Cocklust

By that point, I was starting to realize how life-changing being gay really was.  It wasn’t just the sex, despite all the mind-blowing ways I’d found to get off, and the fact that I’d basically gotten addicted to cock.  It also meant a lot for my future.

Before that summer, I’d always assumed I’d be like the people I’d grown up with: I’d settle down with a nice girl, and we’d have a few kids, and maybe a dog, while I worked in an office job somewhere. Now all of that was crumbling away.

At the very least, I knew I’d never have a wife. In theory I could still have kids, but I wouldn’t have them the old-fashioned way. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I sensed that lifestyle just wasn’t my thing.

Instead, I got more and more into the so-called gay culture. Parts of it made more sense to me than others. By then, I totally spoke the lingo— sexually and otherwise— and I even taught it to some of my hookups. I felt like I could be myself around other gay guys, and I loved how supportive they were. I wasn’t much into politics, but I knew things had been totally different even ten years before; so I appreciated that.

At the same time, there was a lot of other stuff that I just didn’t get. I wasn’t much into fashion. I did like Judy Garland— mostly because of the movies I’d grown up with— but I didn’t care about Britney, Lady Gaga, or most other so-called gay icons. I didn’t see the appeal of camp, and I most definitely didn’t get drag. But I figured we could all march to the beat of our own drummers, so if somebody else was into that shit, then so be it.

My pickup techniques also got better with practice. I still had a few misadventures, especially with dudes who lied to me online. But the more I learned how to catch that shit upfront, the easier it was to steer clear.

My naked pictures had definitely paid off. The trick, I learned, was in knowing how to use them. I never wanted to be the guy who sent unsolicited dick pics. Instead, I waited till I found a dude I was interested in, and who seemed interested in me. Then I’d send him a picture that was relatively tame, basically a glorified version of my profile pic. If the other dude wanted more than that, he’d need to send me some pics of his own. If I liked what I saw, then he got to see a dick pic, or an ass pic, or whatever— but never a face pic, because I didn’t want to risk being recognized again. If I wanted to go nuclear, I’d send out closeups of my hole; I didn’t do that very often, but when I did, it got me laid every single time.

There was only one problem. Since I lived at home, I could only do it with guys who could host. That cut down my options a lot, at least till I finished my internship, and my parents and my sister went out of town. I was practically counting the hours till they left. I couldn’t wait to be able to do whatever and whoever I wanted.

My goal, at least in my own mind, was to have a slew of hot men lining up by my bedroom. I didn’t know if that was even possible, but it made for a great fantasy. I wanted to fuck some of them one-on-one, and others in groups. With any luck, I’d lose count of how many I porked before the weekend was over.

My first item of business, as soon as the coast was clear, was to message Johan on Grindr. He confirmed he was free, and he was up for another sesh. I gave him my address and told him to hurry his ass up. He showed up at my door so fast I hardly had time to get ready. Then I fucked him on the bed I’d grown up in.

Johan claimed he wasn’t much of a bottom, but as far as I was concerned, he was awesome. He was so big and muscular, yet he was totally submissive. He laid on his back, with his legs open wide, while I assumed the position. He was really fucking tight, so he flinched when I went in, and his whole body tensed up.

“I’m just returning the favor,” I said, “from when you stretched my ass too.”

“Yeah,” was all he could say. He gritted his teeth at first, but slowly his body relaxed, and we were off to the races.

I wasn’t about to be gentle. I knew Johan could take it like a man, so I pounded his butt as hard as I could. His whole body shuddered with each thrust, and my balls kept slapping against his crack. I kept knocking the wind out of him, as if I was beating his ass.

The bed underneath us could barely seem to take it. I’d jacked off in that bed for years, but I’d never fucked anyone so massive, and I’d definitely never done it so violently. The wooden joints creaked and cracked, as if they were going to give way.

Johan was all mine at that point. His huge biceps were basically useless, and his pecs and abs were just beautiful pieces of meat. His thick cock was hard as concrete, but I held his arms so he couldn’t touch it. I was bound and determined to dominate this man, and dammit, he was going to like it.

