The Prayers in Rossford

“Look at this!” Ross thrust a bag in front of Mark and Aidan and Aidan said, “What the hell is it, man?”

“It’s his graduation gown,” Mark said, unfolding the clear plastic.

“Graduation robe,” Ross corrected. “And, look.”

Mark unfolded it and chuckled as he held it up against Ross.

“This goes to your knees,” Aidan said. “You look like a little baby graduate.”

“Hey, shut up, wait till you guys see yours.”

Mark made a noise and said, “On TV graduation always looks so neat… This is a really cheesy robe.”

“Polyester?” Aidan said.

“Not even.” Ross shook his head. “This is a step above tissue paper.”

A new voice cut in. “Why were you at Loretto yesterday?”

Before Mark and Aidan could turn around, Ross said, “Lay-la.”

“Layla,” Mark said, as slowly as possible.”

“Will somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?” Layla demanded.

“She…” Mark began. “We… Well, everyone—”

“Now that you’ve left Will, everyone wants a piece of you,” Ross said simply.

Layla looked at him.

He modified: “Or at least a date with you.”

“Radha,” Layla addressed Mark, “the fast Indian girl you talked to—says she likes you, and I think I was supposed to deliver that message. The red headed girl, my friend Claire, says she was sure you were checking Radha out too.”

“A college girl?” Ross said.

Mark looked dumbfounded, but Aidan said in his friend’s defense, “Why not, in a few months we’ll be college men.”

“Well,” said Layla, “I think this is the grown up version of check yes if you like me and no if you don’t. I think I’m supposed to tell Radha.”

“Seriously?” Mark said stupidly, while Ross patted him on the back.

“Yes,” Layla said. “Seriously.”

While Mark prepared for a very long time to open his mouth, Ross clapped him on the back and said, “Mark’s answer is ‘yes.’”

Layla nodded with a little smile and then said, “Great,” and headed back down the hall.

Aidan stood there, stomping his foot and rubbing the fringe of beard around his chin. Ross said, “You’d better do what you have to do.”

And then Aidan went down the hall and called: “Layla!”

She turned around.

“I was wondering…. Would you like to…?”

“Yes. Pick me up at seven-thirty on Friday.”

Aidan looked stupid. He opened his mouth a couple of times, and then said, “Where are we…?” then figuring he’d better not screw up his golden chance, he stood up straighter, grinned and said, “Okay. I’ll see you then.”

“Well, he’s hotter than Will, and that’s a fact,”Dena said.

“Hey,” Brendan said, “Will’s still our friend. At least he’s still mine.”

“I’m just making a point,” Dena said. “And you have to admit, Bren. I mean, you would know, Aidan is hot.”

Brendan looked embarrassed as the two girls looked at him.

“I don’t look at anyone but Kenny.”

“Sounds like a crock of shit to me,” Layla said. Dena said nothing.

Nell came down the stairs and did a twirl.

“How do I look?”

“You look great, Mom. Actually you look more than great.”

“You look fantastic, Mrs. Reardon,” Brendan said.

She came to him and kissed him. “You’re a fantastic boy, Brendan. I like Milo,” she told her daughter, “but I miss the idea of Brendan being my son-in-law.”

“Well, if Brendan forgets he’s gay, then I could marry him, and Milo could still end up being your nephew. Then they’d both be in the family.”

Layla snorted and Nell said, “Bill’s a married man.”

“That’s right, Mom,” Dena said. “And speaking of forgetting, don’t you forget that.”

Nell frowned, but just then the doorbell rang.

She straightened her dress, and headed down the hallway.

“Is that a new handbag?” her daughter shouted down the hall.

She mouthed to her friends: “That’s a new handbag.”

“Yeah, so,” Dena said, as Layla departed down the street, “Layla thinks she might be single for the rest of her life.”

“She’ll find someone,” Brendan said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Is it me, or is it really warm today?”

“No, it’s just you, Bren. Let’s get off the porch.”

Brendan shrugged and followed Dena back into the house, shutting the door behind him.

