Six o’clock.
Graham applied a few sprays of cologne to his neck and collar bone and gave himself one final inspection in the mirror, fixing a few stray hairs that had fallen across his forehead and spraying them into place.
Six o’clock.
He wasn’t sure if his outfit – gray chinos, loafers, a white dress shirt, open at the collar, and a navy sports coat – looked a little too business casual for the evening. He wanted something formal to signify the special occasion, but now we worried his choice made him look, well, old. It was too late to change now.
Six o’clock.
He grabbed his wallet and keys off the counter and made his way out the door. He and Archie had agreed to meet in the hotel lobby to spare Graham the maze of Archie’s apartment complex, but a part of him wished he’d had the extra drive time to steady his nerves. On the plus side, meeting at the hotel made Graham especially glad he’d picked up a few things for the room later. Assuming things went well.
At six o’clock, Graham stepped out of the elevator and walked into the hotel lobby. He did a quick scan of the large room and found Archie sitting in a wingback chair near the lobby fireplace, his hands resting stiffly in his lap. At the same time, Archie spotted Graham and immediately jumped to his feet. They slowly crossed towards one another, meeting in the center of the room, their eyes focused on nothing besides the image of the man approaching.
“Hi,” Graham greeted.
“Hi,” Archie smiled in return.
Graham took in all of Archie as they stood there. He had also dressed things up for the evening, showing a bit of gloss and polish than Graham had seen before. He wore black jeans that faded seamlessly into black leather chelsea boots and a short-sleeve button-down shirt made of intricately patterned lavender lace. It was a beautiful shirt, just translucent enough to show hints of Archie’s tan skin underneath but with enough pattern and texture to avoid revealing too much detail. There was something delicate, almost feminine about the garment that contrasted sharply against Archie's athletic, masculine form.
He looked stunning.
“Wow,” Graham marveled. “You look…I want to say beautiful. Can I say beautiful?”
Archie smiled. “I think that’s allowed.”
“Well. You look beautiful.”
“Thank you,” Archie said bashfully. “You look pretty handsome, yourself.”
“Thanks. Doesn’t look like I’m about to attend a board meeting?”
“Maybe a little. But I find the whole businessman look kinda sexy.”
“Well you certainly work in the right place,” Graham laughed. “Shall we?”
“We shall.”
They made their way to the car in silence, a nervous energy buzzing between them. Once seated, Graham waited impatiently for his phone to connect to the car audio. When it did, he held the phone out to Archie.
“Want to DJ?” he asked.
“Yeah?” Archie asked excitedly.
“Show me what you got,” Graham teased. “Since we’ve both learned my music tastes are outdated.”
After a few seconds of contemplation, followed by a fury of typing, Archie set the phone in his lap and a song started to play. It was mellow, electronic, with pulsing synths and sultry energy. It helped tremendously to fill the air.
“I like this,” Graham said as he merged onto the highway.
“Yeah?” Archie’s eyebrows raised. “They’re called The Marias. I’ve been obsessed with them lately.”
“It’s a good vibe,” he observed. “I like this type of stuff when I work. Helps me stay energized without getting distracted.”
“I don’t really get to pick the music when I work.”
“Yeah, I guess you don’t,” Graham chuckled. “So have you been to this place before?”
“Nope,” Archie admitted. “A bit out of my usual price point, if I’m honest. But I’m excited! I’ve heard good things.”
“Well, that’s good,” Graham chuckled.
He was nervous and, as it so often did, his mind went blank with anxiety. He searched for something interesting or witty to say, something to fill the space between them but found nothing. He was still a little shaken from the call with Julie earlier. All afternoon he'd paced his hotel room trying to put this new information out of his mind, to ignore it until tomorrow so that his attention could be directed on the night's festivities, but unfortunately his brain would not oblige.
Julie was seeing someone.
Graham knew this day would come eventually, but he never imagined it would be so soon. So sudden. She tried to assure him it wasn’t serious, but if she was introducing him to Eli then she obviously trusted him, she obviously thought it had some potential. Graham's stomach twisted at the prospect of being replaced, of some strange man having dinner with his son in his old house, and yet his jealousy felt a little outdated and cliche. After all, Graham thought, wasn’t it a little hypocritical to be upset about her dating while he was here, literally driving himself to a date?
He looked over Archie, whose head bobbed along contentedly with the music. The sight calmed him.
“How was work last night?”
“It was good!” Archie smiled. “Uneventful. Not as busy as Friday, which was a little surprising.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, but that’s okay. Nice to have one night to chill out a bit. Oh! Funny story. So Rodney came back…”
Archie launched into a story about Rodney’s most recent attempt to pick up a patron at the bar, which gave Graham plenty to chuckle about. It made him feel like his own awkward interaction with Rodney had been an important rite of passage, his induction into Harry’s Hideaway. It also helped to pass the rest of the drive to dinner, and by the time Graham pulled up to the restaurant valet, he’d forgotten most of his nerves.
