Dirt road main street

He turned in front of me waiting for something. I gave it to him. Pulling the front of his shirt I gripped the bottom snapping the buttons. I ran both hands up his front, over each muscle, and tweaked his nipples. This was something for me that didn’t need light; my fingers acting as eyes. It had been way too long for me.

I stood and he backed up a foot. Just my small exploration had me boning up. He reached unbuttoning my shirt and did as I had. It was electrifying. He raked from my chest then lower with just his fingernails, touched with fingertips on spots he shouldn’t, and I was losing control.

I wanted to grab his hands, move them from one sensitive spot to another; even down into my pants. I would have, and maybe should have, undone his belt, pulled the buttons on his Wranglers, and sucked his cock. I didn’t. Maybe I should have cupped his cheeks and kissed him as men kiss? Maybe I should have taken him upstairs and loved him till the sun came up? I didn’t.

“Time to go, Ben.” That’s what I said.

He smiled. “Can’t wait to see you walk into Church tomorrow.”

“I’ll be packing more than I have in my pants right now. Night, Ben.”

He pulled his shirt as he walked away tucking it in the back of his pants and I sat in the dark thinking. It was foolish, me wanting to hear the sound of us in bed, the sounds we pulled from the other. I wanted to hear him suck in air because of what I was doing to him.

I wanted to hear the sounds of lovemaking. Whispers, moans, even cries; I did want that. I thought about him with me at night and in the morning; waking up next to him. It could never be. But then again. I knew so little about him and I was planning a life together that could never be.

Tonight I was on high alert; DEFCON1. I did go up and change, did bring my lube downstairs, and yes, I jacked off in the yard. The smell of lilac was amazing filling my nostrils with an aroma that has always been a favorite of mine. I did think about Ben with me, doing to each other, what I was doing alone.

I fell asleep in the screened room, one hand on a pistol and the other on the scattergun resting across my lap. I had never shot anybody, was pretty sure I couldn’t, but then again. The hard part was I might have to. If it was me or whoever; I could and would be the one to walk away if I was lucky or faster. A hell of a way to fall asleep.

I would leave on Monday taking the train over a plane. I still didn’t know what I was going to do with the house. I thought about a raffle at Church, maybe at the open house, I planned after Church, maybe give it to the Church, or maybe my Uncle. It was a restless night’s sleep.

I woke at six; the sun rearing its ugly head. Church was at ten and I wanted the fixings for a BBQ. I drove to Rugby hoping something would be open; Piggly-Wiggly, go figure; it was open. I walked the isles throwing shit in the cart; Brats, burger for burgers, buns, chips, along with beer and pop. Three hundred dollars’ worth of shit so I could show off, yet again.

I made it back in time to pull out the old charcoal BBQ and had everything ready for when Church was over. I dressed well, shined shoes, silk shirt with a tie, but my jeans were the tightest I had. These would be club pants showing what I was packing, the shape of it, and my ass.

I pulled the greeting minister off to the side asking him to make an announcement of the open house I was hosting. He agreed. It was the last Church of three that once lived in this little Dirt Road Main Street town. It consisted of twelve pews on each side, stained glass depicting Christ on the cross; must have scared the shit out of kids. And a small cemetery outback.

The place was half full and I wondered where to sit. I could slide in next to Jimmy Ray’s family, maybe next to the little waitress and her family, maybe just taking a seat upfront that was avoided like the plague. My mind was made up, “Can I sit with family, Uncle?”

My aunt sitting on the isle nodded, Uncle grunted and pushed Dilbert, his wife, and three kids down. I sat between my aunt and uncle. Roads needed mending. We were both totally out of line, he pushed me and I pushed back. “Thank you, Uncle.” He didn’t acknowledge me. Fine.

The sermon was one I’m sure all had heard before; Love thy neighbor as you would love thy self. I do enjoy hymns. How Great Thou Art. It was one I sang at my Mother’s funeral along with, Peace in The Valley. I stood as everyone stayed seated.

I belted it out but there was a voice that challenged mine; the little waitress was standing. I shuffled past my aunt and she did the same around her father, I presume. We walked to the front and somewhere over the ten feet or so her hand found mine.

