Dirt road main street

From your Author.

As some of you may see; I have some technical difficulty. During posting a chapter I made an error on the title; small S on Street. It caused my last chapter, which was chapter 5 of this series, to cum up as chapter 2. I'm sure our host will fix this and life will be good once again. I feel confident saying that the next chapter will be the last; fingers crossed.

I've said to readers that with me, the reason I have so many things going on, is that I need distractions from any given story. 'Something Different', 'The Bug', and, 'A Boy Named Tristen', will continue. I honestly haven't even looked at them because I want to fulfill my commitment to, DRMS. As always, Thanks to those who vote, comment, and share with other readers. RJC.

Ben stood in front of me in a protective way like that would fuckin stop him. I stood as Ben was pushed aside with little effort and Sugar damn near broke my back. “Coach. Put me down.” I said as I got more air in my lungs.

Sugar. Rob and I watched as Sugar graduated, went pro, got hurt, and was hired as head coach for the Huskies. He was a monster of a man, black as coal, a refrigerator with a head. “Who’s this?” He asked looking over at Ben.

“This is Ben, Sugar. This is the football Coach, Lytle Sugarmann.” I said to Ben.

Ben was in Awe. “You’re black.” And he looked between me and Sugar. It was comical.

“Chance, you never told me.” He said like hearing it for the first time and I almost busted a nut.

“Yes, Sugar. You, are black.” I tried to keep a straight face.

“This is Ben, and he probably has never seen a real black person up close before.” And Ben nodded.

“He doesn’t look anything like Robby. Ever thought about football?” He asked.

“NO, Sugar. He is not a recruit. He’s here to study; period.”

Sugar sat next to me leaving Ben to stand. “Looks good, don’t it?” Pointing at the building that held my last name.

“I knew it. I, fuckin, knew, it.” Came from Ben turning to take another look.

“You look good, Fancy Pants.” He said to me causing Ben to laugh.

“We’ve talked about this, Sugar. Don’t make me get all up in your shit.” And I put a fist to his chest. We’d been down this road before.

He had that look I’d only seen a few times. “You look happy, Chance.” He told me.

He had no way of knowing, but did. “When are you going to cut that hair?” I asked.

“I’ll cut my hair when you stop wearing those, fancy pants.” And now all three of us laughed.

He turned to Ben, then back to me. “Can he throw?”

“I have no fuckin.” And was cut off.

“Yes. I can throw. From here, I could hit any of the letters on that building.” And Ben puffed a little. It was really fuckin hot.

“No Sugar. He is here to be more than a jock; not, that, that's a bad thing.” I said trying to cover for a jock.

“Do you want to do lunch? You probably have a golf cart to carry your fat ass. Go get it and we’ll meet you at the pizza joint on 15th.” He nodded.

“I’ve never seen someone so… black, in all my life.”

“Ben, you will see a lot of things you have never seen before. We need to go or he’ll beat us on the scooter.”

There was this pizza place on fifteenth that was out of this world. We beat Sugar and I ordered a large Meat Lovers and another Large, half Hawaiian, half garlic chicken. He buzzed in.

“I’ve only seen guys like him, on TV. He’s fuckin huge.” Yes, he is, I said back.

“You really look good, Chance. What’s changed?” He asked. Sugar knew me, seen what Robby and I had, and he was a drummer from back in the day.

I looked at Ben. It wasn’t an answer to the question he asked; but in a way, was. I changed the subject. “You look like a fridge on the field; you need to lose some weight.” And Ben laughed until a backhand to the chest landed.

“Sugar? I don’t even have to ask. You’re taking shots, aren’t you.” And his head went down and Ben had no fuckin idea.

“How long have you been wearing a mask to sleep?” And Ben didn’t have a fuckin clue.

“Sugar?” And I waited for him to look at me. I took his hands in mine.

“If you don’t make a change; dude, I will have to watch them lower your fat ass in the ground.” And I couldn’t hold back tears.

I was holding his hands and Ben’s came over mine. “You selfish, bastard.” And he smacked Sugar in the chest.

“Look what you do to him.” And I could tell. His eyes got wet.

“Do you see him? He cares for you and doesn’t want to see your monstrous ass lowered into the ground.” And I took a long look at both of them.

“I will see your sorry ass lowered into the ground Chancellor with that hundred-year-old heart of yours.” That made me smile watching him get back on the scooter never taking a bite of some of the best Pizza.

“I feel better now,” Ben said to me.

“Why’s that, Ben?” I had to ask because so much had happened in the last hour.

“You’re so funny, Ryan. I watched college games with Dad. I’ve seen him on TV. You know him. You’re, friends. You love him, don’t you?” And I nodded.

“Sugar. He needs to change his life. I don’t want to see him lowered into the ground.” And I had to look away.

“I hate it when people, fuckin, die. And I sure as hell don’t want to see that with, Sugar. He was a; well he could die any fuckin day. Ben.”

“You’re something, Ryan. You have a heart bigger than any I’ve ever seen. Just the fact you know a guy I’ve seen on television, the way you care, You’re too funny.” And he gave me that two dimpled smile.

“What are we gonna do with all this pizza, Ben?”

“Save Sugar, and kill ourselves, that’s what we’re gonna do.” And then I got the look. “What he said about your heart; that true?”

“I have a condition but I’m fine, honest.”

