Cocklust

By that point, my relationship with Chad seemed to have taken over my life.  I spent practically all my time either thinking about him, or sneaking around with him, or worrying what what might come between us; or some combination of all three.

My sex dreams had taken on a whole new dimension. I still fantasized about Chad, yet my fetish for group sex was still alive and well. I kept picturing Chad jacking off at the gym, and I imagined us having locker room sex, often with other sweaty boys joining in. But most of those dreams ended with us getting caught, usually by Hunter and Drew. It was never as sexy as it always seemed in porn. I kept imagining that we either got thrown in jail for exposure, or marched to the dean’s office and expelled.

My one enjoyable dream came right before we left for Thanksgiving break. It actually wasn’t that sexual at first: I dreamt we were living together, not just in a crappy student apartment, but in a real place of our own. I came home to find that Chad had cooked me dinner. He served me wine and everything, and he even lit a few candles. That kind of romantic shit wasn’t usually my speed, but at least in the dream it felt right.

Eventually, of course, we headed over to the bedroom we shared. Chad stripped off my clothes, piece by piece, while we made out. Then he lowered me onto our bed, and he started kissing my body. He started with my neck, then made his way down to my chest, playing with my nipples along the way. Then he continued down my treasure trail, and he ran his tongue around my bellybutton. Finally he took my dick in his mouth and started sucking away.

Suddenly I woke up. I recognized the usual cramped apartment around me. But the pleasurable feeling hadn’t gone away. I looked down and realized I hadn’t fully been dreaming: Chad really was going down on me.

“Holy shit,” I said.

Chad looked up and rubbed my shaft. Both of us were still naked from the night before. “You had morning wood,” he said. “It looked like it needed taken care of.”

“I’m not complaining,” I said.

“Good,” he said, “because I fucking need this. Especially if I have to be away from you this week.”

Those words were a bit of a buzzkill, though I couldn’t really blame him. I knew Chad had family stuff to deal with, and for that matter, so did I. It would also be nice to get away from the Kap Eps, considering what had just happened. Even so, I’d gotten so used to being around Chad that it was hard to imagine us being apart. I consoled myself by saying it was just for a few days, and we could always talk on the phone or Skype or whatever else.

Chad worked my dick like his life depended on it. It almost felt like we were on a conjugal visit: we both knew our private time was precious, and we were desperate to enjoy every second.

After a minute, Chad swung his body around, and he positioned himself in a sixty-nine. I wanted to rim him at first, but as soon as I put my finger on his boyhole, I realized he was already lubed up.

“Good morning to you too,” I said, and I took his dick in my mouth. His balls were hanging right over my eyes, to the point that I could barely see. But at that point, I didn’t care. I was going to get as much of him as I could in the time we had left.

We sucked each other for a while, till Chad suddenly got up. I was about to ask him what he was doing, but I got my answer soon enough. He hovered his mancunt over my cock, then guided me inside him. Then he started riding me reverse-cowboy.

“Oh baby,” I said as I thrust into him.

“Fuck, I’m gonna miss this,” he said. “I need this dick so bad....”

“Take all you want,” I said as I plowed deep inside him.

“Oh yeah!” he half-gasped, half-yelled, as his body gyrated back and forth. His groans seemed to echo through the room.

“I want to kiss you,” I said.

Chad leaned back against me, and we started making out. He was still taking my dick like a champ. We did the pearly gates with him lying on top of me, face up, and me ramming him from behind.

I put my arms around his chest, and I held him tight. I couldn’t stop kissing his sexy stubbly face.

“I love you so much,” he gasped.

“I love you too baby.” I was high on the feeling of being inside him. I savored his comforting weight on top of me, and I relished his familiar warmth and the smell of his skin.

“Oh fuck!” he gasped. He gave his dick a few tugs, his hole tightened up, and he busted all over himself.

I wasn’t ready to finish yet. I wanted to enjoy the sex for as long as I could. Chad let me keep fucking him; he just reached down and fondled my balls.

“I want you to empty those inside me,” he said.

“That’s the plan,” I whispered. I could feel my climax getting closer and closer.

Chad reached further down, and he played with my taint. Then he started rubbing my hole. I tried to press my ass against his hand, but in that position, it was easier said than done.

