Just a dumb fuck

Noah speaks out

I was awoken just after it grew light by Shane lifting my arm off him.

“Sorry Boots, I didn’t mean to wake you. I was just needing to roll over, but you were pinning me down.”

I smiled and raised my arm, allowing Shane to roll over onto his back, then a second or two later he rolled over onto his other side so that he was now facing me. He was smiling again. I like to see him smile.

“I’m sorry about last night,” said Shane, “I didn’t mean to unburden all that on you. I was just feeling a bit low. I really liked you and your dad bringing me here but it kind of made me sad too. It’s a long time since I got to do something nice like this.”

I put my hand over and ruffled up his hair. “That’s okay Shane, I didn’t want to make you sad. I just didn’t know about all that. I wasn’t thinking when I said stupid stuff about snuggling up to my mum. Is everything good for you now?” I know it sounds pretty inadequate given what he’d told me, but I didn’t know what else to say. I just want everything to be good for him.

Shane nodded his head. “Kyle’s parents are nice people, they actually talked to me about fostering or adopting me. It’s complicated because they aren’t often in the country, and also it would mean my real mom and dad giving up any say over me. I’m not sure I want that. Maybe one day I hope they’ll be cured and come back to me. Just now, Kyle’s parents are kind of like guardians to me alongside a lady from Child Services and Kyle. The Judge and Child Services let him have a say over me. Just in case I need permission for anything here before his parents, or Child Services, can be contacted.” He smiled again. ”So I am sorted if I break a leg or something wrestling Travis and need to go to hospital.”

I laughed at that. Travis and Shane are often fooling around, trying to pin each other down or whatever they do to win in wrestling. Travis doesn’t try it with me because there’s a good chance he‘d lose. Kyle lets Travis and Shane wrestle and playfight so long as it doesn’t get out of hand.

“So Kyle is like kind of your foster dad then?” I laughed, which made Shane laugh too.

“I guess so, but only in emergencies I think, like if I break my neck and die or something and Child Services don’t answer the phone.”

“So that might mean Lee becoming your mom!”  We both laughed at that.

“Well, I’m going to protect you too from now,” I said, “especially from the werewolves and vampires in Noah’s drawings. I’m your super power guardian.” I know it sounds daft but it’s funny too, and I know it will make him laugh. I want to make Shane laugh, to make today a really good day for him.

“Does that mean I get to share the cheer leaders too? Or just the raccoon?”

I laughed. “Yeah, you can have the cheer leaders, I’m done with them for a while. Best wait until you’re sixteen though, or you’ll get your arse kicked like I did. I’m sticking with the raccoon until then, or the little twig.”

Shane laughed. “I think your wood is a little bit bigger than Baby Groot.”

“Shane, you shouldn’t be looking!” I pretended to be shocked but couldn’t help smiling.

“It does tend to stick out at times, Boots,” Shane countered, “It’s not always easy not to notice!”

For a moment neither of us said anything, just looked at each other, each of us wondering whether we dared say what was on our minds. Shane broke the silence first.

“I think I’m getting hair round my dick,” he said. “At long fucking last! It kind of feels just a little bit fuzzier down there when I touch it. I thought I was going to get to fifteen without any but now I think I’m on track.”

“At least with it being blond, it won’t matter so much if Nathan tricks you into wearing jammers that turn see-through when wet,” I laughed, “I could have died of embarrassment when his mum and sister started laughing at me yesterday.”

“Will seemed pretty keen on Nathan’s sister,” said Shane, “He homed in on her before anybody else could even get close. I quite fancied my chances with her but didn’t get a look in. I’m surprised that you didn’t make a move for her yourself Boots.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” I said. ”Can you imagine the trouble I would have been in with my dad and Nathan if I had tried to get off with her? I spoke to her a few times earlier in the day on my aide-de-camp duties, but I was only being polite. I didn’t try chatting her up. I’m half worried at the thought of going to Nathan’s house for a weekend if she’s there. It’s his mum that has invited me, not Nathan, but if his sister is there then everyone will get the wrong idea of why I am there, and Nathan will be on my case too.”

“Sounds like you ought to swap sides and join Kyle’s tribe,” laughed Shane,” See if you have any more luck with guys. I know you’d still be under age but nobody seems to mind that so much when it’s two guys. I suppose it’s because you can’t get a guy pregnant.”

