Straight Man - Capital Asset

* Three years and seven months later. *

“Come in.”

“Morning Colin.”

“Frank, take a seat. I just want to finish this email.”

“There, that’s done. What did you want to catch up about?”

“This is the Insertion Report for Unit nine.”

“Why is it in hard-copy?”

“The new vet wants it that way.”

“What! I know he’s cheap, but are you saying he’s not on-line?”

“No, he’s on-line. He just spends his time on flights, bringing himself up to speed on coming surgeries.”

“Nine’s not his first procedure though?”

“Nah, he put an insert into Four in July, and he nutted Two last month.”

“Were there any problems? I didn’t see any flags in the monthly production updates.”

“Four’s back on his chain, and almost back up to peak fucking output. No customer complaints.”

“Two will be back in ‘Balls’ next week.”

“That won’t work for Two, replacing ruptured balls with silicone copies is a waste of time. Even if they’re weighted and feel real. I don’t know why Sam is pushing this barrow so hard.”

“The nuts look real enough though.”

“I know, I know. I’m not arguing how authentic they look. I think emptying a Unit’s sack of damaged nuts and replacing them with silicone inserts 20% bigger, delivers a great visual.”

“It’s just that you don’t get the same Unit reaction when his plastic nuts are being worked over by the customers.”

“It’s not far off, all the nerve endings are still there. They still squeal the place down, beg for mercy.”

“Maybe, anyway, it’s not up for discussion. Sam’s the boss, what he wants, he gets.”

“I will say though, this ‘experiment’ he’s planning for FOOD is crazy.”

“Like you say, he’s the boss.”

“Enough of that, tell me about Nine.”

“Well, to recap. You know he’s been fucking customers since we acquired him, just over three and a half years ago.”

“When I last looked at his file, I saw that he was constantly fully booked. Four fuck sessions a day is a big load.”

“It’s the size of his junk that’s driving the demand. He’s a big hit at the Pit Parties. Sometimes we end up with lines forming.”

“I remember the night we picked him up. He was fucking huge!”

“Well customers love him. Or should I say ‘loved’ him.”

“The graph on page three shows his performance decline. Customer dissatisfaction has been climbing from the start of the year. He just can’t keep hard enough to do the job.”

“The inevitability of pushing these fuckers to the highest output levels. Gee’s only three and a half years.”

“Are these file pictures recent?”

“Two weeks ago. Why?”

“He’s clearly still doing his weights; his development tone is superb. He’s gained serious mass.”

“He’s always lifting in his gym.”

“His hobby is really getting results. Pity we can’t get some of the other Units looking like this.”

“His muscled look is actually part of the problem. Being booked solid with four fuck customers a day, is down to his body. He’s so hot everyone wants his cock in them.”

“I can see that, but just over three peak production years out of a Unit, is still short.”

“Second biggest cock on crew though, only Unit Six is bigger, and there’s daylight between them and the rest.”

“His cock is a weapon; I’ll give you that.”

“The vet is going to have to put a huge ‘insert’ in.”

“Yeah, biggest yet.”

“Will it still work? Having that much metal cut into his meat?”

“Doc says yes. When I spoke with him, he said once it’s in, you’ll hardly tell the difference, despite how much internal shaft they have to cut out.”

“Well, Nine’s lucky he’ll never have to go through an airport, the detectors would go crazy.”

“Ok to go ahead?”

“Yes, get it done as soon as you can. I want him back on his chain and fucking. The lack of revenue will hit this quarter, the sooner he’s back on-line, the better.”

* Two years and one month later. *

“Go set yourself up in my office Frank, I’m coming up in the lift now.”

“Morning Frank, sorry I’m late. I’ve had Recruitment on the phone since I left home.”

“No problem. Any hot prospects?”

“Actually, they’ve found a pair of brothers down in Flagtown. A year apart in age, muscle heads, lost their only family last year.”

“Brothers! That’s new. How would we snag them from a small city like that? Someone will notice.”

“True! Thing is, they’re headed to Capital next month to join the Army.”

“They’ve signed up?”

“No, that’s the beauty of it. They’re just planning to hit the road and join up when they get there. Everyone from Home-ville will just assume they got in and shipped out.”

