Cocklust

Our sex tape was surprisingly easy to edit. We had plenty of usable footage, so we mostly just had to decide which angles we liked best. We even cheated a little: we showed some of the same moments from different points of view, which made it look like we’d fucked longer than we actually had. I’d seen that technique used in professional porn, especially for cumshots, and my first instinct was to pooh-pooh it. But after trying it out myself, I found it did make the video hotter.

By that point, it almost seemed normal to watch myself having sex. It was kind of an out-of-body experience, though that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It was like that time Chad and I had fucked at the gym, surrounded by mirrors, so we’d seen our own bodies in much the same way. The difference was that our gym sex was fleeting, so once it was over, the only place to replay it was in our minds. Whereas our sex tape had captured it all for posterity, so we could relive the fun wherever and whenever we wanted.

My favorite part was Chad’s orgasm— the first one I mean— when I was fucking his ass and he busted all over himself. I must’ve watched that clip dozens of times. The audio was kind of crappy, but the image was still incredibly hot. I kept pretending I needed to fine-tune the edit, but the truth was, I just wanted to re-play that moment over and over. It got me so fucking hard. I kept remembering how Chad’s body had felt when he spasmed, especially the way his hole had squeezed my dick and sent me over the edge—

“Hey guys,” Seth said as he walked in the door.

I slammed my laptop shut as fast as I could. I’d expected him to knock, but then again, we were guests at his house. “H-hi,” was all I could say.

Seth seemed to notice something was up. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting you two—”

“Oh no, you’re fine—”

“Scott, I just wanted to tell you, I can give you a ride to the airport tomorrow.”

I felt my boner shrink a little. My week with Chad had been such an experience, in more ways than one, and I would’ve done anything to make it last longer. I especially hated not knowing when we’d see each other again. But I tried not to let on, at least in front of Seth. “Thanks man,” I said. “You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s no problem,” he said. Then he pointed at one of the floor lamps, which we’d moved across the room. “Was that in your way?”

“Oh sorry,” Chad said. “We meant to put it back. I mean, it was just really bright—”

“No worries, you can put it wherever you want. But if you want it less bright, you know it has a dimmer switch?”

“Oh really?” Chad asked. His acting skills were impressive: if I hadn’t known better, I wouldn’t have guessed he was playing dumb.

“Here, let me show you.” Seth walked up to the lamp, turned it on, and adjusted it. He didn’t seem to realize that Chad and I had done the same thing when we lit our little set.

“No shit,” Chad said without a hint of irony. “I wish I’d known that before.”

“Most of the other lamps have them too. So you can set them up however you want.”

I didn’t say a word. I could only hope Seth was really as clueless as he seemed. He presumably knew Chad and I were fucking, considering we were sharing a bed. But I didn’t want him to find out any more than that, and I felt like we couldn’t be too careful. I couldn’t imagine having to explain why we’d made porn in his house. Not to mention how we’d defiled both his guest room and bathroom.

Seth just kept chatting away, and he invited us to hang out with him and Claire. I was tempted to say no, but I felt like I couldn’t. After all, Seth had been a good host, so the least we could do was be sociable. And his intentions were good, since he clearly wanted me to enjoy my last night in town. He just didn’t seem to realize I’d rather just spend it with Chad.

We ended up driving out to a park together. We checked out an old historic tavern, then strolled along a canal. We were basically on a double date, but it felt a little weird. Seth and Claire were your classic straight couple: he kept opening doors for her, while she lectured him on his manners, and they usually held hands as they walked. Chad and I had a totally different dynamic. We didn’t have any real gender roles to follow, so we acted more like best friends, which in a way we were. I couldn’t tell if this was just our nature— considering we were both dudes— or if we were subconsciously still afraid of acting gay in public, even now that we knew how accepting the city was.

We ended up by Great Falls, where the Potomac flowed over some really jagged rocks. The river was swollen from spring rains, so the falls were basically an angry brown torrent. It was a pretty impressive sight, especially from up close. Chad and I both leaned against the railing as we took in the scene.