“Maybe Kyle’s trying!” I suggested, “I can’t believe what Mr Miller said about him outing Lee though. It must have been an accident, Kyle wouldn’t do that deliberately would he? What did he tell you about it?”

“I didn’t know anything about it until Mr Miller said it. Kyle’s not really a close relative, I hadn’t even met him until about six months ago when I went to live with him and his parents for a few months before they flew off to Saudi Arabia again. That’s when me and Kyle came here to school. Kyle’s been good to me though. He kind of treats me like his little brother. Except of course that he never gives me any favouritism. He always puts Travis in charge, then Will, if he has to delegate and Nat isn’t around. I’m always bottom of the list. I don’t mind though; it could be worse. I’d much rather be here than in a home. The home I was in wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t anything like as good as here. The weird thing is, the lady from the Child Protection Service said it’s actually cheaper for me to be here than in a home! Can you believe that? Kyle’s parents pay an extra amount on top of the basic fee though, pay for all my extra options and give me an allowance too. They treat me just like they treat Kyle. My friends here are nicer too than in the home.”

“Even aliens, like me?”

Shane laughed. “Yes, even aliens from Oregon with accents like you.”

It’s good to see Shane laughing again. I still can’t imagine what it must have been like for him to have no friends, no possessions, even to be scared to go home from school. He said that his parents weren’t bad to him, just didn’t love him. Didn’t care for him. I know it sounds horrible to say this, but if they had actually hurt him, maybe that would have worked out better. Maybe a neighbour or teacher would have seen him hurt, spoken up, put an end to things faster. I still struggle to think how bad it must have made him feel to call the police though once he realised that his parents could actually kill people and not care about it. I know me and my dad don’t always get on after what I did, but I know he still loves me, that’s he’ll be there for me if I stop behaving like an arse. Well, even when I do behave like an arse he’s there for me, it’s just that he kicks my arse. He gave me my iPhone back yesterday though. I’m making progress.

“Boots?”

“Sorry Shane, I was miles away, what did you say?”

“I was just saying we should get up and go and meet your dad for breakfast. It’s nearly eight o’clock.”

I let Shane get up and go to the bathroom first to brush his teeth and get dressed. It saved me the embarrassment of him seeing that I had a boner again.

* * *

We arrived at breakfast just as dad got there too and took a table overlooking the manicured lawns at the front of the building. Already a few cars were in the car park from club members arriving for an early round of golf, most of them coming into the restaurant area beforehand for a coffee and Eggs Benedict, which seemed to be a speciality of the club. When he saw Eggs Benedict on the menu, or more accurately, a plate of it being served to a neighbouring table, Shane asked if he could that for breakfast, along with coffee and orange juice. It did look good, and I was tempted to do the same, then I saw something on the menu called ‘scrapple’. Scrapple? Scrambled apple? Maybe the ‘Merrykans do have some sensible breakfasts too as well as that grit and pancake stuff.

“What’s ‘scrapple’, Shane?”

One of the best foods we get in cadets back home in our ratpacks if we go on a weekend exercise is the sachet of dried oats and milk powder that we add boiling water to in order to make porridge, and the sachet of apple puree. Any cadet worth his salt soon learns to tip the apple puree into the porridge mix to add flavour. Just what is needed on a cold wet morning, and cadet exercises are always planned with cold wet mornings, to warm you up. Saves time too: the more scran you can neck down in the shortest possible time the better. Less weight to carry round in your backpack for starters.

Before Shane could answer the waitress appeared, a really nice girl a little older than us, and asked if we were ready to order. I dived in right away and ordered scrapple. I mean, it’s bright and sunny out there but it’s one of those autumn suns, lots of light but not a lot of heat this early in the day. A good helping of porridge and apple is just what I need to keep the chill off. Shane asked for the Eggs Benedict and dad ordered ham and eggs with a side of potatoes and fried onions. We didn’t order and coffee or juice but the waitress brought us a big jug of fresh orange and three cups of coffee anyway. They seem to do that a lot here in America, just bring you drinks anyway, and top them up for free too.

“So, what did you boys get up to last night?” asked dad.

“Nothing,” I answered quickly. “We didn’t get up to anything. Just watched a film.”

Dad smiled. “I wasn’t thinking anything else, Boots. Sometimes you can be convicted on the vehemence of your denials though…”

Shane was sniggering. I bet that’s a quote from a movie or a book or something. I’ll ask later.

