Alliance of Gay Students

Spencer sat next to me; he held me. My head hurt; my legs hurt, and most of all, my heart hurt.

“I’m going to see if someone can get a chair for you; you’re going to be in some pain as they heal. That doesn’t mean no walking; you’ll just want it to be short walks right at first.” Steve’s instructions were clear and to the point. “You need to see a doctor tomorrow.”

While I waited, a police investigator came up, and I told him everything I remembered. It would not be the first time I relived the experience.

Two hours later, I was in my dorm room. The wheelchair was next to the foot of the bed, and Bill was on his bed across from me. We were all told to stay in our own rooms; Spencer wasn’t even allowed to bring me to my room.

“I’m hungry,” I told Bill. I was surprised that I was, but I hadn’t eaten lunch, and it was dinnertime. I started to think about McRib sandwiches, and I began to get emotional.

“It’s OK,” said Bill. “Let me ask someone.” He hurried to the door and knocked the chair against the bed. “Sorry.” He slipped out into the hall.

I looked over at the phone on my desk. Each room had a landline, but I had no idea what Spencer’s phone number was. He had put it into my phone, and I had never had to dial it. “Fuck!” I clenched my fists. I needed him. I didn’t care who saw us together.

Bill came back into the room. “The cop downstairs says that the cafeteria is closed because the windows have bullet holes in them. They’re ordering box lunches, but because they need so many, he’s not sure how long it will take.

“Thanks, Bill.”

“Hey, man, it’s OK.” He came over and sat next to me. “What else can I do for you, huh?” He looked down at my bandaged legs. “That must hurt.”

“You have no idea.” I tried to smile. “Can you call Spencer?”

“I don’t have his number.” Bill reached for his phone. “I have Al’s number, maybe he can…”

I teared up again. “Al’s dead, Bill.” I started to sob uncontrollably.

Bill began to cry as well. “What the fuck is happening? Al can’t be dead.” He turned and looked at me. I reached for him, and we held each other. We couldn’t make sense of things. The world had gone crazy for us.

“I need to get to Spencer.”

“You can’t travel with your legs like that, bro.”

I didn’t say anything to him. I felt defeated. Maybe it was exhaustion. Then Bill looked as though he remembered something.

“There may be a way. Hold on.” Bill disappeared again. He came back about ten minutes later. “Everyone thinks I’m stupid as a post, but I have a lot of common sense,” he told me. “I just need time to use it.”

I smiled, but I shouldn’t have. I was one of those people that wondered about him..

“Here’s the number to Spencer’s room. I’ll dial it for you.”

“How’d you get it,” I asked.

“The RA has the numbers of the other RAs, and you told me he lived with the graduates. I got the RA to call and find out the number.” He handed me the receiver, and I heard him press the numbers.

“Hello?” Spencer sounded funny.

“It’s Ryan. Are you OK?”

“Ryan, baby, are you OK?”

“Yeah, I am now,” I told him. I felt so much better just hearing his voice.

“The phone scared the shit out of me. I’ve never heard it ring. It’s just sort of there.”

“Before I forget, I’m going to have Bill give you this number.” I handed the phone to Bill, and he rattled off some numbers before giving the receiver back to me.

“I wish you were here.”

“Hold on,” Bill interrupted me. “Give me the phone. Spencer, this is Bill. Do you know how to get into the basement?” Silence for me. “Cool. OK, now. Leave a note saying you’ll be here in case they check on you. Bring some clothes for tomorrow and whatever you sleep in. Wait for me outside the laundry.” He handed the phone back to me. “Tell him good-bye.”

“Good-by.”

Bill hung up the phone. “Fucking A. I should be a spy for the FBI.”

“Does the FBI have spies?” I asked.

“Who gives a shit?”

I grabbed him and kissed him on the mouth. “I love you, Bill.”

He got a silly smirk on his face.

“But I ain’t fucking you; no matter how much you beg for my fat cock.”

He laughed, and I laughed and then I started to cry again.

Bill held my head to his chest. “It’ll be alright. It’s just going to take time. I need to go get Spencer.” Bill grabbed his phone and headed out the door.

I needed to stretch, so I moved my legs over the edge of the bed. I told myself to be stoic, but it hurt like hell. I just kept telling myself that I was only superficially injured. I only had abrasions to my knees, skins, and right outer thigh. I would make a trip to the infirmary tomorrow and get checked out. Right now, I wanted to stretch my back. I walked to my closet door and leaned against it.

There was a knock at the door; I eased over to it and opened it. A woman standing in the doorway stood next to a cart. “I’ve got your dinner.” She looked into the room. “Just one?”

“My roommate’s in the bathroom.”

“Hmph.”

“Want me to get him, Miss …”

She just stared at me.

“And I was also wondering if I could have an extra. I didn’t get any lunch,” I told her.

“Not my problem. One person, one box.”

I hadn’t noticed Bill walk up next to her.

My head went crazy. I wanted to scream, “Bitch, bitch, bitch.” Instead, I just burst into tears again.

“What did you say to him?” Bill demanded.

“Nothing, he just started getting hysterical.”

“Well, what did you expect? He’s been shot at and had a friend die in his arms. Some people can be really insensitive.” Bill turned to me and put his arm on my back. “Come on, now. Sit back down.”

