Everyone is back home, in this chapter we will begin to reconcile the lives of Austin, Hudson, Cole, and Jacob. Thank you all for reading along with me, this is actually a lot of fun for me and is a great creative outlet. There will be conversations had, feelings shared, questions will remain. As most of us remember our feelings are not just magically resolved.
Austin and Hudson
I cannot believe what I came home to, Hudson, on my side of the bed, naked, boned up and asleep. Then, he makes comments, “smells like you” and “good night, Aus, love you”. I was so tired that I fell asleep quick. I woke up before the sun the next morning, my mind was racing but I was calm. Jackson was right, I was safe with Hudson, I can tell him about me, I don’t have to admit that I am in love with him. So, I lay there, I could hear Hudson’s soft breathing, every now and then he would have a little snore, and a mumble. I had to pee, so I quietly got up and went to the bathroom. Upon going back to bed, I see that Hudson has rolled over and is not smack in the middle of the bed. I gently tried to crawl back in without much movement. I successfully got back in bed. I am a side sleeper, and I was laying facing Hudson now. I studied his face, he had a small scar on his left cheek, he got this on the playground at school in 2nd grade. He jumped out of the swing and didn’t stick the landing. I could also see that he had small notch on the inside of his ear, my grams used to say it was from a kiss of a butterfly. I also noticed his eyes were moving under his eyelids, he must be dreaming. I know this might be creepy, if he woke up now it’d probably freak him out. So, I looked a few more moments then closed my eyes. I dozed back off a little. When I woke a little later, I opened my eyes and I was staring right into the eyes of Hudson. Well, I guess it was not creepy at all. I found it endearing. I quietly said, “hi”, he responded in a whisper, “morning”. We were no more than a foot apart; I could easily just lean over and kiss him. Not an option right now. He then said, “I want to hear everything about camp”. I smiled and said, “ok, but first there is something I want, no need, to tell you”. Hudson stiffened like he was bracing for the worst. I just lay there looking at him now. He finally broke the silence, “what is it”. I took a deep breath and started, “Hudson, I umm, I umm, I am different”. Somehow that was what came out. This is where he would usually make a joke, but instead he said, “different from who”. I said, “no different is not what I mean, well it is, but um like, I think I am gay, no I am gay”. He just looked at me and said, “ok, first thank you for sharing that with me, but that does not make you different, or anything from anyone, you are still Austin”. Whew, I am not sure what I expected him to say, did I think he was going to jump up and down and say, “oh my god me too, lets fuck”. No, I did not expect that. Then I felt his hand under the sheets, he found my hand and pulled it to his chest. He did not speak he just held it there. I felt his heart beating, his lungs breathing, then then cupped my hand with both hands and said, “I love you man”. I smiled and said, “I love you too Hud”. I could see his lips curve up into a smile and he pulled me in closer, his arms went around me, and we were in an embrace in bed, and not wearing clothes. I tried to pull away, he was not having it, so I gave in and at that point I became overwhelmed with emotion. I felt it welling up, and then the tears came, not big ugly tears just sort of a soft whimper. I felt his embrace even tighter, then he said, “I’ve got, always and forever”. We stayed like this for a few minutes and finally I composed myself.
He released the hug, and I rolled onto my back. I looked up at the ceiling. Hudson then said, “was that what the text was about, that you needed to talk to me”. I said, “yes and proceeded to tell him about camp, Jackson and everything that happened him on social media and how he was treated. Hudson had only one question, “you seen him naked, but my dick is bigger right”. I pushed him, and said, “you ass, then I thought about it, and pursed my lips and said, yeah it is”. Then he had a follow up question, he said, “you had the perfect opportunity, you shared a room with a hot guy with a slightly smaller penis than me, but you didn’t hook up”. Without thinking I replied, “no I’m saving myself”. He had a quizzical look and right then both of our phones pinged, it was Cole, “need to talk now, we are downstairs”.
