Be My Companion

Julian

While I was still skirting the edge of unconsciousness, Alexis called for breakfast in bed, and by the time I had completely woken up, he had already arranged an appetising spread in front of me. He had his back to me while he made his final preparations, and I took the opportunity to drink in thee perfect specimen in front of me. He had a pair of navy blue hipster briefs on that could barely contain those round cheeks of his, and his blonde hair was tied up into a bun, giving me a glimpse of his bronzed back.

“Good morning darling,” Alexis looked over his shoulder at me with a smile.

“Can you say that again?”

Alexis raised his eyebrow. “Good morning?”

I shook my head. “No. The other part.”

Alexis pressed his lips together to suppress his smile. “Darling,” he sung.

I let a wide smile spread across my face as I sat upright.

“One more time?” I asked.

“No. Now shut up and eat.”

Alexis situated the tray table over my lap and placed the plate on top of it, containing grilled tomato, hash browns, mushrooms, two slices of buttered sourdough toast with two poached eggs and kale. He soon followed it up with a cup of coffee with two sachets of sweetener.

“What did I do to get so lucky?” I stared up into his eyes.

Alexis walked around the bed and sat down next to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

“I don’t believe in luck,” he said, kissing me on the cheek. “I believe in receiving the energy you put out into the world. So keep giving that energy, Julian, and you’ll get it back.”

He picked a hash brown off my plate and started nibbling at it while I ate the rest of my breakfast, feeling comfortable with Alexis pressed up to my side. He rested his head on my shoulder and began stroking my bare arm gently with his fingertips.

“What do you want to do today baby?” I asked him.

“Can we meet on top of the Empire State Building like Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle?”

I nodded. “Sure. What’s Sleepless in Seattle?”

Alexis pulled his head off my shoulder and nudged me in the arm. “What do you mean ‘what’s Sleepless in Seattle?’”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“How do you not know what Sleepless in Seattle is, Julian? It’s one of the best romantic movies in cinematic history. You can’t tell me you’ve never heard of it.”

I shrugged my shoulders and placed my cutlery down onto the table tray.

“Julian Frederic Ambrose, you’ve gotta be joking me!”

I burst out laughing. “You didn’t just use my full name against me!”

“I did,” he said, poking me on my side.

“You’re reminding me so much of my mother right now!”

Alexis squealed when I wrapped my arm around him and wrestled him in a friendly headlock. His laughter bounced around the room, and the very sound of it lit up the environment.

I released the tightness of the hold I had on him and instead, pulled him into my chest for a cuddle.

“Going to the Empire State Building won’t take that long. Do you want to do anything else?” I asked him before planting a kiss on his forehead.

“Well, speaking of your mother, do you want to go see your family today?”

I blinked. “You’d be okay seeing my family today?”

Alexis nodded his head. “Of course I am. I can’t wait to meet them.”

“Are you sure baby?”

“Of course I’m sure.” Alexis planted a sweet kiss on my lips. “But we’re having my Sleepless in Seattle moment first. And don’t for one second think you’re Meg Ryan because I’ve called dibs.”

---

Alexis

Julian wanted to walk from the hotel to the Empire State Building, but after searching how long the walk would take on my phone, I persuaded him to catch a taxi instead by giving him a blowjob he’d never forget.

As I sat in the back of the taxi next to the most handsome man I knew, I couldn’t help but think about just how far Julian and I had come since our first meeting in the restaurant. In our time together, he had gone from an unwilling client, to someone I considered a friend, to a lover with an insatiable appetite for sex, to the man that I loved without a shadow of a doubt.

I looked over at him, taking in his sharp jawline and his beautiful blue eyes and sighed.

I knew that it was best to keep our physical contact to a minimum when in the eye of the public, even in the company of an indistinct taxi driver, but I just wanted to hold his hand and walk down the streets of New York while we took in the sights together. Acting like a real couple, or couple of… whatever we were.

“You look deep in thought there, Lex,” Julian said.

“Yeah. Just thinking about how far things have come.”

A smile touched Julian’s lips and, after seeing his eyes dart towards the front, placed his hand on my knee and squeezed it.

We arrived at our destination and after paying the fee, we hopped out of the cab. I looked up at the tall building I had only ever seen in movies before and let out a whistle.

“So,” Julian said, a cheeky grin spreading across his face, “tell me what I have to do so you can re-enact this movie of yours.”

I wasn’t actually planning on doing a complete re-enactment of the finale scene of Sleepless in Seattle, but since this large, hulking man was willing to do his best Tom Hanks impression just to make me happy, I was going to milk it as much as possible.

“I’ll spare you the specific theatrics, but basically I’m going to go get off the elevator first and then you’re going to come out shortly after and we’re going to have the most romantic meeting ever on the observation deck. Any questions?”

Julian ran his hand through his hair, which I came to understand was a sign that he was nervous.

