Life Isn't A Fairytale

I just sit there with a massive range of emotions right now, I feel scared that Liam has dragged me into trouble but also now I’m hurt because my best friend and the person that I loved has lied to me straight to my face. I look at Liam, really not sure what to say “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me straight away, I would’ve helped you 100% all the way, you always know that”.

Liam tries to get a sentence out but I stop him, “I’m not really in the mood right now Liam, I’ve got Dad fucking furious with me because you were here this morning and that I’ve kept seeing you after everything that’s happened.” I start to cry “I just thought you could tell me anything and would tell me everything because with what I’ve helped you through, I thought the secrets, the drama, all this was fucking over.” I kick the stool that sits next to the couch. “I need you to leave Liam… I will make sure that you’re ok and I’ve organised for you to pay Chris back and that will be done.” I get up and head to the door “I need you gone before Dad gets here ok and get myself composed to deal with the onslaught of what he’s going to give me, ok?’

Liam walks to the door, he turns to say something but I turn away from him and head upstairs to have a quick shower and change after uni. Liam walks out and heads back to his apartment and I wander up the stairs. “FUCK FUCK FUCK” I yell out as I walk up the stairs. I get in the shower and run the water over my body, the shower doesn’t feel refreshing because all I want to do is just cry which is what I end up doing as I slump to the floor of the shower and start to cry heavily. I deep down know that Liam didn’t do any of this by choice to begin with but he chose to go along with it.

I cry because all I ever wanted was to help Liam, my best friend through his problems and somebody that I cared deeply for and even saw a future with. I look up to the sky and wish that Mum was here right now because I know this situation wouldn’t be happening and that she would be straight in with some really great advice on how to deal with the situation.

I keep looking up at the sky “Mum, I don’t know if I should be sorry but I feel like I should be sorry for letting you, Liam, Dad down and just not being able to handle all these things”. I cry a bit more before wiping the tears away and finishing up in the shower and dry myself off and get changed. I grab my phone and text Dan back “Hey, things have totally gone to hell… I’ll fill you in later on”. I put on my clothes and then wait for the rampages of Dad which will be interesting because I have no idea what he is going to be like.

I lay on my bed reading uni textbooks when I hear Dad’s car pull up and I wait for him to come inside and start the discussion. I grab my phone and scroll through the names in the contacts, I toss up whether I should text any of my friends before I send one. “Hey, is it cool if I drop around tonight if you’re home”.  I get a text back straight away that gives me a thumbs up.

The chat with Dad is going to get heated, so from experience I know that it might be best to give each other some space which is why I’m prepared. I wander downstairs and Dad stands there looking at me and just shakes his head before walking towards the kitchen. I follow him in there “How was your day?” I ask being polite. Dad replies with a nonchalant “fine” then pours himself a drink. He looks at me and shakes his head “Do you know how disappointed I am right now?”.

I sit at the dining table and look at him,  “Fine, your disappointed in me, but what are you disappointed in me for, are you disappointed in me because I helped a friend who was in need and trouble, you disappointed in me because I still trusted Liam and wanted him to make that change like you do every week when you help at the shelter?”.

 I sit there and look at Dad who shakes his head and looks down at the ground “You’re bond with Liam is something that should be admired, I know that your Mum loved the kid as if he was family” I nod my head, “The thing that I’m disappointed in is that you took on his burdens and when I told you to leave it, you didn’t and well bringing his problems here to our place, that’s what I’m disappointed in”.  I look back at Dad “I didn’t ask him to come here you know, he turned up this morning and had nowhere else to go, I couldn’t let my closest friend get hurt like that”.

