Just a dumb fuck

Heroes and Demons

Everybody in college was up early on Saturday morning, to the extent that there was almost a queue at the dining room when it was time for breakfast. With it being a Saturday we were all allowed to sit where we wanted and everyone from our dorm except Kyle, who went to sit with the officers and staff, grabbed the same table. I ran through the timetable for my dad with Shane about three times, making sure he knew exactly where and when he had to be throughout the day. I’d already given him the paper with the timings written on it, but I wanted to be absolutely sure he was always where something interesting was happening. Not just my Review, and the award presentation, and the boxing, and my water polo, but also the cannon display, the car club display, the lacrosse display (I bet he’s never seen that before), but yes, mainly my stuff.

Shane smiled and listened, even when I went over it for the umpteenth time. He won’t make any mistakes, but it’s always best to check one more time. I finally stopped checking when Shane said, “Boots, I’m going to go down to the Gatehouse and wait there for your dad to arrive. That way I can travel with him to the correct car lot, and stick with him all the time he’s here. We won’t be able to miss each other. And I’ve got the list of timings inside my cap, see? Everything will run like clockwork.” I told you there was smart under those curls of his.

I survived breakfast unscathed. I normally have ham and eggs, often with baked beans too, but not today. I stuck to a couple of slices of ham jammed between two slices of toast. Unbuttered toast. I didn’t want to run the risk of getting egg yolk or something drip down my uniform. With a dry ham toastie the worst that can happen is a few crumbs and they just brush away. I still can’t believe someone in this place thought light grey tunics and white trousers were a good ceremonial uniform.

As soon as I finished my ham toastie and drank the ‘kawfee’ Travis had got for me, I set off over to the main building and the Commandant’s office. I was going to check with Kyle that that he had got all the badges and the sword ready and safely tucked away in the main hall but Nathan gave me a glare and shook his head as I began to head over to the officers’ table, so I turned about and left Kyle to finish his breakfast. It’ll be fine, Kyle will have that squared away. He’s risking it with those grilled tomatoes on his plate though. Everyone knows tomatoes are nearly as good as eggs at homing in on white trousers.

At five minutes to eight I knocked on the door of the Commandant’s outer office and was shown through by Mrs Woodleigh, his secretary, to the inner office. I snapped to attention, saluted and reported for duty as Mrs. Woodleigh smiled, collected the Commandant’s empty coffee cup from his desk and reminded him that his first appointment was at 08:15. That’s going to be Lieutenant Governor Bauer, Mrs. Bauer and Miss Bauer.  

My task is to wait with the secretary in the outer office and, when visitors arrive, I welcome them, take their coats and hats if needed, then escort them through to the Commandant’s office and announce them. Obviously the Commandant knows exactly who’s coming in but it’s a formal thing. People like to be made to feel important. I then go back to the outer office until the Commandant presses a button hidden under his desk that lights up a bulb on the secretary’s desk, and I then go in and escort the visitors out. That way the Commandant can get rid of visitors politely without it appearing he wanted rid of them. The first visitors’ names will be easy enough to remember, Pennsylvania seems riddled with German surnames: there are at least three Bauers in college that I know of, and I don’t know everybody yet. Nathan’s a Bauer for starters. I wonder if he knows he’s probably some distant cousin of the local big cheese? Well, deputy big cheese. If there’s a Lieutenant Governor, the real big cheese is obviously the Governor.

As I was chatting with the Mrs Woodleigh – she likes my accent and the aiguillette, and makes me think of my mum, a steady stream of Cadet Privates, all wearing red lanyards and their wristlets, began to arrive and took up places in a side room off the outer office. They’re going to be assigned to escort the more important visitors around. As each one arrived I directed them to the side room and told them to keep quiet. They all know I‘m a Private, just the same rank as them, but I’m bigger and have my gold braid and a pair of white leather gloves, so they don’t argue. Issue a clear order in a confident manner and people generally follow it. Leaders don’t need a rank badge. Presence counts. Just like Jackson has presence.    

The doors to the outer office were opened by the cadet I’d stationed outside it and Nathan appeared briefly in the doorway, holding out his hand to direct the first visitors in to the office.

Bloody Hell. Nathan is baby deputy big cheese! Nobody told me Nathan is the Lieutenant Governor’s son! He’s never mentioned it. Mrs Bauer and Miss Bauer, who has to be his sister, are both blond but Nathan and his dad – it has got be his dad – are both ginger ninjas. There’s no way he can disown Nathan with hair like that. It’s like a couple of Duracell batteries walking in. Somebody should have said something. Let me know. His sister is a real cracker, I guess a year or two older than Nathan. I wonder if she knows her baby brother shaves his legs? I suppressed the smirk that I could feel beginning to form on my face and stepped forward, totally ignoring Nathan. I’ll get him for this at water polo later.