Cole and Jacob
My bedroom door opened and my dad poked his head in. He said, “good morning son”, then without hesitation, “when you two get up we need to talk”. Oh shit, I was complete panic, Jacob said, “do you want me to go”. I replied, “not unless you really want to”. He said, “nope we are in this together”. We got up put on shirts and went to the kitchen. My dad was at the table. He pointed and said, coffee is over there, he already had two cups set out. We each made a cup and set down. My dad had the paper, and some envelops laying on the table. He said, “good morning, Jacob, welcome to our home, I am sorry we are meeting this way, but I figured it was better to meet this morning than last night when you snuck in the back door”. I looked at my dad now, “mouth open”. He just said, “better close that you’ll catch some flies”. That made me chuckle my mom always said that. He said, “Cole, I am going to let you go first”. I said, “well dad I’m not sure what to say or where to start”. He just said, “say what you want and start wherever I am just listening for once, something I should have done more of for the past few years”. I then said, “well dad I’m gay”. He nodded. I then said, “this is Jacob and he is, um well as of this week my boyfriend”. He nodded again. The it was quiet. He looked at Jacob and said, “would you like to say anything”. Jacob said, “ummm no sir”. Dad chuckled and said, “sir, so formal, not really my style but thank you”. Dad then said, “son I do not care that you are gay, honestly your mama told me you probably were before she passed and made me promise when we had that conversation that I would accept you, but that is not why I accept you son, I accept you because you are my son, I love you, and just because you are gay doesn’t mean a whole hill of beans to me, all I care about is are you happy. I was married to your mama for 20 short years, we were happy, she was the love of my life, that is all she and I would want for you”. He went on, “but, I do have a problem with you sneaking your boyfriend into our house, does his mother know where he is. Just because you are two guys does not make it any different than if you were a guy and gal. I know you are 18 but there does need to be some rules about sleepovers”. I was setting there, with tears in my eyes, I said, “um yes dad”. Jacob replied, “yes Sir”. Dad then said, “ok we can work that out later”. He went on, “some things are goin to change around here, you will not find a drop of alcohol in the house, it will stay that way. I started back to meetings a couple days ago. Also, you got this letter in the mail”. He handed me a letter from the medical school I applied to for admission. He said, “well go on open it, I’ve been waitin all week”. I opened the letter, it said, “we would like to extend a provisional acceptance into our pre-medicine undergraduate school”. I showed it to Jacob, and then handed it to dad, but he knew based on my smile what it said. He said, “then I guess we should talk about this then”. He handed me a certificate and a bank statement. The certificate was mom’s life insurance, and the statement was the balance in the bank minus the $2000 he took out for me. He said, “will that cover it”. I was stunned, the life insurance plus the cancer policy totaled $750,000. I just sat there in silence, tears welled up in my eyes. My dad for all of his faults had been setting on this for me. My dad said, “son for as bad of a father as I have been these past few years, your mother was a million times better, getting this out and talking with you last weekend made me realize that”. He then stood up and came over I stood and we hugged. I was just overwhelmed. We set back down and finished our coffee. I told dad I needed to go talk to Austin and Hudson about Jacob and me. He said, “ok son and good luck, just remember if they are true friends they will be just fine”.
I asked Jacob if he needed to stop by his house, and he said, “no one is home anyhow so, no”. We drove straight to the Tucker’s.
When we arrived, I texted both Austin and Hudson, “need to talk now, we are downstairs”. We set down at the kitchen island; Alice was making breakfast. She said, “I haven’t seen the boys yet this morning, but Austin got in late”. I said, “I lit a fire under them”. Within in about 1 minute they both bounded down the stairs. Austin said, “need to talk now, huh”. I said, yeah um, maybe, um. Mrs. Tucker said, “I can take a hint boys, I need go and do some laundry anyhow”. She went to the other part of the house.
I looked at both and said, ok sit down. Hudson looked sleepy and confused; Austin looked knowingly at me. I said, “ok so, I’m gay, and Jacob and I are together”. Hudson got up and went to pour some OJ, and Austin just looked at me, and said, “and”. Hudson turned and said, “umm ok thank you for sharing this with us, umm me, and it doesn’t really change anything for me”.
I looked at Hudson, that sounded familiar. He kept it cool and did not let on anything about what we had discussed earlier. We didn’t discuss it but I got the feeling that Hudson knew not to say anything about me.