Dad shakes his head “So, in all the times that I asked you had you even seen Liam or talked to him, you’d been lying to me?”. I sit there and nod slowly “Ben, I know your mother trusted Liam but I never wanted you to get into trouble and now you have but it’s all come through lying to me about everything”. I start to speak but Dad interrupts again “Benjamin, the last thing I can tolerate is lying and with something like this, I don’t know what to think about you anymore, is there just one lie, or is your whole damn life a lie”. I sit there with tears in my eyes “Dad, I….” I stop before getting up from the table “My life isn’t a lie, all I wanted to do was help somebody who’s been there for me”. I head out of the kitchen “I’m going to spend the night at a mate’s place from uni, we’re going to do some study and work on our project you know”. Dad looks at me and points before he says anything “No, it’s not Liam who I’m going to see, I’ve already talked to him today and told him we need space”.

I head upstairs and grab a change of clothes and my textbook before walking out the door and sit in the car, I sit there wondering if things can ever go back to being the same with both Liam and Dad. I start the car and head down the road, just thinking whilst I’m driving taking the long way to my planned destination, still not sure whether it’s where I should be going.

I park my car and head to the lifts and go up and knock on the door that says 93. The door opens and a broad smiling face is on the other side along with a broad shirtless chest which makes me smile and I shake my head. “You allergic to clothing unless your at work?”. Josh smiles and lets me in “Probably you know, but why hide the good stuff” I can’t help but smile at his cheeky Aussie grin.

I try to hide that I’m feeling pretty down right now even with that covering smile at Josh’s body and comments, he can see that I’m not feeling great and he senses it straight away. “You alright mate, you look like the world has come down on your shoulders?”. I just nod “yeah, things have gone to shit with my best friend and my dad as well”.

I wander in and sit on the couch as Josh wanders to the fridge and grabs out two beers and hands me one. I sit there wondering whether this was the best idea given that I’ve properly only known Josh for 24 hours but his caring nature is probably what I need what now. He hands me the beer and sits on an armchair across from me, “What happened? It seriously can’t be that bad?”.

I sit there and look over at him and shrug indifferently given that I don’t know whether the situation is actually going to get any better. I tell him everything that happened with Liam and his face is a mix of surprise with what actually happened and then then a sense of compassion for what I was trying to do to help. My life at the moment is complex and Josh doesn’t need to know the whole story because he’s already proving that he’ll be a good friend and the way to grow friendships is usually not making yourself look like a basket case.

Josh sits there and nods, I get up and start to apologise “I’m sorry, I’ve really only just…”. Josh puts his hand up, “What are you apologising for?” he says as he wanders over and sits next to me and puts his arm around me. “The fact that I was happy to listen and that you trusted me to tell me everything is an honour you know”.

My stomach churns as Josh’s bare muscular arm is around my shoulder, do I bother to move or just sit there as he continues to talk. The Aussie accent puts me into a state of calm and my mind wanders as he talks though I snap back having missed have of what he was saying. “If Dan thinks you’re a class bloke then you must be in my book and everything you’ve done for your best mate is just proving that to me”.

I smile as Josh gets up and wanders to the kitchen and gets some ingredients out of the fridge as my phone rings, I look at it and see that it says Dad but I just ignore it and put it back onto the table. Josh looks across at me “That your Dad?”, I just nod as he starts to cook some dinner. “You know you should talk to him; my Dad and I haven’t spoken in god knows how long and I’m probably worse for it. Your Dad really cares about you and even if you need space, you should talk to him just to let him know where you are”.

The smell of spice and food is starting to waft through Josh’s apartment as he cooks dinner for the both of us. “You don’t need to cook me anything for dinner, I’m alright”. Josh shakes his head, “You need to eat something and it gives me something to do whilst you go and talk to your dad on the phone”.

I try to argue but with Josh’s size and my empty stomach, I nod and wander into his home office and sit there umming and ahing about what do I say. I push ring and it only rings once before Dad picks up. “Ben?” I don’t know exactly what to say given how annoyed I am with Dad, “Hey Dad, everything ok?”. There is a nervous but weak tone to Dad’s voice on the phone “Are… Are you alright Ben?”. I get an overwhelming sense of wanting to yell down the phone about being so damn angry about everything but I resist the urge to and just decide to speak how I feel coherently “In all honesty, not really you know” I take a deep breath “All I was ever brought up to do was to be friendly and help people when they are down and that’s what I had been doing”.