“Good Morning, Governor, Mrs. Bauer, Miss Bauer. Welcome to Allegheny River College. The Commandant is looking forward to meeting you. If you’ll please follow me…”

I stepped towards the door to the Commandant’s office, opened it, and announced their names as they entered. As the Commandant rose to greet them I stepped back into the doorway, casually blocking it so Nathan couldn’t follow, and then closed the door. “You’re to wait here, Corporal.”

Nathan smiled. He’s not going to challenge me. It’s too late now, the door’s already closed, he’d just look foolish barging in late. And he knows I’m doing my duty, that today I can tell him what to do, just so long as I do it politely and correctly. I’ll definitely be wearing my jammers in the pool later though, and keeping a careful watch out for him.

The Commandant gave the Bauers a little over the fifteen minutes allocated on the schedule, making them feel important, before signalling for me to go and escort them out. As we re-entered the outer office Nathan was waiting, standing casually but smartly, by the secretary’s desk. I made sure to retrieve his cap from the coat stand before he could and presented it to him, making sure his parents and sister saw, and then enquired directly to his dad, “Will you be requiring an Orderly to escort you around site, Sir?”

Nathan was quick to respond before his dad could reply. “No, thank you, Private, I have that covered.”

I kept my attention focussed on his family rather than turning to Nathan, made sure to give his mum and sister my best smile, “Sir, Ladies, Corporal Bauer will now escort you around college until luncheon but if there is anything the Commandant can do to make your stay with us today even more enjoyable please do not hesitate to ask me.”

Nathan led his family out, and I stood by the door and nodded ‘good-bye’ to each of them as they passed: “Sir, Ma’am, Miss Bauer.” As they disappeared down the corridor I heard Mrs Bauer say, “What a charming young gentleman. English, I believe, isn’t that so, Nathan dear? Do you know him?  And his shoulder badge said ‘Royal Marines Cadet’. You really must invite him to come and stay one weekend. Don’t you think so too, Elizabeth?”

I turned back into the office to see Mrs Woodleigh smiling. She likes me. “You little charmer,” she laughed, ”though I’m not so sure Corporal Bauer was quite so impressed.”

“Oh, Nathan’s all right, he’ll get over it. Well, maybe he’ll try and rough me up a little bit in the pool later. Now, who’s next on the list? Only three minutes before they are due…”

* * *

Several more VIP visitors came and went, all smoothly, but the really important one as far as I was concerned was my dad. At spot on 09:10 the outer door opened and Shane appeared guiding my dad into the office. Dad might have been wearing just a jacket and tie rather than uniform, but it was immediately obvious that he was a military man. It was also good to see that Shane seemed very relaxed as they entered. I knew dad would have no problems with Shane but some of my friends back home say my dad can be a bit intimidating, but they are generally from a civilian background.

I snapped bolt upright and saluted – my dad is an officer after all, even out of uniform. “Good afternoon, Colonel, welcome to Allegheny River College. The Commandant is looking forward to meeting you. If you’ll please follow me…”

Dad was looking me up and down, just like he does when he’s inspecting a parade, his eyes hoovering up every detail from the tips of my shoes (gleaming) to the badge on my cap. Equally gleaming, and no bloody egg yolk anywhere, thank God. Dad’s not in uniform, so he can’t return the salute, but he nodded curtly and said, ”Thank you, Marine Cadet, please lead on.” He hadn’t missed the aiguillette or my shoulder flashes either. There was just a hint of a smile. He approves. He also said ‘Good morning’ to Mrs Woodleigh as he passed her desk, which was nice. Some of the other visitors had just ignored her.

I opened the door to the Commandant’s office and stepped to the side, allowing my dad to enter, and announced him as the Commandant stood up to shake his hand. “Colonel Wright, Her Majesty’s Royal Marines.”

I started to reach for the door handle in order to withdraw to the outer office and close the door behind me but the Commandant glanced over and said, “Stay with us, Private Wright, please take a seat alongside your father. This very much concerns you.” I wasn’t expecting that! If things hadn’t been changed because of my new duty today, my Review would have been done by one of the other staff members and Kyle, without me present for the first part of it. That would have taken about an hour, going over my academic record, sports, behaviour and stuff. Then I would have been called in just for the last few minutes to hear what they’d all said and decided, and for me to give my two penn’orth if there was anything I wasn’t happy about. Today, there are only fifteen minutes allocated in the Commandant’s diary for this meeting, and Kyle or Nathan aren’t here either. Maybe they’ve already done some of it by phone, probably a staff member phoned my dad earlier this week?