“Go inside,” I said, and an instant later, I felt his fingers going up my butt. My cock started tingling, and I knew I couldn’t last much longer. The familiar feeling of pleasure started coursing through my body, but I clenched my urethra as hard as I could, trying to delay the inevitable. “O-o-oh God,” I finally said as I felt my dick erupt in Chad’s ass.

I gave him a few more pumps. Eventually Chad rolled off me and plopped down at my side. “Wow,” he said.

“I’m guessing that’s what you wanted?”

Chad grinned. “I suppose you could say that.” He let out a deep breath. “Now I know what we’ll need to do this week: lots and lots of phone sex.”

I pulled a strand of hair from his eyes. The way we were lying, I could feel his heart beating, and he could probably feel mine. “I wish we didn’t need to do this,” I said. “Being apart, I mean.”

“Yeah, well....” He pressed up against me, and I felt his cum smearing against my skin. “Maybe next time we’ll find a better way.”

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno,” he said. “I really don’t want to be apart from you either.” And he gave me a kiss.

We put off heading to the airport as long as we could, but eventually we didn’t have a choice. I could practically feel my heart sinking with each step I took; but I tried not to let on. There was always a chance we’d see another Kap Ep, or someone else we knew, considering how many students were flying out right then.

We were going through security when a TSA agent picked up my bag. “Is this yours?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“I’m going to have to look through it.” He pointed me to a table. “This way.”

I gritted my teeth. I signaled to Chad, who was already gathering his stuff. I suddenly felt a burst of adrenaline as I remembered what was in my bag. Before I could do anything, the agent opened it up and pulled out a dildo.

It was the replica we’d made of Chad’s cock. It was supposed to keep me company that week, though the TSA didn’t need to know that.

“That’s not mine,” I said without thinking.

The agent didn’t bat an eye. “Spoken like Austin Powers,” he said.

I gritted my teeth. Chad was carrying the dildo’s counterpart, the one modeled after me. It was just my luck that my bag was the one getting inspected.

“Did you pack this bag?”

“Well yeah,” I said. “That... well, that’s supposed to be a gag gift.”

“Uh-huh.” The agent dug through my toiletries— which included a travel-sized bottle of lube— as well as my changes of clothes. I felt pretty exposed, but I didn’t want to make things worse, so I kept my mouth shut. Finally the agent shrugged and put everything back. “All right,” he said as he zipped up the bag. “You’re all set... and have fun on your trip.”

I didn’t know what to say at that point. I was totally silent as I took my things and headed for the concourse.

Chad was waiting for me just outside the checkpoint. “Did I just see what I thought I did?”

“No comment,” I said.

“I guess I should take that as a compliment,” he said, “if the TSA thinks my dick could be a weapon.”

“Sh!” I whispered. “You can’t joke about shit like that. Not at an airport.”

Chad seemed about ready to say something else, but then he looked into my eyes, and his cockiness melted away. “Sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood.”

“I know you are. It’s just....” I sighed and forced a smile. “I just can’t wait for this week to be over.”

I wanted to take him in my arms right then, but since we were in public, I resisted the urge. I just looked into Chad’s eyes, and he looked right back. I could tell his feelings on the subject were an awful lot like mine.

My flight left before his, so he kept me company at the gate, and he waited till I boarded. We never kissed goodbye, but as soon as I got to my seat, I discreetly sent him a text.

Safe travels, I wrote.  I love you.

I love you too, he texted back with practically no hesitation.  Let me know when you get there.

I will, I finally wrote.  Xoxo. Then I put my phone on airplane mode, stuffed it in my pocket, and steeled myself for the lonely hours ahead.

The weather when I landed was particularly nasty. A lot of snow was coming down, but it wasn’t very cold, so it had turned into a muddy slippery slush. At the same time, the wind was gusting pretty hard, so I had to turn up my collar and try to shield my face. All I could think was how I should have gone with Chad to San Diego.

“Scott!” Mom said when she picked me up at the curb. “Honey, I’m so glad you’re here!” And she proceeded to smother me with kisses.

“Hi Mom,” I said.

“Can I take your bag?”

“O-oh no,” I said, “I’ve got it. But thanks.”