“She’ll find someone great. She’s Layla.”

“My mom didn’t see a man for fifteen years almost,” Dena said. “And now the guy she likes is married. I don’t know. Maybe we’re not all meant to find someone. Maybe we’re not destined to find the love of our life and all that business.”

Brendan stuck out his lip and frowned as they reentered the kitchen. That was as much as he was willing to say on the subject.

“It’s been a long time since it was just you and me, you know?” Brendan said.

“Yeah. I miss that.”

Brendan smiled. “I miss it too.”

“Me and Milo haven’t had sex,” Dena said suddenly.

“What?”

“I said—”

“I know what you said,” Brendan told her. “But why are you telling me?”

“I don’t know. I just feel… Do you think it’s time? I do love him.”

“Deen, you’re seventeen.”

“You’re the same age as me—”

“Actually, I’m eight—”

“And it’s not like I’m a virgin. I mean, we slept together.”

Brendan looked distinctly uncomfortable at that.

“I remember, Deen.”

“I mean, a lot.”

“It wasn’t a lot.”

“It wasn’t just once, either.”

Brendan nodded, “True.”

“It’s just… You’re my friend, you’re one of my best friends. And you’re my gay ex and it just seems like… well, we were sleeping together, and Milo, who is my boyfriend, who I do love… we aren’t. I’ve been with you—several times, but not with Milo.”

“I’ve been to Paradise, but I’ve never been to me,” Brendan said.

“What?”

“It’s a… never mind,” Brendan waved it off.

“Okay,” he straddled the chair. “You want to sleep with Milo not because you want to sleep with him, but because—”

“Brendan, you’re the only guy I’ve ever been with, and that’s fucked up.”

“Well, maybe it is,” Brendan said. “But I don’t think that’s a good enough reason for your and Milo to start having sex.”

“Plus, I want sex. I mean, I do,” Dena insisted. “I get that… itch. And, when I think about sex I think about you, and that’s just wrong.”

“Why, Dena? Are you saying you’re still attracted to me?” Brendan teased her.

“Yes,” she said. “Actually that is what I’m saying. I mean, it’s more than that Bren. You are… the only memory I have of sex and that’s screwing me up.”

“I’m sorry,” Brendan said.

Then he said, “I would like to think in the last year I’ve gotten a little older, a little wiser. I mean, I hope I have. And I just think that what you’re saying is you want to sleep with Milo to get me out of your head—”

“That sounds very conceited.”

“I’m just repeating what you told me. And no, I know it’s not cause I was so fantastic in bed. But you’re young and—”

“Oh, please. We’re the same age, and you weren’t that concerned with my waiting to have sex when… I was having sex with you.”

“That’s cause I was more concerned with us staying together and me staying straight. I thought that would do it. I… Look, just cause I was a dummy and an idiot—”

“Doesn’t mean I should be?”

“Doesn’t mean you should hop into bed with Milo—who knows we’ve been together. Everyone knows it.”

Dena suspected Brendan was making sense. He usually did. This did not make her any happier.

“Besides, Deen. We were together for three years. I’ve known you my whole life. We weren’t exactly strangers.”

“You and Kenny were.”

“And?”

“Well, you all have sex.”

“Yes,” Brendan allowed with a long pause. “I also eat peanut butter and pickle relish together. And sometimes I wear the same pair of underwear two days in a row. You really don’t want to make me a role model.

“Look. This time a year ago, I would have said it was all wrong. I was a very different person. We both were. Now… I’ll just tell you, I love sleeping with Kenny. I love him. But I never planned it. I never did it to forget about my ex—”

“Bren—”

“Or anything like that. What I did with you, and it was wrong—was to forget about Kenny—and you know how that turned out. It hurt everyone. Sex is a big deal, Deen. You know that. We both know that now. So, if you and Milo do anything, do it because you just have to be with him, cause you can’t stand not to be as close to him as you can. Don’t do it because you’re upset that the only guy you ever got with is your gay, cheating ex.”

