A Parent's Choices

A squeal of tires brought Joseph back to the present.  He glanced toward the street.  William was still on the swing.  He was laughing as he moved back and forth.  The joy of my life thought Joseph as he considered his actions and motives that brought William into the world.  

Larry Conliffe thought Joseph. Maybe that’s where things truly started. Joseph had known Larry since first grade, but in seventh grade, with the start of PE classes, Joseph saw Larry without his clothes as he showered. He viewed a young man of average height who had begun to develop a muscular body. His average-sized penis was uncut, and he had already developed pubic hair. The dark tufts under his arms stirred Joseph’s groin. That night, when Joseph masturbated, the image of Larry filled his thoughts.

As the year progressed, Joseph continued to steal glances at Larry. Each time, he reacted by getting hard. Once or twice, a friend would notice, but as they were all beginning to have unexpected erections, no one really thought twice about it. Toward the end of the year, one of the boys, Elliott Tableau, who was not athletically inclined, became the butt of jokes within the group of boys that Joseph considered his friends. Elliott was called a pussy, a fag, a homo. Joseph did not participate in the name-calling, but he didn’t defend Elliott. Larry said that he heard that Elliott liked to suck dicks. Joseph wondered how he knew that.

Joseph also began to wonder if his friends would call him names should they discover his thoughts about Larry. He tried, in vain, to purge Larry from his thoughts. The school year ended, and the usual round of vacations began. Joseph found himself anticipating the visit to his cousins. He loved Robert’s stories of sex, mayhem, and murder, but he liked jerking his cousin more than anything else. Robert would be a senior in high school, his knowledge might be even more expansive.

Robert wasn’t around when Joseph arrived at his aunt and uncle’s farm, but he returned late in the evening. After showering and having a small bite to eat, he checked in on his cousin.  “Are you still awake, Joey?”

“Yeah. I’ve been waiting for you to come home.”

Robert tiptoed into the room and closed the door. He pushed the button to lock it. He slipped under the covers next to Joseph.

“I’ve been waiting for you to come back, Joey,” Robert whispered. “We had such fun talking and jerking off last summer that I couldn’t stop thinking about it. You haven’t told anybody, have you?”

“No, of course not. I haven’t told anyone. I haven’t shown anything to anyone.”

“Well, I have something new to show you. Last Christmas, I helped out at the feed store, and Johnny showed me two different things. And they are fucking awesome.”

Robert bent forward and kissed Joseph on the lips. He ground their lips together and forced the lips apart with his tongue. Joseph was shocked, but his body responded. He kissed Robert back, awkwardly at first, and as the cousins practiced primitive kissing, Robert reached down and grabbed the stiffening shaft between Joseph’s legs.

Both young men moaned. “Wow,” remarked Joseph. “I didn’t know kissing could feel that good, and then when you touched my dick…”

“It gets even better.” Robert moved down in the bed and pulled Joseph’s underwear down. His semi-rigid cock sprang forward.

Joseph gasped as Robert’s wet mouth surrounded his dick. Joseph’s dick, now two inches longer than when his cousin had first wrapped his fingers around it, throbbed as it was massaged by a tongue as lips moved up and down its length. It didn’t take long before he grabbed Robert’s head and gave out an ‘oh, oh, oh’.

Robert sucked harder as Joseph came, and every drop of ejaculate was swallowed. Robert pushed himself back up next to Joseph. “Isn’t that better than jerking off? There’s less mess, plus the cum really does taste good. Want to try?”

“You know I do.” Joseph discovered that he loved sucking cock. He loved the way that stiff rod felt as it slid in and out of his mouth; he loved to run his tongue down the shaft. When the dick exploded in his mouth, he loved the taste and the feeling as he swallowed it. He snuggled against his cousin.

“Robbie, do you understand me?”

“I don’t know, Joey. Maybe.” Robert sat up in the bed. “If you’d asked me that five years ago, I would have said that we’re both two kids discovering their dicks. Last year, we were just two guys getting off together.”

“And now?”

Robert got out of bed, grabbing his underwear as he did. He walked over to the window and looked out. The first quarter moon threw dim shadows on the ground. Joseph walked up to him and pressed their still naked bodies together. “I love you, Robbie. I mean, I’m not in love with you, but you're my cousin, and I feel closer to you than anyone else.”

Robert put his arms around Joseph. “Joey, I think we’re both gay; I enjoy being with guys, and I think you enjoy being with me, but I bet if you admitted it, there’s at least one other guy you’d like to fool around with.”

“Not with you around, there isn’t,” Joseph kissed his cousin’s chest. “But you’re wrong. I’m going to get married and have kids.”

“I don’t think so, Joey. You need to be honest with yourself, even if we’re the only two who ever know the truth.” Robert put his underwear on. “Sweet dreams, Joey.” He left the room, and Joseph continued to stare out the window. “I can’t be gay,” he said under his breath. “Fuck,” he growled as his eyes teared up.

Every night, the cousins gave one another a blow job, and by the time he returned home, Joseph was sure he was an expert.  He wondered whom he would suck first.  It was too much fun not to keep doing it.  Then the realization hit him that he wouldn’t be able to blow anyone back home.  He would be ostracized, ridiculed, shunned.  So he kept all those things to himself.