Fear, Love, and Hate

           I woke up to find the sun completely set. I could tell it was cold from the chill of our still damp cloths, but I felt warm and safe. I moved and felt Dean move with me. I looked up and stared at the stars. This moment was perfect. I saw a shooting star and then felt him kiss me on the top of the head. I rolled over as to be able to look up at him.

          “Hi.”

          “Hey.”

          We both just smiled at each other, I’m sure we looked like stupid punch drunk love kids. The stare was so deep that I could feel us trembling. I eased up and kissed him gently. I moved up to sit in his lap and rest my forehead on his while he ran his arms around me.

          “Hey ummm…” He stopped and looked sheepish, as a crimson tide washed over his tan face. I would have been worried about what was going to come next if it hadn’t have been for the sly smile painted on his face. He looked like a little kid wanting a cookie. I poked him and rubbed my nose against his soliciting a yelp and giggle from deep in his chest.

          “Ummm… could we… -sigh- could we go lay down?” He averted his eyes and looked down, afraid I was gonna say no. His hands roamed over my back as if trying to soak up every touch he could before I told him no and to leave. I could feel it in his trembling hands and see it in his quivering bottom lip.

          I got up off of the chair and began to walk around it. I heard a sad sound come from his lips; not sure if it was a whimper or a sigh or something in between. I placed my hand on the side of his face and used my thumb to gently run across his forehead. I slid that hand down his arm until it found his hand and I hooked my fingers in with his and pulled him up and led him back into my room.

Dean

          Aisis followed us inside and laid on another large dog bed right inside his closet before he closed the door. I just stood there; I wasn’t used to this… I was used to in and out or not even in just the out. I was used to no intimacy just action. And in those situations I was confident, but now standing in this room with Mike, I didn’t know what to do or say or think, all I could do was feel and I was feeling so much I just wanted to shrink away. I didn’t deserve to be here, I deserved to be covered in mud, cold and wet walking into a rundown house with my mom strung out on the sofa.

         In the mist of my self-loathing thoughts a hand runs down my chest and another cups the side of my face. I take in a sharp breath. I open my eyes and look up into his; even in the dark they shine. His hands slide to my shoulders and he slowly pushes to plaid shirt still unbuttoned to the floor. Leaning forward to place his forehead on mine. My hands were shaking but I reached down and grabbed the bottom of his shirt, his breathing trembled, I pulled it over his head as he raised his arms for me. We just stood there looking at each other.

          He started laughing, and I don’t know why, but so did I. It was a happy laugh as he laced both our hands together. He pulled me towards the bathroom, and again the lights were so bright I had to remove my hands from his and let my eyes adjust. He rubbed my shoulder until I blinked a few times and was able to see his smiling face.

          “Bath or shower?”

          “Like together?!” My voice cracked a little. I felt so stupid. Then I looked up at him and he blushed.

          “Sorry you can have the tub and I’ll…”

          I cut him off with a kiss, and then leaned over and started the bathtub. He glared at me since I stole is trick of shutting me up with a kiss. My muscles hurt and I haven’t soaked in a tub in years. He suggested we jump in the shower to wash the mud and dirt off of us and then get into the tub. I turned red and looked down. He reached his hand out and traced the scar along my shoulder leading to my back.

          “What’s this one from?”

          “My dad hit me with a garden tool one day when I knocked over his tool box.” I could almost feel the pain from that day, the day my dad went from abusive to violent and the same day mom started using because she couldn’t deal. I could feel the pain and was about to step back from his touch when he leaned forward and kissed the scar. The pain melted away, causing me to gasp.

          I reached my hand out and ran my hand down the scar along his left pec that led down to the pant line. “What’s this one?”

          “It’s from when my dad beat me with a leather cord, the cord cut threw my cloths; I was 10. I hoped with time the scar would fade away, but it hasnt.”