We both got in the car, and she turned the ignition. “I was so worried you wouldn’t make it,” she said. “I’d been hearing about all those canceled flights. And I knew you weren’t too keen on coming at all—”

“Well,” I said, “it’s just... I’ve been busy.”

“With your fraternity, you mean?”

“I mean yeah, that’s part of it—”

“They’re not mistreating you, are they?”

“What? No. Besides, I can take care of myself.”

“Well, I just hear about these things on the news, like wild parties where people get hurt—”

“Omigod, nobody is getting hurt!”

“I just worry about you, that’s all. You’re still my little boy.”

I sighed. Mom had a way of exasperating me in a way that no one else could. I didn’t want to invite more of her scrutiny, so I just stared out at the road.

“Anyway, you haven’t missed much around here,” she said. “You heard about Peggy Fox, right?”

I turned back from the window. Mrs. Fox was Erica’s mom. “What about her?” I asked as casually as I could.

“Her lupus is getting worse,” Mom said. “Apparently she’s having trouble with her kidneys now. And she’s always exhausted....” She shook her head. “I feel so bad for that woman. She’s been through so much.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“You know, while you’re in town, it may not be a bad idea to go see her,” she said. “I’m sure Erica would love to see you too.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Why would Erica want to see me?”

“Well you know,” she said, “maybe moral support....”

“Oh for crying out loud, Mom.” I fiddled with my seatbelt. “I can see where Amy gets this stuff from.”

“I’m just saying, it’s the holidays. I think it would be nice.”

“Point taken,” was all I could bring myself to say.

By the time we got back to the house, the wind had let up, but the snow was coming down as hard as ever. Amy hadn’t arrived yet, so Dad was the only one there. We exchanged the usual hugs, and we chatted for a minute. Then I took my suitcase to my room.

I felt a pang of guilt as I opened my bedroom door. I felt like I was returning to the scene of my crimes. I looked over at my bed, where I’d had my anonymous hookups. I dreaded the thought of sleeping there all week, but I didn’t have a choice. I could never explain to my family why I’d want to sleep somewhere else.

Just then, my phone buzzed with a text: Just landed, Chad wrote.  Did you get in ok?

Yeah, I wrote back.  We just got home.

Cool, he wrote.  I’m about to run the gauntlet with my dad.  Wish me luck.

I took a deep breath. Good luck, I wrote.  If you want to talk, call me.

I will, he wrote, and he added an emoji.

“Scott,” Mom called from the other room, “are you staying for supper?”

I stuffed my phone in my pocket. “W-what?”

“Well, I’m just asking,” she said as she peeked in the door. “I’m sure you have plenty of friends you want to see—”

“Not now,” I said. “I mean, I uh... I’m staying in tonight.”

Mom nodded and headed back to the kitchen. She ended up making her famous macaroni casserole, which was my favorite comfort food. I’m guessing she was trying to make me feel at home. The scene around the dinner table looked like Martha Stewart shit, except of course what was going through my mind.

“So,” Dad said, “how are your classes going?”

“Okay I guess.”

“What does that mean?”

I debated how to answer. I didn’t want to open a can of worms, but I also didn’t want to lie— at least not about that. “I, uh....” I swallowed a bite of casserole. “I mean, I’m not really into them.”

“Well, you’re just starting out,” he said. “The good stuff probably won’t start till around your second year of law school.”

“That’s just it,” I said. “I’m not really sure I want that.”

Dad frowned. “What?”

“I mean, I know you want me to be a lawyer, but... it’s not really my thing.”

“You need to build a career.”

“But why does it need to look like yours?” I asked. “Pre-law isn’t even a real major. I mean, even if I did decide to go to law school, I wouldn’t need this to get in. So why commit to it now?”

“Well,” Dad said, “if you want to make a change, you’ll need to do it soon. Otherwise you might not graduate on time— and hell if I’m paying for an extra semester.”

Mom cleared her throat. “I can’t say I’m surprised,” she said. “When you had your internship last summer, your mind always seemed to be somewhere else.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. She wasn’t wrong— after all, I’d basically spent that summer chasing boys— but I shuddered to think of all the things she might’ve picked up on.

“Anyway, if you weren’t doing that,” she said, “what would you rather be doing instead?”

“I-I... what?”

“Do you have another major in mind?”

