Just a dumb fuck

“Because I liked you better...”

I was up first, even before Kyle, on Tuesday morning and already done in the washroom as everyone else started arriving. That gave me two advantages: first off it made sure I was out of there before Shane arrived to shower – after what Noah had said I thought it best to try and keep a bit of distance between me and Shane for a while – and secondly, as I got dressed in my working uniform back in the dorm I was able to talk to Nathan. He looks like he’s started going to the washroom last, both in a morning and evening, which allows him to check it’s been left tidy by the rest of us, and the guys from the other dorms on our floor too. They don’t realise it yet, but they’re likely to come under his scrutiny too. That’s not a bad thing. Once or twice they’ve left the washroom in shit order and Kyle’s had us go and clear it up. Nathan’s a bit more confrontational and won’t be backward at coming forward and emphasising to the other dorm seniors that he expects them to keep their standards up too. He’s got the rank to do that now.

The chat went well. When I suggested that we ought to steal a lead over the other freshman dorms on getting our field kit issued early he said he’d look into it. By mid-morning he had spoken to the storeman and sent me the go ahead to get my full set of field uniform and equipment right after lunch. He also went with part two of my plan, which was for the two of us to give a lecture and demonstration during the private study period. Because Nat’s a sophomore, he’s already got his field kit and that’s going to come in dead useful. The final part of the plan was to have a quiet word with Noah and ask him to do me a couple of drawings, without letting on to the other guys. He said he could do that after lunch whilst everyone else was socialising in the ante-room before the start of afternoon classes. I like it when a plan comes together. Like they say, it’s the seven ‘P’s’ – Prior Preparation & Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance. I’m sure they say that in the American Army too. If they don’t, they should.

I skipped tea and by the time the others came back to the dorm a few minutes before five o’clock me and Nat were ready for them. Nathan was wearing his field uniform and mine was laid out on the floor in front of the admin desk, surrounded by all my new field kit such as my backpack, field boots, sleeping bag, webbing, bivvy, mess tins, torch, tent pegs, bungee cords and everything else. Because we’re only cadets, we’re still wearing the pixelated Universal Camouflage Pattern uniforms rather than the new Operational Camouflage Pattern gear but it’s still pretty good.

“What the fuck’s goin’ on, Boots,” asked Travis as he almost fell over my kit on his way to his bed space. “Why is there camping gear spread all over the floor? Are we joining the Boy Scouts? And why weren’t you at tea?”

“Guys, sort yourselves out, quickly, “said Nathan, ”Jackets and ties off if you want, books stowed, then pull your chairs round and listen in. Boots has a lecture for you.”

Glances were exchanged. “A lecture? This is private study time.”

Nat smiled. “You can do your economics assignment if you prefer Travis, or you can join us for a talk about fieldcraft if ‘Fiscal policy and monetary supply in The Great Depression’ isn’t really all that exciting. It’s your call…” For some reason, fiscal policy didn’t seem all that attractive to Travis, or the rest of the guys either, and they had soon arranged their chairs in an arc around my kit. Kyle had come back from tea with them and was sat over at his desk, curious to see what was going on but not interfering. Nathan perched on the edge of the admin desk and said, “Okay Boots, the floor is yours.”

“Okay, we’re doing this marine style: ‘Down, Up, In, Out.’ That means you sit down, shut up, listen in or get out of my class. Clear?”

Everybody looked at each other.

“Boots asked if that was clear, guys. Is it?” I glanced over at Nathan, he’s catching on fast, supporting me.

“Yes,” said Will.

“Okay, you should all know that we start Phase Two of military training on Saturday. That’s when you learn how to wear all this kit and use it out in the ulu. That’s Malaysian for wilderness. In practical terms, the fields and woodland round the back of the pond. Got that?”

The guys nodded.

“Every Saturday morning from now until the end of semester, you’ll be trained how to live out in the ulu, using only this kit and whatever you can scavenge. How to cook and survive. How to keep warm and dry. On top of that, you’ll be taught basic military skills. Setting up a defended patrol base. Going out on patrol. How to set up an ambush and how to stop yourself getting ambushed. First aid too. It’s a structured programme. It culminates in an inter-dorm competition at the end of semester where you’ll put all you’ve learned together in a competitive, forty-eight hour long, tactical exercise. That’s two whole earth days Travis.” The guys chuckled. “We are going to win that exercise.”