Spencer walked up to the woman. “Can I just get our boxes?” She handed him three boxes; he came in and closed the door. He put the boxes on my desk and knelt down in front of me. “There, there.” He kissed me. “I’m here now.”

Bill sat on his bed.

“Ryan, it’s OK. You cry anytime you feel like it.” He hugged me.

“I’m just so hungry, and I don’t want to be alone, and fuck, I have to pee really bad.”

There was another knock at the door. Bill opened it. “I forgot to give you your water.” She handed him three bottles. “Will he be alright?”

“Time will help; it’s just so raw now,” he replied.

“Tell him I’m sorry.”

I looked up at her. “Thank you.”

I was lying next to Spencer after we had eaten a really good sandwich, pickle, and chips from Jason’s Deli. There was also a cookie inside. The water bottle could have been larger. I was feeling a little better with some food in my belly.

Oh, and I had an interesting trip to the urinal. Spencer held my dick while I peed. Bill wanted to help, but Spencer had wheeled me in. I had one hand on the partition, and Spencer pulled my pants to my knees and aimed my dick. I thought it was funny; he was worried someone would see us and call a cop. He didn’t want to get sent back to his dorm.

I had just asked Spencer how he was holding up.

“I guess I’m numb right now. I can’t believe this has happened, and I don’t think it’s really hit me yet. I am so lucky to be next to you right now. I wish I knew how to ease your pain, but I know your level of pain is equal to how much you loved Alvin, and that’s a great tribute to him. What are you thinking right now?”

My mind was a jumble of thoughts. “Right now, all I know is I need to know that there’s love in the world. I needed to be with you. You epitomize love in my world.”

There was a knock at the door, and it opened. “Special report on the TV. Channel six.” The door closed again.

“Hey guys, can I turn the TV on? Maybe we’ll learn something.”

“It’s OK with me,” I told him.

Awful music blared into the room, and a colorful banner that read “University Shooting” displayed on the screen.

“Steve’s probably alone,” I announced.

“I couldn’t find Vincent,” Spencer said.

I continued to stare at the screen. A young woman who appeared dressed for a night on the town stood next to a huge monitor. “I’m Shannon Smiles. Earlier today, a gunman, identified as Phillip Edward Atkins, allegedly opened fire from the roof of the student union building at the university campus and killed at least seventeen students. He injured two dozen more before being gunned down by one of his victims. An unnamed source has told News6 that a security guard who had been shot by the gunman returned fire. It is unclear at this time whether he was killed by the security guard or by the fall from the building. Just a moment, Andrew Building has additional information.”

A man in an expensive looking suit walked on camera. “In a statement just released by the district attorney's office, the security guard has been identified as one Vincent Smith. It is unclear whether he is working directly for the university. The DA said it is reviewing the case to determine whether Mr. Smith will be charged in the death of Mr. Atkins. Mr. Smith is in guarded condition at Mercy Hospital with a guard posted at his door. Back to you, Shannon.”

“Thanks, Andrew. Good reporting. The names of the alleged victims have not been released awaiting notification of their parents. The president of the university released a statement earlier which I will read to you. ‘This is a bad day for our university, a really bad day. We are all saddened by what is happening here. Look, sometimes these things happen, and we have to make the best of it. There are no classes on Tuesday, but maybe Wednesday. Dial the university number at 303-0330 to find out.’ We understand his sentiments. That’s all for now. We’ll break in with more at nine o’clock.”

“Bill, will you check on Steve? And maybe on Blake, too?”

“Sure, Ryan.” He touched my chin. “We’ll get through this together, won’t we.”

“I know we will.”

Bill left, and Spencer and I sat silently.

I looked at him. “I feel guilty for wanting sex. But I want to be together.”

“It’s a normal reaction, Ryan. There’s no need to feel guilty. I remember reading once that people who suffer a great loss often feel the need to connect to someone sexually.”

“The things you know. I think my legs hurt too much for anal right now; though, it be great. Can I suck you instead?”

“Baby, of course, you never have to ask.” Spence removed all his clothes. “How do you want me?”

“Just stand here in front of me.” I leaned forward and buried my nose in his small bush. I inhaled and took in his scent. He smelled so manly to me; it was never the sweaty smell of someone who’d been physically active all day, even when he was. I kissed the skin next to the base of his shaft, and I sensed a shiver. His dick rubbed across my face as it grew in size. I ran my tongue under it and then held the head in my mouth. He was already leaking precious, and the saltiness caused my own dick to respond. The overwhelming need to have his seed took over. I began to suck him without any thought of his pleasure. My lips formed a tight seal, and I went up and down his shaft like a wild man. A grunt and a twitch on his part delivered the load I so craved. I swirled it around in my mouth and savored him. I swallowed his gift and crawled onto the bed.

Spencer moved beside me; we were both on the blanket, but he was nude. I rolled slightly and kissed his arm.

“A kiss from you brings me the power of your love, Ryan. Nothing on Earth is better than that.”

“I rolled on my back and closed my eyes. I touched his fingers; a calmness came over me. I was almost asleep when Spencer’s phone rang. I felt him move as he grabbed it and looked at it.

“It’s Kenneth. I have to answer it.”