“You don’t want me to kiss you or anything, do you?” his voice came out in a hushed whisper.

“No, Julian,” I said. I intended to sound calm, but my words came out impatient and almost annoyed.

“Lex, you know that’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant.”

Julian frowned. “Why do you sound like you’re mad at me?”

“I’m not. I just…” I let out a deep breath and willed myself to keep calm. “Let’s go.”

The quiet reserved man that silently walked into the building beside me seemed like such a contrast to the warm, passionate man that held me in his arms last night.

Of course I knew that we had to keep our arrangement discreet from the public eye; in fact, I probably knew that better than Julian did. But there was still a part of me that hoped, that clung to the idea that just maybe we could reach a day where we could finally embrace each other in a way we wanted, in a way I wanted. In a way that I craved.

We got to the front of the line to buy tickets and the man serving us looked up at Julian in awe.

“I have to say ‘Welcome to the Empire State Building’, but I really want to say that I’m such a big fan of yours, Julian. Your season this year was truly one of the best seasons of any defensive player in the league.”

“Thank you,” Julian said modestly.

“Where are we off to?”

“The main observation deck,” I replied.

The man finally noticed me standing next to Julian and his eyes lit up.

“The sober companion! I’m so sorry I didn’t even notice you there.”

“Not many people do when I’m standing next to this one,” I said with a laugh.

“My apologies. Two tickets to the observation deck coming up.”

---

Julian

Alexis barely acknowledged my existence next to him as we rode up the elevator. I wondered if the other sightseers on the elevator could sense the tension between us.

I was shocked that our conversation took such a drastic turn earlier. Alexis surely had to understand that I couldn’t hold him how I wanted to or touch him how I wanted to when other people were around. And I thought it was a fair question to ask considering this movie I had never heard of was apparently one of the best romance movies of all time.

“Lex?” my voice came out almost in a whisper.

Alexis almost looked annoyed as he glanced over at me.

“I just wanted to check that you’re going out first, and then –”

“No, we’ll just go out like normal and have a look around.”

I opened my mouth to question him, but the stern, steely look on his face told me not to even bother. My mouth snapped shut and I turned away from him, keeping my eyes forward.

The elevator chimed open, and I followed Alexis out onto the observation deck. I saw the frustrated muscles in his face relax as he looked around the deck. I wasn’t sure if he was more impressed with the incomparable view of New York City, or because he was standing where Meg Ryan had apparently stood many years before.

A few of the people already on the observation deck noticed me, and even fewer approached me and politely asked for a photo and autograph. Alexis took this opportunity to venture away from me and he began walking around the deck, snapping pictures on his phone.

One of the fans, a beautiful fuller-figured brunette who barely came up to my chest, looked up at me with her best attempt at a seductive smile.

“You’re so much hotter in person,” she said confidently.

“Thank you,” was all I could think to say to that.

Her friends whispered amongst themselves with smiles on their faces.

“Are you single?” she asked me.

This question elicited a wave of giggles from her friends and, as my sober companion was in earshot of that question, a deep stare from Alexis.

“For the moment,” I replied, looking away from Alexis’s steely glare. “Excuse me.”

I pulled away from the now-disappointed woman and her friends and approached Alexis, unsure of which version of him I was going to get.

“Are you enjoying the view?” I asked him casually.

“Julian, what are you doing to me?”

I blinked. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t handle living in this unknown anymore.” Alexis looked around frantically. “This is not how I imagined we would have this talk, but now’s as good a time as any.”

Uh oh. It was the talk.

“What do you want from me?” he asked me.

I looked around to make sure no one heard him. If I was going to be forced into ‘the talk’, I would at least make sure no one witnessed this conversation and ran to the media about it.

“Come over here,” I said.

We found an indistinct corner out on the observation deck away from prying eyes and curious ears. Alexis leaned against the wall and I stood to the side of him with my arms folded.

“What do you want from me?” he repeated himself.

“I want you, Lex, and you know that.”

“Then prove it!”

“Keep your voice down, Lex.”

I glanced around to make sure the coast was clear yet again.

“Have you stopped to consider that maybe your career won’t be over when people find out about us?” Alexis lowered his voice much to my relief.

“Lex, you don’t understand, it’s not that easy.”

Alexis raised his eyebrows at me. “I don’t understand? Julian, my career is definitely over when people find out about us. This is the one cardinal rule of a sober companion; you don't fuck your client. It’s black and white, no room for grey. My career is finished. I don’t have the privilege of juggling ‘what if’ situations like you.”

I pressed my lips together as I contemplated his words.

“With you, it’s just a big game of ‘what if’,” he continued. “Sure, what if the whole gridiron association turned against you for being with someone of the same sex? But also, what if they embraced you and your career continued to soar while you got to live your best, happiest life?”