There were murmurs and nods, eyes scanning all the kit laid out on the floor. They’re looking interested.

“Will, why isn’t Nathan wearing his chocolate-box-trooper grey and whites to go out in the field?”

Will looked to be caught off guard for a moment, not expecting a question. Which was exactly why I had chosen to ask him. “Er, because they would stand out too much?”

“Correct, Will. Shane, whose was the first army to discover that it was a bad idea to wear white in the field?”

Shane looked puzzled for a moment.

“Ours,” I answered for him, “the British Army. Back when you lot were revolting in the seventeen-seventies we came over here in bright red tunics with big white leather cross belts and stood in nice neat rows for you to take good aim at. Provided a bloody brilliant target for your Minutemen skulking in the hedgerows with their muskets and rifles. We all know how that little scrap turned out, don’t we?”

All the guys were laughing.

“Exactly. So that’s why, ever since, sensible soldiers have tried to look like a patch of mud and bushes instead of a big bright ‘bull’s eye’ target. Except in the desert of course. Or in the Arctic. Looking like a botanical garden in the desert is just asking for trouble.” More chuckles.

“What’s wrong with looking like a botanical garden in the desert, Travis?”

“You’d stick out like a sore thumb, Boots.”

“Exactly Travis, plus you’d attract every camel for miles around looking for an oasis. Camels are horrible, smelly, spitty creatures. I think you call them girlfriends in Dakota.” That got the laugh I was hoping for.  “What you really need to do in the field is blend in. Which is why Nathan here is wearing camouflage. To blend in.”

“He doesn’t,” said Noah. “I can see him. You don’t get bushes on a desk.”

“Think of him as a pot plant, Noah.”

Everyone is laughing again, even Kyle.

“But seriously guys, Noah’s right. The camouflage you wear must match your environment. You can’t just put on a snazzy jacket like Nathan’s and think you’re wearing Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. You need to think about the nine ‘S’s: Shape, Shine, Shadow, Surface, Silhouette, Smell, Sound, Speed and Spacing. Got that guys? Will, repeat all nine back to me.” I was careful not to ask Noah that one. He probably could repeat them back.

“Er, shape, shine, shadow, and, er, something else?”

“Noah?”

“Shape, Shine, Shadow, Surface, Silhouette, Smell, Sound, Speed and Spacing, Boots.”

“See guys, it’s easy. You can write them down if you like. It’ll make the test easier. Noah, write them on the whiteboard for us while the guys get their notepads. Will, I said, ‘notepad’ not iPad.”

“But Boots, iPads are way better, we do all our work on iPads or laptops. You’re the only one in the dorm that uses a notepad. This is the 21st century.”

Got him. Exactly the answer I wanted. “Click and Forget, Will, but Write and Remember. Science has proven that writing forces the brain to work differently. Making the shape of the letters embeds them in your mind better than just tapping a key. You remember more, even about fiscal policy. Click and forget. Write and remember. Plus, you can consult your notebook under a hedgerow at two in the morning on day seven of an exercise when it’s lashing down with rain and Nat’s just sprung a surprise test on you. By that time your iPad has run out of charge and is probably just a smashed-up wreck in the bottom of your backpack anyway. Notebook and pencil, soldier. Appropriate technology.”

Nathan’s enjoying this. Actually, they are all enjoying this.

“Right, now we’re going to look at some of the principles of camouflage in more detail. Nathan, give me one of the nine.”

“Sound, Boots.” Nathan’s in on this of course. As he answered, he stepped away from the desk and sat down heavily on the empty chair to his side. Stuff in his pockets rattled and jingled. The chair squeaked on the floor.

“Bloody hell, Nat, they heard you in the next dorm. You’re the noisiest aloe vera around. I bet they’ve already got their red dot laser sights lined up on you. Which pocket is your first aid kit in? Shane needs to find it fast and start plugging all the bullet holes.” Nathan began, noisily, to search through his pockets. Pulled out a torch. A whistle, notebook and a pair of gloves. A few pencils, a pocket knife, two packets of mints and a spare battery. Loose change. Lots of loose change.