I snapped off my cap, placed it under my arm, took a half pace backwards to formally fall out, and then sat down beside my dad. He was still looking impressed.

The Commandant wasted no time in getting down to business. My dad wasn’t looking the least bit bothered by the lack of pleasantries, they were both professionals with a task to achieve and a limited time scale. They understood each other perfectly.

“I think,” said the Commandant, “that your son’s presence here as my aide today clearly shows the high regard in which he is held on account of his general military bearing and conduct. It’s noteworthy that Craig was put forward for the role by a number of the officer cadets here, despite his junior rank and very recent arrival at the school. I know he has previous cadet service in England, but in that regard you can feel that he’s a credit to yourself and to that prior training.”

My dad simply nodded and said, “Thank you, Commandant.” His attention was totally on the Commandant, he didn’t look my way at all. I was hoping I wasn’t blushing, even though dad wasn’t looking. The Commandant’s actually calling me by my Christian name too now that I have fallen out.

“Next, with regards to academic achievement, I don’t propose to cover that in any significant detail. The summary reports from the teaching staff have already been emailed to you I believe, and are excellent, particularly in maths and the sciences where Craig has been advanced a year and is studying alongside the sophomores. In his other subjects, he also does very well and, apparently, has expressed a particularly well-argued view on the role of Chief Tecumseh as a Great American Leader according to the civics master.”

The Commandant looked over at me, “A perfect example I would suggest of one man’s freedom fighter being another man’s terrorist.” I’d swear he was almost smiling when he said that. He turned back to my dad, ”We encourage free thinking here, not blind obedience to established dogma. The college prides itself on the quality of leaders and thinkers we send on to West Point and our finest universities.”

Dad nodded again. This is going well. I hadn’t expected that my Tecumseh essay would get this far, I was only writing it to make a point to the civics master. I didn’t think he’d approve of it, let alone send it further up the chain.

“That said,” continued the Commandant, “academic achievement isn’t our only goal. Indeed it isn’t even our most important objective. Sporting prowess in any field is also an excellent maker of men, and again Craig’s made a good impression in both boxing and swimming, both of which you’ll have an opportunity to see for yourself later today. The boxing Coach notes in his report that Craig shows excellent discipline and self-control in the ring, and no lack of courage or resilience too when facing more powerful opponents.”

Dad actually did turn and smile at me then. Maybe that battering I took from Jackson was actually worth it after all. “I would expect nothing less from him,” said dad coolly. Dad’s never lavish with praise, but when he says it, he means it, and that smile was his way of saying he’s proud of me. He doesn’t need to actually say it. This Review is going well. Only ten minutes more to go then it’s over and I can stop worrying. Not that I am worried, if something was going to be said that was bad then Kyle would have talked to me about it first. Or Nathan would. That’s the correct way to do things. A good officer or an NCO never sends a junior into a formal interview without allowing them an opportunity to get their side of things together beforehand.

“Now, the final remaining aspect to consider is Craig’s behaviour, and this is, I believe, where there was some concern on your part, Colonel, when you placed Craig with us?”

Dad shot me his warning glance and said, “Yes, as we discussed, Craig did come here under something of a cloud. I hope he’s taken the opportunity to reflect and ensure that his behaviour can’t be called into question again.”

“Indeed so, Colonel. Well, let’s have a look what his dorm seniors have to say on the matter as well as the teaching staff.”

The Commandant, for the first time in the interview, reached for some notes. A single sheet of printed paper with the college crest and about a half page of type on it, which he skim read, and then a book that had been beneath the paper. The Report Book. More precisely, Nathan’s Report Book. Nathan fills it in every night, and at the end of each week takes it and discusses it with Kyle away from us. He never hides it, it just sits in full view on the admin desk. He knows we’ll never open it and read it. It’s part of the honour system. We can leave anything lying around here: laptops, phones, diaries, money, they are all perfectly safe. No one will touch them. Well, when I say we can leave stuff lying around that’s not exactly true of course. Nathan doesn’t allow that, as Travis found out when he left mud and dirty boots around. We can leave things tidily. In their allocated place.

The Commandant was flicking through the Report Book. Nathan’s written a lot in there. Probably the GPS co-ordinates of every dust particle he’s ever found during dorm inspections by the look of it. My dad had definitely tuned in to the Commandant’s raised eyebrows on a couple of pages. After what could only have been a minute or two, but which seemed like an hour or more, the Commandant slowly closed the book and placed it back on the table in front of him. I was looking carefully at the arms of the chair I was sitting in, but couldn’t spot the hidden “Eject” button. Maybe Scotty can beam me up instead?