“Sweet plan, we bugged their house?”

“And their car. We know all their plans.”

“What’s their form like?”

“They’re hung like Nine, and they fuck all night. I’ve seen the videos.”

“Sounds like a find. How old are they?”

“Seventeen and eighteen, and fucken dumb as posts.”

“They’re planning on enrolling in the next few months, soon as the younger one comes of age.”

“Well, let us know if we are going to progress. I’ll prep the integration team.”

“Will do. Now, speaking of Nine, where are we at?”

“He’s done as far as being on the Fuck Team. Not even the mechanics can support his function now.”

“It’s a constant. Their cocks literally just wear out.”

“Yep.”

“So what’s the plan for him?”

“Well, as the recently promoted General Manager, that’s up to you.”

“Speaking of that, did you go to Sam’s good bye send-off?”

“I did, but I didn’t stay too long. I liked Sam, but we just didn’t connect.”

“Yeah, I was a bit the same, but as his replacement, I thought I should stay until the end.”

“Good on you.”

“Are you going to change anything?”

“Not obviously, the business is humming. Need to be cautious we don’t fix what’s not broken.”

“I might change a few cosmetic things.”

“Like what?”

“I’m going to speak to Doc about FOOD.”

“About his balls?”

“Of course. I concede it was an interesting experiment.”

“Stretching the guy’s sack for months with three-pound weights, then filling it with grapefruit sized implants was different.”

“But the guy looks like one of those weird zoo baboons. His balls come into the room three minutes before he does.

“Are you just going to remove his whole sack?”

“Yeah, it’s a quick and easy solution.”

“Anyway, back to Nine.”

“What’s your team recommending?”

“We think we should push him to ‘Balls’.”

“He’s got the oversized nuts for it. He’ll probably be just as popular as he was in Fuck.”

“Doc says it will take him at least a month to recover from removing his cock implant.”

“What’s his final length expected to be?”

“Doc thinks an inch and a half, two inches tops!”

“It’s a big come down from eight.”

“They lose an inch either side of the implant.”

“Any chance he’ll be able to get his remnant nub hard?”

“Unlikely, anyway, what’s he going to do with two inches?”

“Fuck, he’s going to be constantly horny. Balls that big and no erection to unload.”

“Who gives a fuck?”

“True. You want him in the ‘Balls’ division for a couple of years?”

“That’s what my team is recommending.”

“We expect we will get the best revenue if we slot him in to the ‘unrestricted’ group. At least for the first year.”

“Unrestricted? Isn’t that where we had all the ruptured nuts? Why that category?”

“You’re right. It’s risky letting the customer base choose their pleasure, punching, kicking, crushing, even electro shocks.”

“Nine will spend his days doubled over feeling like he wants to vomit from the pit of his gut.”

“Thing is, how he feels isn’t so important, as long as it brings in the cash.”

“I follow all that, and, as general manager, I’m on board with not impacting revenue. But the ruptures? Permanent damage?”

“I’m getting to that. It all boils down to the Unit’s individual build.”

“How so?”

“Well, Nine’s nuts are oversize, so they fill his sack. They also rest close to his body, not so much flopping around. Turns out, he’s not really prone to swing or twist injury.”

“So, you’re saying his nuts present the customer with a perfect torture target, without the risk of permanent damage? They can smack him around day after day, and all he’ll have to deal with is a pain in the guts?”

“Well, we’ve based his revenue potential on four sessions a day, not just one. And a kick to the balls is more than just a pain in the guts.”

“Yeah, yeah. I follow, but I’m not interested in what the Unit goes through. That’s his fucken job.”

“I’m just confirming you don’t expect major damage from that level of program?”

“What are you and doc basing your expectations on.”

“They’re based on what happened with Units Three and Eleven. Those guys had the same ball bag structure and were in the ‘unrestricted’ group for 18 months a piece.”

“Nine has bigger, but even tighter balls. We revenue forecast we can get two years’ service out of him.”

“Well, if you’re confident we won’t have any medical issues, I say go ahead.”

“Doc is sure we will be fine. The only thing is, after two years of nut beatings, he probably won’t be having kids.”

“Not our problem, and besides, who’s he ever going to knock up with two inches?”