I fell down on my bed and sighed. Why on earth had I enjoyed it so much? I touched my lips and remembered the kiss. That tingling feeling was still there even though it was two hours ago. I touched my chest and I felt odd, I looked down to see I was hard. Just the thought of the kiss had turned me on, I pulled down my pants and exposed my hard stiff rod.

What’s happening? What am I doing? I thought as I grabbed my hard erect manhood. I moved my hand up and down and the other hand was on my lips remembering Raven’s lips meeting mine. My imagination ran further making my hard-on jerk as my hand began to move faster. A wonderful sensation swept over me; I could feel his skin against mine as my hand moved faster up and down. I felt the pressure building up, making me shake as my seed shot out in an arc leaving thick white ribbons on my chest. 

I was shocked as I calmed down. What had I just done! I shook my head, cleaned myself off, dressed and decided to take a walk. I had some things to think about; what was going on with me? I had never been this confused in my whole life.

I left my room, walked out from the common room and down to the great hall, I needed something to drink and most of all to think. I sat down and thought of some cold pumpkin juice, and within seconds it stood before me. It was the elf's that worked here that with their magic brought the food from the kitchen to the great hall. There as I drank my juice, Pansy sat down beside me.

“Draco you seem upset, you have been down since the school year started.” She said. Without even saying hi.

“Just leave me alone.” I replied.

“But Draco I want to be with you, to help you.” she said.

I sighed loudly, stood up and walked away. I heard her making a fuss and calling me almost screaming. I could not for the life of me understand why she had chosen to return to school. I left the school and walked down to the lake. I walked out on the stones, and sat down to think.

I always felt peaceful watching the waves moving, I felt serene; like my mind had found a single path to follow. I did not know why but I took of all my clothes and jumped in, it was freezing but it calmed me. I closed my eyes & without thinking I let the water take me.

It became blurry and my vision faded, I was slowly going deeper. It became black and the next thing I knew, I was coughing up water. Leaning over me was Hermione, and she seemed concerned.

“What happened?” I thought out loud.

“You almost drowned!” Hermione said.

“Oh!” I replied.

“You could at least say thanks,” she said and stood up.

I rose and just sniffed, I can’t believe a mud-blood saved me, but this was not the first time.

Realising I was naked, I went to get my clothes and having dressed myself I sat down. Hermione was hanging around, she came and sat by me.

“Thank you, you can go now.” I said in my usual snobby tone.

“You can be a bit more grateful!” She said as she sat down.

“What do you want Mud-Bl...?”I trailed off.

She sat quietly for a short time looking at me. I guess I could have gone away but the truth is I did not want to be alone, not that I would ever admit it out in the open.

“It's okay you know,” she started speaking.

“What is?” I said in a mean tone.

“To feel lonely, and to feel confused.” She answered.

I did not answer, only sat there quietly. She did not leave my side nor did she say anything more. We sat there for about an hour before we both started to move up the hill towards the school, and as we reached the court yard Hermione went left and I went right. Neither of us saying good bye, but as we split I said in a quiet voice, “thank you, Hermione.”

I walked up the stairs and to the right towards the hall of moving stairs. It took me fifteen minutes from the court yard to end up back in the common room. I walked past the stares of Harry who sat down on the sofa by the fireplace. I walked up the stairs and into my room, I needed to get into some warmer clothes and relax. I took a shower and got dressed. Now seeing the sun setting and I thought it best to sleep for the rest of the day and night, all these thoughts in my head made me tired and unable to deal with the reality of life.

After just a few hours of sleep, I woke up. The time was around 03.00 in the night. I went to the window hoping that my mind had settled, but I had all these feelings and pictures flooding back in my head, swirling around, making it hard for me to breathe. I left my room after I had put on a silky green robe, I went to the common room and took a seat by the fire place. I pointed my wand and uttered the words 


The wand let out a burst of fire and the wood in the fireplace was lit.

It was quiet for some time, yet my thoughts did not seem to slow down. I had a hard time knowing what these feelings meant. I did try to figure them out but nothing seemed to fit. Nothing I had ever felt could compare to this. Trying even harder to make sense of it all I did not noticed that I wasn’t alone.

“Oh Draco it’s only you!” A female voice spoke.

I turned quickly and saw that it was Hermione; she had scared me a bit.

“Sorry I startled you,” she continued and took a seat at the other edge of the sofa in front of the fireplace.

“Couldn’t sleep!” I said in a short and somewhat annoyed voice.

“No luck in that, I don't know what to do” She replied.

“I know the feeling!” I said without thinking.

She looked at me but I tried focusing on the flames that danced on the burning logs of wood. She seemed intrigued about what I had said, but I was not going to break the silence again. Yet, in my heart, I knew that she might be able to help me. Just as I was about to say something, she spoke.

“So why can’t you sleep?” She asked.

“Well, lots of thoughts.” I replied.

“What kind of thoughts?” She asked.

“None of your business.” I said in a snobby and arrogant voice.

She did not say anything, just looked at me and as if she had mind controlling powers, she continued to stare into me as if she at any moment could drag the truth from my lips.

“Don't know what I'm feeling” I said.

“Describe them to me.” She said.

I sighed, and gradually told her the feelings I had. I was careful not to say my feelings were directed  towards Raven, but that every time I was around this person I felt the need to protect him, be close to him and that I had a sort of a rumbling sensation in my stomach; a nervous yet pleasant feeling. I also told her I felt confused and in a state of constant anxiety. I sighed again as I stopped speaking. Hermione stood up and started walking, but then she turned around.

“Well Draco sounds to me like you’re in love, not just infatuated, but truly in love.” She explained.

I turned on the sofa seeing her smiling towards me, I must have looked as if my eyes were about to pop out, in a state of shock and horror.

“Well I'm going to try and get to sleep again, good night Draco.” She said and walked up the stairs.

I turned my face back to the fireplace and even though it all had come as a shock to me, I noticed that my mind had calmed down, there must be some truth in what Hermione had said. I was in love, but the thing that confused me was that it was with a guy I was in love with. I must therefore be gay. As I said it to myself I felt a bit more relaxed and fell asleep on the sofa. I felt a hand waking me in the morning, and as I opened my eyes I saw Hermione in front of me.

“Get up! It’s already 09.30.” She said.

I opened my eyes fully and shot up off the sofa and ran up the stairs to change hastily yelling my thanks. I pulled on a pair of pants, black and tight with a simple light green shirt. I grabbed a long neck sweater in case it got chilly and ran back down and out the common room, down to the great hall before they stopped serving breakfast.

I took my usual seat and within seconds Pansy had sat down beside me.

“Good morning Draco,” She said and smiled.

“I’m gay” I said in a hushed voice.

“What did you say?” She replied.

I turned my head and looked her in the eyes saying the words a little more clearly.

“I'm gay.”

Her look of shock that turned into falling tears, I knew it was cruel of me, but to get her to leave me alone it was worth it. She stood up and ran away crying, as she had left I said to myself: Yes, I think I'm gay.


XOXO - Rainsky



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