The City of Rossford

Chapter Six

Revelation

ONCE CHAY ENTERED INTO partnership with Logan, he knew he couldn’t tell Casey, and he definitely couldn’t share it with his father. There was always Sheridan to hide behind, and Sheridan didn’t ask questions. Sheridan couldn’t afford to, because by now he had his own secrets to keep. Lee’s sister had fallen ill, and sent her son to live in Rossford. That’s how Mathan ended up with them. It wasn’t long before he was the fourth as Meredith had been the third. They didn’t talk about it, but they all knew that Sheridan had been fooling around with girls.

“I thought you would date Meredith,” Chay said once.

“I couldn’t,” Sheridan said. “She’s like my sister.”

But the truth was Sheridan had no intentions of dating anyone. Sheridan found a girl no one else really knew about and explored sex with her for sometimes a week, sometimes a month. She never came around, and by the time that Chay was running with Logan, Meredith was sure that some of the girls Sheridan fooled with were over age.

“I don’t know why he does it,” she said.

As if anticipating what Chay and Mathan were about to say, she said, “And it’s not cause he’s a guy. It’s something else.”

But what the something else was, Chay couldn’t be bothered with, because he had his own something elses to worry about.

On the risky runs, Chay always got fifty dollars and Logan had him sit in the next room. If it was a house or an apartment, or if it was a one room motel, then Chay stayed in the car, or on the porch outside. Those were the runs he didn’t like, because he saw or heard nothing. But it was when he came inside that he might catch a glimpse, that he definitely heard the sounds of sex. He didn’t know if Logan realized he was watching or not. Sometimes it was fellatio, but on occasion the guy wanted Logan to fuck him, or sometimes he wanted to fuck Logan. That night he did, and that was when Chay couldn’t watch. He’d snuck out to watch Logan fuck someone once, and he’d felt ill afterward. It wasn’t like watching porn. He didn’t know those people. He felt like, in some way, he had violated Logan. He realized that even though he was fifteen and not an escort, in some ways he was less innocent than Logan. Logan would have had no idea that Chay was watching him, eyes closed, face tightened, fuck his client as his buttocks flexed and unflexed, and the sweat made his spiky hair rise. It had done so many things to Chay, watching that, but chiefly it had made him feel bad for looking. So this night, while he listened to Logan be fucked, his face went hot and he didn’t dare watch.

When it was over, Logan came down the hall, a towel wrapped about him, looking tired.

“I just gotta rinse off, okay?” he said, and Chay nodded, still feeling embarrassed.

While Logan showered, down the hall came a decent enough looking man in his housecoat.

“You’re his friend?” he said.

He wasn’t particularly good looking, and Chay said, “Yes.”

“He makes good money,” the man continued. “I’d pay… double for you? Are you eighteen?”

“Yes,” Chay lied.

“I bet I could teach you a few things,” the man said, smiling and almost, but not quite daring to touch Chay’s cheek. “Here,” he handed Chay a card. “Give me a call sometime.”

Later that night in the car, Chay said:

“I want to have sex.”

“Uh… okay,” Logan said, smiling as he looked at the road. Chay could tell he didn’t know what else to say.

“I want to be an escort.”

Logan almost lost control of the car.

“Are you nuts?” he said.

“You do it.”

“I’m twenty-three years old.”

“That guy tonight said he’d pay double for me.”

Now Logan stopped the car.

“That son of a bitch!”

“I told him I was eighteen.”

“He KNEW you weren’t eighteen! He knows you’re a kid. That…” Logan pounded the steering wheel.

“Goddamn,” he muttered.

“Well… what if I did?”

“Why would you…? You couldn’t.”

“He gave me his number.”

“Then give it to me,” Logan put out his hand.

“No,” Chay said. “No.” He was more insistent. “You said it yourself. The most I’m ever going to get from Sheridan is… a kiss. And he’s running around fucking left and right. I’m tired of not knowing. I want to be with a guy so bad, and…”

“And you will. But not this way.”

“Who cares?” Chay said. “My dad did it. Casey did it. Does it. You do it. So what?”

Logan had stopped driving and now he said, “I should never have asked you to come with me.”

Chay said nothing.

“I was selfish. I was so afraid. I should never have exposed you to this.”

“I would have wanted sex anyway.”

“Chay, stop talking.”

They sat in silence for a while, Logan staring at the wheel and biting his bottom lip.

Finally he started the car up, and they began moving down Birmingham.

“Don’t do… anything yet, okay?” Logan said as they drove. Just… Just let me think of something.”

“You could just have sex with me yourself.”

But Logan didn’t hear it.

