The music was pounding, hard like hammers in my ears, resonating inside my chest, making my ribs hurt. I was holding a red plastic cup, pretending I belonged with the group of college students all barely out of their teenage years milling about and lying, too, about being older and cooler.
That thing about being old was, at least, that one thing I didn’t have to pretend it was real. I felt older than them despite not having lived longer. It’s something that I must’ve been born with, a flaw that kept me – at the time – from having the natural innocence these people around me had, even half-drunk and with only fucking on their minds. Gals and guys were grinding against each other, their words already slurred, their movements unbalanced thanks to the dubious drinks they passed around. Most of them would end up having sex tonight, I found myself thinking. Strange how uninteresting the topic was for me when Adrian wasn’t involved.
Speaking of the devil. No, that wasn’t right; he had the same innocence as the others his age, because it didn’t matter how edgy or cool he thought himself to be. Even his game, which he was putting on display right now, was childish. But I was willing to indulge him, because I wanted him to believe that he failed on his own, not with my help. The look on his face once he realized that he needed to be angry at himself would be so precious.
He was lying on a sofa not so far from me, his head in a girl’s lap, and she was bending herself like a pretzel to indulge him in kisses, his hand in her hair, pulling her close to meet her in the middle. I couldn’t see her face, but it didn’t matter if I saw it anyway. I’d forget her the same way you forget a stranger you happen to pass by in the street. That was the most she’d ever amount to.
I was at this party because he’d insisted so much. And now he was ignoring me. On purpose. I could toss the content of the cup I was holding into the nearest plant or a bush outside and leave. A reasonable person would definitely do that. But I was not a reasonable person.
So I watched him, bent on torturing myself with the sight of him with someone else until my eyes watered so badly I wouldn’t see a thing anymore. Not because I was on the verge of crying; I’m not the sort to cry. The last time I cried… it doesn’t matter.
But I wanted to keep my eyes wide open, not even blink so I didn’t lose a moment of him punishing me.
“You’re Jo, right?” The girl who just stopped by my side had to lean in closer and shout over the syncopate music.
“Jordan,” I said, knowing who must’ve told her about me.
“Adrian says you’re shy,” she added, looking at me from below, with her big eyes painted with red and gold. Her cleavage wasn’t generous but she knew how to put it in the right light. Since I had to make eye contact with her, the sight of her small tits pushed up by her bra, a hint of which I could guess through the thin fabric of her blouse, was impossible to miss.
“He doesn’t know me that well,” I said, taking another sip from the bitter drink in my cup. What the hell, my night was ruined and the taste on my tongue was bad enough. So I wrapped an arm slowly around her shoulders, looking down at her, trying to tune out the pounding of the bad music in the room, so I could at least put on a decent show.
Her big eyes grew bigger. She bit her bottom lip and her eyelids fluttered in invitation. I moved slowly, bent on making her think that Adrian knew me at least a bit, but also to allow her enough room to get away.
But she didn’t. Letting out a soft whimper of frustration, she pushed herself up on her toes to meet my lips half-way. For a moment, I stopped. Across the room, Adrian still had his hands in his girlfriend’s hair; he was still kissing her without acknowledging that he was breaking my heart. Or maybe that had been his purpose all along.
As if he could feel my eyes on him – finally – he stopped smooching the girl and turned his head, still obscured by his lover’s long hair. But I knew he was looking at me now.
“What’s going on?” my girl asked and made a move to turn on her heel to see what I was watching so intently.
I grabbed her head, more forcefully than I first intended, and guided her pretty face close to mine for a kiss. She forgot all about my earlier hesitation and put her arms around my neck, quite enthusiastically. Her lips were soft and tasted of some brand of sweet bubblegum. I closed my eyes and started kissing her for real. My heart boomed in my chest and in my ears, knowing that Adrian had to be watching me. Was he satisfied with his little ruse? Was this what he wanted?
***
My girl for the night dragged me upstairs. Out of Adrian’s sight, I had little wish to continue fooling her into believing I liked her enough to sleep with her. Since she had naughtily showed me the condom she carried in the pocket of her tight jeans, there was no doubt about where all of this was heading.