We turned but this time the congregation was the ones being challenged. We sang a hymn like a love song to the lord, still hand in hand, and people started to stand and sing louder. Now it isn’t normal to clap in church, it’s not about one or us; it’s about the Lord. They fuckin clapped and I kissed her hand as she sat.

“Young Mr. Chancellor wanted me to invite all of you to an open house and BBQ at his Grandparent's home after the service. He regrets transgressions that have happened over the past few days.” I never told him that and it pissed me off.

“May the Lord love you, shine down filling your heart with love, today, and all days.”

As is customary we all waited until the pastor walked by and pew after pew followed to shake his hand at the door. Now there was a line waiting in the isle and who was I behind; Jimmy Ray. It was hard not smiling at him holding his hand above his heart. Fuckin A rights! But I didn’t give him a black eye.

I don’t know if there is any other place where people have a hot dish in their trunks or up their ass. Every person who showed had something. It surprised me, to say the least. I had Brats and burgers but after everyone arrived two 4 by 8 sheets of plywood on sawhorses were full. I still had the Glock in the small of my back just like in Church.

It was like high school clicks. The old men; dads, grouped together as did their kids. Mothers and wives did the same. I never saw him doing it; Ben. He had filled balloons with water and started throwing at the youngest of my guests. As I watched him, I knew. He was a boy in a man’s body, his smile so bright. I knew then.

It must have been seventy people including boys and young men but mostly wives and children, and the few old men. My Uncle and Dilbert being two. Ben’s dad didn’t cum but his mom did and after shaking my hand she hugged me. I wasn’t expecting that. “You have a fine Son,” I told her.

After food and frolicking, I started the tour. “Uncle? Will you help me here” I asked?

“From what I recall the Doctor had this house built when he married; some eighty years ago. Plans from a house in Bismarck. My father bought it in 58 and my mother spent less than a year in it.” And in a line, we moved to the living room.

“She died in 59 and he in 60. My Sister bought out my brothers and sisters as I did for the land. From what I remember the stained glass was done in Chicago by a glass guy; he did a great job.” And we were at the stairs he’d never climbed before.

The house creaked from the weight of so many people and I smiled because Ben was behind me and I felt his helpful hand. “Ok, folks. I’m sleeping in the NW room;” pointing to my right behind me.  “That’s the bathroom, just in case.” I pointed down the hall and extended my hand. “East room and the South East rooms are on the left. The upper porch is at the end of the hall and the West room is on the right.” And I backed up watching people visit a house from the inside for the first time.

Another gathering back downstairs and deserts were abundant. Cookies, cakes, tarts; just all kinds of ND, sweet shit. I needed to make coffee; what a bad host I am.

As people started wanting to leave I got everyone’s attention. “Uncle? With your permission?” And he nodded having no idea what I was asking permission for.

“This house was the home of my grandparents. All of you know it as, ‘The Swawnson’ house. I am not a Swawnson. Uncle? The house is yours.” And I dropped the skeleton key to the front door in his hand.

“May this house have a Swawnson sleeping under the roof for generations to cum.”

I have never received so many hugs and handshakes before. “You did a good thing,” Ben said as he shook my hand and added, “See you after dark?” And I nodded.

My Uncle and aunt, along with Dilbert and his wife, kids included, were the last to leave. “You really surprised me, Boy.”

“Don’t start again, Uncle. I’m not your, Boy, and I’m nobodies Bitch. If you want to have a civil conversation, call me, Ryan.”

“You got your Mom’s spunk, Ryan. She was my favorite little sister. It’s hard growing up like we did, poor, nine kids, and the eldest not liking you.” And he put his arm around me leading away from the ones left.

“Our father was a mean man. I think he kept my Mom pregnant so he could have a heard of little white slaves. And that’s what we were to him; slaves. I think the girls had it worse; if you get my drift.”

“I’m sorry, Uncle. Mom never talked about any of that with me.”

“I’m sorry about what I said, Ryan. Me, of all people, knows Boy’s will be Boys. Do the right thing and get Ben away from his Daddy.” 

I think I understood what he was saying but it sounded so cryptic. “Uncle? I want the guns, some stuff from the attic, and I don’t ever want you to call me, Boy again.” And smiled at him.

“You do have her spunk, Ryan. And I can promise you that generations of Swawnson’s will live under that roof.” Pointing back at the house.

