The City of Rossford

The organ fantasy moved through the church, and above them the bells were ringing vigorously. Below the choir loft, Saint Agatha’s was bustling with Christmas well wishers. Chad stood beside the organ while Sean played on, and as the members of the choir dispersed in their red and white robes, suddenly Sean began to leer at Chad while he played the organ. A huge grin like the devil’s stretched across his face.

“What?” Chad mouthed.

But Sean played on and on, smiling.

When he was done, he rose up and came to Chad.

“What?” Chad repeated while the church bells rang.

“What do you mean ‘what’?” Sean said.

“I mean… the way you’re looking at me.”

“It’s Christmas. Bryant’s still at Saint Barbara’s. He’s probably going to his friend Fenn’s house.”

“Right?” Chad said. “And I’m going to join him.”

“Don’t join him yet. Come back with me.”

Below them, though it was one in the morning, though darkness blackened the windows of the church, noise still filled the nave.

“I’m not.”

“Come back with me,” Sean whispered. “And go to bed with me.”

Now Chad stood up, frowning.

“I wish you’d stop that.”

“Why?”

“Whaddo you mean, why?”

“I wish… you know why!” Chad said, frantically. He moved away from him. He grabbed his coat.

“I try to be your friend. I try to just be in a room with you,” Chad said, hastily putting on his coat. “I try, but you won’t let me.”

His gloves were in his hand. His scarf was undone. But he was afraid, and he moved down the steps in a hurry, taking the turret stairs as quick as possible, a little afraid of tripping as he went in circles.

He came into the nave, but went out on of the side doors to avoid the crowd. He turned around the church and walked along its side. Across the street the houses were silent and dark in the night, and Chad wondered how safe he was. He went through the chain link into the parking lot that was more empty than he thought it should be, and went to unlock the doors. He was shutting the door when he heard his name.

“Chad!”

He was startled, but he knew it was Sean. He didn’t want to wait. He just turned on the car and shut the door, adjusting the heat and the seat, turning on the radio and searching for a station.

Sean was at the window, thumping on it, and then he opened the door, and climbed in.

“Why are you doing this?” Chad demanded.

“Why are you doing what you’re doing?” Sean flung back at him. “Why are you pretending you don’t want to be with me? Why—? You know what? Fuck it.”

He turned away from Chad a moment while Chad looked at him, and then Sean turned back and said: “It’s wrong of me. I know. To do what I do to you. To come on so strong. I don’t mean it. I don’t mean to be a predator. I don’t mean to make you afraid.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“You are. You are now. Of me. And of you, and what we might do.”

“I’m not.”

“Look,” Sean caught his hand. “Just… look at me.”

Chad turned, and he looked at him.

“I… I know you love Bryant. I don’t want you to leave him. But… I know you love me too. Don’t you?”

Chad didn’t say anything.

Sean said, “It’s alright. I understand. Don’t answer. Only…” he held his hand firmly. “I just want to be with you. Just tonight. Alright. I feel like I’ll die if I’m not with you tonight.”

Chad got ready to say, “You will not die,” but instead what he said was, “I know.”

Sean looked at him.

Chad repeated: “I know.”

Sean’s hand was going to Chad’s leg, but he pulled it back. He sat beside him, looking at him with a face full of light.

“Can we go back to my place?” Sean said. “It’s just for tonight, if that’s how you want it. But I know you want it. I know…” Sean started over. “I know it’s not cause I’m so great. But we were great. When we were together and… I’m not in lust. I mean, I am, but there’s more. I love you, Chad. I can’t… I can’t think about not being with you again. That’s the truth. I can’t be happy knowing we can’t… sleep together again. I…

“Can we go back to my place?”

Chad’s face was red, and heat prickles were all over it. He didn’t look at him. He just said: “Yes.”

CHRISTMAS MORNING, CHAY LAY in the bed and watched Sheridan dress. He’d been awake for some time. It was the best waking because Sheridan’s body had been pressed into his, his head in the crook of Sheridan’s neck. He didn’t wake him. He let him stir, and then he watched him dress, first the white briefs, then the undershirt. But when he fumbled around and pulled on his dress pants from the night before, Chay said, “Sheridan?”

Sheridan turned to him.

“Hey…”

“Why are you getting dressed?”

“You gotta get dressed too,” Sheridan said, trying to sound pleasant.

“Why?”

“I have to take you home.”

Chay sat on the bed, confused. Sheridan shook his head rapidly as he approached.

“Look, I knew I would do the wrong thing. I knew one day I would,” he said, shaking his head.

“What are you talking about?”

“You gotta go,” Sheridan said. “I gotta take you home and—”

“Last night—”

Sheridan put his hand quickly over Chay’s mouth.

“It never happened,” Sheridan said.

“I was lonely. I was afraid. I was an emotional wreck. It should have never happened.”

Chay opened his mouth, but Sheridan put a hand over it and said, “Now get dressed. And let’s go.”

There was a knock on the door.

There was another knock.

“We should get it,” Will said.

Beside him in the little bed, Layla said, “No, we shouldn’t. And who in the world would know we’re here?”

The knock came again.

“Damnit,” Layla said, rolling around.

“Don’t worry,” Will took his arm from around her and prepared to climb out of bed.

“I got it.”

He climbed out of the bed naked and pulled on trousers and a tee shirt, sweeping his hair out of the way and coming out of the little bedroom where they had spent the night. Will opened the door without looking through the peephole.

A moment later, he shouted back, “Layla! It’s Chad.”

She had already struggled into her clothing sans bra, and entered the living room, yawning and pulling her hands through hair that stuck up in the morning.

“I’ve been… I called Claire to find out where you all were.”

“Why?” Layla said. “Did something happen to you?”

“Yes,” Chad said at last.

Layla looked to Will.

Will said, “Should I get coffee? Do we need to sit down?”

Numbly, Chad nodded his head.

“Sitting down would be a good idea.”