Life Isn't A Fairytale

My muscles are aching as I wander through the house back from the gym, there’s some disappointment that I didn’t get to see Dan this morning but on a Monday morning he’s never there because the Rugby team are usually doing rehab on a Sunday morning. As I wander into the kitchen I see Dad sitting at the table. “Good Morning Ben, I didn’t hear you get in last night, busy night?”. I look at Dad wondering if this is a trick question, “Yeah it was, we closed up normal time but had a function upstairs who kept going for a bit longer so I stayed back to clean up after them seeing it was only fair on Tom”. I look at Dad who gives me a believing nod and I breathe a sigh of relief, I grab a muesli bar from the top cupboard and sit at the table “So how did it go last night at the group?” I say looking at Dad, really wanting him to return to a someone normal life.

“It was good last night, we talked about our families, work and then we all planned an outing together but I’m not sure about it, it just seems like too much too soon” Dad says with a sigh circling his spoon through his cup of tea. I take a straight long look at him “Dad, the last thing that mum wanted from anyone of us was to give up and I know I wanted to but the last thing we should doing is giving up on our lives” I say looking back at him. “You know I love you and I know Mum is only ever going to be your one love, but come on would it hurt to actually go on the outing, it’s not like you’d be going to anything bad, It’s a widows group at Church”. I smile and pat his arm, “I love you and just want you to be happy again”.

Dad looks at me quite seriously “I know you do and I want the same for you, just not in the wrong places you know, because if you got hurt then I wouldn’t forgive myself”. I look at Dad and smile “I’m a big boy now, you don’t need to worry about me”. I give his hand a big squeeze and get up before wandering upstairs and getting changed.

I get upstairs and see a pair of white boxers on the floor right next to my bed, I notice the branding on them and see that I wore a pair of Liam’s home last night, I kick them under my bed just to make sure that Dad doesn’t see them if he comes in. I change into a black t-shirt and jeans and grab my uni bag and make a dash to my car, I look at the time and drive the way to uni. As I park the car, I wander the back way from the carpark to Building 4 past the Uni gym and where the swimming team base themselves between training sessions. I stroll past a few giving them a nod or a hey as I go past them, many of them are in the same classes as me or they’re another group that quite often comes into the bar.

As I head towards my building, I feel a hand on my shoulder which unnerves me a lot and turn around to see Liam standing there grinning at me. “Fuck bro, you nearly gave me a deadest heart attack, what the fuck are you doing at the uni?”. I stand there looking totally confused. “What’s with the look on your face?” he laughs but sensing the confusion and the mood I’m in, he drops the smile “It’s nothing like what it used to be ok?” Liam looks at me “I thought you could trust me, but I guess not”.

I catch him up “what did I say or do that makes you think I don’t trust you?” I look at him “L… don’t do this, I was just totally and utterly confused why you’d be here on a Monday when you work across town.”

Liam looks back across at me “I’m sorry, just been a little tense this morning, I’m here because one of your music guys was at the gig on Saturday night and heard me on the Guitar and singing and thought that I’d might be the right kind of voice for a project that his students are on.” I smile “That’s great” before I finish speaking, Liam puts his hand up “I’m not doing it, don’t push me on why I’m not doing it, just I’m not ok?” I nod and give him a hug “Of course man, I’m not gonna push you on anything, but just remember I’m only going to judge you if you go back to the dark side” I laugh and wander back to class.

I get into class, my mind wandering about why Liam wouldn’t want to push forward with being a part of this project that the music faculty have going on. It’s a poorly kept secret that it’s a new single by The Lucky Charlotte’s that is being recorded and they want a face of the band after Andrew refused to sing publicly or be apart of the group. I just sit thinking about why Liam wouldn’t do it for the next hour, the Fundamentals of the Dynamic Marketing Strategies are all just a blur as I stress and wonder why it wouldn’t be the thing that Liam jumped straight at.

“Benjamin is there something that confuses you about how when marketing, social media can be the biggest weapon you own” I look at back at Marion the lecturer,  “Sorry, just distracted by a personal issue that’s all”.

She looks at me sternly though her distinctive red glasses “when you set foot into my tutorial you leave all your personal dramas back in Coronation Square. You focus on the subject I’m talking about not whether some girl wants someone else” I just sigh and nod trying to put why Liam would be at the uni and not tell me.

