Fear, Love, and Hate

DEAN

"Do you want me to stop?"

His body feels so good beneath mine. He makes me feel strong and sexy, he looks at me like he wants me, and I don't think I've wanted anyone as bad as I want him. Seeing his cock grow hard in his trunks and watching the flush creep over his chest. Watching his chest rise and fall and following the light dusting of hair lead into his waistband. It was too much. I swallow hard and tilt my head to kiss him. Softly first, then he takes my lips and kisses me like they’re his. I start to rock my hips, grinding our cocks against each other as our kiss grows stronger, but not faster. It's powerful rocking us in time to my thrusts. My head swims, and his fingers squeeze mine. I've had long, hard, sweaty fucks, that didn't bring me this close, this fast.

"Oh my god."

"Look at me."

I open my eyes, and I'm met with such a depth of emotion and connection. I'd never in my life seen that look; it sends me screaming towards the edge. Wrapping his legs around me, he drives us towards release. Feeling his strong body ripple under me and the look in his eyes, I can't hold out.

"Nick, I can't..."

He lifts his body up slightly putting more pressure on both our cocks and I lose my words as he pushes me off the cliff and I unload hard inside his trunks. I can feel his cock throbbing next to mine, and I know he's unloading just as hard as I am. Laying my body down on top of his, our eyes never leave each other until he tilts his head up to kiss me on the forehead.

NICK

I slowly drawl out that we're a mess, but it doesn't matter. Those words fall on deaf ears as I realize Dean is sound asleep. This boy is so special.

DEAN

I can feel something is wrong. I grew up staying alive by knowing when things were wrong even in the dead of night in a deep sleep. As my mind urged me to wake up, I fought against it knowing I was safe. But finally, the feeling got to be too much, and my eyes slowly opened. Rolling over, I realized that I was alone in the bed. Blinking blearily, it wasn't until the lightning flashed that I saw him curled up on the floor next to the bed. I moved to the edge and placed my hand on his shoulder, and before I knew it, he had jumped up and was halfway between me and the back door screaming at me not to touch him. Poor Iris winced and ran into the closet, terrified, and I had the sense she had seen her daddy like this before.

"He Mr, calm down. What's wrong?"

Another flash of lightning and I could see his upper body damp, with what I'm assuming was sweat.

"I'm only gonna disappoint you; I'm only gonna take your strength and leave you weaker for it."

It was barely above a whisper, but it boomed in my ears. After all our fights, everything with my mom, his dad, and Dale. After everything, this Nick I hadn't ever seen before. "You've been more than I could even dream of, how could you think I'd be disappointed?"

 "You don't know how useless I am, how..."

Suddenly the lightning gives way to thunder and him trembles and yells, visibly shaken by the sound. I move to take another step, and he yells to stay away and runs outside into the mighty winds and impending rains.

"Please don't."

Tears start to form in my eyes, I'm scared, but I can't lose it now. "Nick, you make me better. I feel human... like I matter. And it's the scariest thing I've ever felt in my life. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you. You don't make me weaker; you make me feel... feel loved."

"This. You. Us. I don't know how to breathe when I'm with you, and I can't think without you. My strength is useless when it comes to you. From the first kiss that I can still taste on my lips, you changed me. You're so worried that I'm gonna get rid of you and all I can think is I don't deserve someone with a soft heart like yours. You were strong enough to live through your hell and handle it head-on. And me. All I did was take it and roll over like a whipped dog. What happens if I'm not strong enough? What happens if I fail you?

The way he hung his head, his words were real and born from a deep and old hurt. His body trembles, I see the goosebumps cover his upper body. He bites his lip and pounds his fists into his head as the wind whips up around us.  Thunder rings out with a crash, and he lowers his head to scream. Quickly I close the gap between us grabbing the blanket we left outside yesterday. Throwing it over me, I circle him in my arms and close the blanket around both of us, letting this forehead rest on my shoulder.

I do the only thing that comes to mind as he shakes in my arms. I start to sing gently. I'd never sang in front of another person in my life. I'd do it to calm myself down when I felt closest to giving up.

"Make my world go black, hit me like a heart attack, know me flat on my back..."

We sway, his breathing evens out, and he lets me lead him back inside, all continuing to sing gently just above a whisper. I kick the door closed with my foot and make our way back to the bed. One step at a time, not to fast and right in time as I sing. Reaching the bed he starts to hesitate, but I squeeze him and sway again.

"I don't wanna see a thing; I just wanna feel your love, make my world go black."

He leads me to the bed and pulls me down. I let the blanket fall to the floor and reach for the heavy comforter. Wrapping my right arm around his chest and sliding my left arm under his head, I press my chest to his back. The thunder crashes, but before he can move, I squeeze him. He lets out a whimper and grips my arm for all he's worth.

"I promise you're safe in my arms."

I don't know how long it takes, but he drifts off to sleep, and it doesn't take long for me to join him.

NICK

I don't know the last time I woke up and felt peace. When I last woke up and knew I was safe. No beatings, no yelling, no degrading. I was warm from the mix of the blankets, the sun coming through the windows, and the solid yet gentle body lying behind me. He held me all night and slayed a few of my demons all at the same time... I'm falling hard.