A deep groan made its way out of Johan’s body. This only made my hormones surge even more, so I jackhammered him even harder. I tried to hit his prostate, and sure enough, it worked. I saw his toes curl, and his eyes rolled back in his head.

I reached down to his cock, and I started jacking him off while I fucked him. Johan grabbed the headboard above him, like he was hanging on for dear life. I felt his asshole getting tighter and tighter, till he felt like he was going to burst.

“Oh shit!” he yelled, just in time before he blew his load all over himself.

That was enough to send me over the edge. “Ughhhhhhh,” was the only noise I could make. I felt my head expand inside of him, and then I let it rip. It took quite a few contractions to release all my cum, but once I was finished, I practically collapsed.

It was an awesome fuck, but as far as I was concerned, it was just the opening act. I snuggled with Johan for a bit, then sent him on his way, and I took a quick shower.

Less than five minutes later, I was back online, cruising for more NSA sex. Between Grindr and all the other apps, I went through hundreds of pictures. I couldn’t wait to find who my next conquest would be.

It turned out to be a redhead who’d just turned eighteen. I actually had to ask the guy for ID, which kind of defeated the anonymity of it, but I didn’t want any trouble. I made sure not look at the name on his card, so in my mind, he could just be my Twink Boy. It was actually pretty hot to think of how barely-legal he was.

Twink Boy wanted to have fun with it. He put on some music, started dancing, and promptly launched into a striptease. My dick responded right away; I’d seen my share of strippers and lap-dancers, but this was my first chance at a real happy ending.

Twink Boy insisted I keep my clothes on, at least for a while, and I wasn’t about to argue. Then he gyrated his crotch in front of me, always staying just out of reach. He undid his shirt buttons, one by one, and he teased me with the hairless pale skin underneath. My mouth watered when he turned his back to me, and he lowered his waistband just far enough for me to see the top of his crack.

“Damn,” I said, “that’s some Magic Mike shit.”

“What?” he asked.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t seen Magic Mike,” I said. “Anyone who likes dudes should be all over that.”

“It’s cool,” he said. “I’m just fucking with you.”

I wasn’t sure if that was true, but I didn’t really care. I found myself rubbing my crotch as I watched him. For an eighteen-year-old, he sure as hell knew what he was doing; and he could dance better than any other white guy I’d seen.

The music suddenly launched into a chorus, and Twink Boy ripped off his pants. Underneath was a skimpy black pair of briefs, which didn’t leave much to the imagination. Twink Boy kept dancing around, always in perfect sync with the music. Finally he pulled off his briefs, and his package came into full view, framed by a set of glorious red pubes.

“Wow,” I said. “So the carpet really does match the drapes.”

Twink Boy laughed. “It always does,” he said as he turned his body around. Even his backside was sprinkled with red hair. “So tell me: how bad do you want to fuck this ass?”

“Like you couldn’t fucking believe,” I said. It felt a little strange to hear Twink Boy talk dirty, because I hadn’t heard that from anyone but Chad. I forced myself not to think about that, and I focused on the gorgeous little redhead in front of me.

Twink Boy straddled my crotch, undid my fly, and started playing with my cock. “I’ve been dying for this,” he said, “ever since you sent me your picture.”

“That’s the idea,” I said. “Are you sure you’re ready to get that inside you?”

“Fuck yeah,” he said.

Twink Boy was practically still doing his dance. He kept teasing me as he toyed with my dick. As he did, I lubed him up, put on a condom, and went for his ass.

“Oh shit,” he said as I made my way in.

“Sh,” I said. “You know you can take it.” Twink Boy wasn’t especially tight, so I assumed he’d had a fair amount of practice.

“Shit, this feels so good,” he said. “I love your dick in me.”

“That’s such a hot fucking ass,” I said. “You gonna dance all over that dick?”

“Hell yeah,” he said as he writhed his body around.

“You want it deeper?” I asked.

“Uh-huh,” he said as he opened his legs wider. “Fucking give it to me.”

I followed his orders and kept pumping into him. His dick kept flopping around, all over his bright red pubes. His groans of pleasure got louder and louder.

