Gay Porn Gossip & News Blog

All my friends say I'm a terrible dancer but when I go to clubs I love dancing. I'm embarrassing my best buddy all the time. Should I stop dancing and prancing and behave myself? Or should they just know that I'm a disco diva and have to deal with it?

-Disco Dick

So you're a shy diva (huh?!) love dancing but dancing hates you. Sounds like a typical gay relationship. The keyword in all this is "prancing" as in flaming out as in queening out as in exploding and aureating and accelerating with maximum gayness in an enclosed space.

I'a a 25 year old man with the constant worry of not having the right body for a man to worship. I've tried donkey dick hypnosis and enlargement pills. I even use a penis pump and nothing has worked for me. Would you be able to give me advice on how to accomplish what I want?

-Unhung and Unhappy

Remember when you were a kid and had a loose tooth? You might've tied a string around it and tied the other end to a doorknob and slammed the door shut. Hello Tooth Fairy money! Well don't do that with your dick. Because if you rip your dick off, there's no Dick Fairy to leave you money under your pillow. That's not how the Dick Fairy economy operates.

Here's hoping you have a pair of nips to suck on this weekend. And I don't mean Paula Abdul's raisin nips. I really don't. I mean giant obscene man nips that could carve glass.

You would start your perfect nip weekend with a Friday night showing of that classic film directed by Steven Spielberg: Nips. That one where everyone's in that beach town and keeps getting killed by that great white nip until this macho guy takes on the great white nip personally. They get gay married and open a bed and breakfast in Burlington, Vermont so the beach is safe.

It can be problematic if a guy is so hot he takes your breath away. Because you're going to need it when giving him deep, satisfying head. That's satisfying for him and you. Because sometimes after a long, hard day at the office/factory/synagogue gift shop (or wherever the hell you work), you need a tonsil massage.

To celebrate the launch of new site Tabloid Men, we pose the question; who is hotter, Tom Daley or Zac Efron? Each week, Tabloid Men brings our new hot celebrities nudes. To check them all out you can head to the website. But don't forget to tell us who you think is hotter first in the comments!

See full-frontal celeb nudes at Tabloid Men!

I want to get a pornstar body! How do these guys get so hot? Is it genetics or is there a secret to the perfect workout? I'm not too out of shape and just need a plan that works.

-Desperate Dude

So you wannabe be a pornstar minus the whole have sex on camera for money thing. That's like going to medical school to be a throat surgeon and not killing Joan Rivers even once. What's the point of medical school if you never commit malpractice? And what's the point of having a pornstar body if you don't ejaculate on cue for 50 bucks and a donut?

Are you trying to tell me this stuff is underwear? Because it's totally not underwear. For so many non-reasons that I can't even count but I'll try so you believe me. I need you to believe me. Even if you don't. This stuff is not underwear.

I'm 32 and split up with my wife a couple of months ago after I realized I was gay. I want to start seeing guys but am not sure what's the best way. I live in Boston. Gay clubs maybe? I'm quite shy though. And I'm nervous about meeting people from an app.

-Fresh Out of the Closet

You're not off to a good start. Being married and sort of in the closet would have made you immensely desirable. And it would have created a reason (besides insane shyness) that you would be looking for some sort of discretion. You've lost your chance to be trade. That's gay slang for a straight guy who can be had after a few cocktails. Or in your case, after a mocktail. Because you don't need to be drunk to screw a guy.

You've worked for some big studios as well as a couple of smaller ones. How did you get into porn and what was the deciding factor?

Last summer I received a message via Facebook from a director of a porn company in London. We had mutual friends and he saw my profile and messaged me saying he needed someone with my physique/look for a shoot next week. I thought why not? This could be fun, so I gave it a go. He also told me to start a Twitter page, which I did, and from there other job offers started to come in.

Someone is sure taking Arby's "We Have The Meats™" slogan very seriously. Sure they have a metric ton of sandwiches, everything from brisket and ham to chicken and bacon to swordfish and buffalo. Okay, not the swordfish and buffalo. But they do have a Snack 'n Save® menu, perfect for the carnivore on a budget. Still, until that moment some enterprising horndog put dick on the Arby's menu, I wasn't interested.

I have a date with a guy next Wednesday. We're both tops! I didn't want to say I was a top because I fancy him so much. What should I do?

-Closet Top

That's a huge problem. A date with a guy? How fucked up is that! Especially on a Wednesday. At least if it were a Friday night you could plead your case that you got swept up in weekend homosexuality, a phenomenon which victimizes many. But a Wednesday? That sounds intentionally gay.

Homoeroticism in advertising is going backwards in time. Just like Nicolas Cage wishes his flailing career path would. Back to the magic day when Cher (as Loretta in Moonstruck) responded to his "I'm in love with you" with two slaps in the face and a "Snap out of it!" But Mr. Cage can't go back in time. Instead he starred in the reprehensible Left Behind. And the only time I want to see "Left Behind" is when it means the naked bottom on the left in the all-male orgy.

I'm a 31 year old straight guy who was arrested for possession of pot. I had to be strip-searched and ever since I've been obsessed and fascinated with what happened. I was so aroused being naked and inspected by officers. Does this make me gay?

-Aroused and Confused

It's completely true that you can get up one day and go about your normal business of shopping for groceries, getting a haircut and possessing illegal drugs when bam, something makes you gay. It used to be that stepping on a crack in the sidewalk would turn you gay, which would so freak out your mother that she would break her back in a homophobic stress-related injury. Thus the saying "step on a crack, break your mother's back" since the full version was too long.

Jaxton Wheeler has a porn doppelganger. If, as I stumbled upon, you go back to the era where porn magazines were king. Therefore I want a time machine. I just can't decide if I want to bring vintage "Jaxton" to the present or current non-quotes actual Jaxton to the past. Based on the photo style, that past looks to be around 1981.

My mom's new boyfriend keeps asking me awkward questions about my sex life. I'm 19 and he's been with her for about two months. Should I freak out?

-Private Privates

Yes, totally freak out. Right now! Go ahead. Do it. Make it count. Freak the fuck out.

Are you done for now? Okay, great! Now here's the deal. Why are you qualifying them as "awkward" questions? Wouldn't any question about your sex life be awkward? I can see questions about your dating life being non-awkward, like if he's just trying to show some interest in your life and trying to prove to your mother that he's not a homophobe. Assuming you're gay that is. Which I guess I can't assume, so I'll ask.