But I wasn’t cruel to people on purpose, or at least to people I didn’t know well. So my head was all wrapped around an excuse that wouldn’t make me a total prick.
“Guys,” another female voice called from downstairs, and my new friend smiled and leaned over the rail.
That was perfect, I thought. If anything happened to thwart her plans with me, it’d save me a good deal of trouble. The things Adrian made me do.
So imagine my shock when I realized my girl’s friend wasn’t alone. She had Adrian, my nasty, beautiful tormentor all wrapped around her, and now they were climbing the stairs together, staggering and laughing as if they were drunk.
“Wait for us,” the girl drawled, and Adrian shamelessly fondled her tit, his arm hanging over her shoulder. “Addie, stop,” she protested, giggling and pushing herself into him to show that what she felt had nothing to do with her words.
Addie. What the fuck.
I froze in place. As much as I liked to believe that I was good at this game, nothing could change the fact that I was new to it. Too new.
“Let’s hang out,” Adrian’s girlfriend said and pushed by us on her way up, taking her partner with her.
Adrian jerked his head in my direction and smirked. Ah, I was starting to understand. After all, he had told me that he wanted to see me in pain. But I didn’t want to play the role of easy prey; there’s no reward in things you get without working for them. I intended to be a reward, a prize of some kind for Adrian.
My girl pulled me along. It didn’t strike me once as weird that I didn’t know her name. Had she mentioned it? I couldn’t recall. As we climbed behind Adrian and his hookup, I could feel his scent. I wanted so much to just lean over, bump into him, and bury my nose in the small hollow at the back of his head and inhale him until my lungs had only him inside them.
After a few fails – doors being open only to discover people in there, already hard at work – we finally found an empty room. Adrian rolled on the bed with his partner before I managed to close the door behind us. After that look he’d thrown me on the stairs, he acted like I was invisible or he was too taken with his hookup to pay attention to anyone else.
I stopped, making my partner turn to me with a question on her face, one she was too lazy to ask. Adrian already had his jeans and underwear around his angles and he was pushing into the chick he’d picked up for tonight, the contrast between his darker skin and her plump white thighs making me think of something bad and murderous.
It shocked me that I had such an urge to become violent. I was the master of restraint; I knew how to choose my battles.
Only that this battle had been chosen for me.
“Don’t worry, baby,” my girl drawled in what she must’ve been told was her sexiest voice. She bumped into me on purpose and her hand went for my crotch. I didn’t stop her; I was transfixed, watching Adrian humping his girl on the bed, putting the moves on her, moves that he should’ve put on me.
Did I want Adrian to fuck me? Especially in the missionary position? The irony wasn’t lost on me. I had no idea. I liked kissing him; I liked it when he kissed me. And there had been enough cocksucking between us to establish that we liked that, too.
My girl dropped to her knees and continued to fiddle with my fly. Her fingers were like steel, despite her small frame. I felt her grip on my cock like something foreign that could very well break the thing.
What an odd thing to say something like ‘I was/felt mad’ but if you bring madness into it, things no longer make much sense. It did for me, because I felt my brain sinking into a mass of darkness in which only thoughts I could barely controlled lurked.
I was jealous. I was jealous for the first time in my life, and the girl at my feet had a cold wet mouth when she put it on my cock. I shivered. The last thing I wanted was for her to believe that she had anything to do with it. Not because I wanted to shield a stranger from my darkness which teetered on the verge of becoming absolute and take over.
No, that wasn’t it. I didn’t want her to be part of it at all. I wanted her to disappear, so I could be alone there, witnessing Adrian’s announced betrayal by myself.
It was like that anyway. The skin on my back dripped with sweat like ice, and the bitter taste of cheap beer turned into acid in my throat.
My hookup was still struggling to get an erection out of me, and I could tell she was growing frustrated. I continued to watch Adrian fuck that random girl, one who would mean nothing to him the next day, and all I felt was madness.
Mad people must be alone all the time.
“Did you drink too much?” my girl asked.