No, Chay had said it so loudly to himself, that he was sure Logan had heard his thoughts, but Logan just kept driving.

One night James came into the room and said, disinterestedly:

“It’s Casey.”

“O…kay?” Chay replied, mystified.

“Hello,” he said.

“Chay, I’ll be around the house to get you soon,” Casey said in a light voice. “Alright?”

“Sure,” Casey said, not wanting to ask questions. “I’ll be ready.”

“Great.”

Casey sounded twice as amiable as usual. Much like, Chay couldn’t help thinking, a grown up with something to hide.

When he arrived, he patted the seat and told Chay, “Com’on, let’s go.”

And then Chay knew they weren’t going to work. Casey was wearing some cologne and smelled really good. For the first time Chay understood what was attractive about him. What Casey did, and what Casey had done was always on the borders of his mind, not really registering. They drove to the Hasty Tasty on Dorr Road, and Casey said, still chipper:“Get whatever you want.”

It was late summer then, and the sun was just setting. They could sit outside and watch the cars go by. Chay got the crunchy fries and chicken sandwich because he was tired of burgers. He had a large chocolate shake, and as Casey sat in the car beside him, eating and smiling at him, Chay waited for what Casey had to say.

“So… I’ve been talking to Logan.”

Ah, there it was.

Chay raised an eyebrow.

“He said something about…. You and sex.”

Chay took a long pull on his shake, and then said: “Yes.”

“You’re much too young.”

“I bet I’m the same age you were.”

“I bet you might be a little older actually,” Casey said, apologetically. “But you’re still too young.”

“I… I’ve seen things. I have feelings.”

“I know you do,” Casey said. “I know you do, believe me.”

“And everyone around me—”

“Okay, no,” Casey cut him off.

Chay looked at him.

“Everyone around you, your father included, sold ass, turned tricks and shot pornos where they got gang banged so if you’re looking for the gold standard, sorry kid, you don’t get to turn to your elders. Except James, I guess. That’s just the way it is.”

“But it’s not fair!” Chay forgot himself.

“No, you’re right, Chay. It isn’t. And I know it’s everyone’s fault. It’s Noah’s fault just cause he’s Noah and you’re not going to be a pornstar and then not have kids who aren’t fucked up about sex. You’re just not. And it’s my fault for keeping you around the shit. You came to me for work, and I hired you. I thought I’d kept you safe.”

“I am safe, and I need to work—”

“And it’s Logan’s fault for taking you with him. It’s all our faults for surrounding a kid with sex and then expecting him not to do it.”

“What if…? What if…?” Chay stammered. “What if I would have wanted it anyway? I wanted it long before I worked for you. I mean, I’m a guy. And it’s not fair to deprive me.”

Casey threw back his head and laughed.

Chay looked at him, angry.

“Deprive you?” Casey said. “Are you kidding?”

“No.”

“What….” Casey began. “What do you think…? Where do you think we all come from? You think,” Casey was laughing at him, “that a single person you see in my house isn’t fucked up?”

“Everyone’s fucked up.”

“No,” Casey said, louder than he intended, gesticulating with his cheeseburger and milkshake. “Everyone is not. There is an unfathomable level of fucked-upness that makes a grown man say I’m going to work out, lift weights, eat right—most of the time—so that I can look good giving blowjobs to other good looking men, and people will see me do it online and I’ll be a star. I mean, between you and me, you know that what I do is pretty fucked up, right?”

“Well, people like it, so it must not be that fucked up.”

“It is fucked up, and watch the language.”

Chay opened his mouth to protest that, but then just sank into his seat.

“I’m going to have sex,” he said.

“Well…. Not with that old guy you won’t. And not as an escort.”

“I don’t care anymore,” Chay said. “It’s going to happen. I don’t care how. I’m not the only gay guy at my school. There are places… you know?”

“Places?” Casey looked at him, for the first time like a very threatening parent.

“Well…” the boy stammered. “You have to know. I mean, you must know.”

“You’re talking bathrooms and truck stops and…”

“And whatever! What’s it matter? I mean, this side of a sitcom or some bullshit like that, there is no way I’m going to have a real boyfriend. And if I do, it’s going to be just as bad as turning tricks. I mean guys are assholes. Guys are stupid.”

Casey sank into his seat, and then sucked the last of his shake, the rattling, sucking, hollow noise following.

“Chay Lewis, as your… as your fucking elder, I forbid you to do this. I forbid you to run out and find some crazy shifty bastard to have sex with.”

And then Chay said it outloud.

“If you just did the job yourself, then you wouldn’t have to worry about that. Would you?”