Gay Selfies Blog

So many guys are total dicks and here's proof. Look at their dicks and understand that's all they are to you. No doing the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle in bed. No asking how your day was. No spotting you at the gym, even if your bench press is about to go horribly wrong. Nope, they're just dicks. Literally and figuratively.

Stroking on camera is a thing. But that's not what I mean. Nope. Camera stroking is when taking a selfie of your body, including your hard cock, gives you hardcore pleasure. Like stroking does.

Knowing you're going to see the pic, maybe share it, maybe people will jerk off to it. It all floods your cock with a rush. It turns you on.

Justin Bieber's people reached out to me as part of the full-on PR offensive to de-dickify his image. Because the vast majority of the public, and this includes hormonally stupid tween girls, currently think he's a total dick. So there's the Celebrity Roast he's doing on Comedy Central (for which he gets paid to be insulted) and then the community service he's doing (court-ordered). Just kdding, he's not doing any community service.

This selfie dude is a bearded miracle with a huge (what do you call it?) underwear budget. He's like if that guy you've seen at the gym who's in great shape starts going to the gym. Then takes a secret door and goes to the gym within the gym. The one that you use to turn you body into a ten.

Cock tease guys get a bad rap. Flirting but not delivering. Well fuck that because flirting is where it's at. And sometimes flirting means whipping your cock out to get another guy's cock going in his pants. Or flashing your ass. Your hot muscular fuckable, hard pumping ass.

There's currently no shortage of dick. Fifty years from now (or maybe sooner), when there's a drastic shortage of clean air and water and both will become commodities with profits going to mega-corporations, there will still be no shortage of dick. And no shortage of desire for dick. Meaning, you can look forward to a world where you pay for clean air and water with cock. Now why isn't this the lead story on the evening news?

Who's the genius who made "abs" just one letter different then "ass"? Because when I see tight abs, I think how it can give a guy really good control of his core while he humps, and pumps and jacks and all those things guys do. Core strength is so important. Wouldn't want a guy to strain his lower back while he's being a slut. That would be a shame. I'm very focused on slut health.

Chest muscles. Arm muscles. Ab muscles. Leg muscles. Am I leaving anything out? Oh yeah, cock muscles. A bit harder to work out your cock at the gym. There's no bench press for cocks. But I bet one of those cable machines could be hooked up to the cock muscle and the guy could lift some weight just by getting hard.

Gentlemen, meet Adam. A very handsome, ripped-to-fuck guy sent us an email asking if we'd kindly share his YouTube channel with y'all. Oh go on then Adam, as you've clearly spent a lot of time on those huge muscles. Adam is a bodybuilder and sells his flexing videos on his own site, FlexBeach.com. We hope Adam makes a few fans out of us sharing this with you!

Have you heard of a selfie stick? No, that's not another word for penis. We already have 685 words for penis. We're all set with that. It's a stick with a holder for a phone that lets you trigger the camera. Back in the olden days, folks triggered their film cameras with a button (or squeeze ball) at the end of a cord. This is basically the same thing but electronic and I'm hoping some exhibitionist studs beta test them and I can see the results.

When is Harvard going to do a study of the psychological makeup of selfie studs? Is there something in the brains of these guys that acts as a catalyst for their exhibitionism? Is it the norm now? Is it the result of intense masturbation? Freud's dead so he has no answers on this one. Including the most important question: can the urge for men to selfie be put in a spray bottle? Then I can flit around my neighborhood spraying guys willy nilly knowing I'll see their nudity online sometime soon.

Hey look, it's hunks trapped in confined spaces, aching for someone special to interrupt their reverie and say hi. Or actually, it's hunks trapped in confined spaces further surrounding themselves with that commuter bubble that says really don't bug me. Because nobody really wants to be bothered by a creepy stranger nowadays, except the creepy stranger of your dreams.

A tattooed guy sure stand out, doesn't he? Even in a sea of dicks. Which reminds me, I want to go swimming in a sea of dicks.

Long, hard dick. Thick, hard dicks. Long, thick hard dicks. Yeah, those are pretty much the combinations I can agree to. I want dick. Don't you?

Someone seriously needs to figure out a way to combine jerking off with working out. And I don't just mean wearing skimpy jogging shorts and whipping your dick out in a park men's room. Though do totally do that next time you have the chance.

At some point in the 21st century, the percent of guys with naked selfies online will exceed 50%. Then the scandal will be that someone hasn't posted a naked selfie. Like, can you believe the only people who have seen that guy's hard dick are his lovers? WTF?