Adrian looked at us, his face a grin and nothing else. It was all I could see. “What? He can’t get it up?” His partner laughed and tried to drag him back to her. “Maybe he needs to have a better look.”
He flipped his girl so she ended on top with a playful yelp that went straight to my gut. From that position, yes, I could see more. I could see his cock disappearing inside the girl’s body, getting swallowed to the hilt and released slowly in preparation for the next thrust.
“Jo,” he called, looking at me around the chick bouncing on top of him.
His eyes were like dark pits, their pupils dilated. Maybe he was on something, but I couldn’t tell since I had no actual experience with intoxicating substances.
“Jo,” he said louder, snapping my attention back to him like an elastic band. “Don’t you like what you see?” His hands moved over the girl’s hips, gripping them hard.
I watched in dread, in fascination, in disgust.
“Just look,” Adrian added, this time his voice dropping lower. He meant it as a menace. I took it as a plea.
From across the room, I imagined I could smell his sex. I pictured myself crawling to him and kissing his balls, taking them in my mouth. Would he come inside his hookup if I did that? He had a condom on, so at least he was reasonably responsible.
“I--”
I don’t feel too well. I wanted to say that, but his eyes met mine again. I had to give something to him. I did the best I could.
Locking eyes with him, I wrap my hand around my hookup’s head, making it into a fist in her silky, nice smelling hair. Under the right circumstances, she had to be a sweet girl, maybe a bit loose, but everyone seemed to be that here.
Oh, well, we weren’t in Kansas anymore. I pushed her into my cock, not once letting my eyes leave Adrian’s beautiful face. She made a small sound of surprise, but this wasn’t her first rodeo, and I knew for a fact that my dick was around the national average, so not that hard to handle.
Her moves were practiced, her tongue experienced, but it wasn’t because of her that I was getting hard. His eyes – his dark green eyes, so strange in the artificial light – were on me, begging me to give him what he wanted.
A little bit of pain.
My hookup was working me like a pro now. And all I could see, not blinking again, was his face. He didn’t look away for a moment, either.
The soft choking sound my partner made only to be replaced by other practiced sounds of satisfaction announced to me that I was filling her mouth up. She got up, holding her hand to her mouth, most likely wanting to spit. But I grabbed her hard and kissed her harder, while Adrian’s face metamorphosed into an ancient mask of anger. I chased my own cum in the girl’s mouth, not wanting to leave her anything of me.
But the show wasn’t over, and now that I was getting the hang of it, I couldn’t stop. I wanted more, I wanted to see him seething while watching me. It made me feel vindicated.
To a degree.
I turned the girl with her ass to me, and I snuck my hand inside her tight jeans, after some fumbling. To make things worse, I kept whispering nonsensical things in her ear, while she did her part to moan and writhe while I was handling her.
Even if I’d never gone that far with a girl, I knew the basics of it. Porn is like mana for the sex-deprived religiously grown and fettered. So I moved my fingers around with the intention to get my hookup off, not as reward for what she did for me, but as my revenge.
Adrian’s grin was no more. It had twisted into a rictus and now he was slamming into his girl from below with short, punishing thrusts.
He was giving me a preview, but I didn’t care for it. All I wanted was his rage. I wanted it all.
My temporary girl shouted her release, making it too loud to be completely sincere, but my fingers were soaked wet, so I must’ve done at least a half-decent job.
Responding to her porn-worthy audible performance, Adrian’s date began to shake as if a demon was possessing her. Her words were a string of words linked together: gonnacum, gonnacum, yes, gonnacum.
Adrian finally looked away from me when I extracted my hand from my hookup’s jeans. Discreetly, I removed my handkerchief and wiped my fingers quickly.
Then I leaned back and stared at him staring at me with murder written all over his pretty face. Adrian patted his now-satisfied partner on the ass, and she moved away. She dropped on the bed face-first and mumbled something, but he didn’t reply.
He just looked and looked at me, surprised, hurt, confused, and angry.
He should draw himself, I thought in that moment. Don’t all great artists capture human emotion at its finest, be it good or bad?
tbc
If you enjoyed this story, consider supporting the author on SubscribeStar.
To get in touch with the author, send them an email.