The tutorial finishes and I go to leave but as I walk out of the door, I hear the shrill voice of Marion “Benjamin, a word please” I head back towards her feeling awkward but stand there as her short but dominant figure looks back at me “I just needed to say to you that I am very impressed by your work on the marketing proposal. It was very detailed and straight to the point. However, for all the good that you have done, I cannot let you slip this up at all. Of the 80 or so students I teach, you are my best student and I know you’ve been through a lot lately but don’t let a boy or girl be what sees your life collapsing.”

I nod and walk out of the room and think about what Marion said, I wander back past the music rooms and stop for a minute to think about Liam. I start to wander towards my car but cut back and head into the music office. I walk to the desk where a young girl sits at a desk acting as a receptionist, “good morning, how may I help you?” she asks as I wander to the desk. “Is Mr Jenkins in this afternoon, I just need to speak to him about the concert on behalf of the marketing students.”

The young girl very quickly replies “Ah Mr Jenkins isn’t in until the 14th of March, he’s on extended leave, is there something that I could be helping you with?”. I decline and leave the office, I wander back and sit on the bench “Why the hell would Liam be lying to me, after everything that has happened.” I walk off and get into my car and head home.

The drive home feels like it goes for an absolute eternity, I’m trying to not think about Liam but it breaks me up that I can’t let it go. I sit back in my car as I pull up into the driveway “If Mr Jenkins wasn’t there, who would Liam would be seeing at the University. I sit looking out the window before going inside and throwing my stuff on the floor of my room. I take off my shirt and lay on my bed and look up at the roof and keep thinking about what happened. The easiest thing would be to just ask Liam but then I don’t want him to think I’m not trusting him but then at the same time the fact that he is lying to me undoes all the good work that we have done in the past few years. I grab my phone and think about texting Liam about everything but decide not to and end up having a nap, I dream about all the bad things that could be going on. “Is Liam cheating on me? Is Liam back selling drugs or doing jobs for his old dealer mates?” I just ponder and drift off before there is a knock on my bedroom door.

I wake up and Dad is standing there “Hey sleepy head, Dinner is ready you know, I tried to wake you before but you were really out of it so I just let you sleep”. I get up and give Dad a hug “Thanks Dad” I wander down and we have dinner, the spaghetti that we have is Mum’s special recipe but still misses that Mum touch that we both notice and we both miss significantly.

Dad looks at me “Are you doing ok Ben? I mean you’ve been on auto-pilot for months and I just don’t know whether you are naturally coping.” I sit there shocked and surprised because this is the first time Dad has ever asked me how I was doing because he was trying to keep everything going as normal as it could possibly have been.

I look at Dad “Yeah, I’m as good as can be, just tired you know with work and uni and all that stuff, just missing Mum a lot.” Dad smiles “I’m proud of you Ben, really I am you’ve kept going through this time and surrounded yourself with the right people”.

“Ben, It’s Dad. You need to get to the hospital as quick as you can” Dad’s voice is breaking up as I hear him talk, “It’s your Mum, she’s taken a turn for the worst and it’s a case of when and not if now” I remember hearing those words, although Mum’s battle was only short nobody knew the effects of what was going to be.

Mum was always a fit and healthy woman, active right through the community. She was a school teacher who went the extra mile for all the kids to make sure that they were always ok and could have lunch because she worked in a poor area. Mum was the person who I always wanted to be (except male), she taught me not to judge anyone by what they looked like and where they came from, but to look at them for what they did to prove themselves.

This is probably why I kept my friendship with Liam going because for all the issues he’s had and we’ve had, he was always putting me ahead and was essentially my protector through school because I might seem like the cool, suave guy now, that was never me in School.

I snap back to the real world as Dad asks whether I want anything for dessert before he heads upstairs to settle down for the night. “I’m all good Dad, thanks for everything you’ve done in the last few weeks and months. I appreciate it so so much. I collect the plates out of the dishwasher and dry them up before crashing on the couch and trying to find something on Netflix to watch.

The TV is going but I can’t be bothered focussing on it because my mind is on why Liam was at the university today, he works on the other side of town and he wasn’t there to meet me for Lunch or anything because it wasn’t a surprise date. As I sit, the realisation hits me “oh fuck, no fuck it can’t be that, it just can’t” I sit there and hold onto my phone tightly wanting to send a text to Liam, I start typing all different things but end up deleting them. Eventually, I finally send a text off “Hey, can we talk at some point tomorrow”.

I turn off the TV and head to bed via having a quick shower, I come back to my phone and see my phone lit up with a message “yeah, tomorrow afternoon”. I smile and put my head down to go to sleep for the night.