“Too late, Nat, you’ve leaked to death. Now Travis has to find your spade and bury you. Travis, where’s his spade?”

Travis looked at all the kit on the floor.

“Exactly, Travis. Somewhere there. Wouldn’t it be useful if everyone knew? Noah can help us here, he’s prepared some lists for you. Noah, hand out the drawings to everyone.” Noah took some drawings from out of the back of his notebook and passed them round. The drawings were front and back views of a combat uniform, with lists of items and arrows showing which pocket each set of the items should belong in.

“Right guys, practical time. You’ve got ten minutes to pack all the items laid out on my bed into my combat jacket and trouser pockets, and all the stuff off the floor into my backpack. Then Nathan will put it on and see if anything rattles. If anything does, Nathan is going to kick your sorry arses all the way to Pittsburgh. Time starts…NOW. Will, feel free to Google for YouTube instructional videos if you think that’s going to be faster than following Noah’s instruction sheet.”

“No, you’re okay, Boots, the picture will do just fine,” laughed Will as he jumped up to help the others. Good choice Will.

Fifteen minutes later Nathan was standing on the chair in front of everyone, wearing my freshly packed combat jacket and shaking himself like a dog just out of a puddle, when the door opened and his swim buddy, Riley, came in.

“Nat?”

“He’s actually an aloe vera plant,” sniggered Kyle as everyone burst out laughing. “Could be useful though, I hear the sap is good for soothing razor rash if it’s ‘legs night’.”

Nathan climbed down from the chair and gave me my jacket back. “Okay guys, that’s enough for today. We’ll have another hour’s fieldcraft lecture on Thursday evening after you’ve collected your kit. Noah will put a schedule on the board for when you each go and get your stuff from stores. Travis, you can go start on your economics essay now, there’s still an hour before dinner. Boots, get your backpack and ‘cabbage patch kid’ kit squared away into your cupboard before I kick your sorry ass all the way to Pittsburgh.”

 Yes, we’re definitely going to win that competition. Nat’s up for this. They’re all up for this.

* * *

As I packed my kit away and the guys all settled down at their desks for an hour of private study, Riley sat chatting with Kyle over in the armchairs until Nat had collected his towel and razor from his cabinet and went over to join them. We only have swim training tomorrow, not a competitive match, but they both look as though they are planning on getting fully shaved down.

“How’s life as a Sergeant going?” asked Riley, “Day Two now of being a demi-god isn’t it? Had to put anybody on report yet? I can get the key to the armoury if you need to organise a firing squad.”

“No, not yet,” said Nathan, “but Boots is getting close. Maybe you can give me a second opinion. I think he’s not entirely up to scratch on personal presentation. Boots, atten…SHUN!”

Dad says it’s lucky I’m not a fish because I take the bait too easily at times, but that really is taking the piss. I’m smarter than anybody here. Even Kyle. People have had to go to sick bay for eye treatment because of the glare from my boots. People brushing against me on the stairs or in crowded corridors have lost limbs cut off by the sharpness of the creases ironed into my uniform. So when Nathan says he’s got a problem with my appearance I know he’s taking the piss. Grow up Nat, don’t let the power of a new stripe go to your head.

Kyle looked on curiously as Nathan and Riley walked over to where I was standing to attention. All the guys had stopped what they were doing and turned around to enjoy the entertainment they were sure was about to unfold. Schadenfreude I think the Krauts call it. That feeling you get when one of your mates has been pinged by the RSM and you’ve got away with it. They’re bloody enjoying this.

Nathan is staring at me.

“I see what you mean,” said Riley. “Definitely untidy. In fact, I’m surprised the previous Dorm Senior let him get away with it.”

“Definitely slacking,” said Nathan, casting a glance over at Kyle.

“Still, I suppose it takes an expert eye to notice.”

“Years of training…” added Nathan.

“PhD level at least…”

Bloody hell guys, what do you think this is, a comedy show? Stop milking the joke. You know there’s nothing at fault with my appearance. Nathan’s getting all formal.

“Cadet Private Wright, I am about to touch you for the purpose of inspecting your personal presentation.  Remain at attention.” 