“Well,” said the Commandant, slowly, “we should remember that boys will be boys. Nothing too serious in there that we should be concerned about.”

“Thank fuck for that.” Both dad and the Commandant turned to look at me. Bloody Hell, did I just say that out aloud? From the way they were looking at me, I must have done. I didn’t intend to.

Dad and the Commandant burst out laughing together.  “Language, Craig,” said my dad, and after a moment the Commandant too recovered and put on his serious face again. “You may leave us now, Private Wright, unless you have anything you wish to add.”

“No Sir, only to say that I like it here, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

I stood up, replaced my cap, snapped to attention and saluted the Commandant. For me at least the Review is over, I’m back to being the ADC again. For now. I turned about and left the room, closed the door behind me and breathed a huge sigh of relief. There’s clearly something more that my dad and the Commandant wish to discuss but obviously not in front of me. I don’t think it can be anything bad. Kyle would have said something. And everything else has been good, some of it really good. My dad has to be happy with that. I haven’t let him down. I haven’t let myself down. They’ve only got five minutes left to talk anyway.

Shane and Mrs Woodleigh were both looking at me inquisitively. Shane was sat on the edge of her desk, eating a small chocolate bar! He shouldn’t be eating chocolate when he’s on duty. It’s amazing what he can get away with just by smiling at people. I bet Mrs Woodleigh gave him that chocolate bar. It was just the same when we were in town. The waitress at the diner gave him a much bigger scoop of cream on his pie than me and Travis got.

“Well?”

“I think it’s going all right. Even when they looked through the Report Book.”

Mrs Woodleigh smiled. “Well, perhaps that’s just because Corporal Bauer hasn’t had time to fill in today’s entry yet. He was really bristling when you were sweet talking his mother and sister.”

Shane raised an eyebrow, but before he could ask a question the door behind me began to open and my dad and the Commandant started to come through it into the outer office. That shouldn’t be happening, the Commandant should have sent for me to escort dad out! I span round on the spot, immediately at attention, though Shane simply slipped off the desk and smiled. He still had the chocolate bar in his hand! Get a grip, Shane! I’ll have to talk to him about that later. It’s not even as if American chocolate is proper chocolate. I think it’s made from squirrel shit rather than cocoa.

“Stand easy, gentlemen,” said the Commandant, “Thank you once again for coming in to see me at such short notice due to the change of plans, Colonel Wright. Please don’t hesitate to contact me again if you have any further questions. Now, it appears my aide had detailed off Private Lundgren to take you on a tour of the College until he’s free himself. You’ll be in good hands.”

Dad was smiling as the Commandant returned to his office and I stepped over to close the door. Whilst I had my back to him, my dad leaned over, put his finger under the back of my cap and flipped it over and off my head.

“Come on, Shane,” he said, “Let’s make a run for it before he puts us on a charge. Goodbye, Mrs Woodleigh. I’ll see you later, Craig.” The two of them scurried off out of the room as I picked my cap up off the floor and jammed it back on my head. The remaining Privates waiting in the side room had seen and were all laughing.

Thanks dad! I can do without that. Now I’ll have to go and shut them all up before the next visitors arrive. And what’s with the ‘Shane’? He’s Private Lundgren when he’s on duty. Dad’s doing that deliberately to wind me up, I know he is. He obviously asked Shane his name on the way here, or saw him write it down in the book down at the gate house when he signed my dad’s car in. That’s how he would have got Mrs Woodleigh’s name. She has a name plate on her desk. Dad wouldn’t have missed that. He doesn’t miss anything.

* * *

After the last scheduled visitor had left, I had a few minutes spare. It only takes about two minutes to reach the main hall from the Commandant’s office and there was nearly a quarter of an hour slack in the timetable until we needed to be at the awards ceremony. As the Commandant’s ADC, I had no-one telling me what to do but the Commandant himself, and he was leaving me pretty much to my own devices, he just seemed to accept that I knew what I should be doing and so let me get on with it.

“Mrs Woodleigh, I’m just going to the toilet, I’ll only be a couple of minutes, then I’ll be back here to accompany the Commandant to the main hall. If there’s anything he needs to take with him, can you stack it on the desk and I’ll grab it when I get back?”

I removed my cap and left the office. I had two choices: I could either go all the way down to the students’ bathroom at the very far end of the corridor, or I could use the staff bathroom just a few yards away. That makes more sense. Saves time. The less time I am away from the office the better. I might be needed. And why do the septics always refer to it as the bathroom or the washroom? There aren’t any baths in there. Nobody goes there with the only intent of getting washed. They can be such prudes at times. Back home in the cadets most guys would just say “I’m going to the shitter.”

