The Boyfriend's Ex
Because I was still fucked up about Ilya and Troy, a week or so after Ilya had found us naked on the couch, I thought it would be good to talk to Josh, partly because he knew me a little better than anyone around, and partly because he was such a nice dude.
I went over to his place one night when I wasn't at the restaurant and we hung out and drank beer and talked. Such a nice guy. I told him about Troy and, more importantly, about Ilya and my hopeless crush. He looked at me sympathetically and said, “Steve, man, you've got it bad. Not only are you crushing for a straight guy, you actually have a boyfriend at the same time. That's kind of complicated, right?”
I hadn't really thought that I had a boyfriend, but of course that was true. I felt stupid. Like a complete idiot. “Yeah, I know. It's lame. Troy is awesome and sexy and all that and I would be totally in it with him if Ilya wasn't the guy I share an apartment with. I haven't felt this way for someone since Susan. And he's straight. I'm sure of it. But he's so beautiful.”
Josh looked surprised. “Like how beautiful?”
“Like, he could be on the cover of GQ kind of gorgeous. And sweet, and smart and his body...fuck. I'm a wreck. And I feel so guilty because I'm worried that Troy will want more and a part of me would like to give him more. But Ilya is taking up so much room in my head.”
Thoughtfully, Josh said, “I get you, Steve. I've actually been in that situation. I was with this woman – Grace – for a year or so. We had a nice thing going. But then I met this friend of hers. Neil. Fuck. And Neil was straight but I fell hard. I mean I wanted him more than anyone I've ever met. And not just his cock. He was sweet and cool and all the things. Kind of like Ilya, I guess. But it made it impossible with Grace. I had to end it. Partly to get away from Neil. I told him afterward and he was flattered and all...but. I still fantasize about him sometimes.”
It was nice to hear that I wasn't the only one. But the part about ending it with Troy bothered me. I so didn't want to hurt the guy. I took a sip of my beer and felt all the guilt again. I finally asked, “So how is Sanjay?”
He grinned at me and took a slug of beer. “Sanjay is great. I mean totally amazing...” He stopped and looked really happy. That was nice to see.
I laughed and said, “You're crushing hard.”
“Oh, I think I'm more than crushing...but we'll see. It's been intense. After that night the three of us were here...well he stayed for three days!”
I was glad to hear it and I raised my bottle and we clinked. I said, “Here's to new things.”
“New things!” Josh took a swig and looked at me for a moment, and then he said, “So you haven't been with a woman in a while?”
I wasn't sure where he was going with that. “No...I wanted to make up for lost time so I've only been with guys.”
He smiled. “Yeah, I get you.” He didn't say anything else, but he reached for the remote of his huge television and turned it on. I wasn't paying much attention until on the big screen there were two guys and a women all kissing.
I looked at him. “Josh...what are you doing?”
He undid his pants and slid closer to me on the sofa. “I just thought you and I could watch some bisexual stuff and get off since neither one of us has been with a woman for a while. What do you say?”
I looked at the tv and the woman was sucking the two guys off while they necked. I hadn't watched very much bi stuff so this was kind of interesting. I looked over at Josh whose cock was out and he was stroking it really slowly. He was looking at me, not the tv. He said, “Come on...”
So I undid my pants and pulled out my cock. Josh grinned at me and to my surprise, he leaned over and sucked my cock for a second, getting it all slippery, then sat back, still grinning. So I turned to the screen and watched the fun. Bi porn, I was beginning to learn, was usually lame. No one seems all that into it and it's all too formal or something. But it was fun to watch guys being fucked while they go down on a woman, or sucking cock along with a women. I got turned on, and soon the two of us were stroking together. He spread his legs and draped one over mine which felt nice. He reached over and tweaked my nipple and massaged my balls.
But you know what? Watching the film was one thing, but Josh was really sexy so at one point I just pulled myself into his lap and grinned at him. “Why don't you just fuck me? I can't concentrate on the screen with you sitting there looking all cute and turned on.”