I suddenly felt Chad’s hand bump against mine. I looked down for a moment. I couldn’t tell if he was purposely trying to hold my hand— which he’d done before, albeit not very often— or if it was just a meaningless gesture. Then I decided it didn’t really matter. I tentatively slid my fingers over his. Chad didn’t react at first, but then he wrapped his fingers around mine. The next thing I knew, he’d tightened his grip so hard that I couldn’t have let go if I’d wanted to.

Something flashed nearby, we both flinched, and we saw Claire taking our picture. “Awww... that’s so cute!”

Chad frowned. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Cute?”

“Don’t be embarrassed. I mean it in a good way.” Claire stepped over to us and showed us the picture.

“What the hell,” Seth said. At first he seemed to be talking about us, but then I saw he was on the phone himself.

Claire looked over and shook her head. “You see what I deal with?” she asked.

Seth waved at her, but beyond that, he didn’t seem to listen. “Okay, I gotta go,” he said to his caller. “Let’s talk in the morning... yeah okay. Thanks, you too.” Then he hung up and stuck his phone in his pocket.

“Seth—”

“I’m sorry. It’s just the field office again. It’s been so hard to keep that place staffed—”

“I told you, you need to be able to step away from work. This is a perfect example.”

“I know, but still.” He nodded to me and Chad. “If you guys know anyone qualified—”

“Seth!”

“I’m just saying.”

Claire rolled her eyes. “You’re incorrigible....”

I just bit my lip. I thought of our visit to Seth’s office a few days before. I couldn’t help thinking Chad would fit right in working there. After all, this civic stuff was right up his alley. Plus, since Chad lived in their district, his house couldn’t be far from their field office. It also wasn’t too far from L.A., where his dad was supposed to be transferred. The possibilities seemed awfully enticing.

Chad seemed to be thinking along the same lines. He looked out at the water, and I could see the churning waves and eddies reflected in his eyes. To an untrained eye, he would’ve looked like he was just enjoying the view; but I knew better.

I waited to say something till after dinner, when we were back at Seth’s place, and we had some time alone. “You know,” I said, “I know a lot of things are up in the air right now... at least till your dad’s out of the hospital. But you know I haven’t made plans for summer. So wherever you end up... I want to be there with you.”

Chad nodded. He seemed to have already given it some thought. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well for example... you remember when you said we should spend the summer together?”

“That feels like such a long time ago.”

“But you said yourself, I could probably get a job at Thaxter’s. And I bet Seth could get you an internship if you wanted. Or you could go somewhere else— you could even stay here in D.C.— and I can wait tables anywhere.”

“I’ll be damned if I’m staying here—”

“I’m just saying, you can do what you want. Remember that spiel I gave you? About putting your own life first for a change?”

Chad pursed his lips, looked in my eyes, and sighed.

“Anyway, the point is, whatever you end up deciding... I’ll be there for you.”

“Fuck,” he said. “Babe, you know you’re something else.”

“Well, I try....”

“I-I mean it does sound really nice. It’s just....”

I felt a pang of anxiety. “Just what?”

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned though all this... I guess John Lennon was right. Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

“I guess that’s one way to put it.”

“Although it hasn’t always been a bad thing....” He put his hand on my chest. “I never thought I’d fall so hard for a dude. At least not like this.”

I didn’t say anything. I basically knew the feeling; if anything, I might’ve felt it more strongly than he had. After all, I hadn’t started eyeing guys till freshman year of college, though he’d apparently started years before.

“I mean... even after I realized I wanted dick, I just thought it’d get me off. I definitely never expected....” But he didn’t finish his sentence.

I moved forward and kissed him. Chad let out a gasp and wrapped his arms around me. I tasted his tongue against mine, which only made me want him that much more. My hands slid down his torso till they got to his hips. My whole body was tingling, especially in my pants.

We kept making for a minute or two, till Chad broke it off. “Fuck,” he said. “I don’t know how I’ll make it without that shit... I mean I guess I don’t have a choice....”

“It’ll be okay.”

“I’m not so sure... I’ll have some really lonely nights.”

“I’ll just be a phone call away,” I said. “Or Skype. Or whatever.”