Ben and I had many conversations over the next weeks, words are not cheap. We came to know each other on a level that needs to happen if love is going to last. I’m not saying that the train episode didn’t happen, because it did.

He was; fuck. He just was. I would always look at the pictures as Ben did in the morning; I saw him. Robby. It’s hard letting go. When I lost Rob, I thought life for me ended; I wanted to die. Ben would look at the pictures; some longer than others, and some he would touch like wanting whatever emotion we shared at the time.

It was so… funny when the guys showed up to do the yard. I expected a slap from him when my rider came out to do the grass. “Are you just fuckin lazy, or what?”

“WHAT?” I asked back.

He just shook his head walking out to the guys who took care of my yard shit. I saw a conversation trying to happen with the Spanish guys who took care of my yard needs. I shrugged my shoulders when he looked at me. “I will do this from now on,” He said walking back up to the deck.

Haviair, followed just to make sure Ben could speak for me. “That’s not even funny,” he said when Haviair spoke perfect English talking to me and smiling at Ben.

Again I shook my head. I used to do this; take care of the grass and shit. Robby and I did it together. It was; well, that was then. I made a butt load of money from home and my time was spent better doing other things. A truck could haul thirty thousand board feet of cedar, I might make a hundred dollars per one thousand board feet, times thirty.

I did this a few times a week. Do the math. I was doing train cars now; a hundred and twenty thousand board feet; and doing that a couple of times a week; never leaving home. Ben couldn’t comprehend. I did spend a lot of time on the phone making deals, transportation, it’s what I do. How I make money.

Ben started at the U and we still hadn’t done the deed, so to speak. It had been three weeks since we got off the train. We hadn’t sucked each other, hadn’t slept together, and I was ready, but. It was me who held back. I know it sounds stupid. Ben was more than ready, and me never doing what I so… wanted.

He came home on Friday; was the middle of September; five weeks off the train. I was on the phone in my office when he came in sitting on my desk. Ben was tired of waiting and I could tell by the look on his face and the dimples, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” And hung up the phone.

Now Ben took the lead. “We’re gonna smoke some of that shit, take a shower, then we are gonna go to bed; together.”

Now I fully understood what he was talking about. I stood resting my arms over his shoulders and his went to my waist, he leaned in as I did the same; we kissed. We’d kissed a few times, like on the train and stuff, seen what happened when we saw each other naked; how hard we got.

This kiss was something totally different. I could feel what he was trying to convey, it wasn’t lusting; it was love. A kiss is something that can be full of hunger, lust, love; it was all of that but in the most tender way. I have no idea how long it lasted, neither of us taking the lead, so fuckin natural.

I wanted to tell him; have no idea why I couldn’t. I did love him. But in the back of my mind was, Robby. My inability to let go was the reason I couldn’t move forward, Rob always in the back of my mind when I looked at Ben I’ve always thought about Robby. How he might look today if I would have been able to fix him.

I was on an old, fat, guilt trip. I felt like I was cheating, and I was the one to break the kiss. “Why are you being like this, Rye?” He asked with wet eyes.

If I couldn’t let, go; would I ever be able too? Fuck! I hate it when this happens. I wanted to smile, wanted to cry, I did both. I had so… much to say, wanted to tell him everything, I just rested my head on his shoulder as Robby’s spirit comforted me.

We did smoke maybe just a little too much weed. Both of us knew exactly what was going to happen before the sun came up tomorrow; what would finally happen. We talked then undressed, sat in the tub, showered, then we shared my bed.

I lifted the covers for him as he really took in my room, what hung on my walls, furniture, and then he looked at me. He crawled in as my arms went around him and he laid on my left side with his head in the crook of my neck. “I talked to Sugar, today.” And he waited for me to respond. I didn’t.

“He told me stuff; it made him cry. It made me cry. I am so… sorry. Today was his Birthday?” And again I didn’t respond.

“He said you guys could light up a room, what you had with each other; everyone could feel it. I want that.” And he attempted to lift his head to look at me and I just pulled him back down.

I felt his lips on my neck, first his lips then his tongue, then teeth. “Keep your eyes closed.” And he started to move.

He planted kisses everywhere there was skin. My chest and pecks, down the trail of thin hair leading to my half-hard shaft. Further down to my thighs, ankles, even my toes. “You can think of him if you want.” His voice surprised me but not as much as what he said.

Guilt washed over me again. How could he so honestly say that? How could we do anything when he was willing to give up what should have been his? I thought about words to a song; Don’t close your eyes, let it be me when I love you tonight.

There was no way in hell I would be able to get hard. In spite of how much I wanted to love Ben with my body, in spite of what he wanted to give me, it wasn’t gonna happen, and I think he knew that. He just moved up my body resting his head in the crook again. And that is how I woke up.

Again, I made breakfast and watched him mow the lawn. I looked long and hard before I pulled a picture from the wall; years of tears. I saw replacements for the ones that came down; Ben. Robby would never want me to, wouldn’t want me to do what I did, miss him so… fuckin bad.

Fuckin Ben. “What are you doing? What are you, fuckin doing?” He asked cuming in.

“I’m making room for new memories.”

“What were you going to do with these?” as he looked through the frames.

I hadn’t thought about that as I made room for Ben. I didn’t have an answer looking at him as he eyed me with a scolding look. “It should make me happy that you are letting go. I see the way you guys were, the way you looked at each other; you’ll look at me like that someday.” And again, two fucking dimples.