Yes, very bloody funny, Nathan. You know full well I could deck you with a single punch if I wanted to. You too Riley. And you know I won’t. I don’t fight outside the ring.

Nathan slowly, very slowly, in order to really exaggerate the effect, reached out his thumb and forefinger towards my face, just brushed them near my ear, carefully closed them together and tweaked!

“Ouch!”

He’s just bloody tweaked the hair at the front of my ear!

They’re both laughing. Kyle’s laughing.

“You need to start shaving, Boots. There was a hair there on your cheek, nearly a tenth of an inch long. Very slovenly. Can’t let it go uncommented on. Before you know it you’d have a beard like Robinson Crusoe. Best get your razor and come with us. Fall out, scruff.”

I grabbed my razor and a towel from my cupboard and followed them down to the washroom. Fair play Nathan, I can see the funny side of it. They must have been planning that set up for ages.

As Nathan and Riley stripped off and wrapped their towels around their waists I looked carefully at my face in the mirror over one of the sinks. My top lip and chin don’t look any different but yes, my cheeks just in front of my ears, where my sideburns will be one day, do look just a little bit more than downy. If I catch the light right, at just the right angle.

I unwrapped a razor blade from its waxed paper and placed it in my razor, splashed some water on my face, lathered up some shave gel and spread it on my cheeks. It took me longer to shave my face than it did for Nat and Riley to do their legs and chests. That’s all they did though, nowhere else. Given the mess I made of my face – Kyle was right, these blades are sharp – there’s no way I’m ever letting a razor near my nads. That hair is definitely staying there.

* * *

Wednesday seemed to fly by. It started with me getting a de-merit from Nathan though. Blood on my pillow. I don’t think he actually wrote it in the book, he’s still just taking the mickey. Afterwards Kyle suggested that until I get used to shaving I should pop a towel over my pillow before I go to sleep. I’m not actually going to shave before bed again, just in the mornings, then I can shower afterwards until I stop leaking blood everywhere. Why do ears bleed so much? I’ve seen dead things squashed on the road lose less blood than I did from that tiny cut on my ear. I’ve got a new theory to earn me a Nobel prize for Biology. Science is wrong. Bone marrow doesn’t make blood cells, ears do.

Sports afternoon was good. For boxing I did a couple of rounds sparring with Connor and then plenty of cardio work before some weight training with Travis. Jayden and Jackson didn’t box today, Coach said they are both recovering from the pounding they gave each other at the exhibition match last Saturday. Yeah, right Coach. Maybe they’re in the back room right now giving each other a pounding you don’t know about.

Water polo was just strength and speed training, loads of lengths of the pool to build up stamina. I made a point of keeping pace with Nathan who was in the next lane to me and then outsprinting him on the final length of every set. All that hydrodynamic drag reduction crap him and Riley are always on about clearly isn’t working for them. I wore my old speedos too, not the new jammers he conned me into wearing on Parents’ Weekend. I can see the funny side of that too, now. It was embarrassing at the time but it hasn’t done my reputation any harm amongst the guys, I caught several of them taking a sly peek at the size of my dick in the changing room.

Because Nat didn’t shave his nads yesterday I did notice he’s got a little coppery fuzz growing back between his legs, which gave me the perfect opportunity to get my own back on him for last night. I just casually nodded towards his dick and said, just loud enough for people nearby to hear, “You need to get Riley to oil that for you, Nat, it’s going rusty through lack of use.”

* * *

Of course, the key thing about Wednesday afternoon was the trip to town to collect the new screen for the dorm. Oh, and Nat’s new stereo / sat nav system too, but that’s just the pretext for getting us into town. Well, getting Nat and Will into town but that hadn’t stopped everybody gathering on the terrace overlooking the car lot when swimming was done. You know, just in case they needed an extra pair of hands to carry something. Nat was chuckling as we walked over towards them from the pool. “Do you think it’s me that’s popular, or just the ‘pass out’ that’s in my bag?”

Nat decided to drag things out a bit, make the guys suffer, decided he fancied a cup of coffee before he jumped into Lemon Steroids and headed into town.  Noah went and got him a cup of coffee almost the moment Nat hinted at it, but brought it back outside in one of those cardboard ‘cups to go’ with a lid on it. Subtle, Noah. Noah doesn’t usually do subtle. Nat still wasn’t done.