I hate when my emotions get the better of me; when I can’t talk, my eyes stinging, wet lashes, I fuckin hate that. He walked with me I think understanding but not really knowing, or maybe he did.

“I’m leaving in the morning and I hope if I ever come back I can stay in the NW room?”

“That room will always be yours, Son. Why the smallest room?”

I mended one road and I still had another; Jimmy Ray, and his Daddy. I kicked rocks walking the dirt road up to the house I hadn’t been in, in years. I knocked on the door after a minute or two wondering if this was a good idea.

The door opened and there stood the man I’d kicked in the chest and shot up his truck. “Sir? I regret my actions. I will pay for your damages if need be. May I speak with Jimmy Ray?”

He looked at me; I was being humble. “You packing?”

“Yes sir, I am.” And grabbed my balls with a smile. Yes, I was packing in the small of my back too.

JR walked up behind his Daddy and I made a motion with my head that I wanted to walk as we talked. “I, am, sorry, Jimmy. But you know as well as I; had I not done what I did you would be in the hospital, right?” And he conceded.

“I will share something with you. When you are sizing a guy up you need the look at his arms, chest, how big he is; not what’s in his pants.” And he looked sternly at me.

“Don’t puff yourself up, JR. I saw exactly where your eyes went.” And I cupped myself.

“You are a cocky fucker.” He said after a minute.

“So? You like Boys?”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to. I know you fuck around with one, or both, of the other boys who were at your table; I could care, fuckin, less. I’m not here for that. I, am, sorry, Jimmy, that you made the choice to try and fuck with me. That’s what it was, a bad choice.”

We walked a little with his good arm over my shoulder and mine around his waist. I knew his Dad was watching. “You don’t know what it’s like here. I know about Billy. I mean yes, I fuck around but I could marry and have kids never looking back. Not Billy.”

“I will tell you, I’m gay; never been with a girl. What Billy and I did all those years ago was just boy’s fucking around. That’s boys, not men. I think you’re right though; he couldn’t ever marry and have kids, never looking back.”

“You are hot as fuck; you know? And the fastest fuckin thing I’ve ever seen. You know my Dad slapped me for allowing someone to best me. You kicking him was the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen.”

“So? We’re good?” I asked. He nodded.

And we walked back to the house with his arm over my shoulders and my hand finding his back pocket. I thought if these guys weren’t so… fucked up; wouldn’t be such a bad place.

“I am sorry, sir,” I said turning going back down the steps. I knew he was watching me so I pulled up the back of my shirt so he saw I was indeed, Packing.

I am not one who likes eating, crow. But, I know when to take the high road. It’s funny; these people. The dishes that were left all had names on the bottom. I grabbed a couple cookies. I thought about today, things I’d done and said, roads that had been mended; I knew I’d sleep better tonight.

I could hardly wait for the sun to set; Ben. The way he was today, the boy in a man’s body, he had great potential. I thought about what, Uncle, said. I have it in my means to change lives; I have money. I thought about changing one life in particular, Ben’s.

I was halfway through a joint rolled in cigar paper; A blunt. I was more than fried when he knocked. I smiled, it was damn near the fuckin giggles. “Here. You need to catch up.”

It had been, I don’t know how long. I think I’d almost passed out. “Ryan?”

‘I’m fine.” I said.

“Yes, you, are.” And he laughed bringing a smile to my face knowing he was flirting with me.

My wobbly head acknowledged what he said. “Did you go to College, Ben?” And he shook his head.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Daddy said it was a waste of money; I was dumb. I’d bring home A’s, and nothing. He has never said he was proud of me. Not once.”

“Ben? I have more money than I need. I will pay for you to go to any collage you want. I’m not shitting you”

“Even Washington?” He asked.

“Anywhere you want to go, Ben. You can’t stay here.”

“I saw my Mom with you. She hugged you. She told me what you said.” And I saw in him what I felt earlier in the day.

He’d lost the ability to speak, I could tell his eyes stung, and his lashes got wet. I passed the joint like I hadn’t noticed. Now I was the one who couldn’t talk, my chest heavy and my own lashes were wet. I’d already made up my mind.

“You’re a real man, Ryan. I saw that today. You don’t have to tell me what went on at Jimmy Ray’s” 

I smiled. “I apologized. Jimmy, likes boys too. He will never fuck with you and he’ll have your back. I believed his promise.”

