The automatic doors slid open, a cool blast of air greeting Graham as he approached. It was dark out, but the air still clung to the last bit of warmth from the day. He stepped into the building as he had a hundred times before, only this time it all looked different. This time, the lights were bright and abrasive, exposing him like spotlights on a stage. This time, the lobby was too quiet, his footballs echoing through the sterile, empty space, leaving too much room for his words to carry across the fake marble floor. This time, the air was charged with uncertainty.
Graham’s stomach was in knots as it had been for the past two hours. He could hear his heartbeat racing in his ears, drumming like thunder in a coming storm. His palms were sweaty, a condition he’d blamed on seven hours grasping the steering wheel but now – finally – attributed to his nerves. He wiped them on the back of his jeans and kept walking.
He’d left home mid-afternoon, hoping to time out the drive so he’d arrive at just the right moment. Thankfully, traffic had been light and, so far, it was all going according to plan. He’d called Jerry that morning and asked if he could take the week off. Jerry, with a hearty laugh, dollar signs no doubt still flashing in his eyes, told him to take all the time he needed, he’d done good work and they needed him rested and ready to go for California. And so he'd made his coffee, third his resolution, and packed a bag.
He looked up just in time to make eye contact with Ashley, the friendly, young receptionist who had greeted him on so many check-ins prior. Her brow furrowed immediately; her head tilted to the side. Graham waved quickly and flashed a comfortable smile. Ashley raised a hand in return, mirroring his greeting, the confusion never quite falling from her face.
He crossed through the empty lobby, made his way to the open lounge, and saw him – standing behind the bar, facing the back wall, wiping down the counter and capping liquor bottles on the shelves. He looked largely the same – black polo tucked snuggly into black jeans – but he moved a little differently – slowly, ploddingly, without the usual charm and energy Graham had come to expect. This filled Graham with immediate sadness, then excitement, then hope, then anxiety all over again.
Quietly, carefully, Graham approached the bar.
Ever the professional, his instincts must have alerted him to the presence of a new body at the counter. He spoke without even turning around.
“Sorry, we’re closed for the night.”
“Damn,” Graham said casually. “I was hoping I’d at least make Last Call.”
Archie froze, liquor bottle still in his hand. He set it on the counter, braced himself against the edge for a moment before slowly, cautiously turning around. His eyes met Graham’s, his expression unreadable, and for a long, heavy moment, they just stared.
“Hi,” Graham said, finally. It was all he could think of. Inelegant but true. The only word able to cut through all the noise and chaos in his brain.
“Hi,” Archie said softly. “You’re here.”
“I am.”
“I thought…you were done.”
“Well,” Graham shrugged. “My project is over, yeah. But…it turns out I still have some unfinished business.”
Graham saw it – the tiniest softening of Archie’s expression, a relaxing of the jaw, a deflating of the shoulders, the faintest glimmer of hope flickering behind his eyes.
“I missed you,” Archie said softly.
“I’ve missed you too,” Graham said, choking back the emotion gathering in his throat. “So much. The last two weeks felt like…like years.”
Archie exhaled, not quite a laugh. “Tell me about it.”
“I’m sorry,” Graham heard himself say. “I should’ve called or texted or…something.”
“It’s okay. I should have, too. I just…” His voice trailed off, as if, like Graham, he couldn’t quite articulate, even to himself, the reasons for his self-imposed exile.
“How have you been?” Graham asked, flinching at how stupid and insufficient the question sounded as it left his lips.
“Alright,” Archie shrugged. “Staying busy. I got enrolled for school, so…that’s been good.”
Graham smiled, that old pride swelling again in his chest. “That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks,” Archie shrugged shyly. “How have you been?”
“Okay,” Graham half-smiled. “Apparently this project was a success. They gave me a big promotion.”
Archie’s eyebrows raised, an affectionate smile softening his features. “That’s awesome, Graham. You deserve it.”
“Thanks,” Graham nodded, as if unsure whether that statement was true. “I’m not as excited about it as I probably should be. It’s just – “he paused, steadied himself. “It’s been weird, being home. It feels…different.”
“How so?”
“It feels…not so much like home anymore.”
His words hung between them, delicate and precious, like a bubble they were both afraid to pop. Graham continued.
