Be My Companion

Julian

Estelle and I settled into our hotel room and after trying our best to beat our jet lag, we fell asleep and woke up the following morning feeling refreshed.

Well, at least she was. I was restless knowing I was in the same city as Alexis with no way to find him, and barely had two hours of sleep last night.

"What's our game plan?" Estelle asked me, peering over the giant plate of breakfast room service had given her.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't really have one. I was just going to play it by ear."

"Well, let's start with Alexis's family. Who does he have?"

A really simple question that I should've been able to answer considering how much I loved this man, but now that I really thought about it, Alexis rarely ever spoke about his family.

Estelle raised her eyebrow at me. "Jules, seriously?"

"I know, Stel, it's pathetic of me, but Lex didn't really speak about his family much. I'm sure he's mentioned his mother a couple of times, and they were positive anecdotes so I don't think their relationship is strained or anything."

"Great. He has a mother. We're off to a good start," Estelle deadpanned.

I glared at Estelle which only made her laugh.

"Let's stalk his socials then," she said.

"I can't. He's blocked me on everything."

Estelle clicked her tongue and shook her head at me. "He hasn't blocked me, Jules."

She grabbed her phone and rapidly began tapping at it. I got up from my seat and walked around the table, my eyes glued to the screen of her phone as she typed and scrolled, typed and scrolled, and typed and scrolled.

"Got him," she announced.

Alexis's beautiful face lit up on Estelle's phone which made my heart skip a beat. God fucking damn, I missed those warm brown eyes, those full luscious lips, and that fucking stunning smile of his.

Estelle swiped through the photos that were made available for public viewing, which weren't many, and as she swiped, we got further into Alexis's past: Alexis standing in front of a sunset at Muscle Beach; Alexis with shorter hair in front of the Sydney Opera House; Alexis with even shorter hair sitting at a dinner table across from-

"Wait!"

My loud exclamation made Estelle jump from her chair. I snatched her phone out of her hands and inspected the other man in the photo with Alexis. Sure, this photo was six years old, but this man's side profile looked way too familiar. I tapped on the tags in the photo, and saw the name Shane Mendes pop up.

"Stel! I saw this guy at the airport last night!" I almost shouted.

Estelle pulled her phone away from me and looked at the picture.

"I don't remember seeing him," she said.

"He was standing near us at the baggage carousel! I remember I saw him and thought he looked familiar, and it's because he's Alexis's fucking brother! I was that close to someone who could help me find Lex, and it fell out of my fucking hands!"

I saw in Estelle's face that she was about to make another sarcastic comment, but when she saw the genuine frustration I was feeling, her expression immediately softened and she wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

"Don't worry, Jules. We'll find him."

Estelle took her phone back from me and began tapping on the screen with her thumbs.

"Let me come up with something," she said decidedly. "You need to get some sleep. I know you, Jules, and I know you were wide awake last night anxious about something you can't control."

"I need to find him, Stel."

Estelle smiled at me. "I know, Jules, and we will. But we need you at your best, and for that, you need to get some sleep. Leave it to me, at least for today, okay?"

With some more prodding, Estelle physically dragged me to my bed and made me lay down on the soft mattress. Even though I wanted to fight it and stay awake to formulate any plan possible to find Alexis, the fatigue finally caught up to me, and as soon as my eyes shot, I slipped into unconsciousness.

---

Alexis

In the privacy of my childhood bedroom, I had slipped into my new Julian Ambrose jersey and went to bed in it, achieving the best sleep I had since coming back to Melbourne. Even though it was a simple replica jersey sold at many stores across the globe, I felt a wave of comfort wash over me as I fell into bed with it on, and despite it being oversized, where the fabric caressed my body reminded me of Julian's gentle touch whenever he held me.

I entertained the idea that one day I would wake up and I would be over Julian, but I knew that day would never come. Sure, I believed that time could heal wounds, but this wasn't a wound; this was a self-inflicted scar that would never fade away.