I glanced quickly over my shoulder and then dived into the staff washroom. The other thing here in America is that they have the wrong types of toilets. I prefer the urinals that are just a simple ceramic backing and a trough in the floor like we have back home. You can direct your stream of pee to chase those little disinfectant cubes up and down the trough. Make a game of it if you’re there with your oppo, try and force the cubes up the trough past him as he tries to blast them back down past you. And somebody always makes the joke about them being pineapple cubes. Here though, most of the urinals seem to be those bowl things suspended halfway up the wall. I made a right twat of myself on day one here in America when me and dad landed at LaGaurdia airport. I was bursting for a pee after that long flight and dashed off to syphon the python whilst dad waited in baggage claim for our cases. The bogs were dead busy and I ended up squeezing in between two guys, both of them those Acidic Jewish types with baggy clothes and weird hats and big beards, and let rip with all the tea and juices I’d drunk on the flight.

It must have been something to do with the physics of the velocity of flow and the angle of impact and Bernoulli’s theorem and the Coriolis effect or something like that, but the end result was that my stream of pee hit the bowl, swirled around and came back out and went all down one guy’s leg. Fortunately, he didn’t immediately notice because he was wearing those baggy trousers and I managed to shut down the flow, zip up and fuck off out of there PDQ and head into one of the cubicles out of sight. I stayed in there for ages to make sure he’d gone before I came out and went back to dad. ‘Merrykans need to learn the KISS principle. Piss downwards into a hole. It’s safer. Ask Chaucer.

I’d just unbuttoned and started to pee when the door opened and somebody entered. The freekin’ Commandant. Bloody Norah ! I shouldn’t be in here. It says so on the door, “Staff Only.” Everybody knows there are separate facilities for staff and students. Even Jackson wouldn’t be allowed in here and he’s the most senior student on site. Well, he will be in half an hour.

“Sir.” Well, what the bloody Hell else can I say as he stands next to me?

“Mr Wright.”

Oh fuck. What the Hell do I say now? Hang on, he just called me Mister Wright.  Not Private Wright, or Cadet Wright. Not even Craig. Just Mister Wright. I’m not Mister Wright. I won’t be Mister Wright until I’m twenty-one. I’m only fifteen, so I’m Master Wright. Napoleon and the frogs have a lot to answer for. If we hadn’t been so busy kicking the French we could have sent some proper troops over here instead of those Hanoverian mercenaries and kept the Colonies for ourselves instead of letting them become independent before they’d grown up. Thank fuck we didn’t make the same mistake with countries that really counted like Canada, Australia and New Zealand.

I finished, buttoned up and stepped over to the sink to wash my hands and get out of there as quick as I could. I pressed down on the tap, or faucet as the Americans call it – that’s another thing they got from the French – to start the water flowing. Way too hard! The water shot down into the bowl, bounced up and went all over the front of my trousers. Now it looks as though I’ve pissed myself! There isn’t time for me to run back to the dorm and change into my spare trousers either. Bugger, bugger, blast and damn! The Commandant’s laughing at me. I was hoping he hadn’t noticed.

“I think that’s what’s called Karma, Private,” he joked. “Maybe if you’d used the student washroom…”

It could be worse. If I was in white trousers it would really show up, by my blue uniform does help hide it a little bit. Well, not much. Why can’t the Yanks get their plumbing right? Everybody is going to be sniggering as they see me on stage like this.

“Try standing in front of the hand drier for a minute or two,” Said the Commandant as he, carefully, washed his hands and then headed towards the door, “the hot air will soon dry it off. Don’t ask me how I know…”

Brilliant! Thanks Boss!

* * *

After toasting my tackle I hurtled back to the Commandant’s office, grabbed my cap and made my way to the hall. It was already beginning to fill up with cadets, parents and invited guests. I had a quick scan round but couldn’t see my dad, but that’s not a problem, he’ll be here. At rehearsals I added his name to the list for a reserved seat right up at the front and Shane has a note of where it is.

I went round the side of the hall and then up onto the stage. Everything looks in place. The Commandant’s speech is already laid out on the podium. The second podium is just out of sight on the far side of the stage, ready to be carried on when it’s time for Jackson to say his bit. The four little chalk marks are still clearly visible on the floor where Nathan and the cadets will stand to be presented their new rank badges. All that remains now is to double check on the badges and sword and we’re all good to go. Kyle’s already over there by the side of the stage, just out of sight of the auditorium. I walked over to the stage wing and looked at the small silver tray that was on a stand there. Three sets of Corporal’s chevrons, one set of Sergeant’s chevrons. I wonder how fast Nathan will get those sewn on?  Good, I can see Kyle’s got the Sword of Honour, he’s just placed it alongside the one we used for practice last night. Everything sorted. I can bring the tray back after the badges are presented, put it down, take the sword and then be ready to take it to the Commandant.