Josh laughed and he pushed me off and dragged me into his bedroom. He threw me down on my belly and lubed up my ass, and without another word, did just that. He slid his cock deep and pummelled me into the bed, slapping his body on top of mine. On my stomach I couldn't touch my cock, but it was really awesome anyway. It took my mind off the dilemma and all I could think about was the feel of his dick sliding into me, the smell of him, the feel of his hairy chest against my back. Who the fuck needs porn when there's someone like Josh around?
He stopped and flipped me over and did me from above, pushing my legs apart and going for it. He held my ankles high and was able to fuck down, still looking at me with a sly expression. He managed to say, “This is way better. You're right. And Sanjay is busy so...”
But he slid his dick out of me and then he straddled me and to my surprise, pushed his ass onto me and my cock slid slowly into his tight ass. I said, “I'm going to like fucking you, Josh.”
He laughed and pushed his hips down, pulling me into him even deeper. I reached out and took hold of his dick, stroking it lightly while he began to jam his hips down as I fucked up and we got into a nice groove. I kept stroking his cock and he threw his head back, his eyes closed, breathing deeply. I reached out and twisted one of his nipples and he yelped, but didn't stop me.
I took hold of his hips and started to move faster, his tight hole caressing my cock, his balls hitting me every time he bounced down. I watched his strong thighs work, his flat stomach moving as he breathed more deeply. I took his ass cheeks in my hands and squeezed, then moved my hand to the base of my cock, feeling my pole disappear into him. I stuck a finger in with my cock and he groaned and said, “'Fuck, yeah, Steve. Put another in...”
So I slid another in the tight space. I put three fingers in which would barely fit and I loved the feel of his prick sliding against my fingers, the feel of the soft walls of his ass. I got four fingers in and I was kind of amazed and said, “Josh...fuck...how are you able to take my cock and most of my hand at the same time?”
He gasped and laughed, then said. “Yeah...I have a big fucker of a dildo that I made friends with a while ago. You should try it.”
That sounded very interesting, but I was distracted by the tightness of his ass and the fact that my fingers were going to sleep, so I slid my hand out and deiced to jack him while he fucked himself on me. I took his cock in one hand and his balls in the other and used them for stability while I put more energy into my hips and fucked him more deeply. His ass was slapping my thighs every time he fucked down and his face was all sweaty – and so was mine – and then he opened his eyes and looked at me as if he was surprised. And just then, his cock erupted with a couple of thick geysers of cum that arced out onto my neck, splashing on my chin.
This totally set me off and I turbocharged my hips, bashing my cock up into him and I felt myself begin to tremble and catch fire, and with two really deep fucks, I felt my cock spewing into his ass, and cum kept pouring out as I slowed down. I could feel it drooling out of him onto my balls.
He slowly sat up, my cock sliding out along with some cum, and he leaned forward and fed me his dick, lazily letting it slide over my tongue, cum still oozing out. I sucked him clean and then he pulled out and lay down beside me. I collecting some of my cum that had pooled at the base of my cock with my fingers and made him lick if off.
We had a nap, our arms and legs all entwined. I liked the feel of his sweaty body. It reminded me of Mark. When I woke up, he was lying on top of me and grinding his cock into between my ass cheeks. I said, “You've got stamina today!”
He laughed and with his hand, pushed his dick really slowly into me. “Yeah. I can't seem to get enough today.”
I chucked, enjoying the stretch going on in my hole. I pushed my hips up so I could take him deeper. He started to hammer me right away, and not slowly. Josh can be an animal. He fucked hard and deep and got himself up on his arms so he could get some traction.
But then he pulled out and flipped me over, getting between my legs and pushing back in, and starting again, his hips moving smoothly, his cock all hard and insistent.
He shut his eyes and seemed to be sailing away and then he stopped and pulled out and jacked a load all over my cock. There were big ropes and pools of cum all over the shaft and my balls. Then he lay back and growled at me, “Fuck me with my cum, Steve. I love that shit.”