I sat up in bed and glanced over to my left where my reflection greeted me with a solemn glower. I wondered if I looked this permanently miserable to everyone else and they were just too kind to comment on it.

There was a light knock at my door, which I expected because one or both of my parents had checked on me every morning since I moved back here.

"Come in," I called out.

The door swung open and Shane walked in, wearing a loose black t-shirt and boxer shorts. He was tapping on his phone before leaving it on my bedside table.

"Morning, Lexi."

"Morning."

While we hadn't physically seen each other in over five years, I endeavoured to keep a close relationship with my half-brother and only sibling (that I was aware of, anyway). Time difference usually worked against us due to Shane's travels, so I was thankful that our relationship was as low maintenance as possible because we usually spoke once a week. But having him here in person was a nice change, and it was going to be comforting to have someone else that was unemployed looking for work here with me.

"What are you wearing?" Shane asked me curiously.

I was confused momentarily before I realised I was caught red-bodied in my Julian Ambrose jersey.

"Oh," I said, racking my brain for any believable excuse I could muster. "It was a gift from a friend, and it's comfortable to sleep in."

Shane studied me. "Your friend clearly can't see you because that jersey is about five times too big for you."

I opted not to say anything in return and watched as Shane grabbed his phone again and sat at the foot of my bed, where his father had sat only 24 hours ago.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" I said after a moment of silence.

Shane shrugged his shoulders. "Mum and Dad have gone to work, and I'm bored. We can be bored together."

My brother began tapping on his phone and after emphatically locking it, he laid on his side and looked at me.

"Who's the player?" he asked casually.

Oh, just the actual love of my life.

"Some football player, I guess," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"So your friend bought you a jersey of a football player you don't know in a size that's clearly not yours? Some friend."

This conversation was getting too close to actual Julian Ambrose territory, so I decided to steer it away. As far away as possible.

"Let's go do something," I said. "I haven't seen you in all these years; we have so much to catch up on."

Shane beamed at me. "I could use some avo on toast, and I know the best place for it."

---

Julian

After I woke up from a much-needed nap, Estelle practically forced me out of the room so we could go for a walk around the city. As we walked through the streets, it had finally hit me that I was in a completely new city in a new country, and momentarily, I found myself distracted with the sites and infrastructure that Melbourne had to offer.

"This city is so beautiful," Estelle said. "It reminds me of Chicago somewhat."

The weight of having to find Alexis dawned on me, and my curious wonder was soon replaced with a solemness that I couldn't really describe.

Where did I go wrong? In those last moments we shared together, did I scare him away? Did I insult him? These thoughts had tortured me for the past 10 days, and they would continue to torture me until I got answers.

I needed to know why he left me.

Thinking about Alexis made me look around Melbourne and just see him everywhere. This was Alexis's city. I wondered if Alexis had ever sat on that bench underneath the shade of the tree; or if he ever bought something from this boutique, or if he ever sat in this cafe and had a coffee that met his extremely high expectations of coffee.

I felt like I was seeing visions of him scattered throughout this city; even to the point where I thought I was seeing the back of his head at this cafe.

But then he swished his hair around and quickly tied his hair up into a bun, and I knew only one person in this entire world who could do something so simple with so much flair.

I froze in my spot when I realised that the very reason I was in this city; the reason that my heart fucking beated in the first place was sitting a few feet away from me.

"Stel..."

My sister looked up at me, and followed my line of sight until she saw him.

"Jules! It's him!"

I was so determined to find Alexis that I didn't even have a plan as to what I was going to do when I found him. Fuck. Do I go in all guns blazing and demand an answer from him for my peace of mind? Should I approach him calmly and try to have an open discussion as to why he left me in the middle of the night? Do I just stand here and stare at him, admiring the beauty and poise of a man my heart yearned for, even when he was by my side?

"Jules! Come on!"