“Travis, Noah, don’t you have things to do? Like field kit to go and collect? I’m sure I saw it on the white board. Boots here has plans to tell you all about Shine and Shadow tomorrow evening.” Reluctantly, Travis and Noah turned about and headed off towards the stores. I could almost hear violins sobbing in the background.

Shane was making a big point of discussing golf balls with Will. Describing the best type for Will to pick up for him. Seeing as how Will was going to the shopping mall you see, and he wasn’t. White ones, with little dimples in them. Preferably round ones. Check they bounce too if possible. Nathan was trying hard to suppress a smile as he took the ‘pass out’ from his bag and made a show of examining it.

“Something not quite right with this,” he muttered. “A minor admin error. I might have to take it back to Kyle and swap it for a new one. Could take some time of course.” Will was looking particularly frustrated. He could hear that screen calling to him. Whispering in his ear. “Collect me.”

“Yes, Kyle’s made an error,” continued Nathan. “He’s signed it you see, but he’s forgotten to put the names on it. Anybody could just walk out of here with this…”  He paused to let it sink in, then turned to Shane. “Go on, hop in. I think we might get away with it. You too, Boots, assuming you want some new jammers…”

* * *

Nat’s a really good driver. Everybody assumes he must drive like a loon because he has a Mustang but he doesn’t. He’s not slow, but not stupid. He’s safe. He’s always over on the crown of the road rather than close to the edge so he has maximum visibility and reaction time in case anything happens, like a car door opening or some pratt pulling away from the kerb, and he never gets too close to the car in front. He drives like my dad is always teaching me to do. Not that I get to drive on roads but when we go places mum now sits in the back and lets me sit up front and dad is always describing to me what he’s doing, why he’s driving like he is. Telling me to take note of it.

Nathan’s not hesitant to overtake and boy, can that Mustang accelerate when he puts his foot down! When it takes off we get pushed back into our seats. Once Will has the gaming seats and the screen wired up and connected to a console we’ll get that effect in Grand Theft Auto too: the sensors and force pads in the seat will simulate it for us. I’m not sure the speakers will be able to duplicate that awesome engine sound though.

It wasn’t long before we were parking up outside Mr Miller’s tyre place in the shopping area, a retail plaza I think they call it. First task was to go in and collect the stereo system. It was waiting in a big box on the counter, all ready for us. With it being mid-week Lee must have been at school, he only works in the store on Saturday mornings, but Mr Miller served us himself and had plenty of advice for Nat about what additional connecters and stuff he might need to get it installed. Will took over the instant Mr Miller mentioned diodes and Qik-Lok terminals, that’s his terrain, not Nat’s. Nat just smirked at me and whispered, “Shame Lee’s not here, I could have asked him for a lube service, I bet Kyle’s not getting rusty.”

Once we’d put the box in Lemon Steroids Nat gave us the second part of the plan. Me and Shane can go and get our stuff, then wait in the diner. Him and Will are going to drive just down the road to the electrical goods store and pick up the screen, then they’ll come back to collect us. We’ll be back at college in time for dinner, easily.

As Lemon Steroids grumbled out of the car lot and off down the highway Shane and I walked over to the sports store. It didn’t take me long to find a pair of jammers in dark blue, almost the same as the college colours, and I was at the counter to pay for them in no time. Shane popped up right alongside me with a big net bag full of golf balls – white ones, with dimples in. They definitely meet the spec he’d been outlining to Will. 

The man behind the counter took my jammers from me and started to ring them up on the till, calling out as he did so, “Amelia, could you pop over here and help serve this other young gentleman please?” A girl about our age came out from what I assume must have been a store room and took the bag of golf balls from Shane. He was smiling, just like he always does.

“Amelia, that’s a real pretty name,” he said, “I can see why they named you that.”

She smiled, even blushed a little, then said, “Why thank you” as she scanned the label on the bag and pressed some keys on the till.

I swear Shane must have a switch somewhere that he just flicks to ‘on’ and starts sending out ‘I’m a cute kitten, love me’ rays. I can hardly believe I’m hearing it when he says, “My friend has to go over to the pharmacy next, leaving me alone for a while. If your father wouldn’t mind, may I ask you if you’d like to come over to the diner with me for a slice of pie and a milkshake?” He’s now looking at the man serving me, all smiles and innocence, “Just for twenty minutes or so, Sir? If your daughter doesn’t mind, and is due a break.”