I went to the back of the stage and slipped out of the door into the corridor and then walked to the main doors to the hall to await the arrival of the Commandant. Less than ten minutes now before kick-off. Round by the main doors parents and cadets were still drifting in, still clustering together and chatting. This is why we need the sheepdogs. Make sure everybody is sat down and ready for then the Commandant arrives. The Orderlies need to get on top of this right now.

Governor Bauer is just standing there, right in the doorway, half blocking it, talking to some other people, obviously more VIPs by the look of them. Mrs Bauer too, and Elizabeth, Nathan’s sister. Trying not to look bored. Nathan’s dad is probably talking about new branding for the airport terminal or the state of the roads or something like that to those other men. They need shifting and sitting down. Nathan wouldn’t let them stand about like that, but he’s round the back of the stage, waiting to get promoted. He should have accepted an Orderly to show his parents around, then it wouldn’t have mattered that he’s had to leave them unattended.

By now I’d reached the Bauers. “Good day, Mrs Bauer, Miss Bauer, may I escort you to your seats whilst the Governor concludes his business here? I have reserved the best seats for you, right at the front” I held out my arm for Mrs Bauer and gave her my best smile as she took hold of it. She doesn’t really have a choice unless she wants to look ungracious.

“Why thank you, that’s so kind. Come along, Elizabeth dear, your father will catch us up.”

Nathan’s sister really is a bit of a stunner. I can understand why everybody was looking as I led the way to the front of the hall. Thank God my trousers have dried out.  As we got halfway down the aisle I heard one cadet whisper, not very quietly, “It looks like Boots is planning to marry Corporal Bauer’s mom!” Mrs Bauer heard too, but smiled nicely as she saw my face reddening and said to me, “If George doesn’t stop talking about street lighting contracts and join us soon I may well be in the market for a new husband. Are you available?” All three of us were still chuckling as we reached the front row of seats and I guided Nathan’s mum and sister to the ones reserved for them. The Governor had got the message too and was now right behind us, taking his seat. About half a dozen seats further along the row my dad was watching. Smiling. That’s good. Just enough time now to get back around to the stage entrance ready for the Commandant.

* * *

The start of the ceremony went really well. The Commandant welcomed everybody to the college, made a few nice remarks to the VIPs – which was dead useful as my dad now knows it was the Governor’s wife and daughter I escorted in – then awarded promotions and new rank badges to the three Privates lined up alongside Nathan. As I passed the Commandant Nathan’s new stripes I slyly mouthed the words “Nice sister” to Nathan. There’s nothing he can do about it. The freshly minted Corporals lined up alongside him were the only other people who could see and they were all working hard not to laugh. Yes, Nathan will definitely be looking for me during the water polo but it’s worth it to be able to get one over on him for not letting me know who he is.

As soon as the Commandant took the badge from my hand I did a quick about face and returned to my position at the edge of the stage. Kyle was waiting just out of sight of the audience and took the tray from me. He placed it back on the table then stepped further back in to the wing to get me the Sword of Honour. There was now only one sword there. Kyle picked it up and brought it to me. The Commandant had just finishing congratulating Nathan and was returning to his podium. This is the bit everyone is really waiting for. The appointment of the new Cadet Captain. I can see Jackson waiting just out of sight at the opposite side of the stage, two of the new Corporals standing behind him ready to bring the second podium on stage in a few minutes time. Nathan and the third Corporal are there too, watching from the shadows.

I stepped back into full view as I took the sword from Kyle and the Commandant started his speech. It was a good speech. About honour and duty. How the immense privilege of leadership carries with it great responsibility. The usual cliché about ‘many are called, but few are chosen’ of course. I think that’s mandatory in every army’s speech day. They probably get taught it on the Commandant’s Training Course.  Then the more personal stuff, about how hard it was to choose the new Cadet Captain because of the high standard of all the nominees. He’s right about that. I know Jackson will be a good Cadet Captain but so would Kyle. It must be hard for him to hear all this.

“…but no matter how difficult the decision,” the Commandant was saying, ”a choice had to be made. A single Captain appointed. Leadership cannot be shared…”

I haven’t seen the speech but I can tell it’s about to end. We’re only a few seconds away from the announcement that Jackson is the new Captain. He knows it too. I can see him, all geared up ready to step forward. My big moment too. I glanced down at the sword.