The restaurant was impressive.
It was modern, but had all the elements to pay homage to a classic steakhouse – dark wood walls, white tablecloths, an impressive whiskey selection, and a staff of handsome servers in crisp, white uniforms. It wasn’t too crowded, it being a Sunday night, and their corner booth provided a welcomed privacy. Archie looked at the menu with raised eyebrows, his face glowing in the light of the table’s flickering candle.
“Sheesh, how many whiskey options does one place need?”
“You think they’d kick me out if I ordered another LIT?” Graham teased.
Archie laughed. “Probably! I’m sure one of the valets would come put you in a chokehold and throw you out the back door.”
Graham grinned. “One way to find out.”
When their waiter arrived to take their drink orders, however, no LITs were requested. Instead, Graham ordered a Manhattan and Archie asked for a dirty martini. As their server walked away, Graham looked across the table with raised eyebrows.
“What?” Archie asked, laughing.
“Didn’t take you for a martini boy.”
“I’m full of surprises,” Archie shrugged playfully.
They received their cocktails and listened attentively as the waiter presented the evening’s specials. Archie shamelessly celebrated when a basket of fresh bread was placed on the table between them, and Graham couldn’t help but laugh, enjoying Archie's enjoyment.
Orders placed, they settled into an easy rapport, swapping stories about favorite restaurants and favorite meals, about those special comfort foods that cheered them up whenever they needed a boost. It was fun, relaxed and inconsequential in a good way. The kind of meaningless chatter between two people who just enjoy any excuse to converse.
Eventually, though, as they put in their orders and the conversation stalled, Graham noticed Archie looking across the table, a certain gleam in his eye.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing,” Archie smiled. “I was just thinking…that yesterday was really fun.”
Graham chuckled. “It was.”
“I, uh, particularly enjoyed the part where we said goodbye.”
“Did ya?” Graham raised an eyebrow. “Glad to get rid of me, huh?”
Archie rolled his eyes. “So glad.”
“I did, too,” Graham agreed, his voice taking on a more serious tone. “Sorry if it was kind of…abrupt. I started walking away and it just…felt overdue.”
“No, it was…a surprise, but a good one.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Archie nodded. “I don’t know, I wanted to do that a week ago but I didn’t know where you were at. And I didn’t want to put any pressure on you or anything.”
Graham was quiet, unsure what to say.
“I know if you haven’t gone there before then that first time can feel like a really big deal, so…I wanted to let you get there when you were ready.”
“That’s really thoughtful,” Graham opined.
“Nah,” Archie shrugged. “It’s just one of those things.”
“So…a week ago, huh?” Graham flashed a coy smile.
“I mean…” Archie blushed. “Since that first time we went out for drinks.”
Graham smiled.
“I know what you mean. I'd be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind.”
Soon after, their food arrived and the conversation lightened. Both their entrees were delicious – and enormous – and Graham felt like he’d barely made a dent in his plate when he folded his napkin and placed it on the table.
“Done?” Archie asked. His pace was beginning to falter, too.
“Cutting myself off,” Graham sighed.
“Hey, that’s my job,” Archie quipped.
As they settled into a happy haze, Graham found himself in a state of increasing disbelief that this was actually happening. With each sip of his cocktail, Archie had grown more attractive across the table, the light of the small candle accentuating his dark eyes, his sharp jaw, his high cheekbones and smooth skin. The sliver of bare chest between the open buttons of Archie’s shirt, paired with the hints of bare skin peeking through the light purple lace, drew Graham’s eye like a beacon.
“Can I ask you something?” He heard himself say.
“Sure. Anything.” Archie's eyes were serious.
Graham smiled. “It's not that serious. I just…why me?”
“What do you mean?” Archie flashed a puzzled look.
“I mean…a divorced businessman approaching forty? I can’t possibly be your best option for your one night off,” Graham laughed, his own doubts audible.
A flurry of expressions crossed Archie's face. He pursed his lips for a moment, his eyes dropped to the table.
“You know, I see a lot of business guys at work. A lot. And so many of them are the same. They're loud, flashy, superficial, always wanting to impress you or be the center of attention. And yeah, most of them are nice but so often they're just…a lot. But you…you were different. You were quiet and thoughtful. A little grumpy but in an endearing way. It was like you couldn't care less about making an impression or proving yourself to anyone, least of all a bar full of strangers. And that stood out to me. You didn't want to be the center of attention, you just…wanted someone to see you.”
Graham was stunned into silence.
“Sorry,” Archie gave a shy smile. “Too much?”
“No,” Graham cleared his throat. “No, I think…I think you might be exactly right.”