I tried to calm my nerves. She was still talking about school— or at least I thought she was. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’m just trying to figure things out.”

“Well, I do agree you should be your own person,” she said, “and you should always do what makes you happy.”

I chewed a mouthful of casserole, then swallowed. “Fair enough,” I said.

It felt like hours before I could retreat to my room. When I finally got the chance, I took a deep breath and laid down on my bed. I just laid there for a minute, till I finally texted Chad: How did it go?

Chad texted back: It was ok.  Dad’s still acting weird.  Taking it one step at a time.

I’m sorry, I wrote back.

How about u?

I wanted to tell him about my awkward dinner, but under the circumstances, I decided not to. I miss you, was all I said.

Chad seemed to hesitate for a few seconds. Are u alone right now?

I didn’t know how to respond. Yeah....

The next thing I knew, Chad sent me a full-body nude. The picture was downright breathtaking: he didn’t have a stitch of clothing on, yet he was staring right into the camera. The focus was aimed between his legs, where he had his hand on his cock, and his dildo of me was embedded in his hole. You kind of interrupted me, he wrote.  Not that I’m complaining.

“Holy shit,” I said out loud. I got up from my bed and locked the door; I knew I was going against my mom’s rules, but at that point I didn’t care.

By the time I got back to my bed, a Skype call was already coming through. I picked up as fast as I could, and I got treated to a live image of Chad. “Hello sexy,” he said.

“Wow,” I said, “you look so hot right now.”

“Well, I was thinking of you,” he said, “and since you can’t be here in person, I went for the next-best thing.” He patted the base of his dildo; the rest of it was still inside him.

I couldn’t help touching myself. “Don’t let me stop you,” I said.

“You’re not. I was just watching porn on my phone... this is way better.” He waved his finger at me. “How about you take those clothes off and join me?”

I positioned my phone against my pillow. Then I stood up and unzipped my hoodie.

“Go slow,” he said. “I want to have fun with this.”

I pulled off my hoodie, and I twirled it around like I was doing a striptease. Then I tossed it aside, and I peeled off the t-shirt underneath.

“Oh yeah,” Chad said as he shoved the dildo deeper inside him. “Let me see that cock.”

I undid my fly and gave him a glimpse of what was inside— not that he didn’t already know it. Then I gyrated my hips, and I slowly pulled my jeans down an inch at a time.

“Fuck,” Chad was saying. “I want to stick my dick in that so bad....”

I let my jeans and underwear fall to the floor. I pulled off my socks, and I waved my cock in front of the camera.

“Mm,” he said. “Now go get your dildo.”

I jumped for my suitcase and rummaged through my clothes. Then I pulled out my replica of Chad. The resemblance was pretty uncanny. Its cockhead was a little harder than the real thing, and the color was a little too uniform. Generally though, it looked and felt like the dick I knew and loved.

“Go ahead,” he said. “Put me inside you.”

I lubed up, then sat on the bed and positioned the dildo by my hole. I stared into the camera as I slowly pushed the dildo up my ass. “Yeah baby,” I said without thinking.

“That’s it,” Chad said. “You like my dick in there?”

“You know I do.”

“Now keep going,” he said. “I want to watch that ass get fucked.”

“The feeling’s mutual.”

“What?”

“I want to watch you play with me, the same way I’m playing with you,” I said. “It’s only fair.”

“Okay deal,” he said as he pulled his dildo partway out, then shoved it back in. I could tell from his face that he was loving it.

I tried to match his rhythm. I wanted it to feel like we were really in bed together, instead of thousands of miles apart. The faster we pumped our dildos, the better it felt.

Chad started touching his cock again. He was closer to orgasm than I was, and his breaths were coming faster and faster.

“Go ahead,” I said. “Fucking bust. Like when you’re cumming in me.”

“You’re gonna make me cum too fast—”

“I want you to,” I said.

Chad stroked himself for a few seconds longer, but then his chest started to heave. I still had a good view of his hole, and I saw it clamp down on the dildo. “O-o-oh yeah,” he gasped, and then he started shooting.

I shoved my dildo deeper inside me, and I felt it scrape by my prostate. A new wave of pleasure rippled through me. The sensations were way more intense than I’d expected.