“It’s not the same.” He paused for a moment, then moved forward and kissed me again. He clutched me even tighter than before. His beard pressed against my skin, and his warm breath blew against my cheeks.

The next few minutes were a blur, as we twisted our bodies around one another. I felt like a prisoner on a conjugal visit: I was dying to make the best of the time we had left.

We ended up lying on the bed, side by side, with our clothes and hair disheveled. My dick was straining against my pants, and I could tell Chad’s was too. I looked in his eyes and brushed a strand from his forehead.

“I love you so much,” I said. “I never thought I’d feel this either.”

“So you’re saying Brokeback got us good?”

“If you want to put it that way.” I stroked his facial hair. “Just don’t do what they did in the movie and shack up with some local girl—”

“Ha!” He snorted. “You know I’d never do that.”

“I’m kidding.”

“I couldn’t hook up with anyone else if I wanted to. I mean, now that I know what I’d be missing... I can’t imagine being with a girl anymore. I probably couldn’t even get it up for her.”

“Well you’re in luck,” I said, “because you don’t have to.” I put my hand on his crotch, which was still as stiff as a board.

“Fuck,” he gasped as he laid flat against the bed. He let me fondle him for a minute; then he reached for my pants. I could practically see his mouth water as he undid my fly, pulled out my cock, and started stroking away.

“Oh yeah....”

Chad got up from the bed, pulled my pants down the rest of the way, and went down on my dick. I felt his tongue run in circles, first around my cockhead, then around the rest of my shaft. His head bobbed up and down, and he started picking up speed. Pleasure radiated through my body.

“Aw baby....” I pulled up my shirt so my chest was bare. I wanted to pull the shirt completely off, but I couldn’t muster up the energy; and I didn’t want to throw Chad off his game. I just sighed, arched my back, and enjoyed the ride.

By now Chad was slurping away. He was sucking me so hard and fast that he could barely stay in control. He threw his whole body into it, flexing and extending his back, swinging his hips around, and even adjusting his feet. He seemed to be enjoying himself just as much as I was. He was a hundred percent focused on my cock, if not more.

I wanted to reach for his dick— or his ass— but in that position I couldn’t. All I could do was writhe on the bed and signal how much I loved it. I let out a few moans, and I tried to move my body in sync with his. Then, slowly but surely, I felt myself getting close. “I don’t want to cum yet,” I said.

Chad took his mouth off my cock. He yanked his pants down, stripped off his shirt, and threw all his clothes aside. Then he climbed on top of me and gave me another kiss. Finally he pulled my shirt over my head, so we were both completely naked. Finally he sat back so my dick lay right in his crack.

“So,” I said, “is that your way of saying you want me to fuck you?”

“Let me put it this way,” he said. “When I’m alone... at least I’ll be able to service my own cock. Not as well as you would, but I can do it. My ass, on the other hand... not so much.”

“You know I can always ship you some of our sex toys—”

“No,” he said. “I want you to use them on yourself. You deserve it.”

“And you don’t?”

“Well... if you keep that stuff at your place, that’ll give me one more thing to look forward to. Not that I need more motivation.”

I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck, and I pulled his face toward me. “If you say so,” I replied, and I gave him another long, deep, sensual kiss.

Chad made out with me for a minute, but I could tell he was itching for more. He kept adjusting his lower body, and each time he did, his boyhole got closer and closer to my cockhead. Finally they made contact, and he gyrated his body a little, apparently savoring the sensation.

I reached for the lube and put some on my fingers. Chad lifted his body a few inches so I could grease up my cock. Then I reached behind him, spread his butt cheeks apart, and dabbed some lube on his pucker.

“Fuck yeah,” he said as he got back in position. He pressed his ass against my cock, and for a second he teased both of our bodies. Then he eased his way back, my dick popped inside him, and he took me all the way up his mancunt.

“Oh shit,” I said as I started my thrusts. His chute was so fucking tight, and it felt so good, like it was made for my cock. No matter how many times I’d experienced it, I just couldn’t get over how sexy it was.

“God I love that dick,” he said as he bounced up and down. “It feels so fucking good....”

“Keep riding it. Fucking work that cock....”

