Okay Jack, life only goes by faster from now on. You and Mitch will soon have an empty nest, and you will start to think about your life. Your family will change again, but if you and Mitch continue to be there for each other, you will make it through everything just fine. Again, seek help if you need it.
Well Jack, I guess it’s time to tell you the real reason that I wrote this letter…
***
After we returned from Cancun, we resumed our lives just as before. Things really weren’t that different, but it did feel like we were a more complete family. I know it’s just a marriage license, but it made everything seem more official.
Over the next years, Josh and Alex continued to join more groups and partake in more extracurricular activities. As they got into high school, we were constantly going to ball games, concerts and dance recitals. Josh played basketball, ran track and joined the band, playing drums. Alex played soccer and volleyball and was singing in the choir. It was a busy time, but Mitch and I loved it and were there for every event.
In the blink of eye, Josh was graduating high school and heading off to college. Two years later, Alex was doing the same. By 2025, Josh had graduated from college, got his first job and moved in with the girl that he dated all through college. She was a sweetheart and Josh was talking to Mitch and I about asking her to marry him. Alex was still in college and also had a boyfriend. He was a nice enough guy, but every father thinks no man is good enough for his little girl. I’m sure he will grow on us the longer they see each other.
Not all the changes in my life were good ones. Two years ago, dad had a heart attack is no longer with us. I know that if life goes as planned, you will have to bury your parents at some point, but you are never fully prepared for that day. A few months later, we moved mom out of our childhood home into an apartment. She was now in her eighties and slowing down. I suppose I should be happy that Josh and Alex were able to spend as much time with their grandparents as they did.
With the kids no longer at home, I guess I was feeling a little bit down. They had kept us busy for so long that I really didn’t know what to do now that we suddenly had more free time. To make things worse, I just received the invitation to my 40_year high school reunion. I guess I was feeling a little old.
Mitch had asked me several times if everything was okay. I couldn’t find right words to explain how I was feeling. I wasn’t unhappy with my life, and I certainly wasn’t unhappy with Mitch. It’s just hard to articulate what I was feeling, especially since I really didn’t know what those feelings were. I felt like I hadn’t made a meaningful impact on the world. I know not every person is famous or well known, but have I made any contribution at all?
At my last annual physical, I mentioned this to my doctor. He asked me a few questions and said, “You are healthy Jack, I think you are going through what a lot of other people in the same stage of life that you are in are going through. I can give you the name of a good therapist, she can help you work through these feeling.”
I chuckled to myself, ‘people in the same stage of life that you are in’, what a nice way to say old people. I guess talking to a stranger might help, I hope they don’t judge me too harshly and don’t just tell me to deal with it.
A few weeks later, I was sitting in Rhonda Stone’s office trying to explain why I was down. I really wouldn’t say I was depressed, so down was the best way to describe it. Thankfully, she just listened and didn’t judge me.
Rhonda smiled as we sat down in her office, she said, “How about we start out with you telling me a bit about who Jack is.”
I sighed, “Okay, I have been with Mitch for almost thirty years, married for ten, we have two wonderful kids. Josh is close to getting married and Alex will graduate from college soon.”
She smiled, “Wow, that is great. I don’t get to talk to a lot of people that have been with the same partner for that long. How did you two meet?”
I chuckled, “I first saw Mitch at the cemetery and then we were the same Grief Support Group together.”
She raised an eyebrow, “Okay, there has to be more to that story.”
I nodded, “We both lost our boyfriends on the same day. Things were pretty rough for both of us for about a year, a coworker of mine suggested that I attend a meeting. Mitch was also attending for the first time; we didn’t talk that first night. We had also seen each other several times when I was visiting Alex’s grave and he was visiting Josh’s.”
She stopped me, “Wait, you named your kids after your deceased boyfriends?”
I took a deep breath, “Yes, is that weird?”
Rhonda laughed, “No, not at all. To me, it just means that you and Mitch really loved Alex and Josh. Please continue.”
I said, “Yes, we did love them. Once Mitch and I started to talk, I think that is what we bonded over at first. The first time we had coffee, about all we talked about was Josh and Alex.”
She said, “That makes sense, you talked about what you have in common.”
I continued, "Yes, but the more we talked, the more we had in common. There was a real connection, one that I had only ever felt that with Alex.”