“Yeah baby,” he said, “keep giving me a show.”

I laid back so my ass was in front of the camera. He could see from my hole to my cock, but he couldn’t see much else. I guided the dildo with one hand, and jerked myself off with the other.

“That’s so fucking hot... I want to watch it spurting out of your dick....”

I looked back at my phone, and I saw Chad watching with rapt attention. His chest was streaked with cum, and his dildo was still inside him, but he seemed to have only one thing on his mind. I couldn’t take it anymore; I just let out a gasp as my orgasm overtook my body. Then I jizzed all over myself.

“Yeah,” he said, “now eat that cum for me.”

I finished pumping, and I sat back up on the bed. I’d never eaten my own cum before, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. But I was prepared to do anything for Chad.

“Go ahead,” he said. “Pretend it’s mine.”

I scooped up most of the juices on my chest, brought my hand to my mouth, and licked my hand clean. It actually didn’t feel as weird as I’d feared. I’d always known my cum was creamier than his— Chad’s had more of a watery consistency, and it tended to shoot further— but the taste wasn’t all that different.

Chad was basically doing the same thing. He sucked on each of his cum-covered fingers. Then he licked his lips and swallowed. “Mm,” he said. “That was fucking awesome.”

“You want to do that again?” I asked. “Maybe in the morning?”

“Baby,” he said, “I think we’re gonna have to.”

And we did.

It wasn’t always easy to find time together, especially with the family stuff we were juggling. A few times I just used my dildo on myself, without involving Chad. I found myself loving how it felt: it wasn’t quite as intense as a real fuck, but the afterglow was pretty much the same. It still sent endorphins coursing through my blood, and it gave me that satisfying feeling of my sphincter stretched out. The lube made my ass cheeks slide past each other as I walked.

Outwardly, of course, I didn’t let on at all. On Thanksgiving Day, when my aunt and uncle came over, their dog kept trying to sniff my butt. I had to wonder if he knew what was up.

“Smokey!” Uncle Todd said, and he snapped his fingers. “Come here. Don’t be bothering him.”

“He’s okay,” I said.

Smokey ran in a circle around Todd, then went to greet Amy. Meanwhile, Aunt Rachel came to give me a hug. “How have you been?” she asked.

“I’m good,” I said, “same ol’ same ol’....” I knew that last part was a lie, but I didn’t see any way around it.

By now I’d gotten pretty adept at steering conversations in the direction I wanted. We chatted about stuff like election results, movies, and how the Bears were doing compared to the Lions. But my mind kept wandering back to Chad, and what he must be doing at that moment. I knew he was going through a lot, between his homophobic dad and his parents’ marital problems. I was dying to help him somehow, but I knew my hands were tied.

After dinner, my family followed our old tradition of fighting over the TV. We eventually agreed to put on Spider-Man, but to be honest, the movie was almost incidental. We were so stuffed with turkey that most of us just needed a nap.

The Green Goblin had just finished attacking Times Square when my phone buzzed. At first I thought it was Chad, but then I saw it was Johan.

I heard ur in town, Johan wrote.  Want to meet up sometime?

I debated what to tell him. I held my phone close so no one else could see it. Can’t, I wrote.  I have a boyfriend now.

Johan took a few minutes to respond. Congrats.  Then, a minute later, he added: That’s cool.

Thx, I wrote, though I could tell he was disappointed. I knew Johan had his share of hangups. I assumed he was still doing Grindr hookups, though it wasn’t my business anymore. As far as I knew, he’d never had a boyfriend of his own, at least not a serious one.

Then it occurred to me: how did Johan know I was there? I assumed Amy must’ve told him, but that raised a bunch more questions. How did I come up in the conversation? Did the two of them talk a lot? Did she know Johan was gay? And most importantly, did he tell her anything he shouldn’t have?

“I don’t see his appeal,” Mom said.

I looked up from my phone. I realized she was talking about the movie.

“It’s Tobey Maguire,” Rachel said. “You saw him shirtless earlier—”

“Andrew Garfield is more my type,” Amy said.

Rachel clucked her tongue. “Better not tell Emma Stone.”

I had my own thoughts on the subject, but of course I wasn’t about to share them. I needed a moment to myself, so I got up and pretended I was going to take a leak.