“I’ve worked hard all my life to get to this point in my career, Lex. More than half my life I have dedicated to football, and being absolutely undeniable out on the field. As much as I want to say that I’m willing to risk it in the chance of being with you, I can’t. Not yet, anyway.”

A look of hurt washed over Alexis’s face, and knowing that I couldn’t hold him and kiss him like I wanted to right now destroyed me.

“Tell me. Are you willing to give up your career for this, Lex?”

Without hesitation, Alexis nodded his head, which took me by surprise.

“I can be the man you want me to be, Lex, I just need some time to figure things out.”

“How long is that? How long do you expect me to sit here and wait for you to figure things out? Because I can’t do this any longer. I can’t be your dirty little secret that you keep in the walls of your home. I can’t be someone you hold in your arms every night, just to be kept at an arm’s length distance for everyone else to see.”

“Lex…” I searched around my mind for the best words to use.

A thin veil of water covered Alexis’s eyes, and he quickly wiped those tears away before they could fall out.

“You’re just too scared to do anything,” Alexis said. “You’re so comfortable in your position that you’re too frightened to do anything that may jeopardise it, even if it’s something that could make you truly happy.”

He was right. And he knew I knew he was right.

“You’re willing to risk your career for me?” I asked him.

Once again without hesitation, Alexis nodded his head.

“Why?”

Alexis bit his lip. “Because I love you, Julian.”

---

Alexis

I watched as a look of realisation washed over Julian’s face, and I tried to decipher what he could possibly be thinking as I confessed that deep part of my soul to him.

“Julian…” I whispered.

I could see in his face that he was contemplating his words and choosing the best combination to present to me. And only then did it occur to me that telling Julian how I felt was probably not as black and white as I thought it was.

In my head, I was going to tell Julian that I loved him, and he was going to admit his feelings back to me and say it back, and we were going to tackle whatever obstacle came our way together. In no possible future did I expect that Julian would be standing there at a loss for words, because he couldn’t reciprocate those feelings for me.

“Say something,” I whispered.

“I…”

If Julian did feel the same way about me, he would’ve said something by now. And if Sam and Annie could get their happy ending on the Empire State Building, why couldn’t that happen to Julian and Alexis?

I pushed myself off the wall and quickly made my way to the elevator.

I loved this man. I was willing to put my career on the line to be with him. And he didn’t even have the decency to just let me down gently.

I had too much dignity and self-worth to stand on this observation deck and let this man break my heart into a thousand pieces.

“Lex, wait!”

Nope. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not in this lifetime.

Luckily for me, the elevator swung open and I rushed onto it with a group of people looking to make their way down. Julian was trying to chase after me, but a well-timed couple emerged in front of him and appeared to ask him for a photo.

“Lex!” he called out.

I thought that fate would be on my side and that the elevator doors would close just before he made it so I could cry and lick my wounds in peace, but he politely pushed past the couple and made it onto the elevator just in time.

“Let’s talk about this,” Julian said.

“Oh now you want to talk?” My voice came out louder than intended, and immediately everyone else in the elevator turned to look at us.

“You dropped a bomb on me, Lex. You can’t blame me for wanting to take some time to digest it.”

While he did have a point, I wasn’t in the right mindset to calmly acknowledge it. I turned away from him and leaned against the wall. This elevator ride couldn’t end quickly enough.

“Lex… just give me a chance to explain.”

I didn't respond.

Finally, the elevator doors chimed open and I almost sprinted out of there in an attempt to get away from him. But trying to escape the best defensive end in the league was futile, and Julian had eventually caught up with me.

“Lex, come on!”

“Say whatever you want to say so we can move on,” I said.

Julian put his hands in his pockets. “I will, but can you stop glaring at me like that first?”

I willed my facial muscles to relax and I let out a deep breath. I decided that I was going to let him say his piece, and then I was going to move on.

“I never even thought it was in the realm of possibility to feel the way I do about you, or anyone for that matter,” he said. “This is all new to me, Lex. I’m not lying when I say I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone before.”

“Okay."

“You were right before when you said I was scared. I am scared of jeopardising my career, and rightfully so, but you know what really scares me?” Julian paused to gather his thoughts. “Admitting to you and to myself that I’m in love with you. That fucking terrifies me Lex, because as soon as I accept my feelings, it means the entire future that I have mapped out for myself changes, and that shit scares me like you have no idea.”

My heart almost leaped out of my chest as I registered Julian’s words. He spoke with such a calm reverence that I had no choice but to believe him.

“But now is as good a time as ever.” Julian looked down at me with the fondest smile I had ever seen him muster. “I’m scared out of my fucking mind here, Lex, but I’m in love with you.”

Well shit. Maybe I was going to cry in front of this man after all.

“Now if you don’t mind, Lex, I would like to go back to the hotel so I can hold you in my arms and show you how much I love you,” Julian smiled. “So please for the love of god, stop being difficult and get your ass in the back of this taxi here.”