I was already horned out of my mind, so I spread his cum all over my dick and pushed it into him. He gave me this look like it was the best thing ever and even though he had just cum, he seemed ready for more. I fucked him fast and soon added my own load to his, jizzing so hard I fell over and my cock slipped out of him and the last few squirts landed on his leg. I leaned over and cleaned it off.
He gasped a few times and to my amazement, managed to pump another load out of himself. I reached over and gave his cum a taste and lay my head on his chest. I said, “Thanks, Josh. That's what I needed. I still don't know what to do, but I feel better.”
He chuckled, but then he said, running his hand through my hair, “You know what Steve? You should spend some time with Ilya. Not like a date or anything...but I bet you could steer the conversation and find out more. Find out what he's all about.”
This sounded like a really good idea. I kissed his chest and we lay for a while all sticky and chill.
When I got home, Ilya was actually there, which I wasn't expecting. He smiled at me and I said, “Hey, I didn't think I'd see you.”
“Yeah, there was a change in the schedule, so I don't have to go in until tomorrow.”
“That's cool. Let's watch a movie and make popcorn or something.” It suddenly sounded like a lame plan, but he actually looked happy and so we did. It was a dumb movie, but it was fun to ridicule it and we ate so much popcorn I almost felt ill.
When the movie ended, I decided to take Josh's advice and said, “So, Ilya. Tell me. I got the feeling you had a bad breakup. I was wondering what that was all about.”
He looked at me a moment. “Why do you want to know?”
I was a bit taken aback. But it was a fair question. Why did I want to know? I knew the answer, of course but I pushed forward. “I don't know. I'm curious. About you. You're kind of hard to read. I feel like...there's a lot going on under the surface but I never know what it is. You feel kind of...protective?”
I hadn't actually thought that, but as soon as I said it, I knew it was true. Protective.
Ilya didn't say anything for a while. Like a minute, and I was afraid I had pissed him off. His answer was not what I was expecting. “You know, Steve, my parents are amazing people, but because of being Russian and kind of fucked up by what happened in Perm they're kind of paranoid. I think it made me pretty guarded. So I know what you're saying. I am hard to read.”
As much as I was glad to hear more, I realized it wasn't quite what I wanted to hear. I was determined. I said, “So this relationship...?”
He winced and said, “It was awful. I mean good at first.” He stopped and looked at me as if trying to figure something out. “They didn't trust me. I think that's what it all came down to. Paranoid like my parents.”
I was getting frustrated. Why was he being so coy? I asked, “Who was this person?” I knew I was pushing it, but I needed to know.
He sighed and looked at me, his eyes wide and full of feeling. “His name was Sergei. He was also from Perm which was a total co-incidence, by the way, but the fact that we were both Russian was a bond, I guess. But after we got married, he got really possessive. He wanted to know what I was doing at all hours of the day. I had just started medical school and was even busier than I am now and it drove him crazy. He started to...” Ilya stopped and looked kind of stricken. He swallowed and close his eyes for a second. “He started to hit me.” He stopped and didn't look at me. I could feel him shrinking as if he thought I was going to ridicule him.
I was stunned. Like really stunned. My first thought was, how the fuck could someone hit a beautiful creature like him? “Ilya. I can't believe someone could do that to you.”
He opened his eyes and looked at me. He seemed to be not quite seeing me, but he said, “Thanks, Steve. I've mostly gotten over it but not completely. And recently he's been bothering me on social media...”
I suddenly realized that's who he had been referring to before. I said, “Stalking you, I guess?”
Ilya looked pained, but he nodded. I could tell he was close to tears and I did't want to get too far into it because all I wanted to do was throw my arms around him and tell him everything would be all right. So I thought a moment and realized I didn't want to push it. I said, “Well, whenever you want to talk about it, I'd be happy to hear more.” I put my hand on his arm – just like he would have done – for a moment and squeezed. I looked into his eyes – oh my god, those beautiful eyes – and said, “Whenever you want.”
I got up and took the popcorn bowl into the kitchen and made him some tea. I brought it out to the living room and he was still there, looking solemn. I handed him the mug and said, “I'm headed to bed. Have a good sleep.”