“Yeah,” he said. “Oh fuck, I love when you’re inside me....”

Chad’s dirty talk turned me on so much that I had to force myself not to cum. I told myself we were making love, not just fucking. I was totally focused on making him feel good; my own pleasure was an afterthought. I kept sliding my body into his, letting him take my cock as far as it would go. His dick was swinging back and forth, almost uncontrollably, and I was tempted to grab it but I didn’t.

Chad leaned down and pressed his chest against mine. Now we were in an inverse missionary, so we could make out while we fucked. My lips pressed against his, and I felt his cupid bow enter my mouth. I gave him a soft nibble, which he seemed to love. Our tongues jousted against each other as Chad’s spit mingled with mine. I loved invading both ends of his body at once.

We slowed down our rhythm so the sex became more tender, more compassionate, and more erotic. I wanted to be the best lover to Chad that I possibly could. He responded just the way I’d hoped for: he let out a loud sigh, and his whole body quaked.

“Oh baby,” he said between kisses. “My god, you’re so hot....”

I felt my heart flutter. Those words made me want to ravish him that much more. But I couldn’t say a word, since my lips were otherwise occupied.

We worked up a good sweat for another few minutes. Chad’s cock and balls were now pressed between our bodies, and they seemed to fit perfectly in the grooves between our abs. I felt his rod thrusting back and forth past my bellybutton, and I could sense his pre-cum smearing against my skin.

Eventually Chad rolled over on his back, and he took me with him. He managed to keep my dick in his ass the whole time, and our kisses never missed a beat. He wrapped his arms around me so our chests stayed pressed together.

I thrust deep into his ass, and I savored every inch of his innards. I still couldn’t get over that body of his, and how incredible it made me feel. By now my balls were churning, and they seemed primed to erupt.

Chad spread his legs even wider, and his feet swung wildly in the air. I felt my dick hit his prostate just as his eyes rolled back in his head. I gyrated my lower body so my abdomen could massage his damp cock. His body responded in kind, and after a few more thrusts, it started to seize up. “Oh baby!” he yelled as his muscles went completely rigid, and his cum blasted between our chests.

I didn’t wait for him to stop shooting. I kissed him one last time, just as my body heaved with pleasure. I tried to clench the insides of my rod, hoping to delay the inevitable, but I only lasted a few seconds. Then my body convulsed, and I pumped Chad’s ass full of cum.

“Fuck,” Chad gasped as our lips came apart. I slowed down my thrusts, then stopped completely, though I kept my dick inside him.

Finally I collapsed in Chad’s arms. We didn’t even bother to clean up: we were so covered in sweat that it was hard to tell where one bodily fluid ended and the other began. We just laid there with our bodies intertwined, and neither of us said a word.

It was a bittersweet moment, knowing it would be our last time for a while. But we both tried to enjoy it while we could. I felt so comfortable, so safe, with Chad lying there with me. I savored the reassuring warmth of his body and the soft purr of his breathing. I almost wished that night would never end. But I knew there was no way to stop the clock from ticking.

The next day’s drive to the airport seemed to take forever. Seth tried to make small talk, but I wasn’t in the mood. I frankly wondered why he needed to drive us; after all, he could’ve just let Chad borrow his car so we could’ve made the trip by ourselves. But I stayed on my best behavior, even after he stopped at the curb and we had to say our goodbyes.

Seth just shook my hand, we exchanged the usual pleasantries, and he got back in the driver’s seat. Chad kept trying to help me with my luggage, though I could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

At first I didn’t know what to say. As far as I was concerned, there was only one silver lining to this. Now I was sure Chad would come back to me— unlike the last time we’d parted, when I thought I might never see him again. We seemed closer than ever, at least figuratively speaking, though it made our separation that much harder.

“I love you Chad,” I finally said, “like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Fuck,” he said, “I love you too Scott.” Then he stepped forward and kissed me. We were in broad daylight, right in front of everyone, but it didn’t seem to matter. We both kept the kiss going as long as we could, till Chad forced himself to step back. “Now get going... I-I don’t want you to miss your flight.”

