The Prayers in Rossford

“Nell,” Barb Affren greeted her happily at the door, and then as she let her in added, “You’re not going to hit my son again, are you?”

“No, Barb,” Nell said.

“Bill,” Barb bawled up the stairs. “Get down here. You’ve got company.”

“It’s just like forty years ago,” she added to Dena. “Except for forty years ago Billy was my pride and joy who only had good things ahead, and right now he’s still my pride and joy, but he’s got a lot of shit behind him. Would you like something to drink, Nell?”

“I’m good, Barb.”

Barb Affren shook her head.

“It’s a shame. Today was Father Keith’s last Mass.”

“Dena told me,”

“Yes,” Barb remembered. “He’s not just going to another church. I think he’s leaving the priesthood.”

Barb stopped talking as Bill came down the stairs.

“Nell,” he said, tucking in his Oxford shirt.

“Bill,” Nell said. “We need to talk.”

“You know what, I honestly don’t know what we’re doing,” Nell said.

“We’re driving to the beach.”

“I see that,” Nell told him. She looked out of her window. There were high trees and motels and little shops on either side of the long road. Around this turn they would drive into the park and the dunes.

“It’s the same beach where you kissed me.”

“I was married, then,” Bill said with his first touch of irritation.

“And you know what, Nell? I was trying to do the right thing. I wasn’t… fooling around with some little boy.”

“Oh, you have no right, William Affren.”

Bill stopped talking.

“You’re right,” he said. “I really don’t.”

They were quiet, and then they turned, and ahead of them was the tollbooth and the road that lead through the woods and toward the sandy green hills that bordered the beach .

“I have Kevin. And fifteen years of nothing. And then you, who I thought would be something. So, if I wanted to enjoy something different, be a different person for awhile, you really don’t get to say anything.”

“You’re completely right, Nell.”

Bill took down the window and paid the woman at the booth. She let the gate up and then Bill drove ahead saying: “I’m sorry Nell. Let’s walk. Let’s talk a little. All right?”

Nell nodded.

Because it had been well over a year, and the only person she’d been with was Brendan, though the ache between her legs was real enough, the memory of sex was almost academic. She didn’t know if she’d like it very much, if she would like Milo’s penis, but she did like the heavy wonder of it coming out of his briefs, and the thickness of it in her hands rising, the wonder of his gasping, of them working their bodies together. She loved the wonder of being undressed again. She hadn’t felt like this in so long. She almost trembled. She almost did something like cry when he caught his breath, beholding her body.

I thought I was ugly she realized. She had believed she wasn’t sexy.

Why wouldn’t she? The last man who had been with her had told her he was gay.

All bodies were not the same. She knew this. Clothed they didn’t look the same. Milo was darker and heavier, his belly lower, his sex thicker than Brendan’s. He wasn’t ashamed, he was delighted with her hands on him. His ass was dense and heavy to her. All of him was heavy. Not fat, but solid, solid like Saturn or Jupiter or the densest stuff on earth. And she was so wet, and at the last she put away the condom. She knew it might have been foolish, but she knew she wasn’t ovulating and she knew he was a virgin and she wanted that in her. She opened for it.

Dena knew it was Milo’s first time. If she wanted it to be different from her first time she would take some responsibility. She held him down inside of her. His ass felt so good, so solid, so covered in downy dark hair. The small of his back was so good. His body so real. She slowed him down. She whispered, “Don’t come,” and moved her thighs to hold him, to make sure he didn’t leave her. He jarred her. She cried out. He cried out. They were moving together, clashing, that old smell was filling the room. She wanted to cry. She was practically a virgin all over again. If she’d remembered it was like this she never would have given it up. Or maybe it hadn’t been like this with Bren.

In those last moments, the bedstead kept hitting the wall, and they both kept crying out, and Milo’s back was arched in the air. She was holding his ass down. She was holding the mystery of dick deep inside of her. Dena had a long, long staggered shout, and Milo gasped again and again until that moment. Until that moment when the bed kept hitting the wall, and his body arched up and flailed, and he shouted, “OOHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUCK!”

And the end of his cry died with the shooting of his semen, followed by moans muffled in her shoulder as he kept flailing and coming hard.

They lay still a long time, the sundown on the walls going from bright gold to orange. Dena looked up and down his body. Milo was amazed at the smell, at the mess of his sticky up hair. He was amazed at what his penis looked like, longer than usual and thick, glossy, wet, like he’d never seen it before.

“So that was it,” he said, sitting up on an elbow.

“Yes,” Dena squeezed her thighs together in delight, and reached up to touch Milo’s chin.

“That was it.”

“The thing I love about late summer is how the sun stays up forever,” Nell said as they sat further in on the beach, away from the water.

Bill took off his flip flops and his toes squeezed the sand.

“What I don’t love,” he said, “is the heat. Not all the time. It’s not like this in Connecticut.”

“You’re not in Connecticut.”

“No,” he shook his head. “And don’t plan to be going back anytime soon.”

“That makes me happy.”

“Does it Nell?” Bill looked at her.

“Nell, you were saying that you thought we had something. We did. I mean, we were starting to.”

Nell nodded. “You know I was just as foolish. I knew you were married, Billy. You didn’t lie. People warned me. Warned us. I think we just got too far ahead.”

“Yes,” he said. “But… do you think you could start something with me?”

Nell grinned and said, “Dena told me to get off my butt and come get you.”

“And?”

Nell turned around. She drew his face to hers and kissed him. “And yes,” she said with a smile. “Yes.”