I lay in bed and thought for a long time. I texted Troy and told him I would see him on Friday night after my shift. I realized it felt that suddenly Ilya was off limits. That sure, I could pine for him and, now that I knew he was gay, I could pine realistically, but at the same time, I felt he was in no mood to respond to my lame crush. In fact I realized that if anyone was going to do something, he had to be the one.
Friday came and I hadn't seen Ilya since our conversation. He was at the hospital or he was in bed. I met Troy at a bar downtown. I had wanted to have a shower, but I wanted to see him more. We had a nice hug and he ordered me a martini which I certainly needed. I had a good gulp and told him about Ilya. He looked as shocked as I felt. He said, “Fuck, Steve. That's awful. Who could be like that with someone so decent?”
That was the question. I said, “I know. I feel for him. He's so protective of himself and who can blame him.”
Troy looked at me a moment. He said, “This is going to sound like it's coming from left field, but have you thought about school?”
“School? Not really.”
He sipped his drink then said, “Well I think you're right about social work. Do it. You're a natural.”
I felt surprised. “Really?”
“Yes. Do it.”
I kind of knew what he was saying and I kind of agreed. But I leaned over and kissed him. Sweet dude, that Troy. I leaned back and realized someone was watching us. A slim guy with white blonde hair was at the next table. Troy turned and his face lit up. “Alex! Holy shit! What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming for a week. Why didn't you call me?”
The guy – Alex – stood up and they had a long hug. Eventually, Troy turned to me and said, “Alex, this is Steve. Steve, Alex.”
I stuck my hand out and Alex took it. His hand was warm and his eyes were this wild pale blue colour. He was smaller and slimmer than I was but, I quickly noticed, exuded all this charm and an almost raw sensuality. I was into him right away.
Troy sat down and said, “Join us.”
So Alex moved his chair over and we ordered more drinks. Without a shred of self-consciousness, Troy said, “Alex and I used to date...” and he looked at him for a second, then said, “Two years ago?”
Alex grinned and said, “Two and a half, I think.”
Troy continued. “Anyway, he was in art school with me but then he transferred to Halifax.” He turned to him and said, “Why did you get in early? And why didn't you call me?”
With a little bit of embarrassment, Alex said, “I got homesick for the mountains so I came back and I didn't want to seem too needy...”
I got the sense there was a whole relationship behind that comment. I looked at Troy and his face was kind of inscrutable, with a complicated expression. I realized there was a story there that hadn't been finished.
Alex told us about Halifax and art – he's a painter – and his last boyfriend who was the other reason he left Halifax early, because they just broke up. Cute guy. Smart and funny and very flirty. He seemed to be flirting with both of us. When he went to the bathroom, Troy said, “I think he likes you. I mean, I know he's into me, but he likes to play...” He let the sentence trail off, but I knew what he was talking about.
I grabbed his hand and put it in my lap, pushing it into my quickly swelling cock. I said, “Yeah. So we should take him home and mess around. What do you think? You were the one who dated him.”
Troy threw his head back and laughed. Then he leaned over and kissed me. “Yeah. We should. He and I have an understanding. We have sex whenever we're in the same city, so...”
That sounded really good. When Alex came back, I leaned over and kissed him, which I think startled him, but he went with it, giving me some tongue. I said, “You want to come hang with us at Troy's place?”
Alex grinned and got up. He took my hand and said, “That would be lovely, boys.”
So we went back to Troy's apartment and he poured us some wine and we hung out on the futon/bed. Troy was very affectionate with Adam and I realized I kind of wanted to watch what they did. They seemed very comfortable with each other and Adam pulled Troy's shirt off and kissed his chest, while Troy tugged his pants off. He was wearing these adorable red boxers that were all tented out with his cock. Adam pulled them down and stuck his nose right in between Troy's cock and balls, seeming to inhale his Troy smell.