“I didn’t want to leave. I actually really wanted to stay. But then, I woke up and…”
“I know,” Archie nodded, his eyes dropping to the floor.
“Why?”
“Because…I knew if we woke up together, I’d ask you not to go,” Archie confessed. “And I knew if I asked you not to go, you wouldn’t.”
A breath escaped Graham, something between laughter and a sob.
“Let me guess,” Graham said. “You couldn’t bear to ask me to uproot my life for you?”
“Yeah,” Archie let out a humorless laugh. “Something like that.”
“I know the feeling,” Graham smirked, his stomach swirling like a swarm of locusts. “But, I realize now, you don’t have to ask. I don’t think you ever did.”
“What do you mean?” Archie asked, his brow furrowed, his expression carefully contained, like he was holding back his own hope.
“Archie,” Graham continued, his voice hoarse. “You know, the month I spent with you is the happiest I have been in…I don’t even know how long. Years. Maybe ever. And I know it’s not been a long time, and – trust me – I know how crazy it is that I’m standing here making some heartfelt speech to you in a hotel lobby, but…” he took a deep breath, met Archie’s gaze and held it like he should’ve held on that morning two weeks ago. “Archie, I love you.
“I do. You are the kindest, sweetest, gentlest, most considerate, most incredible person I’ve ever known, and I love you. You’re my favorite person. You’re my favorite pair of jeans, and we fit together too well to throw this out over a couple minor logistical questions like what state we’re going to live in.” He chuckled, less at his own joke and more as an outlet for his bubbling nerves.
“I don’t have any of the answers. I don’t have any of the details worked out. All I know is that I’ve gone the last two weeks without you in my life, and I never want to do that again. Not if I don’t have to. And I couldn’t let another week go by without me telling you, face-to-face, how I feel about you. How I’m willing to do this if you are. How I don’t just want this – us – to just be temporary. I think we deserve better than that. Both of us.”
“But…” Archie stammered, his eyes shimmering, his voice thick with feeling. “But what about…I mean, what about Eli and Julie?”
“I told Julie,” Graham said.
“What?” Archie’s face lit up, a mix of excitement and surprise.
“I told her. About you. About us. About all of it.” Graham watched Archie absorb this news, moved by how young and – for the first time – unsure he looked in his own skin. “Well, okay, not all of it. But I gave her the gist.”
“What did she say?”
“She was…surprised,” Graham laughed. “But she was really excited. She was happy for me. And that made me realize what an absolute dumbass I’ve been for trying to act like I could just go back to normal and try to be happy without you, like I wasn’t devastated by the thought you and I were just some kind of blip.”
Archie’s mouth opened to speak, but no sound came out. His head tilted to the side, eyebrows scrunching together, as if he were still trying to process Graham’s presence in the hotel bar, much less any of the words he was saying.
“And maybe for you, I was a blip,” Graham continued, forcing those words into existence. “And if that’s the case, you can tell me and I will let you move on with your life. But if I wasn’t? If you’ll have me? Then, God, Archie…I want to be yours.”
“Graham.” Archie uttered his name with such tenderness and care, like he was holding a glass, cherishing it like priceless art. He extended a hand across the bar, resting it, palm up, on the counter. Graham found it with his own, interlacing their fingers, squeezing gently. They held each other’s eyes, searching, savoring. “I love you, too. So much.”
Graham used all his energy not to let himself cry. His heart swelled like a balloon, threatening to burst. He was pretty sure it had never been so full.
Archie loved him.
Graham felt the truth of those words, warm like sunlight on his skin. He felt Archie’s hand firm against his own, a tangible reminder that this moment didn’t have to slip away, that this miracle he’d stumbled into, completely by accident, might actually be the beginning of something beautiful and new, something that could last.
“Well then,” Graham smiled, his eyes filling. “What do you say? Want to keep this thing going?”
“Yeah,” Archie smiled, his own emotions spilling over. “Yeah, I’d like that. Very much.”