I hated having to pull myself away, but I knew I didn’t have a choice. I just nodded, and I forced myself to put one foot in front of the other. I kept trying to ignore the knot in my stomach. Then, before I knew it, I was alone.

When I got back to campus, I found the other Kap Eps were all tired and tanned. Apparently they’d had a hell of a Spring Break: they’d spent it mostly at the beach, all getting drunk, laid, and high to varying degrees. Drew was nursing a sunburn, and Mike was hung over, but otherwise they looked like they’d had an awesome time. They were all telling stories about their adventures, and they said they couldn’t wait for their next trip.

Part of me wished I could’ve joined them, but I also felt like I was in a whole different chapter of my life. It was weird to think how different my week had been from theirs. After all, I’d spent so much time making hospital visits, planning for the future, and dealing with other serious stuff. Not to say that I hadn’t had fun, especially all my sex with Chad; but it wasn’t quite the same. Among other things, I was in an exclusive relationship— unlike Hunter for example, who’d apparently gone around picking up both guys and girls at once. I wasn’t judging him, considering I’d gone through a slut phase of my own, but I’d clearly ended up in a very different place.

I didn’t have much time to think about it though. There was an awful lot of shit for me to tend to. Among other things, I had to make a firm decision on my major, so after meeting with my advisor, I finally pulled the trigger. I switched my major to business administration, which meant I had to re-shuffle the classes I’d be taking in the fall. It also meant I’d need to stay in Dr. Littman’s good graces, so I buckled down and tried to get as high on his radar as I could.

I also picked up a bunch of shifts at the restaurant. Of course the busy times were all on nights and weekends, so when I wasn’t doing school stuff, I was almost always working. The scheduling could get tricky at times, but I kind of liked it that way. I was hoping to keep this up till Chad’s dad was released from the hospital; and I kept asking for updates on when that might be. I wanted to start counting the days till I could see my man again.

Then my old nemesis, Brody Watkins, decided to rear his ugly head. Almost out of the blue, he filed a hazing complaint with the Interfraternity Council. It claimed the Kap Eps had forced him to get naked and jack off in front of “several admitted homosexuals.” Then it said we’d kicked him out for complaining.

All the Kap Eps agreed he was acting out of spite. After all, Brody had refused to pay his dues even though we’d given him plenty of chances. It was a clear violation, and we’d kept a long detailed paper trail. So as far as we were concerned, we could prove his expulsion was legit.

On the other hand, the rest of what he’d said was basically true. I didn’t appreciate the quip about “admitted homosexuals” but yes, we’d all stripped down and played cum-on-a-cookie— and there was no denying some of us were gay. We obviously weren’t the only fraternity to do that, not by a long shot. But it did meet the official definition of hazing, which was strictly forbidden.

“Aw hell,” Luke said when he got the news. “This is the last thing I need.”

“What do you think?” I asked. “Are we gonna have to let him back in?”

Marcos scoffed. “Do you seriously want Brody hanging out with us?”

“Well no—”

“It wouldn’t solve the problem anyway,” Luke said. “The council is gonna have to investigate this. And when they do... we could be in deep shit.”

“Wait a minute,” I said. “Didn’t Brody know about this before he rushed us?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well... I’d already heard a bunch of rumors before I ever thought about rushing. So had Chad. I even heard you were having orgies in here. And I’ve got to admit... that’s part of what got me in the door.”

“What’s your point? Are you saying you want to have an orgy?”

“I’m just saying, if Brody’s dad was a Kap Ep, he had to know what to expect.”

“Humph,” Luke said. “Good luck making that case to the council: ‘Mr. Watkins, isn’t it true you masturbated in this fraternity yourself? And did you not tell your son about that?’”

“What about fall semester?” I asked. “I mean, by then Brody wasn’t a pledge anymore. But he still initiated the other guys— so if that constitutes hazing, he’d be guilty of it himself.”

“Yeah I know,” Luke said. “The dude is a fucking hypocrite. That’s not exactly a news flash. But they’re still going to say we’re in violation. And they’ll throw the book at us.”

The rest of us looked at each other. Clearly none of us wanted to concede, but Brody had backed us into a helluva corner.