I was sitting pretty close and I ran my hand up Troy's back who reached over and dug in my opened pants and pulled out my cock, stroking slowly while Adam's mouth was busy on Troys' dick. I wriggled out of my pants and threw my shirt across the room. I wanted to be naked and ready for anything. Adam turned to me, grinning, and slurped my cock into his mouth, pulling it deep into his throat. It was still a thrill to me to have a guy take my cock. It still felt almost forbidden for some reason, even though my cock had been busy for the last few months, starting with Mark. But just a guy – any guy – with his lips wrapped around my dick? That was still pretty amazing.
Troy got up beside me, and we fed our cocks to Adam who did all kinds of fun things with them. My cock was bigger than Troy's, so there was no way he could get both in his mouth, but he held the heads together and rubbed them while licking them, sucking up all the pre-cum we were giving him. Troy started to kiss me and we got really messy and intense, while Adam swallowed Troy's cock. Then I got down and helped him, and we both ran our lips and tongues all over Troys' shaft until he was gasping.
I sat up and said, “Adam...I was wondering...”
He must have read my mind, because he turned to Troy and said, “Where's your lube?”
Adam wanted to fuck me and I wanted him to fuck me, so I got on my back and sucked on Troy's cock, while Adam got me ready and got himself ready, and then pushed between my legs so my knees were up around my ears and his cock slid into me with little pushes from him, all smooth and cosy. He looked down at me with those big grey eyes that made him look almost alien and I put my arms around his torso and pulled him in for a kiss. He started to thrust and push and grind into me in a way that felt unlike anyone else. He had skills, this boy.
But I was distracted by Troy's cock, which was pushing at the sides of our mouths so that soon we were kissing with Troy's cock in the middle. Adam sat up, fucking me a little faster so I turned my head and swallowed Troy's dick. It wasn't huge, but he was pushing it deep and ground his groin into my face and his balls were tickling my chin. As always, I liked being taken from both ends, so I was in heaven. To my surprise, the two of them switched and Troy, looking almost sheepish, jammed his cock into me. I said, “You like fucking way more than you let on.”
“I know. But your ass is so luscious...”
It's not like he needed a good excuse as far as I was concerned, and he gave me a few preliminary fucks, since I was already primes and ready and Adam got overtop of me and leaned forward, pushing his dick into my throat and, propped up on his arms, and use my face with his cock. That's what it felt like. Like being used in the best possible way.
Troy was moving fast now, and fucking deep, and when he reached the finish line, he was almost yelled. Adam pulled out of my mouth, turned around and pushed Troy back so he slid out of me, and grabbed my thighs and drilled me fast, whacking me so hard I slid back on the bed, looking at me really seriously as he gave me another load. It was intense and I realized those two had clearly done it before.
I just lay there, looking at these two guys and wondered why they weren't together. They seemed so aligned and affectionate and more so when they both got down and took turns sucking my cock until, while I was in Adam's mouth, I was overwhelmed and I felt cum blasting out into his mouth, while Troy moved up and kissed me hungrily. Adam sat up, wiping cum off his chin and grinned at me. “Nice, Steve. Really nice.”
We lay around even though it was late and talked. I asked them why they broke up and Troy said to Adam, “Do you want to answer that?”
With a shrug, Adam said, “I don't know. We kept getting in these stupid fights, I guess. And we couldn't figure out how to get through them. But we always had awesome sex, so we decided we would just stick to that.” Adam looked at me, appraising. “Are you two, like...?”
I looked at Troy, feeling suddenly guilty. I said, “I don't know...we're in something.”
Troy, to my relief, nodded. He took my hand and said, “Yeah. Something.” But he turned to Adam and I could tell they were exchanging complicated thoughts as they looking at each other.
But it was good to hear that Troy wasn't falling for me hard. I think he understood my crush on Ilya even though we had never talked about it. There were looks he had given me when he was over at my place. He could tell I was pre-occupied, which I was. I thought of Ilya and his shitty ex-boyfriend. I wanted to hear more about it and about how he extricated himself from that.