“No, honestly dad, we just watched a film. About a witch from Salem who can’t die and comes back to life in an autopsy and starts getting revenge on people…”

“And you watched that at midnight in a cabin all alone down by the lake? That’s just asking for trouble. Lucky we aren’t staying here a second night, you might not make it through…”

We’d hardly finished laughing before the waitress returned with our breakfasts. Dad’s plate of ham and eggs was massive, I think they’d served him up a full side of pig and a couple of dinosaur eggs. The ‘side’ bowl of fried potatoes and onions was about the same size of a serving bowl we’d get back home to share between a table full of people. Shane got two humongous great muffins covered in ostrich eggs and bacon with a slathering of sauce plus a few extra slices of bacon on his plate. I was expecting my porridge to be delivered in a bath tub!

Except there wasn’t a bathtub on the tray. Once Dad and Shane had been served the waitress passed me a small plate with something on it. Most definitely not porridge. It was a small square of something. About three inches square of something. “Enjoy your breakfast gentlemen and if you need something don’t hesitate to holler.”

As the waitress walked away I looked at the plate in front of me. My breakfast looked like a small fried sponge. A very small, over-fried sponge. Where’s my bloody porridge? Dad was looking curious too.

“What’s this, Shane?” I asked, poking at the crozzled sponge suspiciously with my knife. Shane had already cut himself a big piece off his muffin and stuffed it in his mouth and so I had to wait for him to swallow it.

“That’s your scrapple, Boots.”

“What the fuck is scrapple? This isn’t what I was expecting.”

Normally dad would have been on my case right away telling me to mind my language but even he seemed to be bewildered.

“It’s the scraps left over when all the good bits have been taken off a pig. It’s a traditional food in New England leading up to Thanksgiving, Boots. It’s what the first Pilgrims had to eat when all their food ran out. It’s all the stuff that normally gets chucked away but they were desperate. They resorted to scapple. It’s fried up noses and ears and balls and the inside of the feet and stuff like that. It’s why they were so grateful when the Indians turned up and shared food with them for Thanksgiving. You only get a small portion so as to remind you how starved they were back then in that first winter.”

I don’t care how small the portion is. I’m not eating a pig’s balls and nose.

Dad and Shane finally finished laughing and then Shane grabbed an empty plate from the next table along and put one of his Eggs Benedict and some of his extra bacon on it, and dad then spooned loads of his potatoes and onions on too. Like I said, you always help your mates out.

* * *

Dad likes his golf and he’s fairly good at it. Not good enough to win big prizes or anything like that but he likes playing it and is always invited to join teams at the various places he is based at. I have a go at it but just never seem to get the hang of it properly. For a couple of shots the ball will go where I want it to but then decides to take off and hide in the grass or roll into a bunker and soon gets so deep in the sand that I need to dig it out with a spade. Most times I’m happy to just walk round with my dad towing his cart for him and telling him and his friends what to do next. If they ignore me they usually manage just fine: I know as much about golf as Travis does about boxing.

Shane used to have some golf clubs and he liked playing before things went wrong for him and his parents sold them. He managed to keep a single club somehow and used to just knock a ball round in the park after school to keep busy before he had to go home. He said it kept him occupied and he didn’t need friends to play with.

We got a starting time for a round and had another cup of coffee until it was our time to begin. Dad hit his first ball right down the centre of the first fairway and was satisfied with it. Shane went next and chose a different club to dad but did a pretty good shot anyway: on the centre again and nearly as far. My shot went off to the left. It was still on the good short grass though rather than out in the jungle so I was happy. 

By hole five I had given up playing and decided just to be the caddy. Some of the cars in the car park are very expensive and my ball seemed to want to keep heading towards them. I didn’t hit any but it seemed just a matter of time. Plus my score was way bigger than dad’s or Shane’s. Shane even joked that I was just showing off how good I was at maths because I could add up to bigger numbers. He can be a cheeky runt at times! It made dad smirk though.

I didn’t mind not playing. It was a nice day and I was enjoying just walking and talking. It was good to see dad and Shane enjoying the day too. Dad was winning nearly every hole but Shane was never far behind in his scores. Dad definitely wouldn’t have let him win some extra holes just to make him happy but he seemed to like that Shane was nearly keeping up with him and Shane knew that when he did win a hole occasionally it was a real win.