I talked about me always moving too fast and how I overanalyze everything and how Mitch balances out my insecurities with his confidence. While our relationship is not perfect, we have had disagreements over silly and big things, but we were always able to talk things out. She assured me that it was completely normal in any relationship. I added that Mitch was a great dad, and we almost always agreed on how to parent the kids. Rhonda told me that was a huge reason our relationship had lasted, most couples have totally different ideas when it comes to raising children.
Rhonda said, “So Jack, it really sounds like you have a good life. There must be something more bothering you for you to come see me. What is it?”
I shrugged, “I guess since the kids have moved out, I feel a little bit blah. I’m not unhappy, but I just don’t feel useful. No, useful isn’t the right word either. I’m not sure how to explain it. Part of me feels guilty too.”
She gave me a serious look, “Okay, for the first part of your statement, this is not uncommon. You and Mitch find yourself alone again after raising your kids. Many people experience the same thing. Your life has revolved around the kids for a long time. It’s now time for you and Mitch to get to know each other again. Find something new to get involved in, travel or hobbies, something like that. Now, for your last comment, what do you feel guilty about?”
I sighed, “About having a good life.”
She squinted her eyes, “Why would you feel guilty about that?”
I shrugged, “Because Alex never got that chance.”
Rhonda paused, then said, “That’s not your fault.”
I sighed, “I know. But I met Mitch because Alex died. Alex and Josh both had to die for us to be happy. Alex and I were supposed to be the ones that are happy, and so were Mitch and Josh.”
She put her hand on my knee, “Jack, no one knows what fate has in store for them. Have you ever considered that Mitch is your true soulmate? I certainly don’t want to diminish the significance of our relationship with Alex and I’m sure Mitch loved Josh, but you and Mitch do seem to be made for each other.”
I thought about what Rhonda just told me. Maybe she’s right. I have no idea how things would have gone with Alex if he had not been in that accident. Would we have had the same happy life that Mitch and I have had? Right now, I could not imagine my life without Mitch, maybe I am just dreaming that my life with Alex would have been any better.
I sighed, “I love Mitch with all my heart, I just feel guilty that Alex had to die for it to happen.”
She said, “That is just the way life works sometimes, you really don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”
The timer on her desk went off, our hour was up.
Rhonda said, “I am going to give you some homework to do before our next meeting. I want you to sit down and write a letter to yourself at the age of 18.”
I laughed, “Write myself a letter?”
She nodded, “Yes.”
I asked, “What do say in this letter?"
Rhonda said, “Whatever you want to say. Tell yourself anything, give advice, tell yourself all the things that you did right and warn yourself about the other things.”
Over the next two weeks, I sat at my laptop and just started to type. I have no idea if it made any sense, or if it was good advice, but maybe it did help me a little. At our next meeting I gave it to Rhonda to look at.
I asked, “Well, what does it all mean? Does it tell you why I feel like this?”
She smiled, “You know that is not how this works, Jack. It’s not up to me to interpret what you wrote. It is up to you to decide what it means to you. Read it again and reflect on it, I think you will learn a lot about yourself.”
That night, I was sitting on the couch and rereading the letter that I had written. Mitch came in and sat next to me. I looked at him and thought about what Rhonda had said about Mitch being my soulmate. As much as I wanted to believe that Alex and I would have spent the rest of our lives together, there was no guarantee that we would have. I mean, things were great before Alex died, but who knows what would have happened. We could have broken up, or any other stupid thing. Mitch and I do have something pretty special and have had a good life together, maybe this is what is supposed to happen.
He asked, “What are you working on?”
I smiled, “Just going over some homework that Rhonda gave me.”
He chuckled, “Homework, huh? Well, you have been working on that for two weeks. I think you could use a little study break.”
I closed the laptop and said, “You do, do you?”
He nodded, “Yep, and I have always found that the bedroom was the best place to take a study break.”
I grinned, “Maybe you could show me how you take a break.”
He took my hand, “I would be happy to.”
As we stepped into the bedroom, Mitch gave me a long kiss. Then he said, “First of all, we need to make you comfortable.” He pulled my shirt off and ran his hands across my bare chest and stomach, followed by another kiss. His lips covered me in more kisses from my neck all the way down to my waist.
He whispered as he nibbled on my ear, “Now, I think these pants are bit restricting, they really need to come off too.”
