer bottle from the many beverages present on the table and took a long sip. “It’s my responsibility to be a fuck-up, to establish balance, you know?” He chuckled, but there wasn’t much humor in it.
Lyn considered Luke’s little speech, nodding gravely.
“So, with all due respect, Lyn,” Luke continued, seemingly annoyed by something only he knew, “if you want to make my head big about the awesome life lawyers lead, you can just haul your sexy ass back to the party.”
The off-handed remark threw Lyn off kilter for a moment. Most likely, Luke was trying to mess with him to push him away. “Lawyers don’t have an awesome life. There’s a lot of pressure, a lot of hustling, and there’s no stopping when it comes to studying. It’s not an easy life by far. You have to love the hell out of it to make it big.”
Luke gave Lyn a long look of appreciation. “Okay. Thanks for being honest, man.”
“What do you enjoy doing, Luke?” Lyn asked. He didn’t want to be dismissed so easily. When a problem presented itself, he wanted to solve it.
Luke’s eyebrows shot up. He smirked, but it wasn’t the sort of easygoing grin someone without a care in the world would give away for free.
“What are you passionate about?” Lyn continued.
Luke shrugged and rubbed one arm with his other hand, looking sideways. “Dunno. I mean, the usual stuff other dudes are into. Gaming, sports, that sort of thing.”
“Okay. But there must be something you really like doing. Something you feel you can do a lot better than others. Something you’re really the best at.”
Luke seemed to dismiss Lyn’s insistent probing for a moment but then his face relaxed. “I like streaming.”
“Video games?” Lyn asked to make sure he understood.
“Yeah. And I’m damn good at it.” Luke launched himself into explaining a couple of games he enjoyed the most and how he excelled at them. He must have realized he was pouring his soul out because he stopped abruptly. “Bah, but what do you know about streaming?”
“Hey, take that back,” Lyn warned him playfully. “I’m not a hundred years old. A lot of people do that for a living. Why don’t you? Go pro if you’re that good. Put your money where your mouth is. With a face like yours, people will flock to your stream like crazy.”
Luke smiled from one ear to another, obviously enthralled by the idea. But as his mind turned something over in his head, his smiled faded. He shook his head and looked away again. “Nah, it’s too much work,” he waved. “I’ll have to stream every day, non-stop, and beg people for donations, and that’s not my jam, I mean, I already have money--”
“This isn’t about money,” Lyn interrupted him. “It’s about doing something you can be proud of. Not your sister. Or your family.”
Luke chuckled and shook his head. “Brad was so right about you. You’re such a fix-it-all.”
Lyn felt his cheeks hurting from struggling against the grimace threatening to twist his facial muscles.
“Not that it’s a bad thing,” Luke hurried to add, most likely catching on that he had insulted his sister’s guest. “I mean, that’s why Brad is so freaking… territorial when it comes to you.”
It was Lyn’s turn to blink hard. “What do you mean by that?”
“You know, he told me so many things about you. You were like his emotional support human when you were in college. And now, I couldn’t even suggest that it looks like you’re getting along better with Sir Shadethrower than with him--”
Lyn didn’t have time to snicker at Luke’s creative nickname for Alexander before the doors leading to the deck opened to let Brad walk through.
“Look at them, my two favorite guys in the world.” Brad marched toward them, hugging Luke first, and then moving on to Lyn, who had to lean forward awkwardly to accept this expression of affection.
Brad caressed his back and held him close a moment too long to be considered just friendly before finally releasing him.
“Let’s ditch this popsicle stand,” he said playfully. “I so need a break.”
“Come on, man, don’t ditch on your future wife,” Lyn said with unconcealed alarm. He had no idea what Brad had in mind, but it wouldn’t be something Bella would like, for obvious reasons.
“She’s busy having fun with the guests,” Brad said, waving one hand. He was pinching at his shirt as if he wanted to peel it from his skin so he could cool off. “Let’s go for a swim.”
Lyn pursed his lips. He wouldn’t rain on Brad’s parade or any of his plans for having fun. “Okay, but it’s going to be really annoying to put on a black suit in this weather, because I have a feeling this wedding is going to turn into a funeral.”
Luke laughed out loud. He was on his feet, ready to join into whatever Brad planned, while Brad was unbuttoning his shirt with eager fingers.
Lyn yelped when Luke grabbed him by one arm, quickly to be mimicked by Brad. They were dragging him away even if he didn’t protest, as if they wanted to make sure he wouldn’t run away.
“And where are you all going?”
The voice calling from behind them made the three of them turn as if on command. Alexander was leaning against the door frame, propping it open and letting the sounds of the party seep out.
“We’re going to have some real fun,” Luke said like an excited kid.
“Yeah,” Brad said in a subdued voice. “Don’t tell Bella. She’s going to have my head.”
Alexander barely acknowledged Brad’s words and stared directly at Lyn.
“Why don’t you come with us?” Lyn threw the challenge into the ring.
Brad squeezed his arm hard, surprising him. Lyn stared at his best friend, but Brad wasn’t looking at him. He was glaring at Alexander, and now the two of them seemed to be engaged in a staring contest.
“I’ll come with you,” Alexander said, a ferocious smile curling his lips.
It wasn’t a staring contest, Lyn realized. It was a freaking pissing contest, and he was, somehow, caught in the middle.
TBC
Author's note: Thanks for reading!
@Derek - Yep, Lyn learned to swim and he's no longer in danger of drowning. Alexander will always save him anyway :)
@DavidB - No worries, I actually enjoy having 'types' - it feels like I know these people (and they seem real enough to me). Hmm, and yes, Lyn may want to focus on the usual and familiar, but that's not so easy.
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