Cole then said, “well that’s not all, um Jacob slept over at my house last night and my dad caught us this morning”. Hudson and I both stopped immediately and looked at him. I said, “oh fuck, what happened”. He told us everything his dad said, and about the money, and college and all. We were both shocked, but happy for Cole. I then realized Jacob had not said anything the entire time. I looked at him and said, “Jacob how are you doing with all of this”. Jacob responded, “that’s likely not even the most dramatic thing to happen this week”. Cole just laughed, and said, “oh yeah there is more, a lot more, but that’s not my story to share”. Jacob then said, “oh well it’s nothing we just finished second in the competition, oh yeah and Cole met my grandfather who is one of the wealthiest men in Chicago”. I said, “um second place huh, sheesh”. We all laughed and then I said, “I think there is a lot that is needed to be shared here huh”. I went on, “no pressure thought Jacob, family stuff can be kind of heavy”. He responded, “it is very heavy, and I’m cautiously optimistic about my relationship with my family now, much more so after how my grandfather responded to this guy”, he then poked Cole in the ribs, and Cole squirmed and giggled. Just then, Mrs. Tucker announced, “I’m coming in to get cinnamon rolls”. We paused the conversation, and she took out the pastries, and set out the rest of the breakfast. We all ate and laughed, and it was nice. After breakfast, Cole and Jacob headed out and Hudson and I picked up the dishes and cleaned up. I said, “I am full and tired, I’m going to go relax”. I headed up the stairs, and Hudson was right behind me.
We got into the room; Hudson entered too and closed the door. I went and flopped on the bed. Hudson stood there staring at me. I just stared back. I said, “what”. He said, “what do you mean what, This is a lot, I find our both of my best friends are gay, one has a millionaire boyfriend, the other is saving himself for his secret crush, and here I am trying to figure out why I can’t stop thinking about my best friend, the man I share a bed with”. I set up and said, “what did you just say”. He said, “which part”. I said, “the part where you can’t stop thinking about me”. He said, “Aus, I don’t know man, there is something, like when I wasn’t with you all week, all I could think about was you”. He pulled out his phone and showed me his lock screen it was my picture. I laughed and showed him mine. I knew better than to profess my love for him right now, so I tucked that away. Hudson went on, “when you are near me it calms me, when I think about you it makes me happy, when I jerked off last, I remembered what you looked like in the shower, man I don’t know it’s all just spinning in my head”. He came over and set on the bed next to me. He said, “then you tell me your gay and it just hit me, like am I gay, bi, what”. I said, “Hudson, hold on, that is not something you just decide, or something I can tell you, that is something you will need to work through, whatever it is, I will be here for you”. Hudson looked at me and said, “I know you will”. He then said, “after all of this should I go sleep in the other room”. I said, “that is up to you, but from my perspective you do not have to, but if you are more comfortable, I understand”. He said, “oh no I would prefer to stay in here, I meant what I said, “when I am with you everything with me is calm”. I said, “it’s settled then”.
I then said, “you should know that I would like to keep my sexuality between just us, I am not ready to tell my family yet”. He said, “what about Austin”. I said, “please don’t be mad but he already knows, remember that day after practice when you came in and I was crying and I ran out”. He said, “yeah”. I said, well I had just told Cole, we were talking about my grams, and it was struggling. He just put his arm around me and hugged me. He said, “well I am glad you told me, I will not share it with anyone”. I said, “thank you, you have no idea how much you mean to me”. He kept his arm around me I looked over at him, “he looked at me and said, Aus, “you mean the world to me”. He then pulled our foreheads together. We were so close, I could feel his breath. We just stayed like this. He said, “Aus, I love you”. I said, “Hud, I love you too”. Hudson then said, “I don’t know who you’re saving yourself for and you don’t have to tell me, but he is very lucky”. I said, “Hud”. I couldn’t finish. Then I felt it, his lips touched mine and he kissed me. He pulled back, and said, “fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that was stupid”. I said, “stop, you have no reason to be sorry, but also I think you have some things to figure out”. He said, “I do have a lot to work through, but I also know I want to work through it with you”. I said, “I am here and always will be remember what is mine is yours”. He said, “does that mean your heart too”. I just looked at him and said, “yes”. Nothing else was said, we just sat there, together. Hudson broke the silence and said, “can I still sleep naked”. I just laughed and said, “you do you”.
I know this is a shorter installment I hope it does not seem rushed. I am definitely enjoying the feedback and thank you all for the positivity. Keep it coming!
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