He went to his knees in from of me and unbuttoned my jeans. I put my hands on his shoulders as he helped me step out of them. Mitch smiled at me as his hooked his fingers in the waistband of my underwear and pulled them down. “You won’t need these either.”
He stood and gave me another kiss and then took a step back and scanned my naked body. He sighed, “Damn, you are so sexy.”
I rolled my eyes, “Oh please. Everything is starting to sag.” I pinched the loose skin that had replaced the six-pack abs that I used to have.
He shook his head, “You look just as good as you did thirty years ago. I love every sag and wrinkle; I only see a hot stud every time I look at you.”
I felt a tear in the corner of eye, “I love you, I don’t believe you, but I love you.”
He guided me to the bed and laid me down with my hands behind my head. Once again, he let his lips leave kisses all over my body. Suddenly, the only thing that wasn’t sagging was the erect pole that Mitch had aroused. Mitch and I always had a great sex life, but what he was doing to me tonight was definitely helping my ego.
Once he had kissed every inch of my body, I gasped as he took my cock into his mouth. I have always loved his blow jobs, but he was certainly stepping his game up a notch. Before long he had me close to climax. I pulled him off my cock and up for a kiss and said, “I think you need to lose your clothes if you want me to really relax.”
He stood up and allowed me to remove his clothes and worship his body just as he had done to me moments earlier. I certainly didn’t see any sags or wrinkles on him either, he was still perfect. I kept him standing as I went to my knees and grabbed that fury ass that I loved so much. I let his cock slide down my throat as I kneaded his cheeks. I could suck that cock all night.
Reluctantly, I moved one hand from his ass to fondle those hairy nuts, I knew Mitch liked that. With as good as he made feel, I wanted to give him just as much pleasure. From his moans, I think I was succeeding. I stood and we crawled onto the bed so that we could suck each other properly. We soon had each worked a finger into the other’s ass. Nothing could be better than having my cock sucked and my ass played with at the same time.
Well almost nothing. I released Mitch’s cock and rolled onto my back with my legs spread and pulled up. Mitch knew what I wanted and was happy to give it to me. He went between my legs and let his tongue start to do its magic. My eyes were soon rolled back in my head as Mitch’s tongue was pushing into my love tunnel.
I moaned and pulled Mitch up for another kiss, his cock was now rubbing across my hole. I reached down and guided him in. I let out a deep breath as I felt those cum-filled nuts start to slap against my ass. I grabbed that fur-covered ass and pulled him in as far as I could. Mitch was biting my neck as he increased his speed and intensity.
He was hitting my sweet spot with every thrust. I felt my juices start to churn in my nuts; I was getting close. After thirty years together, we could sense when the other was nearing climax. I could tell that Mitch was just as close as I was. I groaned and pulled him in one last time. We both exploded at the exact same time. I hadn’t even touched my cock; it was trapped between our stomachs.
We panted as Mitch’s deflating cock slipped from my cum-filled hole and he rolled beside me. I snuggled against him and kissed his cheek.
I said, “You are still as amazing as you were all those years ago.”
He smiled, “So are you.”
We laid there holding each other in silence for a few minutes. Mitch asked, “So, do you want to tell me what your homework was?”
I sighed, “Well, you know I was feeling a little under the weather.”
He nodded, “Yeah.”
I continued, “Rhonda told me to write a letter to myself.” I told him about what she wanted me to write about and that I had finished it and went over it with her today.
Mitch asked, “Did it help?”
I thought for a moment, “Yes, it did help. I think I am starting to feel much better.”
He smiled, “Good. So, what did you learn?”
I chuckled, “I need to stop overthinking everything. I need to stop imagining the worst possible outcome to every little problem. You have been my rock and balance out all of my insecurities.”
Mitch stroked my cheek, “We do make a pretty good team, don’t we? What else did you discover?”
I took a deep breath, “That I actually have a pretty good life. It hasn’t been perfect but is better than a lot of other people have had.”
Mitch nodded, “My life has been damn good too.”
I smiled, “I’m with the man that I love with all of my heart. I know he loves me too, why else would he have given up a job that he really wanted?”
He chuckled, “You figured that out, huh? Just so you know, I have no regrets. I’m glad we stayed close to our family and raised our kids here.”