“Anyway,” Luke finally said, “just let me worry about this. I’m the one who’s going to get called on the mat... I mean, if Brody wants to say he’s a hazing victim, then by that logic, you are too.”

“We don’t see it that way,” Ryan said.

“Tell that to the council,” Luke said. “I just... I dunno, I’ll figure something out.”

I gritted my teeth. I knew Luke was about to graduate, so he was interviewing for jobs. I appreciated him being so willing to stick his neck out, though part of me didn’t want him to. I knew a scandal like this could really fuck up his life.

I really wanted to wring Brody’s neck. To me, the Kap Eps were more than just my fraternity brothers. After all, they’d basically introduced me to Chad— or at least they’d set the stage. Just as importantly, they’d made both of us feel comfortable and accepted at a time when we really needed it. I’d never forgotten how the others had defended me and Chad against Brody’s homophobia. Now they seemed to be paying the price.

Our student newspaper ran a story about it the next day. They highlighted the quote about the “admitted homosexuals” which set off quite the controversy. People seemed split on whether Brody was a bigot or a victim or a combination of both. The dean of students jumped on the story, and she made us cancel all social activities till further notice— which meant no Rush Week, no parties, no nothing. Luke tried to fight it, since by all accounts no one had ever been in danger. But the dean didn’t buy it, at least till the investigation was done.

My carefully-constructed schedule now had a giant hole in it; and I found myself missing a lot of the camaraderie I was used to. I tried to make up for it as best I could, but I often ended up lying in bed, feeling that loneliness I’d hoped to avoid. To make matters worse, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I too could get in trouble, especially if this hazing story got back to my parents. I was dying to talk to Chad, but our schedules didn’t always align, so I had to make do whenever I could get him on the phone.

I felt like I needed a refuge, so I headed for the only safe place I could think of. Wildcat Pride was holding a meeting that Thursday. I’d never gone before, but I’d always wanted to know what they did. I almost got cold feet, since the stakes had gotten so high, and I didn’t want anyone to judge me. So I hid the fact that I was a Kap Ep; I just sat in the back and nervously scoped things out.

The meeting was in the student union building, in one of those multipurpose rooms. The group was chaired by a no-nonsense woman named Lakeisha. Her second-in-command was one of my neighbors: apparently his real name was Oliver McCarthy, though everybody called him O’Mac. Then there was a trans woman named Bella, and a gay couple named Garrett and Andre.

They talked about a lot of the same stuff I’d heard about in D.C. They were trying to get the university to publicly support non-discrimination laws, and oppose things like bathroom bills. They were also lobbying for changes to the student health plan. Plus they were planning for the upcoming Day of Silence.

My first thought was that I wished Chad was there, since he would’ve eaten that up. But that only made me miss him that much more. The group was friendly and all, but the rest of them had clearly known each other for a while, whereas I was the newbie. They almost seemed like a cliquish fraternity in their own right.

I kept noticing O’Mac glancing in my direction. It made me a little uneasy, especially since I’d seen him on Grindr months before; which meant he could just as well have seen me too. The last thing I wanted was for him to get the wrong idea, much less hit on me or something.

As soon as the time the meeting ended, I high-tailed it out of the building. By that point the sun had gone down, and all the sidewalks on campus were quiet. I don’t know if it was just my state of mind, but I could clearly hear my footsteps as I walked. Hardly anyone came within fifty feet of me.

Once I got home, I tried calling Chad, but my phone was almost dead, and it had a hard time getting a signal. I put my phone in the charger and texted Chad how badly I wanted to see him. Then I plopped down in bed and stared at the walls.

I reached over to Chad’s side of the bed. He’d always slept on the right, and I’d always slept on the left, ever since we’d first hooked up in our old dorm. We’d apparently fallen into that habit without ever talking about it. Even now, after all the time Chad had been away, I’d stayed on my side and made sure to leave him plenty of room. Somehow it felt right, even though I hated seeing my bed half-empty.

I knew I couldn’t recreate the feeling of Chad’s body beside me. But I could do the next-best thing and at least watch it in action. After all, I thought, that was why we’d made our sex tape to begin with. I reached over and unlocked my iPad, and I navigated to the right screen.