It’s the wrong bloody sword! Kyle’s given me the standard issue sword we used for practice. Just the plain, standard army sword. Not the gleaming silver hilted one with the engraved blade and gold braided pommel. I can’t take this to the Commandant! Jackson can’t be appointed Captain with this sword. The two of them will laser beam me to death on the spot with their eyes when I march over with this.

“Kyle!” I hissed.

Kyle’s standing just close enough to be able to hear. He doesn’t move a muscle, but I know he heard me. “Kyle, it’s the wrong sword.”

Kyle’s looking at me. He knows. He doesn’t appear to freekin’ care ! Now he’s just looking impassively forward at Jackson. Kyle, what the fuck are you playing at? This can’t be a mistake. You know the difference. You can’t have made a mistake.

Oh fuck! He hasn’t made a mistake. He’s done it deliberately. He’s actually stitching Jackson up like a kipper. All the photos are going to show him receiving a plain sword instead of the Sword of Honour. Kyle’s ruining Jackson’s big day. They’ll rectify it of course, give Jackson the proper sword right after. Probably re-take the photos. But that’s not the same. It’ll never be the same. Kyle, how could you do this to him? You’re better than this. This isn’t what you’re like.

I heard Jackson’s name being announced. As an order.  “Cadet Captain Jackson Davis, ON PARADE!” A huge round of applause.

I took a half step backwards and turned around. Who cares if somebody in the audience sees me? They probably won’t. All eyes are on Jackson as he marches to centre stage. The Commandant waits a fraction of a second in order to allow Jackson to get there first before he too steps off. I can fix this. I can grab the proper sword.

Except it’s not there.

“Present it.”

Kyle’s still standing there, looking straight ahead.

“Present it.”

I don’t have a choice. Jackson has to have a sword. It’s his badge of office. This moment is what he’s spent the last three years dreaming of.  Working for. I have to take it over there. He has to get a sword. It doesn’t matter what they think of me, that they’ll assume I picked up the wrong sword. I’m just a dumb fuck. Kyle shouldn’t have done this. I can’t believe it. He’s just not like that. I didn’t think he was. This is going to ruin his career.

I stepped off, started to march forward to the centre of the stage to where the Commandant is shaking Jackson’s hand, giving the applause time to die away. The two Corporals are sneaking the other podium on to the stage ready for Jackson’s speech.

Eight paces to Armageddon. Jackson and the Commandant will both spot the mistake instantly. They won’t say anything now though. They’re too professional. Most of the audience won’t spot the mistake either. A sword’s a sword. We can carry this off. Make it look like everything is okay.

I’m not going to grass Kyle up. I’ll say it was my fault. People will believe that. I can’t grass him up. He’s been good to me. Good to lots of people. Everybody likes him. Whatever is going on between him and Jackson, it shouldn’t have come to this. I’ve been kicked out of one school, what does it matter about another? No point in Kyle getting kicked out too. I’ll take the rap.

I reached the Commandant’s side, slammed my heel into the stage, nice and loud, as I halted and came to attention. I can see the front row of the audience from the corner of my eye. The Governor and Mrs Bauer. Elizabeth Bauer. She really is pretty. My dad. He looks so proud of me. He can’t see the sword clearly yet. He will though. This is going to hurt him.

I raised the sword, held it out to the Commandant, felt the weight of it lift from my hands as he took it. I looked at Jackson, caught his eye. For a split second, no-one else can see my face but him.

“Sorry.” I just mouthed the word. Took a step back. Saluted. Saluted my Captain. “Sorry.”

I turned about, marched smartly back to the edge of the stage. I took an extra step, into the shadow of the wing, out of sight of the audience. Kyle was still there. I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eye.

The Commandant was now returning to his podium just a few feet away from me. Jackson was alone on the centre of the stage. He looked down at the sword, his face totally inscrutable, then smartly brought it up in front of him it, held it briefly in front of his face, a perfect salute towards the Commandant, then dropped it down to his side, guided the tip to the scabbard, slammed it home. They both know.

A round of applause broke out again as Jackson marched proudly back to the second podium, turned to face the audience. There was a flurry of activity in the wings behind me. Nathan had managed to work his way round behind the curtains to my side. He’d spotted the sword too. Like I said, nothing gets past Nathan.

“What the fuck is going on, Private?” he hissed.

“Sorry, Sergeant. I’ve screwed up. I picked up the wrong sword. It’s my fault.” I made sure to say it just loud enough for Kyle to hear too. He needs to know I’m taking this punch. I owe it to him. No point in him owning up to it too. Only one of us needs to pay for this. Kyle must have his reasons. I just can’t believe he’d do it though.

You could hear a pin drop out in the audience. Jackson had started to speak.