Shane, I’m not going to the pharmacy! I was planning on going to the diner. With you! I was going to suggest we had a slice of pie. Each, not to share, obviously. Bloody hell, It’s working! The little runt’s cracked it! How does he manage it? Amelia’s smiling at him. Her eyes are saying yes. Her dad is smiling at him.

“Well, we’re not too busy, Amelia, so if you would like to take a short break. Just over to the diner. No more than twenty minutes.”

I was bloody gobsmacked. First Will, now Shane. How do they do it? They just talk to a girl and she says yes. I get all tongue twisted and run out of things to say. Don’t even know what to start saying most of the time, just get all flustered, then say something stupid like ‘do you want to come and watch me boxing?’ even though I know girls don’t do boxing.

Shane passed me his bag of golf balls and receipt, then held out his arm for Amelia as she stepped out from behind the counter to go with him. “I’ll walk her back over Sir, no more than, perhaps thirty minutes? Thank you again, Sir.”

“That’s fourteen dollars ninety, please, for the swim shorts,” the storekeeper was saying. “I take it you and your friend are from the military college? So nice to see young people with manners. Oh, and when you’re over at the pharmacy, I can recommend ‘Glacier’ After-shave Soothing Balm. It’s especially good when you’re just starting out. So refreshing and quite anti-septic too.”

Ha, bloody, ha. I don’t need reminding I’ve got a face like Freddy Krueger at the moment. Safety razors definitely aren’t. I’m surprised some smart-ass American lawyer hasn’t sued them for using that name.

* * *

I was sat on the grass outside the diner, reading the label on a tin of Glacier Aftershave Balm, when Lemon Steroids burbled back across the car lot towards me and Nat and Will jumped out.

“What are you doing down there, Boots?“ asked Nat, “and where’s Shane?”

“He’s just coming over from the sports store now,” I said, pointing across the car lot.

“Did you get us a pie to go?” asked Will “Or a chocolate chip cookie? To keep us going until we get back for dinner? Lacrosse was brutal today. I’m starved.”

“No, sorry, Will. I didn’t go inside. I just sat here. Shane met a nice girl and I would have been in the way.”

Nat didn’t say anything, just looked at me. “Come on, mount up, we’ve a screen to deliver. I expect Travis and Noah will be preparing to send out a search party if we aren’t back soon.”

* * *

We pulled up outside the accommodation block when we got back to college so Will and Shane could carry the screen back into the dorm, and I carried Nat’s stereo up for him so he could park Lemon Steroids and then go straight to dinner. At dinner Will was like a dog with two tails, eager to get back to the dorm to fix up the screen but also jabbering away about the stereo and sat nav system he’s going to be helping Nat put into Lemon Steroids at Car Club. What the fuck did Nathan’s sister see in him?

After dinner there was no hanging round in the ante-room socialising, it was all hands back on deck in the dorm unpacking the screen and the bag full of extra bits that Will had bought: a VESA mount, some Bluetooth wireless interface dongles, a sound bar and some Bluetooth surround sound speakers. Apparently, Nathan hadn’t kicked up a fuss about them. This is going way better than we had expected. Will was really in his environment, relishing taking charge and directing operations, connecting stuff together via his iPad, maybe even sending test signals via the International Space Station as far as I could tell. Noah was reading through the instruction booklets for both the screen and Nathan’s car stereo so if Will does actually encounter an issue at least Noah will have a scooby what to do next.

Shane helped unpack things then kind of got side-lined as Will and Travis started moving things into position and trying them out. After a while he went over to his bed space, took his golf clubs out of his cabinet and put some golf balls in his pockets. “I’m going down to the sports field, Boots, do you want to be my caddy?”

“No thanks, Shane, I said. ”I’m a bit busy. I need to read up on the ‘Nine Principles of Camouflage’ for tomorrow’s fieldcraft lecture.”

Kyle, who was reading a magazine, exchanged glances with Nat and then looked over at me. “It’ll do you two good to have a walk in the fresh air, Will’s got the clicknology covered.”

