The Prayers in Rossford
Noah came to bed late that night and he settled in beside James, pressing his back to him.
“So, Jamie?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you serious about us building a website?”
“Look, I told you when we first got together, that I would never try to stop you from doing something you had to do.”
“Like build a website?”
“Or other stuff.”
“You mean, like fuck other guys in pornos?”
“Or whatever.”
“Whatever! So you’d still be my boyfriend while I was screwing other folks?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“James!”
“I’d always be around. I’ll always be around. And I’ll never try to make you anything you don’t want to be.”
Noah sat up.
“Hum?” James said.
Noah flipped on a light.
“Look, I remember whenever I did films and shit, it would always be some guy talking about his boyfriend or his girlfriend. I always thought, I’m never going to call anyone my boyfriend until he’s the only person I want to sleep with. I don’t want that crazy shit. All right?”
“All right.”
“Is that settled?”
“Yes, Noah.”
Noah turned out the light, and settled down into the bed.
“Now… Are you gonna tell me how you know Casey?”
James was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “Are you going to tell me if watching Casey get fucked by all those guys made you horny for doing porn again?”
Noah coughed, delicately and said, “Good night.”
There was no point in being here if he couldn’t take his shirt off. He loved being with Noah, and he loved being with James. He was thrilled as fuck that they were together now, but Noah now wasn’t like Noah in the old days. Noah in the old days was full of good times on the surface and shit beneath that neither one of them dared touch. Casey had it too. Living was skating on thin ice with a pill or two to help. There was some hell in it, but it was amazing.
Back at this club, which wasn’t Chicago, exactly, or Indianapolis, but damn good for where it was, he threw off his shirt and danced till he was worked up, until he poured a bottle of water over his chest and knew that feeling sexy made him sexy and being sexy made him looked at and being looked at made him sexy and it was part of a wonderful, glorious cycle.
In the middle of this cycle, someone caught his eye. He was in black slacks and a white, white shirt and he was beautiful. And he was familiar. So Casey danced up to him.
“I bet—No. I know this sounds like a line,” Casey said, thinking to himself how gay he sounded right now. “But I could sweat I know you from somewhere.”
In return he received a beautiful smile, and the guy said, “I’ve been here a couple of times. So maybe.”
“Well, then maybe not,” said Casey. “Cause I’m from out of town.”
“But I’m from out of town too,” he said.
“I don’t wanna get you all wet. I don’t wanna dance too close.”
“I think we’re all here to get a little wet.”
The guy pulled him close and they danced, groin to ass.
“I’m glad this isn’t house music,” Casey leaned back and said into his ear. “I hate that shit. I don’t know whose house it’s supposed to be at for one thing. I hate strobe lights. I hate shit that sounds like a giant’s heartbeat. It’s crazy making.”
Suddenly the guy leaned down and kissed Casey’s throat.
Casey turned around.
“I hate guys who beat around the bush too. Glad you’re not one of them.”
“What’s your night look like?”
Casey grinned. “My night looks like you. And my morning too.”
“We can make a morning happen. I have to pop off for a bit—”
“Pop off for a bit? Like the British?”
“I watch a lot of BBC.” He shrugged. “But I need to pop off, go away, whatever, for a few hours in the morning. But I can be back in bed by eight-thirty.”
“Sounds hot to me. Whaddo you have to do?”
“What if I told you I worked in a church?”
“You’d be…” Casey’s eyes danced around, “half the guys in here.”
“Cool,” he laughed, relieved.
“So, you wanna grab a hotel room, or you gotta place?”
“I bet,” Casey said, “We better grab a hotel room. Is there a reason we can’t go to your place?”
“Yes.”
“A man of mystery. I love men of mystery. Let’s not waste any time then?”
“All right. Let me grab my jacket.”
“I’ll grab my shirt. I’m Casey, by the way.”
“Casey...” The guy nodded and gripped his hand. That was strangely butch. But everything was strange, right? “I’m Keith.”
The hotel room flew open, and Keith came in saying, “See? I told you I’d come back.” He put one coffee on the table beside him, and handed another to Casey.
“I hope you like coffee.”
“I’m a coffee junkie, sir. Thank you. I hope you like Sausage Biscuit with Egg.” He handed him a wrapped breakfast sandwich.
“I am a fan of all things McDonalds.” Keith received the package gratefully, and unwrapped it.
“When I woke up, I figured I might as well go down to the Mickey D’s and grab myself, grab ourselves, something.”
“That is much appreciated,” Keith sat down beside him. “Are you headed out soon, or whaddo you wanna get up to?”
“Um,” Casey smiled and swallowed. “If my mouth weren’t full of McDonald’s I’d kiss you right now.”
He took a swig of the coffee.
“Basically, if you’ve got the morning, I’d love to finish off what we started last night.”
“I do have the morning,” Keith put down his sandwich. “And I will kiss you.”
And he did, and then he said, “And I would love to finish what we started last night.”
“It’s just been a long time,” Casey said. “You know? “
“Since sex?”
Casey shook his head and laughed, “No. That’s a… I don’t live without sex. I mean it’s been a long time since good sex. You know. Since good lovemaking where you stay the night and get McDonalds for the guy the next day.”
Keith laughed. “My last name is McDonald.”
“Um. Keith McDonald. Mine is Williams.”
“I’m glad we stayed together last night,” Keith said after a thoughtful chew on his sandwich. “Sometimes when I get up in the morning I wonder what makes me so afraid, and if I think long enough, it’s the night. Night is so long. And then winter just let up. It seems like night never ends then. It just keeps going.”
“Keeps fucking going,” Casey laughed gently, his hand making a shooting motion. “I was born in Minnesota. I know.”
“Where do you live now?”
At this, Casey really laughed: “Florida!”