They left the hotel together and drove back to Archie’s apartment. Archie unlocked the door and let them inside. Graham dropped his duffle bag on the floor, and before it hit the ground, their hands were on each other, their mouths tangled together like vines. They kissed, held each other tightly, undressed slowly, as if performing some sacred sort of dance. They stumbled through the apartment and made love quietly, tenderly in the soft, purple light of Archie’s bedroom, Graham on top, tangled in Archie’s limbs, thrusting gently, holding each other’s arms and eyes and presence.
“Archie,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss his lips, his throat, his jaw. He said Archie’s name like a blessing, like an incantation whispered to the gods in hope of finding favor. And somehow, as the soft cadence of his name floated up into the quiet room, Graham knew the gods were listening. “I love you.”
Archie’s hands wrapped around his shoulders, his fingers wove into Graham’s hair. “I love you.”
Graham’s hand slipped between them. Be brought Archie to the edge as he reached his own climax, poured out like anointing oil, sacred and divine, and then they lay there, breathless and warm and unhurried, Graham on his back, Archie snuggled against his side.
“God, I missed this,” Graham whispered, wrapping his arm around Archie’s back and pulling him close.
“Me too,” Archie murmured against his chest. “I really thought I’d…we’d never get to do this again.”
“Yeah,” Graham nodded. “Me too. But, thankfully, I don’t think we have to worry about that anymore.”
“Oh, we’re going to do this so much, you’re going to get sick of me.”
“Impossible,” Graham laughed. “But we certainly give it our best try.”
Of course he knew that day would come. The day he discovered some annoying quirk of Archie’s, some stupid little habit that grated Graham’s nerves like sandpaper. Maybe he drank milk directly from the gallon; maybe he left his dirty toothbrush laying in a puddle on the counter; maybe he let dishes pile in the sink until you couldn’t turn on the water. Graham smiled at the thought. At their inevitable future arguments. At these imaginary irritations. Whatever they were, Graham couldn’t wait to find out.
Archie leaned in and kissed Graham’s chest. “Thank you,” he murmured into Graham’s skin.
“Archie.” Graham’s fingers found Archie’s jaw and turned his face up so that their eyes met. “Thank you.”
Archie held his gaze, a thousand things passing between them that words could never fully articulate. But Graham knew. They both knew. And in that silence a certainty settled over them. A commitment. An unspoken vow that Graham accepted joyfully.
And for a long while, they lay there. Eventually, they made love again. Archie got up to shower. Graham joined him. And then, they fall back into bed, naked and clean and relaxed. They laid on their sides, noses brushing, legs overlapped. They laughed at nothing in particular, happiness floating up out of them like bubbles in a glass of champagne, until Archie finally asked the question.
“So,” he said, his thumb brushing Graham’s jawline. “What do we do now?”
Graham leaned into Archie’s touch. “Well, I’ve got the week off. Told work I needed to get away. I figured I could stay a bit, if you wanted.”
“I’d like that,” Archie smiled, bruising their noses together. “And then what?”
“Well…I called Charlie, the client’s project manager, on my drive up here. They had mentioned a potential job opening I wanted to follow up on. He said we could meet about it tomorrow since I was back in town.”
“Wait, really?” Archie asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” Graham smiled. “He seemed alarmingly unsurprised I was back so soon.”
Archie laughed. “Maybe he just really wants you for the job.”
“Eh, maybe,” Graham shrugged. “I don’t think he’s surprised I’m interested in it. But, after he told me about his husband, I think he may have other suspicions as well.”
“Oh.” Archie’s eyebrows shot up. “You must’ve set his gaydar off.”
“Wouldn’t be surprised,” Graham chuckled
“So…” Archie began bashfully. “You’d really look at taking another job? At moving?”
“Yeah,” Graham said easily. “I think I’ve been doing mine long enough. They’re already talking about sending me back out on the road and the thought of that just made me want to throw up. Besides, you've got school here, and I think I’m ready for a change.”
“What about Eli and Julie?” Archie’s voice was soft, quiet.
“She said we’d figure it out,” Graham nodded. “They’ll always be my family. But that doesn’t mean I can’t find a new one.”
Emotion flashed across Archie’s face, something like wonder and joy and grief and a dozen other things all burning off at once. “I hope I get to meet them,” he whispered.
“I think you will. I want you to,” Graham smiled, his hand cupping Archie’s face. “Which reminds me – are you any good at soccer? Eli has decided to become a little athlete and we both know that’s not my strong suit.”