The first thing I saw was a freeze-frame of Chad and me. The sight of him already made me feel better. I wanted to reach right through the screen and touch him. But since I couldn’t, I just rubbed my dick through my pants. I laid there for a second as my hormones started to flow. Then I got up, stripped naked, and laid back in bed. Finally I spread my legs, made myself comfortable, and hit play.

The video started with us making out. The sound of Chad’s moans sent a jolt through my body. I tried to mirror what he was doing onscreen, so I ran my hands up and down my torso. My dick was already starting to throb.

“I want your cock so bad,” Chad was saying, “I mean it....”

Those words were music to my ears. I was tempted to touch myself, but I decided not to. At least not yet. I wanted to savor the moment and enjoy my time with Chad— even if it was mostly in my head.

I was craving some ass play, so I lubed myself up and started teasing my hole. I imagined Chad was rimming me. I could practically feel his warm breath in my pubes, and I tried to recreate the feeling of his tongue against my pucker.

I kept going like that for a minute, then decided to take it to the next level. My hole was itching to get something inside it, but I forced myself to pull my hand away.

I fast-forwarded the video to where we were in the shower. I kept my eyes peeled on the screen while Chad kissed my body. “You’re so fucking hot dude... such a great pair of balls....”

“You want to show me what you can do with them?”

I watched Chad play with my sack. I distinctly remembered how it had felt when he fondled my package. I knew how much he loved my balls, and I knew how good he was at showing it. I massaged my nuts and tried to recreate the sensation.

Onscreen, Chad started sucking my dick. That was something I couldn’t quite simulate for myself, but I got as close as I could. I lubed up my cock— which I didn’t usually do for jack-off sessions— and I started kneading my shaft. It was a little like tickling myself: it was fine and all, but I knew Chad’s touch would feel infinitely better.

“Oh baby,” I was saying onscreen, “keep working that dick....”

I watched my cock slide in and out of Chad’s mouth. Fuck, that man knew how to suck dick! I adjusted my fingers, easing up just slightly so they felt more like his lips. Then I stroked myself faster and faster.

In the video, Chad took his mouth off my cock. Then he paused, and I couldn’t help noticing the look in his eyes.

“I want this fucking hole of yours so bad....”

I’d known Chad was going to say that, but even so, his words sent adrenaline through my veins. “It’s all yours....”

It had been a real tease to watch Chad get ready to fuck me. But by that point I needed something inside me. I reached for the cabinet where we kept our toys, and I pulled out a dildo. I positioned it over my boyhole just as Chad positioned himself onscreen. Then, when he penetrated me, I also penetrated myself.

I noticed the dildo felt different this time. It still didn’t feel as good as his cock, but it did make for a hell of a ride. I wasn’t sure if this was just because of the sex tape, or if it had more to do with my yearning for Chad. Either way, all my senses seemed heightened.

I slid the dildo in and out of my hole, while I watched Chad pound me onscreen. Fuck, I needed that. I loved that feeling of being stuffed. I relished the sounds of Chad’s grunts, along with the slap-slap-slap of our wet bodies banging together.

I pulled the dildo all the way out, then rammed it back in. It felt like it split me open, which was basically how I wanted it. I was desperate for Chad to ravage me. I kept my ass open wide, with my legs in the air, as if I was his little slut.

I kept fucking myself while we switched positions onscreen. I was oozing pre-cum, but I made sure not to touch my cock right then. I wanted this experience to last as long as it could, and I loved watching Chad take me from all those different directions.

Then, at long last, it was time for the grand finale. I watched Chad lean into my ear from behind, and he whispered: “I want you to jerk yourself off.”

“Oh yeah,” I said involuntarily, as if he could hear me.

“I want to watch you cum hard,” he said. “And I want to feel your orgasm inside and out.”

I didn’t need to be told twice. I angled the dildo so it would hit my prostate. Then I gripped my cock with my free hand, and I started going to town.