I shut the bathroom door behind me, and I did my best to relax. I stared into the mirror, fixed my hair, and took a deep breath.

I lingered longer than I probably should have. When I stepped back outside, I found Amy waiting for me.

“Scott,” she said, “who is Chad?”

I felt like a thunderbolt had hit me. “What?” I asked. “Why?”

Amy handed me my phone. I realized I’d left it lying out in the open. “He just texted you,” she said. “I think I’m the only one who saw it. He says he can’t wait to see you, and— how’d he put it?— he’s ‘so fucking horny’ for you.”

I suddenly felt naked, and not in a good way. “Uh, well, he’s nobody,” I said without thinking, “I-I mean he’s just a gay guy I know.”

Amy frowned. “That looks a lot like sexting to me.”

At first I thought she’d seen my other texts. Then I realized the phone was still locked, though it didn’t make me feel any better. I pulled her into the bathroom and shut the door behind us. “For fuck’s sake, Amy—”

“Are you sexting a guy?”

“No,” I said. I struggled to keep my voice down. “I-I mean he just has a crush on me or something—”

“You’re a shitty fucking liar. You know that?”

“Oh come on—”

“Are you gay?”

I didn’t know what to say. Amy had me cornered. I wanted to deny everything, but somehow I got tongue-tied. “W-well, you know, uh—”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Look, he’s just a college buddy,” I said. “Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is, okay?”

“A bigger deal?” she asked. “You’re my little brother.”

“Yeah, and you’re a fucking snoop! This is none of your business.”

Amy didn’t answer at first. Then she ran her hands through her hair. “Listen,” she said. “I don’t care if you’re gay. I mean I do, but... only because I care about you, and I want you to be happy—”

“It’s not your problem.”

“I never said it was a problem,” she said. “Besides, what the hell did you think was going to happen? You can’t keep this a secret forever, and why would you even want to?”

“You don’t get it,” I said. “You don’t fucking get it, okay?”

Amy chewed her lip for a second. Then she sat down and sighed. “Listen,” she said, “I’m not going to tell Mom and Dad. That’s your job. But I think you owe it to yourself to do it while you’re here. Something like this needs to be done in person—”

“Just let me handle it,” I said.

“Okay fine,” Amy said. “But you know what? Mom and Dad care about you too. You’ve got nothing to be afraid of.”

I didn’t know what to say. Part of me was furious at her, but part of me wanted to hug her as tight as I could. My mind was going in so many directions, I didn’t know what to do.

“So this Chad,” she finally said, “tell me about him.”

I scoffed. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, for starters,” she said, “how did you two meet?”

I gave the shortest answer I could. “He’s in my fraternity,” I said.

“So last summer,” she said, “when you were staying out all night... were you going to see him?”

I felt another wave of embarrassment. I didn’t want to tell her about my slut phase. “N-no,” I said, “I mean, he’s not from around here.”

“So where’s he from?”

I sighed. “What’s with all the questions?”

“I’m just asking,” Amy said. “I want to make sure my little brother’s okay.”

I rolled my eyes. I wanted to point out she was barely older than me, but I decided not to. “Okay,” I said. “You want to know? He’s from San Diego. Well, basically. He’s a Navy brat.”

Amy nodded. “What’s he like?”

“Hell, I dunno,” I said. “What kind of a question is that?”

“Well, do you like him?”

I didn’t know how to answer at first. “I mean... yeah,” I finally said. “He’s cool.”

“Does he make you happy?”

“Now don’t start with the sappy shit,” I said. “It’s not like that, okay?”

“Oh my God, you are such a man!” Amy said. “That’s the only thing that matters. The only thing!”

“Well, maybe we don’t think of it that way,” I said. “We just hang out. We do normal stuff. We watch football and shit—”

“And you have sex.”

I practically froze. I couldn’t believe she’d just said that.

“Am I wrong?” Amy asked.

“Well I didn’t say that, I-I mean I guess you’re not wrong—”

“So then what’s the big deal?”

I gritted my teeth. “Look, I don’t want to talk about this, okay? At least not right now. I’ll... well, I’ll figure out a way to tell Mom and Dad. You’ve just got to let me do it my way.”

Amy shrugged. “Fine,” she said, “if you say so.”



To be continued....