Alliance of Gay Students

I turned around and walked up to the casket. I put my hand on it. “I love you, Alvin Gorsuch.” Then I took the photograph and walked out.

No one spoke as I did.

We were headed home, and we were all thinking. Steve finally broke the silence. “Alvin must have been stronger than I realized. He survived a monster. I had no idea. When she said that, I really wanted to beat her to death.”

“He seemed so happy all the time,” said Bill.

“He was happy,” I added. “It’s amazing the resilience of people.” Spencer reached over for my hand.

“What was that slap I heard,” asked Bill.

“I would lay odds that the judge’s wife put a few things together. Alvin wrote that his mother sold herself for drugs and that the judge looked the other way.”

“Did y’all ever have to write one of those ‘my hero’ papers?”

We mumbled a ‘yes.’

“I wish I had to write one now. Alvin would be my hero.”

“He’d like that,” I said. “I know he would.”

A few weeks later, Vincent came back on duty. We had been able to visit him in the hospital. Ken and I both became fixtures in the graduate dorm; although, I did make sure to keep up with my studies. It was too easy to get distracted by Spencer’s physical presence. No matter how stressed, how hungry, how satiated I was, one touch turned me into a hardon on hormones.

Two weeks before Thanksgiving, while I was showering after a rather raucous evening of fucking, my phone rang. Spencer and I had got in the habit of answering the other’s phone when one of us was away or busy. Spencer picked up my phone and answered.

Spencer: Hello.

Mother: Who is this? Where’s Ryan?

Spencer: He’s in the bathroom taking a shower. This is Spencer. Can I take a message for him?

Mother: Why are you answering his phone?

Spencer: I’m his boyfriend; I always answer his phone when he’s busy.

Mother: (to someone else) Dad, this guy says he’s Ryan’s boyfriend.

Dad: (to Mother) His boyfriend. I always knew the kid was queer. What’s this guy want?

Mother: (to Spencer) What do you want?

Spencer: You called Ryan. Do you want me to give him a message? Wait. Here he is. Can I tell him who’s calling?

Mother: It’s his mother.

I saw Spencer mouthed the word ‘fuck’ as he handed me the phone. “It’s your mother.”

Me: Mother? What did you need?

Mother: I was calling you about Thanksgiving.

Me: I thought you were going to Florida.

Mother: We are, but your brother doesn’t want to go, and I’m not comfortable with leaving him here by himself.

Me: He’s 16.

Mother: I think you should come home to be with him.

Dad: (to mother) I don’t want him bringing his fudge-packing faggot boyfriend here.

Me: He can drive to the university and stay with me.

Mother: (to Dad) Ryan says he can stay with him in the dorm.

Me: I’ll text him.

Mother: I’m still not sure.

Me: I said, I’ll text him. By the way, Mom, I’m gay. So is my boyfriend. I’ll send Jeremy a text as soon as I hang up.

I clicked the red button, and the call disconnected.

“I’m sorry,” said Spencer. “I didn’t mean to tell.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll skull fuck you later.” I grinned. It was what it was. It was going to happen sooner or later, and best to get it out of the way. I began to text Jeremy. “Is it safe?”

“I’m not angry, Spencer. My plan was to tell them when I let them know I wasn’t coming home for Christmas. I’ve been putting it off, and it needed to be done.” I realized I was standing there with no clothes on. I reached over and got my underwear. While I was putting them on, my phone buzzed.

“No. Dad is calling you names I’ve never heard. He says you’re going to turn me.”

“I want you to come for Thanksgiving,” I texted. I turned to Spencer, “It is OK for Jeremy to spend Thanksgiving with us, right?”

“Yeah, of course. A threesome will be fun,” he replied as he went to stretch out on the bed.

“You are so sick,” I told him.

“No,” he replied, “I’m not expecting you to fuck your brother. That would be sick. I figured to have you both doggy style. I could fuck one and then the other.”

“I think I need medication,” I announced.

Jeremy texted. “I will be there.”

I replied, “So you’re not afraid that I will turn you? LOL.”

“Too late for that, bro.”

I turned to Spencer.

“What’s wrong?” He got up and came over to me.

“My brother. He’s gay. He’s fucking gay.”

“You want to rethink the threesome?”

I pushed him back onto the bed and got on top of him. I grabbed his dick really hard. “I ever find you fucking someone else, and I’m going to cut your balls off.”

“Just my balls.”

“Just your balls,” I replied. “Without them, your dick won’t work, so you’ll have a worthless dick with you to remind you of what you did.”

“You’re fucking cruel,” he laughed.

“And you’re getting hard; you sick puppy.”

“Want me to fuck you?” his eyes looked hopeful.

“Nope. You’ve already topped me twice today. I think I’ll go back to my room to study.” I rubbed his dick a few more times then I gave him the best blowjob of his life.

Several texts when back and forth between Jeremy and me. Jeremy decided to tell me everything in an email. I read it twice.