I can see Dad rolling his eyes in his head right now “I know that Ben, you’re just like your mother could never say no to help anyone”. I smile and think about Mum and everything she said to me, Dad pauses at the other end of the line “Ben, are you sure you’re alright tonight because I’m not kicking you out of the house”. I listen to Dad talk to me “I think we just need some space right now Dad, I just don’t think either of us being together tonight will do us good”. Dad on the other end agrees and we both agree that we need to have a talk about things but at the same time we both need some space for tonight at the very least.

I get off the phone and wander out seeing that I’ve been talking to Dad for nearly 20 minutes, I have a few tears which I wipe away and wander out to Josh who has two plates of food on his kitchen counter. “You alright?” he says spotting that I’ve been crying. “Yeah, I’m good as can be you know, Dad and I had a good talk so we’re getting close to the same page”.

Josh smiles at me “Well that’s a positive, you’ve got that branch of communication you know” Josh taps a fork onto the plate, “Now, sit down and start eating and just take some time to relax and not worrying about life”. I sit down and start to eat; the food is just amazing as it smells with plenty spice. “This is amazing” I say as he gets out another beer from his fridge and puts it in front of me. I take another drink and we just chat about his life back in Australia. I can’t help getting distracted by Josh’s chest and we continue to chat well after dinner finishes. I get up and take the plate to the sink before Josh grabs me by the shoulder. “Life’s too short to wash dishes, so that’s why someone invented the dishwasher” I laugh and he takes the plates off me and loads up the dishwasher and puts it on.

I wander from the kitchen back across to the living room and get out my text books and laptop out of my bag and sit there loading up the project I’ve been working on. I hear Josh showering as I work through the project and put my headphones on listening to the brief of what the client wants. The next thing I feel is a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Josh standing there just in a towel. I jump and get startled given the fact that I didn’t hear him get out of the shower and secondly the fact that he’s comfortable enough to be with me in just a towel.

“Oh hey, you frightened me”, Josh laughs “oh sorry about that, what you working on?”. Josh leans in and looks over my shoulder “Creative Strategies for Marketing and Product Development”. I nod trying to not look or let on that his physique both intimidates me and is turning me on.

I hear Josh reading out the words on the screen of what the project task is all about. “You get what this means?” I say looking over at him, his pecs and abs right in my eyeline then straining to look up at him as he leans back in to look.

“This is my work mate” he says reading everything that I have to do in the task. I look across at him as he wanders around and sits next to me in the towel. “Show me what you’ve got in your project so far” I get up my project and Josh takes a long hard read of it and nods “you know your stuff man, though it’s so wordy in places you know”. I look at my work while he leans in “these sentences here, I know that the assessor is looking for a set number of words to explain this section, but in reality, nobody is going to read all that”.

I listen to what Josh says and take his advice by reducing the wordiness of the section where I need to explain the reasoning for this method that is being taken. I keep working as Josh goes off and gets changed into a pair of tight black CK briefs which I’m not sure is any better than him being in the towel. I flip through the text books and keep working on the project as he starts massaging my shoulders.

“Do you always work this hard?” I look over at him, “I don’t know if I’m exactly working that hard” I say shrugging my shoulders. “Mate, you’ve got two text books open, six different tabs open to help you work through the project as well as a podcast that is all about marketing” I look and realise what I’ve got up “yeah I guess I do work hard, but I’m always trying to be the best”. Josh shakes his head at me “Do you reckon that there’s this much work going on by anyone else in the class?”. I look over at him and shrug my shoulders “If I wasn’t putting in this much work between uni and the pub, Dad would be killing me”.