“WHAT did you tell him???”

“Back the fuck off, Ben. I told him I knew he fucked around, OK? The other two boys at the table are his buddies; get it? He knows I know. I told you, Ben, you are not alone.”

I had told, Ben, but what I wouldn’t tell him was what I really wanted. Him with the younger kids today, his smile, just how he was. He was a man I could love for the rest of my life. We smoked; he caught up with my stoned ass. “You do know how hot you are; right?” I told him.

“Really? You are the most, you can, Fuck. Don’t jack me off like that, Ryan.”

“I never offered a hand job, Ben. We could go back and forth all night on who is hotter but, you’d win. You are everything a guy like me looks for in a man. I see beyond looks and your Rockin, fuckin bod, I look deeper into a person; I’m too fucking stoned, Ben.”

“Ryan? Could we?” And I shook my head no.

“Ben?” I said to his questioning eyes. “If it were ever to happen, it wouldn’t be here. I want you to experience freedom, maybe girls that won’t rope you into a wedding. You see me as something you might not see after a little time away.”

“You are too funny, Ryan. You can’t hide what I see in your eyes. I hear what you’re saying, what you want me to believe, your eyes are saying something totally different. FYI; I’m gonna kiss you now.” And he leaned in.

My hand went to his chest, I pushed but not enough to stop him. I pushed harder and shook my head, no. “I am willing to risk an ass-kicking but, I’m kissing you before I leave.” And I smiled at his.

The game came to an end. My hand that was on his chest gripped his shirt and I pulled him closer so he could have the kiss he wanted and me the one I needed. It surprised me we didn’t chip teeth. Now, he might not have had experience; he could fuckin kiss.

We both pulled back gasping, it was so… intense. I was so fucking boned up. I don’t know if it was his hunger or mine but both of us wanted more. I pushed him back, “I need a ride in the morning; I’m taking the train.”

“One condition.” He said.

“No conditions, Ben.”

He got up straddling me. He had to feel it; my boner. My hands couldn’t help but go to his hips. “I am not the end-all, Ben.”

“Don’t ask me why but, I see myself sleeping in your arms and waking up loving you more every day, Ryan. Even more than right now.” And he kissed me again. Fuck. He had to feel me explode in my pants.

And just like that he stood, looked down on me and my crotch, then he smiled. “What time?” He asked.

I was speechless. I’d never, in all my life, cum like that from a kiss. He’d noticed. And then I noticed his front. “Train leaves at nine. AM.”

“But you have the car.”

“I do. But I’d like a ride. You have a problem with that???”

“I’ll be here at eight. And Ryan? Thanks for the Kiss. You’re really good at it.”

“Ben? There is a kiss, and then, there is a kiss.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, Ryan. I came too.”

I watched him walk out not letting the door slam. I’d been here three days and in that time I had created a shit storm, put the fire out, and mended things that were broken. In a short time, I had fallen for the younger brother of my first gay experiences, and he’d killed himself the day after I left.

My stoned ass climbed the stairs to my room and I stripped. My underwear consisted of a congealed mess that needed rinsing before they went back into my bag. I looked at my matted, cum-soaked, pubes, and thought of that game kids play, ‘never have I ever.’

Never had I cum from a kiss. Never had I ever cum so… much. And never had I allowed my heart to get so tied up in such a short period of time. Ben had all but admitted he loved me and I was sure I loved him. But I have been around enough to know, love at first sight, is a myth; lust yes, but love, no. But then again.

That’s what I was thinking about standing against the sink washing away my unborn children. I was too stoned I thought crawling in bed nude and fell asleep thinking of Ben. My dream was so vivid, the cum I shot sometime during the night spoke to that, and I woke up with a smile.

I stripped the bed putting the soiled sheets in my bag, got fresh ones from the closet thinking they should smell musty but didn’t, and made the bed perfectly. I went to the NE room then up to the attic looking for things I might like to look at when I’m old and want to reflect.

Ben showed up at seven; an hour earlier than he said but I wasn’t surprised. I had coffee on and met him with a cup as he came in looking forlorn.

“Why the long face, Benny?”