Suddenly Twink Boy swung his body around, and he repositioned himself on all fours. He managed to do this while keeping me inside him, and never even breaking our rhythm.

“Oh shit,” I said.

“Keep going,” he said. “Oh fuck, don’t stop.”

I thrust as far into him as I could. His whole body trembled, and he started working my dick with his chute. “Do you like getting it like that?”

“Holy fuck, that’s amazing,” he said.

I ran my hands across his body, leaned down, and kissed his back. Twink Boy arched his neck and let out a loud sigh. Then he twisted his back around, and he made out with me while I fucked him.

After a minute, he threw me backward so I was lying face up. He still kept my dick inside him, but our bodies basically flipped, so now he was riding on top of me. “I’m so close dude,” he said. “I want you to cum.”

“You sure?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “I can’t hold it anymore. Just cum in my hole.”

Since I’d already gotten off that night, I couldn’t just bust on command. But I tried to think of the sexiest things I could. I flashed back to my old dorm’s showers, and all the cocks and asses I’d seen there. I replayed some of the porn I’d seen, like Flynn getting drilled. Slowly but surely, I felt myself getting closer to climax.

“Fucking do it,” Twink Boy said.

My mouth fell open, and I unloaded inside of him. I felt the condom fill up, and Twink Boy’s body responded.

“Oh yeah,” he said as he gave his cock a quick tug. That was all it took to make his jizz start shooting. The first rope hit me in the nose, and the second one almost hit me in the eyes. A few more splattered across my chest and my neck.

“Oh my God,” I said as I felt my heart pound. I laid my head back and swallowed hard.

“Wow,” he said when he stopped to catch his breath. “That was ridiculously amazing.”

I couldn’t argue with that. I just laughed.

By my third lay, I worried my balls might be running on empty. But I’d found a great option I couldn’t pass up: another guy wanted me to get with his boyfriend while he watched.

I’d always fantasized about threesomes, and about group sex in general. But I’d never actually followed through, unless I counted the circle jerk with the Kap Eps. Even so, I was up for the challenge.

When the guys showed up, I was glad to see that they were both nice to look at. It took me a minute to figure out which was which. The one I was supposed to have sex with— the one I dubbed Sex Boy— had shoulder-length hair and a beard. Watcher Boy was clean-shaven with tattoos on his arms.

I was a lot more nervous than I’d expected. I didn’t quite know where to start, because I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to kiss. I couldn’t stop thinking of how Sex Boy was someone else’s man. Just as importantly, I couldn’t stop thinking of how this someone else was just a few feet away, and would be eyeing us the whole time. Up to that point, I’d only performed for one person at a time; yet here I’d be performing for two.

Fortunately Sex Boy made the first move. He leaned in, put his hand on my cheek, and started making out with me. His beard felt itchy at first, but then I got used to it, and I started to like it. Sex Boy ran his hands along my body, while I reached behind him and grabbed the twin globes of his ass. Then he pulled off my shirt, and I did the same to him.

Sex Boy’s chest was just as hairy as his face, but he’d kept everything well-trimmed, and his muscles underneath were all nicely toned. I licked my lips at the sight of him; I couldn’t wait to see the rest of his body.

Watcher Boy seemed to be enjoying the show. He just sat down, still fully clothed, and he didn’t take his eyes off us. He touched himself a little, but otherwise he just took it all in.

Sex Boy pulled off my pants and my undies, then pulled off his own. His package looked exactly how I’d imagined it: his shaft was nice and long, and his ballsack was nestled between his thick pubes.

We moved over to the bed, and I laid down while Sex Boy started kissing my chest. He made his way down my breastbone, then circled around my bellybutton. I thought he was about to go down on me, but he didn’t. Instead, he lifted my legs and started rimming my hole.

“Oh yeah,” Watcher Boy said to his boyfriend. “Eat that ass. Get him nice and wet.”

I was totally ready to get fucked. I reached down and started stroking myself, but Sex Boy pulled my hand away. He came up for air, and I pointed him to my supplies. He got us both ready and assumed his position.

“No,” Watcher Boy said. “I want you to take him from behind.”

I wasn’t about to object, and apparently Sex Boy wasn’t either. I rolled over and stuck my ass in the air.