It was nearly half past two by the time we had finished the golf round and returned back to the hotel complex. I was famished! It’s hungry work pulling a cart full of golf bats round a big course. I call them bats to wind up my dad. Dad had won by fourteen holes to Shane’s four and dad had also turned in a score close to the par for the course when his handicap was taken into account so he was happy. Shane doesn’t have an official handicap but dad said his score was pretty good. When we got to our car to put the bag of clubs in it dad took out a seven iron and a putter and handed them to Shane.

“I’d like you to have these, Shane, as a ‘thank you’ for looking after me yesterday and looking after Craig too. Hopefully you can get some practice in back at college on the playing fields.”

Shane looked super happy when dad gave him the clubs. It was a nice thing to do. He won’t have to practice alone either, I’ll go and walk round with him when he does play. Maybe he’ll even be able to teach me how to make the ball go to the right place.

After fetching our bags from our rooms and packing them in the car we went in to one of the restaurants for a small, late lunch before driving back to college, which will take us about an hour, and we might stop off on the way too if we see something interesting. We had just finished our burgers when someone walked up behind us, put a hand on each of mine and Shane’s shoulders and said, “Well, it looks like the club’s standards are really going downhill if they let you two in here. Should I go outside and see if Travis is stealing my car?”

It was Nathan, but he was just joking. He leaned over to shake hands and say ‘hello’ to my dad again before looking back to us and saying, “I live just along the valley from here, and my dad’s a life member. We’re just about to start a round now.” Before leaving us he looked back to my dad and said, “If you visit the college again please let me know and I’d be honoured to invite you here as my guest for a round of golf, Sir.” Nathan does have an air of confidence about him, he’s not at all wary of my dad, just treats him like an equal.

As Shane and I exchanged surprised glances, dad looked at us both and said, “Well, where else would you expect the Governor’s son to play golf? It does claim to be the best course in the state.”

I looked at dad and said, “Until yesterday, we didn’t know he was the Lieutenant Governor’s son. He never told us. I expect the Commandant and staff knew, but he never boasted about it to us.”

Dad looked across at me and spoke approvingly. “Maybe he did earn that promotion on merit then…”

* * *

It was almost seven o’clock when we arrived back at college because we stopped off at a couple of scenic places on the way to take some photos, and then at a small shopping mall so Shane and I could stock up on some goodies. We don’t know when we’ll next get a weekend pass so it pays to be prepared. After signing back in at the gatehouse we parked up and went to the dining room where a large buffet had been prepared so cadets could have a meal with parents returning them after the weekend.

Whilst Shane was getting some juice to bring over to the table we had selected I thanked dad again for coming to see me, and for giving me my iPhone back. Oh, and for letting Shane have a couple of his golf clubs, that had really made his day. It’s obvious that dad knows a bit about Shane’s background too, I guess maybe the staff or even Kyle must have told him something when they were checking up before allowing Shane to come with us. Dad always seems able to read my mind.

“Shane’s a good guy,” he said, “It takes a lot of courage to do the right thing. It must have been horrible to be treated like he was and then to have to decide to call the police on his own family, but he made the right decision. An amazing quality in someone so young. He’s definitely the white sheep of that family. Always do the right thing, Craig.”

“Yes, I like Shane,” I said to dad, “he’s been good to me here. I’ll always stand by him.”

“Yes, I’m sure you will,” said dad, “but it’s easy to do the right thing by people you like. The hard thing is to do the right thing all the time, irrespective of whether you like someone or not, and no matter what the consequences are for yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard it said that the true test of a man is how he treats someone who is of no use to him.”

I nodded, even though I hadn’t heard that before. I think I get what dad’s driving at.

“Is there anything you feel ready to tell me yet, Craig?”

Dad kept on looking at me but didn’t push it. I know what he’s leading up to. What he wants to know. About the party. About what he found in my browser history when he took my phone and laptop off me. I know he’ll never let go until I give him a good answer. He’ll do what he thinks is the right thing too. Shane isn’t the only person who will call the police on his family if that’s the right thing. I know dad loves me, but he won’t let me get away with some things. I’m not ready to talk to him about that yet.

Shane has a bloody brilliant sense of timing. He appeared right back with us, smiling his smile, right at the perfect time, just on cue to save me having to answer dad’s question or evade it. Dad smiled at Shane, put his arm around me and patted me on the back.