Jeremy’s Email

I think the first time I started to feel different was the first time I noticed you had pubic hair around your dick. Your dick also seemed a lot bigger than mine. I felt ashamed of noticing, but then I had the urge to notice guy’s crotches. Some of them had bigger bulges, and I wanted to know what they looked like without clothes. I never wanted to do anything with you, but I wanted to touch other guys and have them touch me.

Once, when we were at the library, I read some things about homosexuality. The books said it was a normal variation that affected five to twenty percent of the population. I wondered why it was so taboo if so many people had it.

I was sneaking looks at guys during gym class; I avoided the showers because I knew I would want to stare or touch. I was glancing at guys as they sat in chairs, hoping they would sit with their legs apart. I wished I could find someone who was thinking like I was. I wanted to tell you; I knew you would be understanding, but I was worried that we might be talking and Dad would hear us. I had no idea that you were gay. You were probably going through the same thing that I was.

During my junior year, I became friends with Dorey. I knew he was handsome and had a great body, but I wasn’t attracted to him. I began to believe that I could trust him, and I thought that if I told him, that it would relieve some of the stress I was under. I wanted to tell him in a place that wouldn’t make him feel trapped. I didn’t want to tell him when I was at his house or he was at ours. I decided to tell him after soccer practice one Saturday. I told him to meet me at a picnic table after.

I had this little speech prepared. He came up to the table really angry. A guy from another squad had come over to him, told him he found him attractive and wanted to know whether he was interested in going out. “He thought I was queer,” Dorey kept repeating. I told him that the guy was probably just asking if he was. Dorey said he hated all faggots. He wished they would all die and disappear.

When he asked me what I wanted to talk to him about, I told him that I decided to quit the team. Remember how upset dad was when I quit? The real reason was that I didn’t want to be around Dorey any more.

One day, I was looking at guys in speedos when Mom called me for something. I thought I clicked the close button, but I guess I didn’t. Dad saw the page. I lied about doing research on muscle development programs, and a link took me to that page. He told me that only queer boys looked at shit like that. I thought about running away that night, but you came home and had a bad day. You came into my room and told me you needed a hug from someone who loved you. You hugged me back and called me your little brother and said you loved me. That made all the difference.

I thought when I went to the university, we could room together, and I would tell you everything, but now you know. Now that you have Spencer to room with, I will have to room with someone else. Maybe you know someone.

Thanks for being my big brother.

I had a similar experience; I wished I’d have been brave enough to share with him. Spencer reminded me that I couldn’t change the past. We all know that, but sometimes, we just need to hear it again. I knew the next year would be rough for Jeremy, and I wanted to support him every way I knew how.

Jeremy arrived on time late on Wednesday. Bill was gone, so he slept in his bed. Spencer and I slept in mine. We talked until late, and the next day we slept in.

Spencer found a Chinese restaurant that was open on Thanksgiving. We ordered delivery. So we gave thanks and broke fortune cookies before chowing down on Lo Mein and Orange Chicken. Spence and Jeremy were excited about the football game on TV. I don’t even remember who was playing, and I took my after-meal nap on my bed, while they watched the game on Bill’s television. I was really glad that they were hitting it off.

I woke up in the third quarter, and I decided to stretch my legs a bit. They had healed, and I had some scars, but nothing that kept me from being 100% functional. I went upstairs to the third floor, and I heard some static-like noise from the lounge. Going into that room, I saw a guy that I thought I recognized.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” he replied.

“Do I know you from the Alliance?”

“Yeah, my name’s Aaron. I don’t talk much, so people often say I look familiar, but they don’t know from where they met me.”

“Well, Aaron, I wish I’d known that you were here, you could have joined us for a Thanksgiving Feast from the Hot Wok.”

He laughed. “I had a turkey sandwich.”

“You’re watching the game.”

“Yeah.”

“Can you understand what they’re saying?”

“No. The sound sucks, but we’ve been told to stay off the other floors.”

“My boyfriend and my brother are watching the game down in my room. Why don’t you come down there and watch the end of it with them.”

“OK. I hope we’re for the same team.”

That’s how my brother met Aaron. I introduced them. After the game, they went to shoot hoops. For a self-described quiet man, Aaron sure talked a lot. Whatever he was saying made Jeremy laugh. I wondered whether they would be good roommates.

While they were gone, I began to massage Spencer’s penis. I just loved the way it got hard in my hand. I loved the way the skin moved over the rigid center. I loved the way he would moan when I squeezed it. I loved the way it tasted when I licked his lower abs clean after he spilled his seed. I would remind myself that if I put my mouth over the end just before he came, it would be easier to clean up. Spencer wiped my mouth with his thumb, and we both napped a little before the boys came back.

That evening, we grabbed food from McDonald’s and headed back to the dorm. The boys disappeared again, and we took the opportunity to get ahead on some reading. I had nodded off again when the boys arrived. They were sweaty, so I told Jeremy to take one of my towels and the bathroom kit to get washed off.