Josh takes me by the shoulders and looks directly at me “Ben, you’re a smart, caring, intelligent kid but you need to focus on you and not take on everybody else’s problems you know”. I look at him and nod curiously “You have a Dad who loves you and I assume that as long as your happy, he’ll be happy”. I smile and nod “Liam is a troubled case but from everything you told me, you care about him a lot and he doesn’t want to hurt you but you need him to fight his own fight”.

Josh clicks save on my project and closes my laptop lid. “Have a shower and freshen up before having a chill out mate, all this is just stressing you out and you need to take a break”. I smile and stand up. I get up and walk towards the bathroom but Josh calls out “Use the shower that’s connected to my bedroom, I don’t really have any supplies in the main bathroom so head in there and use it.

I nervously nod and walk up into Josh’s bedroom which is big and surprisingly neat for a beefy Aussie Rugby player. I go into the shower and see a whole range of body products as I start to shower and wash my body before getting out of the shower and putting on a towel and wandering out before I realise that my night clothes are in the bag down in the lounge room. I hope that Josh isn’t hanging about as I walk out but before I get anywhere he’s standing in the doorway of his room smiling.

“Oh, I forgot my night clothes in my bag” Josh smiles and looks at my fit chest with my abs on show, I laugh nervously as Josh gives me the once over “I knew you had a cute face but that body wasn’t what I was expecting at all”. I start to blush noticeably and Josh laughs “sorry for embarrassing you like that, I really just thought you could do with a compliment”.

I shake my head and wander up the hall mind racing about the fact that a guy like Josh finds me hot, I reach into my bag and look at what I’ve got, I put on a pair of sleep shorts and stay shirtless as I wander back towards Josh’s room to find out where I can crash for the night. I wander back up the hallway and find Josh coming out of his office “Where do you want me to crash for the night?” I look at Josh who’s coming back down the hall.

“The bed in the spare room is made up if you want, but I’m going down to watch a movie on Netflix if you wanna join me out in the living room” I shrug and follow Josh and sit on the couch before I get my phone and start playing a few games before I feel myself sitting closer to Josh before he puts his arm around me and pulls me in tight. “There is nothing to worry about thinking that any of this is your responsibility or your fault” I sit there and nod as Josh keeps talking “I think that anybody who has you as a mate is one of the luckiest people on the planet, you’re willing to do anything for them”.

I smile and nod, feeling pretty emotional about things and still deep inside me churning through the thoughts of whether I handled things the right way. I sit there as Josh watches the movie that I missed the title of and it’s enjoyable as I keep sitting there still cuddled up to Josh’s smooth meaty pec. I feel so comfortable that I drift off to sleep, thinking how nice this is and how I just want the drama to stop for quite a while.

Feeling Josh’s chest rise and fall slowly makes me think about the first time that I had a romantic moment with Liam where we spent the night together as a kind of couple. It was the weekend of the Summer Bank Holiday, we’d decided that we would take a weekend to hang out because my parents were away and his so called Mother was bringing a new “boyfriend” over which would mean that Liam needed to get away. So, we agreed to spend the weekend at my place where we would just hang out without worrying about what would be happening anywhere else in the world. The weekend started like any other weekend that we would just hang out, play a few video games, hangout and then chill and watch a movie before just hitting bed, Liam on the couch and me in my bed. One night though we watch the movie and somehow, probably through the assistance of Vodka shots and other myriad of drinks that night, we cuddled up on the couch together drifting off to sleep.

We woke a few hours later and realised what we both were feeling and took it to my bedroom where we just kept cuddling all night before we had our first proper kiss. It was a strange feeling being with Liam someone that I’d known for so long but had never thought of in a romantic way especially when I still couldn’t fathom whether I was bi, gay or still as I thought straight at the time.

The feeling of being with Liam was an unknown excitement and I never realised that he would feel like that as well. I slowly get nudged by Josh who said the movie had finished and that he wanted to go to bed and hadn’t wanted to disturb me. I smile “sorry, didn’t realise I’d drifted off”.

Thanks for reading all the way through everyone :) ; If it's not too much hassle I'd love some feedback in the comments on how the story is playing so far