Gay Selfies Blog

It's beards, beards and also beards! On studs, studs and also studs! Because they're not only a great place to store soup or ice cream (if the guy has no idea how to eat) but a fine accent to a chiseled physique.

As a bonus, they make a guy seem like whatever you want him to seem like. Whatever you hope him to be. Like say a top, or an outdoorsy guy, or a professor, or otherwise deep or relevant. 

Let's get to know this guy by asking him several intensely personal questions. Guys love to talk about themselves so it should be no trouble to get deep inside his psyche. I'm really good at one-way conversations so I'll take it from here.

Hi, great smile! How's your night going?

That well? Awesome. It's really warm so you took your clothes off, you say? Then you were cold so you thought a camera flash would keep you warm, and it did, but only for a millisecond you had to use the flash again? Makes sense to me!

It's pro vs. amateur in selfieland. The muscularly buxom Darius Ferdynand faces (and dicks) off with some amateur show-offs. Everyone wins.

He's the fella at top left. Why does he even need to take selfies since he's nude everywhere? Though I suppose he doesn't have a film crew in his bathroom. Though he could if he wanted.  A volunteer one made of guys with fake cameras (like the fake TVs at IKEA) but real boners (like the real boners at IKEA). They have awesome restroom action!

Well maybe they don't, but if I start the rumor, maybe they will eventually have glory holes.

Look at me is totally what all these scream. But what part of me? You've got your fully naked guy flashing it all. Then the guy naked but for a shirt (which somehow shows off his pecs even more).

Each of those shots is worth a few strokes at least. If only strokes could generate electricity we'd be set. Sometimes science museums have a bicycle hooked up to a lightbulb to prove the point of how much power it takes to even make a bulb light up a little. It's a lot of pedaling. And Ed Begley, Jr.'s house is totally carbon neutral. If he wants toast, he has to generate the power for the toaster. And yeah, bitch wants toast!

Actually, it's not equal parts dick and ass. But rather a 5-to-1 dick-to-ass ratio. I'm sure there are eager bottoms who would love a 5-to-1 dick-to-ass ratio. Correction: 5-dicks-in-one-ass ratio. Correction: hey you 5 guys, fuck me with your 5 dicks now! And I don't mean tomorrow.

Okay, you can fuck me tomorrow too.

See "Netflix and chill" is this new phrase that people who are told that there are new phrases that people are using are using. So I'm telling you there's a new phrase called "Naked jocks and chill" which means you look at naked jocks and chill. 

So you are free to ask someone out with "Let's naked jocks and chill" which would really set the tone for a beautiful relationship. Especially if one or both of you are naked jocks yourselves. Add some selfies to the mix and share. Hint hint.

Yeah, I want these guys all to myself. That makes me selfish, right? Well yes, but it also carries an extreme benefit to society should I get my wish. Here's why.

I deserve six husbands. The trash isn't going to take itself out. Plus I can only make dinner once a week so this way the other six nights are covered. Plus all that love crap. I want a half dozen of that love thing.

I deserve 12 ass cheeks. Because at some point, I have to stop spanking a pair and move on to the next one. Otherwise, it gets too red and angry. Every butt has its limits.

Cock cock cock cock cock and cock. There that's six long, hard reasons. 

I'm glad that pre-crime police aren't a thing because I would totally peep if I could get away with it. Or at least I'd totally think that I would peep if I could totally get away with it. And not freak the hell out of some guy in the process.

Oh wait, I already peep.

Not the climbing onto a fire escape and staring into someone's bathroom at night (I swear that wasn't me!) but rather the every day opportunities to sneak a peak, or peep a sneak, or peep an ass or sneak a bulge.

What the hell's a dick? No seriously, sometimes I don't get it. Pretty surreal thing sometimes if you think about it too hard. I realize I may be alone on that one. Wouldn't be the first time. But same is true if you say a certain word a dozen times and it just starts to sound strange. Like "orange" or "malcontent" or "feasible". Although "long, thick dick" has a nice ring to it.

A nice familiar ring.

That's right, look at it. It's what I'm doing right now, so you may as well join me. Let's all look at my dick. Let the whole damn world look at my fucking dick. Really zero in on it. Like when it's one of those solar eclipses that make the front page of half the newspapers in the world. The other half are busy writing about Kim Kardashian's ass. 

The thing about jocks is they're hard to keep up with. Always running or otherwise on the go. Except when they stand there and pose (pretending to do so casually and accidentally). Or when they pick out their cute jock outfits every so carefully.

Here's to jocks!

Technically these guys aren't ordering me around demanding to be called sir but I'm being a hypothetical homosexual so just go with it. With great power comes great responsibility so on the other side of it, if a guy says "Suck my dick and call me sir" he's got to be prepared for the guy to suck his dick and call him sir. And he's got to make sure not to laugh when it happens.

The lining up of the angles in the top four photos is sort of a coincidence but what isn't a coincidence is the guys have something in common otherwise. I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with stealthy but is not stealthy at all. It's rather exposed actually. At what point will cell phone makers start advertising the camera functionality with nudes? It would be so much more honest.

Apparently there are guys who looks like this. Each is known as Mr. Incredible (at least in his own mind, deservedly so). If they have a convention, they'll have to figure out who is Mr. Incredible #1, Mr. Incredible #2, etc. Otherwise, it will make seating arrangments at the opening night dinner super confusing.

I would like to host that convention in my bedroom. Minus the preparing dinner part. I'll have other things to focus on.

What horrible music do you think these guys listen to while they work out? I'll ask more nicely. What music do you think these guys listen to while they work out? So whatever I say next won't offend anyone if it's what you're into.

I'm going to guess Britney, Britney, Britney Britney, Jimmy Buffett, Britney.