“Oh, shut up. You’re athletic,” Archie laughed. “But, for the record, I’m not too bad. I think I could take him.”
“I don’t know, he’s pretty devious. You’ll never know where the goal is and I’m pretty sure he thinks he can just yell offsides whenever he wants the ball back.”
“Oh, those are my kind of rules, right there,” Archie grinned wickedly. “Tell him he’s on.”
Graham laughed and leaned forward, kissing him, smiling into his mouth.
And even in the darkness, the room felt bright with possibilities, with a future limited only by their imagination. Sure, there were a hundred questions left to answer, a thousand details left to be figured out, but Graham knew they could figure them out together.They would. And so, with a smile still glowing on his face, Graham drifted off to sleep dreaming of dark eyes and bright smiles and tan skin. He slept well, soundly, arms wrapped around Archie’s torso, face nestled in the crook of his neck. Safe. Warm. Steady in the knowledge that, this time, Archie would be there when he woke up.
Epilogue
Five Months Later
Graham woke up before his alarm and slipped quietly out of bed. He pulled a pair of cotton pants, stepped into his slippers, grabbed his robe from a hook on the bathroom door, and went into the kitchen. The sun had just risen, its warm light spilling in through the front door, bathing the room in a peaceful, incandescent glow.
He filled the kettle and set it on the stove to heat, then opened the pantry and retrieved his canister of coffee beans, carefully weighing out the thirty grams and pouring them into the grinder. The machine whirred to life, filling the room with the dull sound and bright aroma of morning. He added the fresh grounds into his chemex and carefully poured the water over them, just moistening them at first before giving them a full soak. When he poured the last of his water, he set the kettle on the stove and walked over to the small breakfast table.
An anatomy and physiology textbook lay open on the table, next to a pile of highlighters and a mug of half-drank turmeric tea. Behind the table, an assortment of house plants rested on the floor and atop the small buffet cabinet, waking with the morning light. He grabbed a cup from the cabinets, filled it at the sink, and carefully watered the plants. He still didn’t know much about tending to them – although he was learning, slowly finding a growing sense of ownership as to their well-being – but he knew it was likely they’d been forgotten over the past few busy days.
When the coffee finished brewing, Graham poured half into a gray ceramic mug and half into a dark blue travel thermos, branded for the local community college, which he capped and set at the end of the kitchen island, and then he stood at the bar, letting his eyes scan over the living room – which was nearly fully decorated now – past the breakfast nook and out into the yard of the small, two-bedroom house. It wasn’t totally finished, not yet, but it certainly showed all the signs and potential of a full, vibrant life being built, like the border of a construction site with a bright, friendly sign that announced to the neighborhood, “Coming Soon.”
It was October, and the grass and shrubs were showing signs of changing with the Fall. The morning was cool, and the coffee warmed him from the inside as he took the first few sips. He hadn’t planned on going into the office today, but as he stared out at the blue sky and the sunshine, he thought he might drop in for a bit just to say hello. IHe loved the flexibility of his hybrid schedule, but he also appreciated the office that felt more and more like home each time he stepped foot inside. Besides, he always enjoyed having lunch with Charlie.
He took another sip of coffee as he heard movement behind him.
“Morning,” Archie greeted as he stepped into the kitchen.
“Good morning, babe,” Graham smiled as Archie walked up beside him and kissed him on the cheek. “Sleep okay?”
“Yeah,” Archie nodded, rubbing his eyes. “I think so. Don’t even ask what time I finally got to bed, but I feel alright.”
“Well, your coffee is on the counter,” Graham’s head nodded in the direction of the thermos.
Archie smiled. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” Graham smiled. “Ready for your exam?”
“I think so,” Archie exhaled. “I’ve studied really hard. I feel like I’ve got a good grasp on it, so…I think I’ll be okay.”
“I bet you’ll crush it.”
Graham watched as Archie retrieved a yogurt from the refrigerator and grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter. He moved so effortlessly, so elegantly in this space, as if he’d always belonged here. He was so beautiful when he was relaxed, and Graham’s chest swelled with pride that he got to witness this open, unguarded side of him. A side not trying to charm any customers, not trying to win any tips. A side that was just…here.