I nodded, “Yeah, me too. Plus, We have good jobs here, and we have a little money in the bank.”
He kissed my cheek, “See, it was a good decision.”
I continued, “We have the best two kids in the world who still want to see us. It also just hit me that within a couple of years, we could have some grandkids.”
Mitch laughed, “Yep, Josh is pretty serious about Lana, I think we will have a daughter-in-law by this time next year. I guess I’m warming up to Trent too. He does treat Alex well.”
I nodded, “Yeah, I wasn’t so sure at first, but I guess every girl dad thinks that his little girl can do better. We also have a great family, both by blood and by choice. Not to mention a great circle of friends.”
He said, “Yes we do. I couldn’t have picked out a better bunch of people to be around.”
I sighed, “We didn’t cure a disease or invent some world-changing device, but I guess we did make a contribution. They won’t be erecting a statue in our honor or naming a street or building after us, but I think people do respect us.”
Mitch smiled, “You really did make a difference in a lot people’s lives.”
I shrugged, “I’m not sure how big of difference I made, but…”
He interrupted me, “You helped Tommy be more confident, you helped Julie realize she deserved a good man, you helped Rob understand his son better. And most of all, you helped me.”
I rolled my eyes, “Helped you? You helped me more than I ever helped you.”
Mitch sighed, “You have no idea how close I was to ending it all before I met you.”
I furrowed my brow, “What are you saying?”
He took a deep breath, “I walked across the Veterans Memorial Bridge over the river at least five times in the week before I joined that Grief Support Group. I was so sure that group was not going to help me that I planned on driving to the bridge right after that first meeting, I was going to jump off it. When you stood up and introduced yourself, I guess I wanted to know more about you before I went through with it.”
My heart was pounding in my chest as I stared into Mitch’s eyes, “You have never told me that before.”
We both wiped a tear away, he said, “I know, it’s something I have never told anybody, not even Adam.”
I asked, “Were you really going to jump off that bridge?”
He nodded, “I had already left a note on my kitchen table for Adam. I was going to stop by the cemetery to tell Josh that I would soon be joining him. Then I was going to jump off that bridge. When I lost Joshua, my life had no meaning. I had no reason to go on. After seeing you, I made an appointment with a therapist the next day. They helped, but not nearly as much as the talk we had first night in the coffee shop.”
I forced the lump in my throat down, “God Mitch, I am so glad you were at that meeting and that you talked to me at the cemetery. I’m even more glad that you changed your mind about jumping off that bridge. I don’t know what would have happened to me if we had never met.”
He ran his finger along my jaw, “You became my reason for living.”
I was full on sobbing now, “You are my reason for living too.”
We held each other as we both had a good cry.
I said, “I guess I have a good life and am so thankful for you, Josh and Alex. We all mean everything to each other.”
Mitch kissed my cheek and hugged me tighter, “I could have told you that you have a good life and that our little family is perfect together.”
I smiled, “Thanks, but I guess I needed to figure it out on my own. I’m sorry I have been such a drag lately.”
He shook his head, “You weren’t a drag. You just need to know that you are loved and that you have made a difference in a lot of people’s lives.”
My tears rolled down my cheek, “Thank you, I love you so much.”
Mitch wiped my tears away, “I love you too.”
***
…There you have it Jack, I was thinking my life had no real meaning. That is why I wrote this letter; I needed to prove to myself that I was wrong. I told you at the beginning of this letter to relax, you turned out just fine. The whole world may not know who you are, but the people that matter the most to you sure do. You have influenced them and impacted their lives more than you will ever know. You were able to surround yourself with good people because you are a good person.
I’ll only tell you one more time, relax and enjoy the ride. You are also right about one more thing, in the next couple of years you and Mitch are going to become grandparents. If you love being a dad, you are going to love being a grandpa a hundred times more.
The End
Hey everyone, this is Lee talking now. First of all, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this story. It has really caused me to look at my own life, and from your comments, it has done the same thing for you. Like Jack said, you have all made an impact on more people than you know. I know you have made a difference for me. I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but you matter. We all do. If you think you need help, seek it and accept it. There are a lot of people that are willing to give you all the help you need, you just need to ask. Thanks for reading, I sincerely hope you have enjoyed reading this one as much as I have enjoyed writing it.
To get in touch with the author, send them an email.