I felt Sex Boy smack me with his dick, basically teasing my ass. Then, a few seconds later, his cockhead popped into me. I forced myself to relax as he made his way in. Finally I felt his pubes on my ass.

Sex Boy started pounding me, slowly at first, then faster and faster. I closed my eyes for a second, then looked up.

Watcher Boy was just rubbing his crotch at first. Then his eyes met mine. “Yeah, that’s it,” he said. “Do you like getting fucked by my man?”

I was getting rammed so hard I could barely form words. “Uh-huh,” I said.

“Just think,” he said, “I can get that shit any day. Does that make you jealous?”

“Yeah,” I said, “I love this...”

“Then fucking take it like a man.”

I nodded and did as I was told. I felt like Sex Boy was splitting my ass open, but I loved it so much I didn’t want him to stop.

Suddenly I thought of the Kap Eps, and how Ryan and Marcos had fucked. I remembered how exotic it had seemed: at the time, I couldn’t have imagined getting it up the ass, much less liking it, much less doing it in front of somebody else. But I also remembered how Ryan seemed to be into it, and Marcos did too. Now I knew the feeling.

Watcher Boy undid his fly and pulled out his cock. He played with his balls for a while, but he never actually stroked his shaft. He was clearly in no hurry to get off.

I tried to give him the best view I could. I angled my body so that he could see Sex Boy’s dick in my ass. Then I switched positions a little, and I showed off my cock and balls as they bounced around underneath me. Sex Boy must’ve noticed what I was doing, because he made a point of gyrating his ass.

“Oh yeah,” Watcher Boy said as he eyed his boyfriend’s body. “That’s such a hot ass.” Then he leaned in to me. “Do you want to fuck that?”

I wasn’t sure which answer he wanted, so I just told him the truth. “Yeah,” I said between thrusts. “I do.”

“Then get up,” he said.

Sex Boy pulled out of me, laid down on his back, and spread his legs. I lubed him up and put on my dicksock. Then, without further ado, I made my way inside him.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Watcher Boy was saying.

Sex Boy’s hair was so long that it practically covered my pillow. But there was nothing feminine about him; his thick beard and hard cock were about as manly as it gets. I thrust into him as hard as I could, then started setting a rhythm. He responded in kind, as he timed his hips to meet mine.

I pulled out further than I usually would, mainly for Watcher Boy’s benefit. Then I rammed back in, and Sex Boy gasped with pleasure. He pulled me toward him and started making out with me.

“Oh that’s hot,” Watcher Boy said.

I kept kissing Sex Boy as I fucked him. I was starting to dig his beard against my lips, and I could feel his ballsack rubbing against me.

Eventually Watcher Boy started stroking his cock. “So,” he said to me, “do you want to suck me off?”

I licked my lips. “Hell yes,” I said.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” I said. “Just get over here.”

Watcher Boy came over to the bed, and he kneeled over his boyfriend. I took his dick in my mouth and started sucking away. It was surprisingly hard to concentrate on two guys at once, but I gradually got the hang of it. I kept slurping and gasping as Watcher Boy face-fucked me.

I don’t know how long we kept going, but eventually Watcher Boy’s groans got louder. “Oh shit,” he said, “I’m fucking close.”

I didn’t say a word. I dove further down on him, and I grabbed his ass so he couldn’t pull away. I could feel myself getting close too, so I tried to time it as best I could.

“Oh shiiiiiiit,” he said, as I felt my own muscles tense up. Finally Watcher Boy unloaded in my throat, just as I unloaded in his man.

Sex Boy seemed to love it. I realized the roles had practically reversed; now he was the one watching his boyfriend get off, instead of the other way around. But Sex Boy only lasted a few seconds himself. The next thing I knew, he was blasting cum all over himself.

“There you go,” Watcher Boy said. “That’s what I’m talking about.” He leaned down and licked up Sex Boy’s jizz. Then he kissed his freshly-fucked lover, and I saw him give him a taste of his own cum.

By that point, I was pretty much spent. As soon as the other boys left, I just plopped down in bed. It was the first time I’d done it three times in one night, let alone with three different sets of people. My whole body felt tired, but it was a good kind of tired, with practically all my muscles loosened up.