“Oh, I checked the weather again last night,” Archie said, taking a bite out of the banana. “I think Saturday is going to clear up, so we could take Eli to Campbell Park.”
“I think he’d like that,” Graham smiled.
Julie and Eli were driving up for the weekend. Eli’s school had Fall Break, so they’d decided this would be the perfect opportunity to show Eli Graham’s new home in Des Moines. At first, Eli had been a little confused about Graham’s moving, thinking he was away on another business trip. But after a while, he’d adjusted, and for the past several weeks he’d been buzzing with excitement about his trip to visit Daddy and Uncle Archie in Iowa.
Graham wasn’t sure that “Uncle Archie” was a sustainable nickname, but for now it warmed his heart too much to fight it. The two most important men in his life had begun to form a relationship. He could think of nothing better.
Archie had flown in to help Graham pack up for the move, and he’d met Julie and Eli when they came over to help. They’d brought pizza and ate it on blankets on the floor of Graham’s apartment, watching Ratatouille on Graham’s tv – the last functional furnishing in the whole apartment.
Graham had been nervous about bringing these two chapters of his life together but quickly realized there was nothing to fear. Archie and Julie had become fast friends, swapping stories and lovingly making jokes at Graham’s expense. Eli had immediately taken to Archie, sensing his youth and energy, dragging him into all manner of games and activities. And just like that, they began to form a new, blended family, where relationships and dynamics certainly departed from the norm, but somehow became something more, something deeper and better amidst the change.
It had filled Graham with joy, and, more importantly, imbued him with hope. Hope which inspired action. Hope which bred confidence. Hope which freed Graham to step into a new version of his life, in a new city, with a new partner. And then, in a few years, when Archie finished his degree and started applying to PT schools, they’d step forward again, into yet another chapter, and see what awaited them there.
“And I ordered us some actual soccer goals for the backyard so I can take on Eli fair and square,” Archie smirked, tossing his banana peel in the trash.
“Good luck, that kid’s still going to find a loophole somehow. I swear, he needs to be a lawyer if this soccer thing doesn’t work out.”
Archie chuckled as he took a drink of his coffee. He passed through the kitchen and gathered his textbook off the table, tossing it into his backpack. He collected the highlighters and placed them in a zipper pocket, then secured his yogurt in the elastic bottle space on the outer side.
“Well,” he said, letting out a fortifying sigh and turning to Graham. “I guess I’m off. I want to get some time in the library for one final review. You going in today?”
“I think I will. Might as well get out and see some familiar faces. Haven’t really talked to Charlie since our dinner with him and Mark.”
Since the move, Graham’s friendship with Charlie had grown to extend outside of work. It had grown to include Archie and Mark. They got together for dinner at least once a month. They did the same with Adam and Trey, slowly building new relationships, new community, new friends and faces to punctuate their life together. A life that was vibrant and busy and full.
“Oh, I can pick up something for dinner on my way home. Anything sound good?” Graham asked.
“Hmm,” Archie thought for a moment. “I don’t have the brainpower to decide on dinner, so I’m just going to trust you. Just keep in mind I’ll either need a victory meal or a major consolation prize.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll get us something good,” Graham laughed. He stepped forward, closing the distance between them, his hand landing on Archie’s forearm. “Now go knock ‘em dead,” he smiled. “I’m really proud of you.”
Archie smiled, a deep, full smile that radiated with feeling.
“Thank you.” He leaned forward and kissed Graham. “I love you. I’ll see you tonight.”
Graham smiled, his heart full and warm. “I’ll see you when you get home.”
Home. The words settled in Graham's chest, warm like his coffee. It had been a long time since he’d felt a sense of home, but here, in this cute, little house with the man he loved, Graham felt the word cover him like a blessing. It was a home, their home, one they’d built and would continue to build. Together.
***A HUGE thank you to everyone who embarked on this journey with me. Writing this story is my favorite thing I’ve ever done, and probably my proudest accomplishment. So thank you. For reading. For commenting. For laughing and crying and yelling at the screen. It meant the world. Saying goodbye to Graham and Archie has been incredibly hard, but I’m excited for new faces and new stories on the horizon. I hope you’ll join me there too! -- Jay