          I leaned over and kissed his scar like he had done mine. I moved up and kissed his neck, then traced his jaw line with kisses. Soft and sweet. When our lips melt it was as if a wildfire met a wind storm, and we were consumed. He reached behind him and turned on the shower through the open door. We began moving into shower, removing shoes as we slowly walked. I didn’t notice until my pants fell to the floor that he had removed my belt and had done the same to himself. We stepped in the shower, boxers and socks, still joined by the lips. The warm crystal clear water flowed over us; rinsing away the mud and dirt and sweat and shame and pain and tears. Leaving just us.

          I wanted to take it further, but I was afraid, I… I didn’t want things to end but they would if they went further they always did with every girl from before. It was always ‘That was great but it’s getting late’, ‘you can let yourself out right’, ‘oh your still here’… and I wasn’t ready to hear that yet.

Nick

          I could feel the trembling of his body. This was moving too fast, I didn’t wanna scare him off. I’d done that to girls before where I moved to fast and they thought I only wanted them for sex and that’s all I wanted from them, to pretend to be straight. But that wasn’t the case here, my heart hurt at the thought of me scarring him away. I put my arms around him and rested my head next to his as we swayed in the shower. I felt his arms go around my waist. Soon I heard the tub shut off and I released our embrace and turned off the shower. He looked at me with sheepish eyes. So much fear in those eyes. I took his hand and led him out of the shower onto the rug and towards the tub. I didn’t want to be too forward so I stepped into the tub removing my socks first but left on my boxers and sat down. He followed my lead and removed his socks but kept his boxers on and stepped into the tub with me. I slid down gingerly letting the water envelop him and unsure of his next move. I reached up and grabbed his arms and pulled him down and back into me. He sighed and laid his back against my chest and let his head fall back and rest on my shoulder.

          His body pressed to me like this and the warmth of the water was having an effect on me. My body tingled and my cock began to rise, slowly but steadily. I willed it to go down, but it was too much to resist. I was about to apologize when I saw that his back and shoulders were flushed and his eyes were closed. I looked down his chest with water droplets placed on it as the light dusting of hair led to his happy trail and into his boxers. Then I saw it just beneath the water. He was rock hard. I swallowed hard and reached my hand slowly and gently to his chest. He took a sharp breath in as I circled his nipples and tweaked them.

          “Mmm uh.” An involuntary moan left his mouth as my hand traveled down his stomach and gently ran across the waist band of his boxers. I ran my fingers just under the band, unsure of what to do next. His hips began to move, and he pressed his body harder against mine putting more pressure on my own throbbing cock stuck between us. I slid my hand inside and pushed his cock through the fly. Gently at first I ran my fingers along the head. He ground into me and bit his lower lip, thrusting his hips up to try and get extra friction. I wrapped my hand around his cock and felt the amazing heat coming off of him.

          “Do you want me to stop?” I whispered in his ear. I didn’t wanna do anything he didn’t wanna do. He didn’t answer me, instead he bit his lip and ground his ass against my own throbbing cock. I wrapped my arm around his chest and ground my cock against him while keeping time with the strokes of his cock. We were both a solid just over 7 inches, but where my cock was the same thickness from base to head he had a sexy mushroom head. And right now it was an amazing shad of crimson and leaking like a facet. Seeing him like this turned me on so much and I found myself drawing closer to unleashing my load then I wanted. As Dean started to meet my own thrusts with increased urgency he let out a strained whimper and locked his fingers with the hand that I had gripping his chest. Oh fuck I croak out as my cock throbs hard and I blow my pent up load into my trunks under the water. With one final thrust his cock throbs through my fingers and he fires 5 strong volleys of cum. The first hits his chin as the rest coat his chest and stomach. Chests heaving I splash some water over him and the cum washes away.

         We laid there for what felt like forever. Drifting in and out of “resting our eyes” and full on sleep. As the water started to cool we both came back to reality and began to stir. He slowly stood up, legs a little shaky and I stood up attempting to steady him only to realize my legs were just as shaky.

          “We look like calves learning to walk.” We both laughed, and it was good to hear him really laugh. I don’t know if I’d` heard it before, but it was deep and rumbled.