The words replayed in his mind. Someone to see him. Really see him. Even when he didn't want to see himself.
Since the day he first left Julie, Graham had lost his place in the world. He'd shrunk himself, made himself invisible, moving in and out of life like a mouse scurrying through the crawl spaces of someone else's home, able to look out into every room but free to enter none. It was why he came to Des Moines in the first place, a chance to go to a new city, work with a new client, and be invisible. His plan had been to shrink himself out of existence in the hopes his problems might disappear alongside him, and to be fair he'd been somewhat successful. Until he sat down at the hotel bar and made the mistake of being recognized by a friendly, young bartender who had the audacity to remember his drink order. To remember him. He brought Graham out of the crawl spaces and back into the house. He made Graham visible.
Graham took an agitated drink of his Manhattan, unsure how to process the potent emotions brewing in his empty stomach.
“Sorry,” Graham said gruffly. “I mostly wondered why you weren't out with some other attractive, optimistic guy your age. I…don't know what to say to that.”
Archie offered him a kind smile and rolled his eyes.
“Eh,” he said dismissively. “Guys my age are alright. If I'm honest a lot of them can be kind of shallow. Boring, even. Maybe I'm just used to hanging out with forty-year-olds at work every night. Or maybe I already like that and that's what makes me good at my job.” He paused, took a sip of his martini. In that instant, appeared years older than he was. “You know, my twenties haven't exactly been all fun and games. So when I see guys my age spinning their wheels like they're gonna be hot and twenty-three forever, it just feels…hollow.”
Graham felt a pang of Archie's sorrow, the hardship of someone forced to grow up faster than he would've wished. He realized Archie was dealing with his very own version of lost youth, even if, unlike Graham, he was experiencing it in real time. It didn't seem fair.
“I wasn't hot and twenty-three to begin with,” Graham cracked a playful smile.
Archie looked up, shaking his head with a wry smile. “Well, you've more than made up for it now, I promise you.”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah. Absolutely.”
Graham laughed and shook his head.
“What?” Archie exclaimed.
“Nothing, it’s just…” Graham paused. “Do you ever feel like you don't recognize yourself?”
“How do you mean?”
Graham thought for a second.
“It’s like I haven’t caught up. Like I don’t know who I am because I’m so hung up on who I used to be.” He looked at Archie who gazed back intently. “For instance, if you’d told me three weeks ago that I’d be here? On a date? With a guy? I would’ve had zero reference for that in my brain. I wouldn’t even know where to fit that into my concept of who I am.”
“But you’re here.”
“I am.” Graham smiled. “And I’m having a great time. Which is why it’s weird. I go through life as this person,” he gestured at himself. “But in my head I still see this sad, shy, lonely kid that no one had any reason to notice. And sometimes it feels like he doesn’t fit into this life.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t use any of those words to describe you,” Archie chuckled.
“Well, that’s good,” Graham smiled. “I don’t think sad and lonely are super appealing, are they?”
“Eh, they have their place. But no, for real. I don’t think that’s you at all. I think you’re strong. Confident. Brave enough to keep moving forward even though you don’t know exactly where you’re going. Brave enough to let yourself be somebody other than the person you thought you were. I think that’s cool.”
Graham let slip a nervous laugh.
“Sorry,” he said, regaining his composure. “I haven’t heard this many compliments in a decade. Don’t know how to react.”
Archie held his martini and shrugged with a playful flourish. “Well, by returning a few of them, obviously.”
“Okay, that’s fair,” Graham laughed. “Okay. Yeah.” Graham looked at Archie for a second, admiring his perfectly coiffed hair, his thick eyelashes, the brush of pink on his martini-flushed cheeks. “Well, for starters, you’re infuriatingly gorgeous. You’re fun and charming and easy to talk to. You make people feel safe. You’re kind, considerate. You see people and you really care about them. You hold on to this joy for life when you have every right to be angry about it. And you just…make things better.”
Archie sat For a moment, holding Graham’s stare.
“Dang,” he said, hisnvoice thick. “You're right. Compliments are weird.”
“Told you,” Graham smirked, and they both laughed.
Half an hour later, they returned to the hotel parking lot. Graham turned off the car, letting the quiet wash over them. Unlike the start of the evening, this quiet was calm, comforting. Music drifted softly from the speakers.
“I had a really good time,” Graham said softly.
Archie smiled.
“Me too. Thank you again for dinner, that was so good.”
“Of course. It’s the least I could do.” He paused. “I, uh, picked up a bottle of wine earlier. I’ve got it back in the room, if you’d like to come up?”
Graham pushed through the invitation, internally cringing at how crass and cliche it sounded. Thankfully, Archie seemed too excited about its content to pay much mind to its delivery.
“That sounds great.”