“The Commandant has already said how much of an honour, and a responsibility, it is to be a leader. I won’t stand here today and pretend in false modesty that I’m not proud of what I’ve achieved. This moment truly means so much to me. I will do my utmost to ensure that I prove worthy of the trust placed in me this day.” Jackson paused to let the words sink in. He’s a good speaker. He’s already got the audience in the palm of his hand. He can inspire people. Soldiers need leaders like that.

“I have worked hard for this moment. Worked hard not only because nothing is gained without effort, but because I had to. Three years ago, when I sat by my father’s side in this very hall as a freshman, he leaned over to me and pointed out another freshman, who I’d met only a few weeks before, and who my father had met only that day. He had made a great impression on my father, who said to me, ‘Son, that’s the boy you have to beat to be Captain’. He was right. That boy was Private Kyle Masters, now Lieutenant Kyle Masters. We were as different as chalk and cheese, and he’s been snapping at my heels for three years. I owe my Captaincy today to him. Thanks for the warning, Senator. Dad.”

Jackson smiled and nodded towards an imposing man in the front row. A ripple of laugher, then applause, went around the audience. Jackson really does have them under his spell.

“Chalk and cheese.” Jackson let the words sink in a second time as the audience quietened. Strained to hear him. He’s good at speaking. He was deliberately quiet there, making the audience stop applauding just when he wanted them to. “Lieutenant Masters would make a great Captain. We have very different views of how to command, of how this College should be run. Of how we serve. In these last three years we have argued and debated, dissented, challenged, driven each other to distraction. And that is good. Challenge is essential. Private, Corporal, Sergeant, and now Lieutenant Masters has always made me think very deeply about my beliefs. I have come to understand that if I can convince him of something, then I must be right. That if he questions something I have said, that I ought to think hard about it. He’s been an invaluable demon, sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear ‘Are you sure?’ Kyle has been an inspiration and a friend to me. At times, more so than I perhaps deserved.“

Jackson paused, waiting for the applause he had just commanded. It came. Jackson waited, allowed it to die away in its own time.

I looked over at Kyle. He’s still standing there, not a flicker of emotion on his face. He’s just stabbed Jackson in the back and yet Jackson is out there, praising him. Jackson can’t ever know about this. I’ve got to carry it.

“But today, that ends. Leadership cannot be shared. Today, and for the rest of my career, I stand alone. I bear the sole responsibility for my actions. I trust that I will make the right decisions. That I will truly serve this college, and then this great country of ours, as nobly and honourably as I know Lieutenant Masters would wish me to.”

The audience was silent for a moment, then burst into applause. My dad was looking at Jackson. I could see he approved of him. What’s he going to think of me when he learns I screwed up on the swords?

I turned to look at Kyle. What the fuck have you done?

Jackson’s dad, Senator Davis, was smiling. It must mean so much to him to see his son not just being made Captain today, but seeing him control this audience. That’s got to be a political dynasty in the making.

Jackson was speaking again. The audience had to quieten down. “Leadership cannot be shared.”

I swear I really did hear a pin drop. Or maybe it was my future, running hard up against the buffers of consequence. Jackson will explode when he gets me alone. The Commandant will explode.

My dad won’t explode. He’s not like that. He’ll just cut through me like an icicle. Cold, calculating and totally devastating. It’s far worse than a blazing temper.  I’ve seen him take people apart when they have let everyone down. Like he did when, well, you know about the cheerleaders. It’s like that poem we studied last week in English class. 

“Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To know that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.”

Jackson started to speak again. “Leadership is mine alone, but honour, … honour, can be shared. Indeed, it is important to recognise the effort that Lieutenant Masters has put into nurturing and guiding many students here in his own manner, bringing particular skills and talents to bear in areas where others would struggle. And so, Commandant, with your permission, I call upon Cadet Lieutenant Masters to step forward and to receive from me, the Allegheny River College, Sword of Honour.”

The audience burst into applause. The Commandant is smiling. What is going on? This wasn’t on the plan. We didn’t rehearse this last night.

Kyle stepped smartly forward, marched onto the stage, came to a halt directly in front of Jackson. Drove his heel into the boards. Stiffened his back, snapped off the most precise salute ever. He’s definitely had those trousers tailored, I’m sure of it, they hug his arse like they’re made of Lycra. Kyle is still standing there, at attention, holding the salute.

Jackson reached down behind his podium, brought out a second sword, the sword, the Sword of Honour, raised it to his face, held it there, returning Kyle’s salute. Handed the sword over to Kyle.

“Close your mouth, Deefer,” whispered Nathan, “you’re looking like a dumb fuck.”