I slept in the next morning, but when I did get up, everything seemed surprisingly normal. It was raining outside, which made me want to stay in bed that much more. But I got up, made the same coffee I always did, and I grabbed my dad’s paper off the porch. Then I ate my breakfast like it was any other day. The only difference was that I was home alone— and it would be my last real day of freedom till I went back to school.

I took a hot bath, then spent a few hours watching TV. I was just channel-surfing at first, but then I stumbled across Brokeback Mountain. I’d never seen that movie before, and apparently I’d already missed the beginning, but I did catch some scenes of Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal fooling around in the forest. It was obvious why the movie had been such a big hit, because any red-blooded gay guy would’ve been into that shit. Eventually though, the movie got sad, especially at the end. I couldn’t get over how these guys had loved each other for so many years, through marriages, divorces, raising their kids to adulthood, and everything else. I found myself hoping that would happen to me, albeit without all that sad stuff.

When I got back online, I tried to lure in a few more guys, but I kept striking out. A few of them weren’t interested, and some flat-out flaked on me. It took me a while to find a decent option: a rugged-looking guy with unkempt hair and few days’ worth of stubble. He was definitely hot, so I invited him over, laid back, and let him have his way with me. He did get me off, but that was as far as it went.

I was tempted to make a trip to Boystown, but I didn’t feel like going that far in that weather. As luck would have it, I found out Flynn was doing cam shows on Chaturbate. I’d never tried camming before— or any kind of cybersex— so I figured I’d give it a shot.

When I logged on, Flynn’s show was already in progress. He was sitting on a bed, butt naked, with a dildo in his hands. On the right side of the page, a chat window kept showing messages about tips. I didn’t know what that meant, but I liked what I was seeing, so I went with it.

Flynn sat back and played with his boyhole. Then he picked up his dildo, waved it around, then looked into the camera. “I’m going to see Vince tonight,” he said, “so I need to loosen myself up.”

As soon as he said it, the chat window sprang to life:

bottomsup: i can loosen u up
hairyandhorny: ur so hot
mrsmith1985: I want that ass
iwag321: Is that the dildo I think it is?

“Yeah,” Flynn said, apparently responding to the last comment. “It’s modeled from my cock.” He held it down to his crotch so we could see his dick and his dildo side-by-side. Sure enough, they looked practically identical.

I reached down and started playing with myself. I watched as Flynn reached to the side, poured some lube on his hands, and rubbed it on his pucker.

The chat window stirred again, this time with more crap about tips. Now I got what was happening: people were giving him money to put on his show. It was the online equivalent of throwing cash at a stripper. The bottom of the page even listed sex acts with the prices for each.

Flynn pushed the dildo up his ass. I loved watching it disappear into his body. The dildo slid right up to the hilt, and Flynn arched his back. Then he fucked himself with one hand while he stroked himself with the other.

I thought of the last time I’d jacked off to this guy. But that reminded me of school again, and of Chad in particular. I shook my head and tried to think of something else.

I clicked on the chat window and typed a note: How does it feel to be fucked by your own cock?

Flynn smiled as he apparently read my message. “It’s fucking hot,” he said, “and if you’d been fucked by my cock, you’d know.”

I felt myself getting harder as he said it. I loved how interactive this was. I could see how many others were watching him— 322 at that moment— and I couldn’t help wondering what all of them were doing.

Flynn kept jacking off for a while, but he just wouldn’t cum. Part of me couldn’t blame him, since he was racking up good tips, so I figured he’d go as long as he could. But I didn’t have all day.

I decided to act out one of my fantasies instead. I wanted to try a totally anonymous encounter, even more so than the ones I’d already had. I wanted it to be almost like a glory-hole hookup, the kind of stuff I’d only read about online. It needed to be pure sex with no foreplay, no talking, and no kidding around.

I posted a note online with directions to my house; it said the door was unlocked, and it said to come to my room. Then I lubed myself up and put out a bunch of condoms. Finally I got down on all fours with my face to the wall, and I waited.

