Life Isn't A Fairytale

It’s a Friday night and I’ve just finished playing my final song of the night at the Pub, it was a big opportunity to be playing on such a stage. I smile and see Ben sitting towards the front with a big smile on his face. I wander off the stage and take a drink, Ben gives me a hug before going to socialise with some of his other mates.

I wander over and take a seat at the bar and get my free drink and sit and relax just thinking about how good that feeling was, the sense of achievement from getting my life back in order thanks to somebody supremely special to me. The feeling quickly drops as a hand rests on my shoulder and I turn around and see a muscled 6 foot figure standing next to me.

“Uh Hey Chris” I say stuttering, “You know you still owe me for that product of mine you sold”. I look back at him “I never sold it and you got it back”, I look worried because Chris’ size means he’s not someone you want to argue with or try and fight back against. “I’m out of this life now, you know that 100%”. Chris looks at Ben “It’s cute how your little boyfriend thinks that you can just walk out on your boss”.

I put my drink back down onto the bar “alright, what do you want Chris?” Chris stands smirking and taps me on my stubbled cheek “My university guy has become otherwise engaged for the next 3-6 months and I need someone who can fill in during this time and well thought who would be the best fit. I stand and look at Chris and give a quick glance over towards Ben who organised all this and encouraged me to do this gig.

“Do I actually get any choice in this man, I’m trying to get clean and forget everything that’s happened because you know I’m on my last strike before prison”. Chris just laughs “So that gives you the excuse to rip me off by 6 grand of product?” Chris tries to get as threatening as possible without being noticeable “you make up what you owe me and then maybe you and your little boyfriend can get out of this situation. I just look towards Chris and nod, knowing that I cannot ever say no because there are only two options: a) Selling his product and doing his dirty work or b) end up in a ditch beaten to an inch of my life.

I begrudgingly have to take up the offer of doing his dirty work despite not wanting to because everything had changed and it would ruin everything that I worked for and would disappoint Ben so much. The work was nothing of what I wanted to get involved with but at the same time once I repaid Chris then hopefully everything will be over and life can get back to normal.

As the night goes on, I think about telling Ben everything that just happened, but with what he’s been through I don’t want to get him worried or angry and just hope that everything can go right and this can be all in the past. I finish up the gig and head down with Ben and his other mates who are all having a good time and I enjoy the beers that we have. As the night goes on I cuddle into Ben’s shoulder and we have a few little kisses and try to find a quiet spot but with the packed club, pub it means we can’t find that space and Ben has to get home.

We catch a cab together, it drops me off first and then drops him home. I head to bed but don’t get a lot of sleep because Chris towering over me haunts me, his deep voice sticks into my mind as I lay there and get changed, just throwing my gig clothes into the bathroom and changing into a pair of boxers and lay on my bed. I lay down on my bed and just want to punch something and I try hard to to sleep but I only get a few hours and wake up at about 9ish and send Ben a text to check that he got home ok and there was no trouble.

I spent Sunday, trying to balance the difference between good and evil. I thought I’d put everything past me but everything with Chris came to a head and I don’t know what to do. I head to the pub because I feel like I need to tell Ben to be completely honest with him but when I get there and see how happy he is, I don’t want to put him through another bad situation so soon and I don’t want him getting hurt because of me.

My first orders from Chris were to head to the University and sell to his usual customers who knew where I’d be and what I was wearing. The biggest fear probably stupidly was not what Chris could have done to me, but seeing Ben so I took position at the building that would be the furthest away from where Ben needed to go. The plan didn’t exactly work because there was Ben heading the opposite way to where I’d just finished up selling Chris’ product. I wait for Ben to come past then grab him on his shoulder because I can’t let my boy walk past but at the same time I need to quickly come up with a story on why I am at the university.

I quickly notice we are outside the Music faculty so I use my musical talents as a plausible reason and talk to Ben, I hope that he can believe me which is so naïve of me because Ben’s a smart guy and can see bullshit coming a mile away. I tell him that I was asked about my talents but didn’t agree to it through other reasons.

We chat and go our separate ways, I hope that Ben can believe me but I know that he will be doubting me because I do have a past and no matter how much he has helped me and trusted me, I know that there will always be some distrust and I deserve that because it’s my own fault.

Over the next few days, I head to the locations that Chris texts me and I do those jobs for him, not feeling any sort of proudness but knowing that I’m back on a one-way trip back to the bottom and a one-way ticket to prison is probably the only thing that I’ll get out of this venture. I spend plenty of time thinking about what could happen and decide that I need to get out of this and need to do it quickly. I grab my phone out of my pocket and text Chris “I’m done”.

I then text Ben and just send him a text seeing it’s been a few days and I don’t want things to be awkward between us considering I care about him so damn much. The feeling that I have panicking about letting Ben down is hitting me in the spot because he’s the kid that never treated me any differently and despite my really rough background, his family always took me in as if I was one of their own.

The day goes on and I am worried about Ben not replying, the last thing I ever want is to lose him because there’s nobody in this world that I can trust more than him to keep me on the straight and narrow because as much as I have worked things out, the demons will soon be back should I ever lose Ben.

As I walk down to the burger shop to get dinner, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I grab it out keenly hoping it’s Ben but when I see the words my heart sinks and I know things are really going to get dangerous soon. “I GAVE YOU MORE CHANCES THAN YOU DESERVED”. I put my phone back into my pocket and ignore the message, I ring Ben because I know I’m in danger but with no answer, I try and try again but there’s no answer so I text him without trying to not alert him but when I get home I see that my flat has been ransacked and practically destroyed, I text Ben to warn him but he doesn’t respond and I sink to the ground.

I try to organise what I can and make sure that the things that are the dearest to me are safe and well, they’re all my special memories which are mostly with Ben. I wander out to the living room and there is Chris and two of his crew standing at the front door. “We had a deal Payne, you owed me twice and you think you can just get out of this without paying back what you owe me”, Chris stands there and looks at me, I’m panicking because I have no idea what is going to happen next and I worry about Ben because I’m worried that Chris will set upon Ben for helping me.

I stand there “Leave Ben out of this Chris, he’s got nothing to do with it, ok?” Chris chortles “Hurting your little boyfriend, please, I’m not that stupid, he’s got absolutely nothing to do with this” I let out a sigh. “Look Chris, I have no fucking idea what happened last time but I never took it and I won’t do any more of your dirty work because I’ve had enough”. Chris gives an infuriated look but walks off out my front door, for some dumb reason I let my guard down and relax before WHACK. I feel a massive blow to my gut and fall to the ground. I close my eyes and keep them closed as all I can feel is the massive feet of T-Bone and Eddie laying into me, I finally open my eyes, tears right though them as I watch the lads walk out. I feel so sore and run my hands over my body to see where I’m hurting and thankfully don’t see any blood but when I get up and go to the window, I see the many bruises.

The threats that Chris put out, frighten me that I need to go somewhere, I walk around for quite a while and I don’t know where I should go, I wander past the park and sit down and cry because what I tried to get away from is now right back to the fore. I leave the park and walk down the road and let myself through Ben’s back fence and curl up underneath the Apple Tree that sits in the backyard. The Apple Tree was always our safe spot, that’s what we used to use for one goal post, it’s where Ben’s mum would always bring us out snacks and we would sit under the tree and play games together or the three of us would have pretend picnics, it was where I knew I could always go until I felt safe. I curl up underneath the tree until early the next morning when Ben comes out and finds me.