I saw in an instant the things I hate; inability to talk, heart heavy, and I could see his chest quiver. He sat down shaking his head. My fuckin heart was breaking from whatever it was and I sat next to him. I so… desperately wanted him to look at me, but he wouldn’t.

It took about five minutes before he started talking still not looking at me. “He wasn’t even in the ground yet and everything that made it his room was boxed up. They painted the walls then closed the door; it still smells like paint.” And his composure let him down.

I wanted to put my arm around him in some consoling gesture, something comforting, reassurance in some way. “My parents never talk about him; never. We have Christmas ornaments with our names on them; his hasn’t seen the tree since then. As I said, he was so sad when you left.” And he still hadn’t looked at me.

“I’d gone down to the barn with him to do the last of the shit that night so Dad wouldn’t beat us. I’ve never told this to anyone, Ryan. We were about halfway done when he told me he would finish up and I should go to bed.” And now I had to touch his arm.

“He called to me, Benny? Then he did something he’d never done before. He walked up resting his hands on my shoulders, ‘You do know I love you, right.’ And I nodded. I never had a chance to tell him I loved him, too. He was the only one who ever called me, Benny.”

OK, raise your hand if you’re the biggest horse’s ass in the room. Now he picked the time to look at me and my fuckin heart broke in two. Trails of tears dripped off his chin and I let my own waterworks start. I pulled him to my shoulder as my own tears fell on his hair, stroked his back wanting his hurt to fade away, kissed his head, and told him it would be ok.

So? On top of all of this, I was realizing I had strong feelings for this young man like I didn’t have for his older brother; and the ramifications of that. I never really saw it as something that was my fault or anything; we were just boys fucking around. So I thought.

It was a long, quiet, sixteen-mile ride. We parked, I asked him to wait, then I came back out. Now was his chance, I shouldn’t have, but I did. I stood in front of him dropping my bag on the ground. He reached out with one hand to run down my arm, “I’m gonna miss you, Chancellor.”

“Will you?” I asked holding up my ticket.

“You, ass. You know I will.”

“This ticket is for two.”

It didn’t register. “Ben?”

“I don’t get it?”

“Ben? Just leave your cell phone in the truck. Get on this fuckin train and come home with me.”

He didn’t even blink. His phone was in the trash can and we boarded the train. Now nothing was going to happen on the train and this young man walked away from everything with only the clothes on his back. This would be two and a half days of getting to know each other.

I had a sleeper and we sat across from each other kind of silent. “What would make you happy, Ben? I mean if you could do one thing, something that made you happy and make a little money; what would it be?”

“I like kids,” And I smiled.

“So? You want to be a teacher?”

“NO. I want to be a Councilor.”

“Kids, have baggage. That’s a lot to take on.”

“You’re the one who asked?” And the train pulled away.

We talked till my stomach growled and was drowned out by his. We talked over lunch and dinner, talked about all kinds of shit. Back in the sleeper, the conversation continued with me talking than him.

“Ben? Did you shower this morning? You, fuckin stink.”

“Yes, I took a fuckin shower this morning.”

“Did you use pit-stick?”

“No. Mom won’t buy it. You should smell my dad who only showers on Saturday. Dad says this is what a real man smells like”

“How about we take advantage of the showers? We’re close to the same size and we can throw yours out the window?”

We’d been on the train for around fifteen hours and it was close to midnight. I picked stuff from my bag for Ben and decided I would wear sleep-pants till we got home. “Am I doing this alone, Ryan?” He asked.

“You’re a big boy, Ben. I think you can manage.”

“I can see it in your eyes. Let’s stop pretending that we’re not going to see each other with no clothes.”

“Are you saying you want to see my dick?” I asked with a smile.

“Like you don’t want to see mine?” He returned.

“Now what would make you say that, Ben?”

“Your eyes. Never in all my life has anyone looked at me like you do and I can tell what you’re thinking.”

“So tell me, farm boy? What am I thinking right now?”

“Please don’t call me that.” And I made a mental note never to do that again.

“So, what am I thinking about now?”

“You want to see what I have in my pants and not just my cock. You want to see my ass more.”

“Wrong.”

“I’m not wrong.”

From your Author:

I am not a one-off guy. When I try it just goes on and on even though I want to do what Grant has the ability to do. I saw this as five thousand words and will be twenty, at least, when I bring it to an end. Enjoy. RJC.