Dirt road main street

Oh? Do I have my work cut out for me? “It’s a Ferry, Ben. That’s an Island and people work over here and live over there. We can drive to it.”

“You’re just fucking with me now. You can’t drive to an Island.”

Lobster is my fuckin favorite. I picked up the five-ounce tail dipping it in butter and took half of it in my mouth. Yes. I watched him do as I had. Yes. He liked it; fuckin loved it, as he ate his and the other half of mine. I love new; whether seeing someone see or taste something for the first time. It’s magical.

I didn’t mean to but I was in the bag. “You’re gonna have to drive, Ben.” I slurred.

“I can’t drive that. Fuck!”

“Yes, you can. You drive and I’ll tell you where to turn.”

“I can’t drive this.” He said getting in.

“Sure you can; push the button.”

I watched him as the booze caught up with me. I shouldn’t have drunk so… much. “Push the thing then the one to the left,” and the gate and garage opened at the same time. I was hammered.

I staggered going up the steps as he laughed. “You’re funny, Rye.” There it was again.

That’s what Robby called me when it was just the two of us. He was the one who decided when to call me that; he just knew. I paid for his master’s degree. He was smart. I would do it again for, Ben. “I’m gonna do the hot tub, Ben.” And walked to my room.

As I came out with a towel he was looking at the pictures on the wall between his room and mine, and the deck. “Who is he?” He asked.

Pictures were abundant, the room where I mourned his loss, where I sat for countless hours, missing him. “That’s Robby.”

“You guys? Was he? I can tell you loved him.”

“Love is just a word. You need to feel it to understand. Ben? What Billy and I did as kids, was just that. Robby was something, more. We lived as man and man. He’s dead; a drug overdose.”

“He was cute.”

“He was handsome.”

“Tell me about him.”

“How much time you got?” I asked.

“He was my first, real, love. It wasn’t because I was gay and he was a boy. Regardless, I would have loved him. We were one. I know you don’t understand what that means; you will someday. Ben, you don’t owe me anything. Don’t think you do.” And I paused.

“Ben? I see something in you: potential. You can call this place home if you want. You have a room and I think that is where you should sleep.” And I watched his reaction.

Again. “Why are you being like this???”

“Ben, Ben, Ben. What I think we have can’t be rushed. Do I want to do all kinds of stuff with you? Fuck I do. Remember when I told you there was too much fucking and not enough lovemaking?” And he nodded; knowing.

“Ben?” and I searched for words that he might get what I was trying to say. “Ben. It will happen with us. But I don’t want a ‘pay you back’ thing. You will do more than you ever thought, possible. You will change lives, Ben.” And I so… wanted another drink.

“You’re funny when your drunk.” And his smile included two deep dimples. Fuck me.

“I’m smashed. Drunk is when you have to help me walk. I’m getting in the tub.”

“I’ve heard about these human cookers but never been in one. I’ll be right back.”

I thought about a lot of stuff in the twilight. The years Robby and I looked out on life sitting in the hot tub. This was our home for years, we planted lifetimes of memories in the soil of this place. I can’t let him go. Robby completed me; we completed each other. That doesn’t happen twice in a lifetime. But then again.

Ben came out in all his naked glory. Fuck me into next year. When you’re looking up to what’s hanging down in front of you; well, just fuck you into next week.

“Do you know?” He started stepping in.

“Know, what?” I had to ask.

“You are,” and he took the seat next to me.

“I am not the end-all, Ben. I’m nothing special.”

“Why do you do that?” And he shook his head running a hand over his face.

“I’m not, Ben.”

“You are.” And he didn’t hide the tears. “Are you that naive, or just too, fuckin, conceded?”

He was right on one count; I was too conceded. I have mass confidence, know how I look and carry myself with; well, I just carry myself. Ben slid next to me; “Tell me what it was like.”

I knew what he was asking. “Your brother; Ben. I was fifteen years old; we had fun. I am sorry; never knew, we were just kids.” And I let him suck on that for a minute.

“If you ever understand; Robby was my soulmate. We completed each other. You saw the pictures of us, what more can I say, Ben?”

“Tell me about him.” He was asking a lot.

“He was the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. But it wasn’t just about, looks. Robby was a true soul, had baggage that was unfixable, but I tried. God, did I try.” And I thought about how I might help Ben understand.

“Ben. In a relationship, it can be complicated. Robby and I just seemed to know how much to give and take.” And I was overheating so I stood planting my ass on the deck with my feet still in the tub.

Ben looked at me; like really looked at me. He turned and knelt between my legs as every heartbeat pumped it up a little until I was hard. I could have guided his face, could have and maybe should have; but didn’t. I stood telling him I need to go to bed.

“Can I sleep with you?” Why did he have to fuckin ask that?

“Ben. That is my bed but it was ours. Nobody has slept with me in it but him. You will like your bed; it’s comfortable and used to be mine before I took this room a decade ago.” And he stood in front of me.

Now he had raised the ante. A lot. I could have and would have, maybe should have, God knows I wanted to. “I’ll do breakfast; like waffles?” I asked.

“I like anything for breakfast as long as pig goes with it.” There’s my Farmboy.

I had to smile. I love pig. “We can do that, Ben.”

“Did you sleep well?” I asked seeing him on the deck at sun up.

“Not really. I’m scared, Ryan. I’m just scared.”

“What scares you, Ben?”

“I think I’m homesick; and home wasn’t great.” He looked out on the lawn and flowerbeds.

“We’re going back into the city today and then over to the U. Now, how about that breakfast I promised?”

My Attorney’s office was a high-rise in downtown Seattle. Parker took care of me and my holdings, his dad was my godfather. Whenever I told him what I wanted; he just made it happen. It was mid-August and I wanted Ben to start the Fall semester at the University of Washington. And I left that up to Parker.

“Ain’t never been to no city like this before.” I mean I loved his drawl.

“Ben. Ain’t, is not a word. No, is not something that is in a sentence unless there is no; something. No City like this before? How should it sound?”

“I have never been to a city like this before. Happy?” Yes.

“So what do you think?” I asked walking around the campus with him as I had Robby years ago.

“I don’t know if I’m smart enough to go here.”

“I can tell, Ben. You will get a degree from here, then another, and another after that. Maybe Doctor will proceed your name someday.”

“You’re funny.” He said as we sat on a bench.

“I’ve seen guys holding hands. Is that how it is here???” And I took his in mine.

“Ben? We are a little ahead of the rest of the country but, yes.” And we people watched just like Robby and I did a decade ago.

“So is it a coincident?” He asked.

“What?”

“Chancellor Hall?” And he showed me his dimples again thinking he had me.

I’d made a large endowment years ago, wasn’t just a write-off, I wanted to do what I could. I saw him first. The huge frame walking towards us, he makes me smile; then he saw me. “Fancy pants,” He yelled out as his gate increased.