Estelle grabbed my arm and dragged me towards the cafe where I noticed he was sitting across from his brother we had stalked on Facebook. As we got closer, Shane looked up at Estelle and I and a small smile spread across his face.

Before I even realised what I was doing, my lips parted and spoke.

"Lex?"

Alexis's head turned around, and the neutral expression on his face was quickly replaced with a complete look of shock. It was almost as if he had just seen a ghost; a ghost of someone he himself ghosted.

"Hi Alexis," Estelle greeted him politely to break the tension.

Alexis's eyes darted towards my sister and then back at me.

"What..." he stammered.

Shane stood up from his seat. "Well now that we have both lured you here, we're going to go and let you two talk."

I looked over at Estelle who was trying poorly to hide her smile.

"Stel? What's going on?"

"Well, when we found Shane's profile through Alexis's, I DM'd him and told him the situation and how dire it was that we got you two together. I didn't want you potentially ruining my plan, so I kept it a secret from you; hence why I forced you on this walk," she explained.

Alexis looked between my sister and his brother, and then his eyes fell back on me.

"I picked this cafe on purpose, Lexi," Shane added. "By the way, you're the worst liar, bro. I didn't believe for a second that a friend bought you that jersey."

Estelle joined Shane and our siblings quickly greeted each other with a friendly hug.

"Like I said," Shane said, "we're going to go and let you two talk. Call us when you need us."

Alexis still hadn't uttered a word, and we watched as Estelle and Shane walked off like the couple of co-conspirators they were.

---

Alexis

In no short-term future that I had envisioned over the past several days did I ever see Julian chasing me to Melbourne and finding me at a cafe, with the help of two of Cupid's assistants.

I was so sure that I was staring at a mirage in front of me. I was absolutely positive when I got out of his bed and looked over my shoulder at him that it would be the last time I would ever see his handsome face in person.

But now, as he tentatively stepped towards me, it had finally slapped me in the face.

Julian was here, in the flesh.

As he took the seat across from me, I finally allowed myself to take him in. The handsome man that I fell in love with was still there, but it was hidden under a mask of exhaustion, sadness, and frustration; all things I'm sure I gave him when I left him in the middle of the night and shattered his heart into pieces.

"Hi Lex," he greeted me.

I opened my mouth to say something, but no words would come out.

"Say something," he added.

I hesitated, and nervously twirled at the strands of hair that fell down my face. "I don't know what to say."

"Why did you leave me, Lex?" Julian looked pained as the words escaped his lips.

My mouth snapped shut. This is exactly why I left him a letter with a vague explanation; I didn't have to shed any light on the real reason I was leaving him. I mean, how on earth was I meant to tell this man what really went down?

"Lex, I loved you." Julian paused. "I mean, I still love you."

I allowed myself to look into his eyes, and I mean really look into his eyes, and slowly the world around us disappeared. Everyone in my peripherals had disappeared, and the chairs and tables slowly faded away into nothing, until it was just Julian and me. Me and Julian. I melted into those beautiful baby blues of his, and every ounce of heartache and pain I felt over the past several days gradually dissipated.

I was aware that other curious ears or onlookers may have witnessed such a bold statement from this NFL star, but interestingly it didn't seem like Julian cared at all. In fact, I was so sure that Julian had entered this shared delusion with me.

"Do you love me, Lex?" he asked me softly.

"More than you'll ever know, Julian."

"If you really do, then you'll tell me the truth. Why did you leave me?"

He had cornered me. He captured my love, and was now leveraging it against me to get me to tell him the one thing I wanted to keep hidden from him: the truth about Alexis Mendes.

"Okay." I took a deep breath and tried to formulate this story into words that another human being could understand. "Okay, Julian. I owe this to you."

Even though the world around us slowly came back into picture, my focus was still solely on Julian; the sharpness in his jawline; the slight curve of his lips with his curious but sad half-smile; the high-rise of his perfect cheekbones. This man had shown me so much, given me the most fun times I'd ever experienced in my life, and had loved me fiercely and fearlessly for who I was, and not for whom he expected me to be.