Jeremy came back wearing some running shorts and got onto Bill’s bed. Aaron came back down about fifteen minutes later in running shorts and a t-shirt. The three of us were staring at the ceiling playing a silly alphabet song. He lay next to Jeremy and joined in. I’m not sure who fell asleep first. It wasn’t just turkey that made people sleepy.

The next day, we all had oatmeal squares and milk for breakfast, courtesy of my brother’s raiding the kitchen pantry before leaving home. I suggested we play some tennis before showering and heading to the Fungus station for lunch. The boys wanted to play more basketball, so Spencer and I headed to the courts. He was a much better player than I was. Plus, I was weirded out a little by the emptiness of campus. We played two sets; he won both. On the way back, we stopped by the basketball courts. Neither Jeremy nor Aaron were there.

“I bet they played one round of horse and then went to watch TV. It wouldn’t surprise me if Aaron has a video game set up in his room,” Spence said to me.

“Or they’re watching gay porn,” I grumbled.

“Just because that’s what we would do,” he laughed.

They were back in my room when we arrived, cleaned and dressed for a new day.

“I’m going to need to go back to my room for some fresh clothes,” relayed Spencer. “Why don’t we meet in front of my dorm in twenty minutes. That should give you plenty of time to wash the stench of losing from your body.”

“You think you can get rid of the odor of arrogance that quickly?” I countered.

“I love you, sore loser,” he said as he left.

Twenty minutes later, we met Spencer in front of the graduate dorm. He looked rather attractive in a light color plaid button-down and pressed green shorts. He wore sneakers with no socks, and his hair had a special sheen on it. Later he told me he forgot to rinse the conditioner out of it.

On our way to the restaurant, Spencer and I held hands. We kissed a few times, more like pecks on the lips, and listened to the incessant chatter of my brother and Aaron. I had never heard Jeremy talk that much. The rest of the weekend went pretty much the way that morning had, and I was sad when Sunday came around. I wished Jeremy could stay with me. I told him that I wasn’t planning to return during the Christmas break. He said he understood as he drove away. Aaron stood with us and gave him a little wave before saying good-bye and heading back to his room.

Spencer gave me a hug. “I’m going to miss him, too. Let’s make sure all of our work is done so we can relax this evening.” I agreed and we headed back to my room.

About two hours later, I got a text that Jeremy had returned home. He told me to be on the lookout for an email. I went back to my reading; I was near the end of a novel I had to read for my English class, and I wanted to finish. I had only a few pages to go when I saw the email notification. I pushed through the book, and then focused my attention on my brother’s e-mail.

Ryan,

I had the best time visiting you. I’m writing down what happened in this email so no one else besides you and me ever see it.

When Aaron and I went to play basketball the first time, we got to talking. He told me that he thought I was cute and he said he’d like to have sex with me if I wanted to. I told him that I’d never done it before, and he said I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to. I thought he was really cute and nice, and I told him I wanted to. We went back to his room, and we took off all our clothes. He was really skinny, and I was surprised but it turned me on. I took off my clothes, and I was already hard. He gave me a condom, and I put it on. It’s hard to tell which way it goes at first. He got on his back and put his knees under his arms. His ass hole was like this little slit. He gave me some lube to put on the condom, and he put some on his hole. I rubbed my finger over his hole and it squeezed shut and relaxed and squeezed shut again. I pushed a finger into him, and his head popped back and he moaned yes. I could feel my dick throb. I wanted to stick it into him, but I kept moving my finger into him until he asked me to put my dick in. I had to adjust the angle a bit, but when my dick finally went in, it was awesome. I started to push in and out. He was saying shit and fuck and yeah, and I was saying oh and yes, and without much warning I ejaculated. It was way better than when I used my hand. I told him I wanted to do it again.

Every time we went out to play basketball, we went to his room and I fucked him. It was so intense. I want to do it again. Aaron, I think, will be my friend always, and I will want to have sex with him. I’m not in love with him, but I like him a lot. I’m going to remember this trip always. And it happened all because of you.

I love you big brother.

Your little brother Jeremy

“Wow,” I said out loud.

“What’s that?” asked Spencer.

“Jeremy was fucking Aaron the entire weekend.”

“Yeah,” said Spencer, “that’s what I figured when they weren’t on the basketball court.

I just stared at him. “And you didn’t say anything to me.”

“Hey. Kids want to believe their mothers and their brothers never fuck anyone.”

“You shithead. That’s not true. You want to talk about someone not getting fucked, and that’s you.”

“Really? You’re not going to fuck me anymore?”

“No,” I said. “Not after not saying anything about this to me. No. I’m not.”

Spencer grabbed me and pulled me on top of him. He trapped me by wrapping his legs around my waist before he reached down and rubbed his hand across my penis. “So, you’re never going to fuck me again?”

My dick got really hard. “Well, maybe just this one time more.”