It felt so good to be fucking and flogging myself, both at once, in perfect synchronization. Feelings of pleasure coursed through my body. The dildo brushed against my prostate, and I felt that mind-boggling rush. Then I finally went over the edge.

“Fuck!” I gasped as my hole clamped down on the dildo, and my cum spurted out of my dick. One volley after another splattered on my chest. The dildo made it feel that much better, as I savored that full feeling in my ass.

“Yeah,” Chad was saying onscreen, “that’s it....”

I kept going for another few seconds, but slowly but surely the feeling died down. I took a deep breath and laid flat against the sheets. Then I reached down and pulled out the dildo.

I suddenly realized this dildo wasn’t mine. It was Chad’s, the one that had been modeled after me. I’d been fucking myself with a replica of my own cock.

I was a little embarrassed at first, and a little weirded out. I couldn’t help thinking I’d defeated my purpose, which was to simulate Chad’s dick inside me. But then I told myself our cocks weren’t all that different. Besides, masturbation by its nature was all about working your own anatomy.

I had to wonder if this was how Chad had felt when I’d fucked him. I’d always assumed I’d known those sensations, unlike straight sex, where there was no real way to know how the other person felt. I wanted my dick to blow Chad’s mind, so if this was how it really felt, then I might be able to take things up a notch. Granted, the dildo wasn’t a perfect replica, but still.

One thing was for sure. I still had the dildo of Chad, and I could pleasure myself with it whenever I wanted. I could even spit-roast myself, sucking on one dildo while I fucked myself with the other.

That night set the tone for the next couple of weeks. That video— paired with our sex toys— got to be part of my routine. It let me escape from the stress of my classes, not to mention the drama surrounding the Kap Eps. I got to know every frame and every sound; and I got so experienced with those toys that I was a fucking professional. I especially loved when I could Skype Chad while I did it.

I kept asking him when he’d be back, but Chad never gave me a straight answer. I wanted to fully support him, so I told him it was fine. But deep down, I felt my heart sink every time he brushed off my questions. I just tried not to let my disappointment show.

Meanwhile, I was still taking care of Chad’s car, so eventually I had to take it in for an oil change. When I did, the mechanic said the brake pads needed replacing, which would cost hundreds of dollars. I tried to call Chad, but his phone went straight to voicemail. I tried texting him too, but the messages didn’t go through.

Great, I thought, fucking perfect. I knew how critical the brake pads were, but I couldn’t afford a big expense like that, at least not at the moment. I’d just paid my rent the day before, and I wouldn’t get paid till that Friday.

Part of me thought this was Chad’s responsibility. After all, it was his car not mine, and I’d been doing him a favor by handling this stuff. Plus he could afford these kinds of expenses. On the other hand, Chad had been doing me a favor too, letting me drive his car for free— and my job was far enough away that it’d be hard to work there without it.

I was sitting at the dealership, trying to figure out what to do, when I heard the door open behind me. I didn’t look up at first, but then I heard a familiar voice.

“Hey baby,” he said.

I jumped to my feet. “Chad?”

He was standing there with his coat on, and his roller bag at his side. An Uber was driving away behind him.

“W-what the hell? I mean, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“Shit! Surprise me? What, a-at an auto shop?”

“I got your voicemail when I landed. I didn’t want you to have to pay that bill yourself—”

“Oh my fucking god, you’re something else,” I said as I grabbed him and started kissing him. “I can’t believe you... that’s the most unromantic thing I’ve ever heard... but fuck....”

“They transferred Dad this morning,” Chad said the first chance he got. “Pam’s taking care of him from here.”

“Oh thank God,” was all I could muster up. I relished the thought of having my man to myself, with no strings attached, after such a long wait. I wasn’t a religious guy, but I felt like my prayers had been answered.

Finally we stopped making out. We looked around, and we realized the whole dealership had gone silent. All the employees were staring at us.

Chad just shrugged. “What’s the matter?” he asked. “Haven’t you seen a couple make out before?”

I didn’t say a word, but I felt like I didn’t need to. I had my man back with me, which was all I cared about. No matter what other shit we had to go through, it seemed like we’d be fine as long as we could lean on each other. For once, I was looking forward to what might happen next.

To be continued....