Feeling resolute, I exhaled and looked into Julian's eyes. "Do you remember when Charlie told the press that I had cheated on him with several different men?"

Julian nodded, hanging onto every word that I spoke.

"He wasn't lying, but he left out some important points. For starters, we both chose to attend this sex party in an attempt to spice up our sex life because it was drier than the Sahara desert. And then there was the little case of my drinks being spiked and me passing out in a room, only to come back to consciousness to several different men taking turns on me without any consent."

Julian's mouth fell open. "Lex, baby, I'm so sorry."

"It gets worse. These guys set up a camera and took photos and videos without me knowing, and I only found out days later because somehow Charlie managed to find them online. Even though he knew I was not in my right mind when it happened, that plus the rumours of me seducing my horrible boss were too much for him and he dumped me."

Even though I was recounting the worst moments of my life, sharing this with Julian wasn't hard at all. He was my safe space, my love, and I knew I could share anything with him without judgement. Julian's hand grazed my knee lightly underneath the table as he tried to offer me comfort, even though just sitting here being with him was the most comforted I had felt in a very long time.

"Baby, I'm really sorry that happened to you. And trust me, if I ever find these motherfuckers, I will handle them."

I smiled. "I appreciate that, Julian."

The anger that had risen in Julian had disappeared just as quickly. "You left me because you didn't think I could handle your past? Baby, the past is what made you who you are today, and I love everything about the man I'm sitting across from right now, scars and all."

After a brief pause, I shook my head. I owed this man the truth.

"No that's not it, Julian. The reason I'm telling you about that night is because someone found out about it, located the photos and videos, and blackmailed me with them saying..." I hesitated. "Julian, they blackmailed me to leave you."

Julian's face dropped, his eyes wide. "Blackmailed you to leave me? Who would do that?"

I waited and watched the cogs in Julian's head move, but I knew he saw only the best in Vanessa. He wouldn't get there if I didn't connect the dots myself.

"They blackmailed me to leave you because they thought you coming out would ruin your career."

As soon as it dawned on Julian, his mouth dropped open, and he looked away from me in disbelief.

"Ness?" he sounded choked up.

I didn't say or anything, or even flicker my eyes a certain way.

Julian knew I was telling the truth. I could tell in the way that his blue eyes darkened that he realised one of the people that he trusted the most in this world had secretly worked this plot behind his back and thought that she would get away with it.

"For what it's worth, Julian, she did it with good intentions," I said, trying to play devil's advocate.

Julian shook his head, and the muscles in his arms tensed with his frustration.

"I don't care what her intentions are, Lex. She lied to me, she betrayed me and she..." Julian blinked, and if I wasn't mistaken, I thought he was holding back tears. "She took you away from me."

Even though I had lived the truth of being away from him, hearing Julian say it cut me deeper than it should have.

The frown in Julian's face slowly faded away, and his expression softened. "So you didn't want to leave me?"

I shook my head. "Of course I didn't, Julian. I really wanted to be with you."

"And how do you feel now?"

Julian sensed my hesitation, and he shuffled his chair around the table to get closer to me. He rested his hand on my knee and began rubbing it soothingly.

"Baby?" he whispered.

I blinked away tears that were threatening to fall out. "I still want to be with you, Julian. I will always want to be with you."

Julian leaned over towards me slowly; close enough that I could feel his breath caress my skin, but distant enough that we could pass as two friends exchanging stories.

"I love you, Alexis," he uttered softly. "And I will always love you."

I tilted my head in his direction, where my eyes were immediately drawn to his lips so achingly close to mine.

"I love you too, Julian."

The corners of Julian's mouth turned upwards with his smile.

"I will deal with Vanessa later. Right now, all I want to do is fucking hold you and kiss you."

"Okay," I said, finally feeling a genuine smile on my face. "Let's go."