Dena looked at Brendan for a moment, and then she reached out and pinched his cheek.

“What was that for?” he said.

She shrugged.

“You know what? As gay, cheating exes go, you’re pretty good, Bren.”

James heard the car roll over the gravelas Noah returned to the house. A few minutes later, from down the hall, he could hear Noah shouting, “I’m back!”

“I’m in the back of the house,” James said, walking forward. Then he said, “Well, now I’m in the front.”

“I brought back…” Noah opened his bags, “Doritos. Um… pancake mix. Eggs. Milk. Captain Crunch. Brillo pads and a bottle of olive oil.”

“That is… almost random,” James said turning the small bottle of olive oil around.

“It all seemed appropriate. Except for the olive oil,” Noah said, taking the bottle to the cupboard. “I’ve never had olive oil, and I was curious.”

“Whaddo we do now?” James said.

“Hum?”

“I’ve seen my parents. I… could go back to Wisconsin. What would you do? Follow me around?”

“I could?” Noah said.

James said, “But why? We’re not even anything.”

“We could be. I mean, you never said you weren’t into me. Are you into me?”

James shook his head, and Noah thought he was saying no, but what he said was, “I imagine everyone is into you, Noah.”

“That’s not true.”

“I think it is,” James nodded, smiling. “I’m not stupid. I mean, you have that touch.”

“I don’t have that touch here,” Noah said, a little resentfully. “I have to drive into the next town to get groceries because this town scares me so much. I get… I tremble walking out the door. Literally. When I was in Rummelsville, and I am in Rummelsville, no one thought I was much at all. But I’m here, James. Because you’re here.”

James pushed his glasses up his nose.

“This is not false humility,” he began. “But I just think… I am attractive enough, but…”

“James?”

“Yes?”

“Did you… You didn’t see any of those movies did you? I mean, you didn’t get curious and see any of them?”

“I did,” James said, honestly. “I can’t compete with that. I can’t. I don’t even like taking my shirt off when I’m alone, and I can’t… You could get something much more along what you’re used to somewhere else.”

“But I’m here,” Noah said, a little irritated. “I am here, right here, with you. You can’t tell me that doesn’t mean something. If you’re… upset because I did what I did, if you look at me like I’m… whatever—”

“No, I don’t. I don’t,” James said. “I wasn’t there. I don’t get it, but I don’t have to. You’re the only Noah I know, the one right here in front of me. Not the one in the movies—”

“That’s right. So what’s the problem? Unless…. you don’t want something with me. Unless you don’t want me.”

James didn’t say anything, primarily because he didn’t know what to say. They’d ended up here, in Naomi’s dirty, grey, abandoned place, playing some kind of house.

“James, I have never… gone to anyone. You’ve seen Guy’s site? You’ve seen the interviews. Half of us are, or were, so fucking shy. The only time we weren’t shy was when we were making those movies. That was like… the time when I wasn’t afraid. And that was what we got paid for. I didn’t—” Noah shook his head. “I never had to approach a guy and ask him for anything… especially not a date. It was arranged for us. And… outside of that there were hookups and stuff. At clubs. Sometimes. Not a lot. But I was drunk, or really high, and I knew the guy wouldn’t say no. I’ve never, never put myself on the line. And now I am. Right here. And you’re not saying anything.”

“I just never let myself think about it,” James told him. “How could I? It seemed pretty fucking unlikely.”

“I’m the dream,” Noah said quietly. “The pornstar boyfriend.”

“I, honestly, never dreamed of a pornstar boyfriend. Or even much of a boyfriend at all.”

“That must be why I’m in love with you.”

“Why don’t we restrict that to in like?”

“Because it’s love,” Noah said.

“I love you too.”

“What’s that?” Noah put a hand to his ear.

“I love…” James said, “you too.”

Noah came up to him, but he did not kiss him; he hugged him.

“I just wonder,” James said, “how long the novelty of my potbelly and myopia will keep you away from all those muscle bound creatures in the videos.”