At first, the only noise I heard was the rain on the windows. Then I heard some cars driving by, and I half-expected one of them to stop. My nerves were tingling again, and they just wouldn’t calm down. I wasn’t sure what kind of guy would respond to my invite, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to find out. I just crouched on my bed, naked and trembling, while thunder rolled in the distance.

I was on the verge of chickening out when I heard someone pull up outside. His brakes let off a little screech, a car door slammed, and I heard him trudge up the sidewalk.

The door creaked open as the man came inside. I couldn’t see anything, since my face was to the wall, but I could tell he was getting closer. I heard him step in my room, undo his pants, and fumble around.

A few seconds later, I felt his dick slam into me, right along with a well-timed thunderclap. It felt like an out-of-body experience, almost like a dream. I’d never had sex in a storm, much less anonymously, and I was surprised at what a turn-on it could be. I had no idea who was fucking me— or even what he looked like— which freaked me out at the same time it turned me on.

A flash of lightning lit up the room, followed by another round of thunder. The dude just kept pounding away at me. We probably made plenty of noise, but I for one couldn’t hear it, thanks to the racket coming from outside. Tree branches kept slashing back and forth, and the whole house shuddered as more gusts of wind hit it.

Neither I nor the other guy said a word. We just let our animal urges take over. I kept impaling my ass on his cock, and he pumped as deep inside me as he could.

I felt like I was on fire, at least around my hole. I realized I hadn’t used enough lube, but at that point there wasn’t much I could do. I wanted to make him cum uncontrollably, so I clamped my sphincter down on his cock, friction be damned, and I braced myself for what would come next.

The other guy’s thrusts got faster and faster. I heard his voice for the first time— although most of it was a bellow— till finally I felt him get off. The lightning and thunder seemed to reverberate through my head, and I savored every twitch of his body inside me.

He paused for a moment, apparently to catch his breath. Then he pulled out of me, threw his clothes back on, and disappeared. I never did see his face.

I hadn’t cum with him, so I had to finish myself off. My ass was so sore that I could practically still feel him inside me. It still felt good though, in a rough kind of way, because the pain and pleasure had blended together. The storm was still raging, so when I finally did bust, it was as intense as I’d expected— in more ways than one.

I was still sore when my sister got home. I’d made sure to hide the evidence of what had just happened, but my nerves were as jittery as they’d ever been. I was still afraid of being found out, and I worried I was walking funny or something. My anxiety kept growing, knowing fall semester was right around the corner. I was looking forward to being on my own again, though I didn’t know what to think about Chad. Since he’d been avoiding me, I figured I should avoid him too. But I was sure I’d run into him sooner or later— after all, we were still both Kap Eps— and I could only guess at how awkward it would be.

I was a mess when my parents got back. My mom was already acting weepy, knowing I was about to leave, which didn’t help things. She kept asking probing questions about how I was feeling, and what I was going to do after I left, and blah blah blah blah. She went right for every single topic I wanted to avoid, so I flat-out clammed up.

When we finally headed for the airport, I spent the whole drive steering the conversation away from anything meaningful. I argued with my dad about which route to take, and how to avoid traffic; and I talked to my mom about the movies we’d seen. It was basically glorified small talk, but it was all I could handle.

The next thing I knew, I was back on campus, where I assumed Chad was too. I did everything I could to avoid running into him: I stayed away from the frat house, and I was even tempted to skip our first party of the fall.

It didn’t last as long as I’d hoped. I was coming back from the bookstore when I suddenly heard Chad’s voice. “Hey Scott!” he yelled.

Oh shit, I thought. My heart started pounding, and my stomach twisted into knots. I just pretended I hadn’t heard anything.

Chad came rushing up to me. “Dude—”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I said.

“Look, I’m sorry I acted so weird—”

“Yeah, well—”

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

I rolled my eyes and kept walking. Chad seemed to disappear behind me.

“I came out to my family,” he finally said. “And you’re the one who made me want to do it.”

I stopped dead in my tracks. It took a few moments for those words to sink in. Finally I turned and looked back at Chad. I stammered at first, till eventually I managed to clear my throat. “What?” was all I could say.



To be continued....