“Yes,” said Nat, “I’m sure you know your ‘shape, shine, shadow and silhouette’ stuff off by heart, Boots, and I’ve already checked Travis and Noah have got all their ‘cabbage patch kid’ kit. Go and make sure Shane doesn’t break any windows for half an hour.”

It wasn’t exactly an order, but it definitely was an order.

Shane and I walked over to the sports field and Shane lined up half a dozen of the new balls before hitting them downrange towards the long jump pit he was using as his aiming point. Most of them landed pretty close. I guess it’s not often somebody tries to get golf balls landing in a sand bunker. We hadn’t said much on the way there. I was a bit preoccupied. Kind of, well, I don’t know. Not sure what to say. Shane seemed to sense it.

“Boots,” said Shane as we walked across the field to where the balls had landed, “thanks for giving me and Amelia some time this afternoon. It was good of you to leave us alone together.”

“That’s okay, Shane, I said, “I didn’t want to be a goosegog.”

“What?” said Shane, looking puzzled.

“A gooseberry, Shane. It’s slang. A spare prick at a wedding. That sort of thing.”

Shane laughed. “We only had a slice of pie, Boots, not a wedding.”

 There was an awkward silence after we both stopped laughing, then Shane suddenly looked serious.

“Boots, are we good? It’s just I kind of get the feeling you’ve been a bit stand-offish since we got back from the weekend with your dad. Is it because of what Noah said? Or something I’ve said? Maybe about the drugs…”

I wasn’t quite sure what to say to him. It’s not just girls I seem to get flustered with. It’s Shane too sometimes. He has exactly the same effect on me. I know it’s stupid but he does.

“No, it’s nothing you’ve said, Shane. Or what you told me. I really do like you.”

Shane leaned against his golf club, looked right at me with those eyes of his. His blond curls moved gently in the breeze. Bloody hell, he looks so cute. He’s hitting me with those kitten rays again.

“Shane, er, what I think is, I do like you but maybe I was kind of jealous of…”

“Boots, I like you too, but not in the same way I think you like me.”

The words seemed to cut right into me. Bounced around inside my head. I didn’t know whether to punch him or run. I wanted to yell at him. To tell him not to be a complete arsehole. What does he mean, ‘not like you like me?’ What the fuck does he mean by that? Like Kyle likes Lee? Does he think I fucking fancy him or something? Just because I put my arm round him when he was upset? Just because I care about him?

Because I care about him.

I do care about him.

“Shane…” No more words came. I started to choke up.

Shane just let his club fall to the floor, stepped over to me, put his arm around me, pulled me tight to him. I could smell that orange and ginger smell on his hair as he hugged me.

“I’m sorry, Craig.”

I don’t know how long we stood there, neither of us saying anything, Shane just holding me like I’d held him, before I finally pulled myself together. I was angry at myself, but I can’t be angry at Shane. I shouldn’t have told him that. I’m not even sure myself what I was trying to tell him. And I definitely don’t want to hurt him. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

After a while I pulled away from Shane and we started to walk back to the dorm. I can see pain in his eyes. I really don’t want to hurt him. Everything was going well for him today. And what was I really jealous of? Shane finding a nice girl, and leaving me alone for a while? Or her, having Shane to herself for half an hour? Why should I be jealous of that? Because deep down, I think I am jealous of her. Maybe I do like Shane too much. Maybe even like Kyle likes Lee. There’s nothing wrong with that is there? It wasn’t like I was going to jump him, like Jackson does with Jayden. All we did at the cabin was for me to hold him, nothing more. Why the fuck am I even thinking like this?

Just before we went into the dorm, Shane looked at me again and asked, quietly, “Boots, are we good?”

“We’re good, Shane. I was just being a dumb fuck.”

Back in the dorm, all attention was on the screen. Will had got it all set up, connected to the speakers, the chairs, a gaming console and his laptop. Him and Travis were sitting in the gaming seats, fine tuning the force feedback system. Kyle, Noah and Nathan were gathered round them, equally eager to have a go.

I grabbed my new sleeping bag from my cupboard.

“Nat, I’m testing this out.” I didn’t ask. I told him. Grabbed my gonk sock and charged out of the dorm.