They both chuckled and Casey said, “I would move to Alaska if I could and stay there all through that time, you know, when the sun doesn’t go down. And then when it did, I would pack up and head for the South Pole. I hate the night.”
“But the clubs. And… the sex.”
“You can have sex anytime. And the clubs are just full of people who are afraid of night too.”
Keith tipped Casey’s chin up and said, “You wanna make love in the day, then?”
The window was open to the cool June air, and outside cars whistled as they sped by.
“Yes,” Casey kissed him lightly. “I would love to.”
Since James said nothing, Noah said, “You know what? I think I need to leave. I think I just need to go right now. I’m going to take a walk.”
“Don’t walk too far. Your ass looks really nice in those jeans.”
Noah turned around, truly upset.
“I mean in those old faded jeans you really look nice. It’s like two round little hills with denim stretched over them. And when you bend over—”
“James!” Noah said, suddenly very upset. “I am trying to tell you that I am angry, and you won’t take it seriously. You won’t…” Noah balled his fist up, embarrassed.
“I’m tired of you being like the Sphinx. Yeah, I know what the Sphinx is. I’m not as dumb as you may have believed.”
“That is not fair,” James said.
“You know what isn’t fair?” Noah said. “What isn’t fair is I tell you everything. I lay down my life for you, and I say, here you go James. Here you go, babe, this is me. And you just sit there and smile. And you give nothing! And then Casey shows up, and he’s like, oh hey, Jamie. And you’re like, oh hey, Casey. And you won’t even tell me—just to be an asshole, probably—how the fuck you know him.
“I mean, were you lovers? Did you fuck him? But that doesn’t seem right because it doesn’t seem like something you would do. Only… I don’t know what you would do. BECAUSE YOU NEVER FUCKING TELL ME ANYTHING!”
James was toying with telling Noah how hot he looked when he was angry, but, true as it was, as much as in fact, he did want him right now, he suspected this was the wrong thing to say that.
“Once I saw you,” James said. “In a video. I… wasn’t sure if that was really you or not. I couldn’t believe it. It was one clip. I had saved it. I thought, I can’t believe it’s Noah. But then… I wouldn’t have believed that I’d be flipping through gay porn. So… I thought that one day I would find out if it was you or not. I had it in the back of my mind that I would go to California, and I would find you. I would go to old Eagle Studios.
“Sit down, Noah,” he said.
Noah sat down, on the sofa.
“I kept thinking about you. I couldn’t stop. So I finally did go. I said I would go just for the heck of it, to see California and maybe I would find you there. I hunted you down. If you’re not someone who wants to do movies it’s sort of risky and scary to hunt for a gay porn studio.”
“It’s not much different if you are someone who does them,” Noah said ruefully.
“Well, anyway, I walked away with a job.”
Noah looked at James.
“Don’t be silly. I wasn’t doing porn. But… You know, now they have things where pornstars have blogs and write letters and such and such. Porn actors tend to not have the best grammar.”
Noah snorted.
“I was the proofreader at Hawk Eye Entertainment. I checked all the grammar. I used to check Casey’s page. That’s how I got to know him. I didn’t know how to ask for you. How to ask if you were ever coming back. Besides, the money wasn’t bad, and the life was interesting. Because Casey and I eventually got to be friends, it was him I trusted with asking one, if he knew you and two, where you were. It’s because of him that I found you.”
“You did that?” Noah said, getting off the couch. “You chased after me? You crossed the country?”
“Yes.”
“Baby, why didn’t you tell me that? What was so secret about that?”
“I guess I am just what you said. Someone who likes to be irritating. I love you, Noah.”
“Even when you knew what I was doing you came looking for me.”
“The only way I found you was because I knew what you were doing.”
“But…. What were you going to do when you’d found me?”
“I didn’t know,” James admitted. “But what does it matter? We’re together now.”
They were silent a while.
“Now...?” James murmured.
“Hum?”
“Now can I tell you how hot you look in those jeans so I can get you out of them?”
“In a minute,” Noah said. “I just want to stand here, feel girly, and hug you some more.”
“You feel so good. This feels so good,” Casey said. Keith’s body was pressed into his, and he was stretched out, feeling protected in the crook of Keith’s arm.
“He brought me into the banqueting house,
my love’s right hand supported me
his banner over me was love.”
“That poetry?” Casey murmured, turning over.
“It’s from the Bible,” Keith said stretching out and yawning. “Song of Solomon.”
“That’s nice… I like it.”
“I don’t want to leave,” said Keith.
“I have to leave. I’ve been gone since last night. I haven’t called back.”
Casey pressed his body against Keith’s. “This was nice. I don’t want to leave this.”
Keith smiled at him.
“Are you one of the Unreachables?”
“What?”
“It’s from Tales of the City,” Keith said. “These two guys hook up in a bath house—”
“I always wondered what that would be like?”
Keith frowned, shrugged, continued: “I have no idea. Probably very wet.”
“But, anyway?” Casey said with a smile on his face.
“Anyway,” Keith continued, “after these two guys get together, when the other one ask if he can see him again he says—”
“Are you one of the Unreachables?”
“Yes.”
“I,” Casey said, “am not unreachable at all. I want to be reached.”
Keith climbed out of his side of the bed and Casey rolled slowly out of his.
“It’s funny,” Keith said, as he began getting dressed. “I didn’t expect anything to come from this.”
“It’s not supposed to,” Casey said, pulling on his tee shirt. “Or that’s what you tell yourself. But I think you always hope it does. I think we hope the magic moment comes.”
“Sometimes it does.”
“A magical enough moment. A sort of magical moment,” said Casey. “But you’re waiting for the magic moment.”
“And is this it?” Keith asked him, now that they were both dressed.
“Yes,” Casey said, turning around to face him, and smiling. “I think it is.”