They heard applause in the distance, and looked ahead to see two possible college students who instantly turned away, embarrassed. But as Bill shook his head, Nell heard one of those girls say, “I love it when old people have romance!”

“Well, it’s my time to go, and I know it’s my time to go cause, see, there’s my beautiful son,” Naomi said.

Noah had parked the little hatchback, and he got out of the car, looking up and down the highway as he tucked the front of his tee shirt into his shorts.

“You know how some boys have that dumb look?” Naomi saidas Noah crossed the parking lot to the diner, “just looking at nothing. Noah’s always looking at something. He’s always seeing something. I used to think he was like a little rabbit, looking for whatever was gonna get him. Now he’s a hawk.”

“Ey, ladies,” Noah waved as he came in. “You ready, Ma?”

“Danny and I had different shifts,” Naomi said, nodding her head.

“Or else I would drive her home,” Danny said from where she was taking a trucker’s order.

Naomi went back into the kitchen and then came back strapping her purse over her shoulder.

“James just called me. We’re going to a slumber party at the rectory tonight,” Noah said, brightly.

“What?”

Noah shrugged. “I don’t even ask questions these days. I just let life surprise me.”

“Well, come here,” Naomi said, “I want you to meet someone. This girl, when she isn’t sitting on her ass talking to cute boys, is Meg, our newest coworker.”

“Ey,” she extended an easy hand. “Pleased to meet you. Heard a lot about you.”

“It’s real good to meet you too,” Noah said, shaking her hand firmly. “And you’re Charlie Palmer, the weatherguy,” Noah said.

“Yeah,” Charlie looked surprised and nervous to be known. He and Noah shook hands quickly, and Naomi said, “My son’s done a few things too. Noah Riley. Ever heard of him?”

“Ma!”

Charlie shook his head and said, “Sorry, ma’am. No.”

At that Naomi beamed, leaned in and told Meg, “He’s a keeper.”

“I’m so embarrassed,” Noah muttered.

“Meg’s new to town,” Naomi went on. “She says she’s looking for her father. Or is that telling too much?”

“Nope,” Meg said in the voice Noah knew, the voice that said it didn’t matter if she’d said too much or not, it was too late now.

“Well, it’s just Noah’s been here longer than me, so maybe he’s run into him.”

“I doubt that,” Meg said.

“Well,” under Naomi’s influence Noah could be intrusive and friendly too. “Try me.”

Meg shook her head. “He was sort of low, I think. You know? Illegal. His name was Joe Callan.”

Noah felt himself about to shit, and pulled it together quickly, not talking, knowing that talking only gave away the tremble. He pursed his lips together and then murmured: “Ummmm, sorry.”

He took a long, slow, inconspicuous breath and then, clapping his mother on the arm said, “I’m gonna say hey to Danny real quick before we go, okay?”

The sky was summer dark, with the remnants of warmth and daylight when Nell finally returned home. There was sand in her hair and daylight in her clothes, and she smelled like lake water. Dena was in the old library watching TV and humming.

“Hey!”Nell sang as she walked past and leaned into the room.

“Hey, Mom,” Dena said.

“I’ve been to the beach,” Nell sang.

“And? What happened?”

“This and that,” Nell said.

She was leaving when she turned around and said, “Honey, Milo left his wallet in the kitchen.” She crossed the study and gave it to Dena. “You’d better call him.”

“Good idea,” Dena got up

“Did he just leave? I like him. Even better than Brendan if you can believe.”

“He left about an hour ago,” Dena said.

“You guys do anything interesting” Nell said going to the refrigerator, pleased with her new life.

“Eh,” Dena told her as she picked up the phone and dialed the Affrens, “This and that.”

Keith shut the suitcase and sat down on it, clicking it underneath him.

“Are you really leaving tonight?” Dan leaned against the lentil.

Keith nodded.

“We’re not going that far.

“I can’t believe that Casey is a friend of Noah’s. And Noah’s guy, James. We’re gonna go down to Noah’s house in Rummelsville and stay awhile, work things out.”

“Are you still thinking about being an Episcopal priest?”

“I actually meet with the bishop next Monday,” Keith said. “I… he’s a sympathetic bishop. And I love this place. Saint Anne’s, the Episcopal Church outside of town is always looking for a new pastor so,” Keith shrugged, “we’ll see. I need to perform the Sacraments.”

“What’s it like. The Anglicans?”

“The same, but not the same,” Keith told him. But today, at Mass, all I could think was… I mean… Didn’t you feel the Spirit?”

“I… ah…”Dan began. And then he said, suddenly, “Keith, I’m going to miss you so much.”

Keith hugged him quickly.

He said, “Me and Casey… We’re not doing anything. I told him that until everything was settled and I was no longer a Catholic priest, I wanted to not be… engaged in sin with him. I know it sounds silly, but—”

“No no,” Dan said urgently. “It isn’t silly at all.”

“Well my point is, I think me and Casey will stay here tonight. There are enough rooms, and… I think Noah would love to stay. Would you like that?”

Dan realized that this was colossal pity, that Keith had seen into how lonely, how suddenly afraid Dan was of this night in the rectory alone. But he also knew that he was afraid, and that pity this colossal wasn’t pity. It was grace. So he said, “Yes. I would like that. A lot.”

TAKE AND EAT,

Take and eat

This is my body

Given up for you

Take and eat…

“Don’t,” Dan said, his voice a little whimper.

“Don’t what?” Fenn said to him in the bed.

“It’s not right.”

Fenn murmured

“This is my body, given up for you.”

His mouth went all down Dan’s body.

“You are the sacrament,” he murmur-sang. “We are the sacrament.”