In the meantime, the three of us snuggled together in Troy's bed and fell sleep. I woke up at one point, and saw Troy beside me – like right beside me – with his mouth all over Adam's cock. I ran my hand over Troy's back and when Adam came, he pushed Troy's mouth on his cock and moaned really softly. Troy sat up and fed me Adam's cum in a long kiss, then he did the same to me and fed it to Adam. I offered to let him fuck me, but Troy showed us his hand which was covered in his cum and we realized he had been way ahead of us.
We fell asleep again, and when I woke up in the grey light of dawn, Adam was fucking Troy really slowly. I started to wonder if those two should really be trying again, really be trying to make something work, since they couldn't keep their hands off each other. It didn't bother me but it was certainly striking. I watched them and jerked off in time to Adam's thrusts and we all came at more or less the same time.
I decided, on a hunch, to get up earlier than I planned and go home and shower before my shift at the restaurant. They were curled up together and looked really sweet, so I didn't wake them. My hunch was that they needed some alone time. It was so obvious to me that Adam wanted more, and I think Troy did, too. They just had to figure out how.
When I got home, Ilya was still at the hospital, so I made a big pot of coffee and pancakes, which I always make when I need to chill. Just as I flipped the first six, the door opened and Ilya walked in looking tired. I said, “Have some pancakes. It will make you feel better.”
He smiled at me and put his bag down. He poured some coffee and sat at the kitchen table, watching me work. I handed him a plate and got the syrup and butter. We didn't say anything, but when I sat down and was about to eat, Ilya said, “Thanks, Steve. This is exactly what I need.”
We ate in silence for a while, but then I got up and put some nice quiet music on and came back to the table. I could see him gradually come back to earth, gradually become more himself. Out of no where I said, “Maybe psychiatry is more your thing, Ilya. I imagine it's less intense?”
He laughed and put his fork down. Oh my fuck, was he gorgeous in that moment. He eyes were sparkling and his smile was subtle, but sweet like a little boy. “Maybe. I don't know. We'll see. I just have to get through this last rotation and then I can decide.”
He was on the emergency medicine rotation which I thought must be gruelling. I tried to imagine him dealing with all kinds of horrendous situations: injuries, heart attacks, who knows what?
When we were done, we cleaned up and he washed the dishes and I dried them and the feeling that we were an old married couple was distracting, because we weren't, however much I might fantasize about it.
I went into the little living room and sat on the sofa. I put on some more mellow music and looked through a UBC catalogue just to see what was possible. Ilya came sat beside me with his mug. He said, “What are you thinking about?”
I looked over at him and said, “I'm not sure. I think social work is the best thing for me. Lots of options. Lots of variety. I think it could work.”
He nodded and said, “I can see you doing that. There are a few at the hospital and they do so many things. I think you'd be great at it. Better than the ones we have, I can tell you that.”
It surprised me that he felt so strongly about it. I wasn't sure what to say, so I lay back, letting the music wash over me. We sat there for a while, just listening. It was strange and nice at the same time. I wanted to say things, or ask him things, but the vibe didn't feel right. I think silence was the vibe.
After a few tracks, Ilya sighed. “I guess I need to study. I have some exams coming up and I have to memorize so much.” He looked at me for a second. That cool look that I found so hard to read. Then, to my astonishment, he did this thing. Just a little thing, and a strange thing and maybe a Russian thing and if it was a Russian thing, I had no idea what it meant, but if it was some other kind of thing, I had maybe a better idea of what it meant, but it still was fucking ambiguous.
He took my hand and kissed it. Just once. That's it. He got up and walked into the kitchen, ditched his mug and went into his room and closed the door. I sat there a little stunned. A little excited. A lot confused. What the fuck was I supposed to do with that?
I sat for some time, feeling both good and muddled. I wanted to go into his room and ask him what that meant. What didthat kiss mean? But obviously I couldn't. I had half a mind to ask google what it means when a Russian dude kisses your hand.
I cleaned up the coffee things and went into the hallway. There was a light on under his door and I imagined him sprawled on his bed, surrounded by books. I went and lay on mine, naked. I wanted the air to touch my body because he wasn't going to. My crush had taken on yet another layer of intensity. One little gesture that could mean a hundred things and it left me breathless.