          We slowly excited the tub and walked into my closet. Grabbing a towel I started to dry off his back in slow rotations. I could feel the remaining tension leave his body. He took the towel from me and did the same thing. Slipping off our wet boxers I walked over to one of the many drawers in my closet and retrieved us both a fresh pair. I wasn’t paying attention as my mind was still foggy and more than a little tired by this point. All I heard was giggling behind me as I put on the grey boxers. I turned around to see Duke naked holding up a pair of teal trunks.

          “There… there so bright.” He giggled uncontrollably.

           I took off my boxers, went over grabbed them out of his hand and gave him mine. The grunt he made was appreciative as the plain boxers were more his speed. That was until I slipped on the teal trunks that framed my legs perfectly. I turned to look at him and he was speechless, red in the face, and jaw hanging open.

          “You like what you see cowboy?”

          -Gulp- “Uh huh” Averting his eyes to the ground.

          All I could do was smile at him. He was so tough and strong, but so innocent. I walked over to him and took his hand, giving him a soft kiss on his head drawing his attention to my eyes then placing a soft kiss on his lips. Squeezing my hand he leaned into it and slid his other hand around my waist. The kiss lingered in the air and the world didn’t seem to exist for a minute. We pulled apart, captivated. Not wanting to move.

          -Yawn- “I think I’m a little tired.” He chuckled out. I led him by the hand out of the closet and into my room. Crossing the floor I led him to my bed. The walk seemed so long across the room and with every step he squeezed my hand tighter until we reached the bed and I turned around to see him a trembling red faced scared boy. I pulled him down into the bed with me and slid under the covers. Tonight we would sleep. I wanted him to know I wouldn’t put him out or make him sleep on the floor or use him. I wanted him here with me. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this happy. We just laid there, no words, just us.

          I had turned off the lights and we were just about to drift off to sleep with his head resting on my chest when his phone rang “bout to bust out my honkey tonk attitude”

          “Ugh! Hold on.”

          He got up to get his phone and when he looked at the screen I could see all the pain despite the only light was trickling in from the partially open blinds and illuminating from his phone. He quickly walked to my door opened it and then went down the stairs closing the door behind him. I couldn’t hear anything at first but then his voice started to rise and after a few minutes I could hear the distress start to creep in, it felt like something cold was slithering up my spine and I got up out of bed and went down the stairs to him. He was sitting on one of the steps leaning against the wall cradling his head in his left hand as his right hand held the phone to his ear. A soft sob escaped his lips and I moved gently but quickly to him and sat down beside him. I placed my arm around his shoulder and he automatically shifted his weight to lean on me and let out an unconscious sigh of relief.

          “Ok mom, I’ll have the truck fixed and back to you by the afternoon so you can run your errands I promise.”

          “Yes mam I understand, it won’t happen again.”

          He hung up the phone and his shoulders slumped. I gently stroked the hair on his head while running my fingers across the palm of his left hand. After a few minutes he genuinely relaxed and gave me a weak smile. I suggested we go back to bed and he could tell me about it. He nodded and we headed back up greeted by Isis who nuzzled her noise into Dean’s right hand trying to comfort the boy and earning a smile and a scratch between the ears. She’s a great dog.

          We laid down in the same position before the phone incident.

          “You wanna talk about it man?”

           “Well long story and lots of yelling on her part short, she’s mad the truck isn’t there for her to run off in and use up all the gas doing God only knows what. I have to get the truck back by tomorrow afternoon.”

          “Well I’ll help you work on it tomorrow morning.”

          He looked up at me skeptically. “You’re gonna still want me around tomorrow.”

          I looked at him and just smiled and kissed him on the forehead. “There’s your answer.”

          “Alright, but can we go to sleep now, I’m exhausted and I’d rather lie here then talk about it.”

          I realized how exhausted I was. With a large yawn that made us both laugh I rolled over slightly and wrapped my arms around him and we fell to sleep. Content and happy for the first time in possibly years for either of us.