“I need to get off now, Boots, I have a long journey ahead of me. You did well this weekend, I was proud to see you up on that stage, and in your sports too. Keep it up. Oh, and buy some new jammers…”

He turned to Shane, shook his hand and said, ”It’s been good to meet you Shane, I hope to see you again. Try and keep my son out of too much mischief. Maybe next time I’m back we’ll team up and challenge your Sergeant Bauer and his dad to a round of golf. I think I know where we can get a caddy.”

* * *

After we collected our bags and Shane’s new golf bats from the car and said goodbye to my dad, Shane and I walked back over to the accommodation block and headed upstairs to our dorm. Will, Noah and Travis were already there, all with stories to tell about their weekend and questions about ours. Me and Shane were about to corner Will and interrogate him about Elizabeth Bauer when Noah looked up and said to us both, “So did you two guys make out then?” before nonchalantly carrying on with polishing one of his shoes.

“WHAT?” said me and Shane in unison. Travis and Will were staring at Noah too. What did he just say?

Noah looked up and smiled. “Oh nothing, Boots, I was just wondering if you two made out. You’d make a great couple, just like Kyle and Lee. Especially now Will seems to have got ahead of you both with girls.”

“Noah!” gasped Shane, “You can’t go around saying things like that. Me and Boots just went and played golf with his dad, that’s all.”

“Frikkin’ dipstick.” Travis has a real way with words. Two syllables is pretty advanced for a Dakota farmboy.

Will was looking aggrieved too. “There was nothing improper between me and Nathan’s sister, Noah. I was just escorting her round the college. She’s a nice person. I know her from the online Linux forum in Pittsburgh.  She’s an awesome coder.” He looked over at the rest of us. “Girls can code too.”

Yeah, Will, I’m not sure I totally buy that one. People can be convicted by the vehemence of their denials you know.

Noah just looked up from his boot cleaning, completely unperturbed by all that was being said. He really does seem to live in his own little world. He’s like a social hand grenade though sometimes. Just comes out and says something without any thoughts for the consequences.

“That’s good. I was just saying, Shane and Boots are nice. They’d be nice together. That’s all.”

Before we could go any further, the door burst open and Kyle and Lee almost fell into the room, carrying with them a pair of gaming seats stacked together as well as Kyle’s overnight bag. The rest of us all looked at each other. Kyle smirked. “Come on, take these off us and get them set up over by the armchairs, facing the admin desk.”

Travis and Shane jumped to grab the chairs and I took Kyle’s bag off him before he dropped it, carried it over to his bedspace and put it by his cabinet. We all turned to face Kyle and Lee.

“Err, isn’t there a rule about not bringing girls back to the dorms, Kyle,” I blundered. Fuck. Why do I always say the wrong thing? I must be catching it from Noah.

“Yes,” said Kyle, “There is, but in case you hadn’t noticed, Lee isn’t a girl. So I have some leeway. Now, get those squared away before Nat gets back. I’m off down to the gatehouse to say goodbye to Lee. See you rats later.”

Lee just waved at us and said “Laters, rattyboys,” before the two of them disappeared off out into the corridor.

We all just looked at each other. Kyle had just brought Lee up to the dorm, breaking at least ten rules, and delivered two gaming seats. Good ones, with speakers built into the headrests and haptic force feedback pads embedded all over them. Will was almost creaming himself over the specification sheet he’d found stuck to one of them. Nathan’s going to have kittens when he gets back and sees these.

We put the gaming chairs next to Kyle’s armchairs, the ones he has in the spare bedspace and uses for visitors or lets us sit in when he goes through the weekly Admin Orders on Mondays after tea. They stand out like a sore thumb, or my dick in the showers most mornings. Nathan really can’t miss them. They’ll be brilliant if we can get a big fifty-inch screen for Will to link up to a gaming console so we can play Grand Theft Auto or millions of other games but first we have to tame Nathan. He’s a bloody ginger tabby but he has claws. He outranks us all apart from Kyle and Kyle is careful not to undermine his authority. That’s how armies work. Kyle will never undermine him, even if he disagrees with one of his decisions. He’ll chew him up in private but never undermine him in front of us. If we want a fifty-inch screen, we have to convince Nathan, not Kyle. Kyle’s already tacitly signalled he’s happy with it, but it’s down to us to get Nathan onboard.