The Boyfriend?
The following Friday Sanjay called me during the day and we decided to go to a movie. There was no expectation on my part that we would fuck, but I would be down with it if he was. Just as I got off the phone, Josh texted me wondering what I was up to, so I invited him along. I was excited to see him again, but I also realized I was into the idea of him and Sanjay meeting. Not that I'm a matchmaker or anything, but you never know, right?
We went to this nutty Spanish action movie that was really fun, and when we got out of the theatre, I was in no mood for the evening to end. Josh seemed to be feeling the same way and he said, “Do you guys want to come to mine for a bite to eat and a drink?”
Sanjay said, “That would be cool. Where do you live?”
I was still getting to know Vancouver but I had a feeling we were close by. Josh pointed down the street and said, “That building right there.”
Sanjay laughed and said, “We're neighbours! I'm one street over.”
Now I knew where we were. Vancouver is a small place, right? I put my hand on both of their backs and said, “So let's go. I'm hungry.”
Josh got us set up with a drink and spent a little time in the kitchen while Sanjay and I sat in his living room, sipping wine and talking.
At one point he said, “So, Josh...is he in to guys?”
I smirked at him and said, “What you really mean to ask is if he's single, and yes. And not just guys, but certainly guys.”
Sanjay looked embarrassed but I could tell he was happy to hear it. His face was all adorable and a little pink, like a little boy.
Josh came in and sat down, taking a break from the kitchen. He noticed there was a funny energy between us and said, “What's going on?”
I decided to be coy. This wasn't my story, after all. I said, “Nothing. Just gossip.” Sanjay didn't say a word.
After dinner we went back to the sofa and Josh sat on the floor, filling his pipe. I liked where this might be headed. He passed the pipe to me, then I gave it to Sanjay. Soon the three of us were pretty baked. Josh got on the sofa between us and sat back, letting the music wash over him. It was nice, soothing ambient stuff that made me feel like I was floating.
Just as I was about to levitate, I felt Josh's hand on my leg. He began to rub my thigh really softly, almost absently, but it wasn't absent, because his hand moved up my thigh until he was rubbing the bulge in my pants which of course got bulgier. I decided to get things going, so I undid my jeans and Josh pulled the zipper down, then I wriggled them over my hips. He fished in my underwear and ran his fingertips over the head of my cock. I squirmed out of them and pulled them down to my thighs. He kept his fingers moving, trailing them down to the base, then my balls, then back up. His eyes were half-closed as if he was concentrating hard.
I looked over at Sanjay who was watching us intently. I decided to help those two out, so I slid off the sofa and got on my knees in front of them, pulling my pants off as I went. I put a hand on each of their packages, rubbing them and feeling how hard and hot they both were, “I'd be into seeing you two kiss. That would be really cool.”
Josh grinned at me but leaned over and put his face close to Sanjay's and just looked into his eyes. Sanjay seemed almost surprised, but then a little smile appeared and he leaned into Josh and their lips met and soon it was like they were devouring each other, and I could catch glimpses of their tongues working hard.
I had Josh's pants open by this point, and I pulled them down his strong, slightly hairy thighs so they were bunched at his ankles. Then I did the same to Sanjay who lifted his butt for a moment to let me tug them off. His legs had all this dark curly hair on them.. I leaned down and licked along the edge of his briefs, running my tongue underneath the hem so the tip of my tongue trailed along the edge of his cock. I took the waist in my fingers and pulled them down over all that dick and down his legs. Sanjay had beautiful balls and I sucked each of them for a second. He had a nice guy smell.
I turned to Josh and saw that his cock was making a little tent in his yellow boxer briefs. I put my mouth over the end of his cloth-covered cock and sucked the fabric. He slid down on the sofa and spread his legs more. Then he reached down for his underwear and pushed them over his cock which sprang out. My head was filled with a hot musky smell and I stuck my nose in the space between his cock and balls, inhaling deeply.
I sat up and looked at their cocks which were hard as rock and Sanjay's was now all wet at the end, so I started there. I took Josh's in my hand and sucked on the end of Sanjay's, running my tongue over the end and pulling more precum out. I heard him moan into Josh's mouth as they continue to kiss, all messy and wet.
I turned and let my mouth engulf Josh's dick, suctioning it into my throat, feeling eager to be face-fucked. I could tell these two were into each other. I was just the sideshow. I went back and forth, taking one cocks deep, while pumping the other with my hand. I felt them move closer to each other so their bodies were in contact and I looked up and Josh was tonguing one of Sanjay's nipples and he pushed me deeper onto his cock with his hand. I almost gagged, but liked it, wanting more.
But Josh pulled off Sanjay's chest and stood up. He said, “We need a bed.”
I couldn't have agreed more. We all went into Josh's bedroom and Sanjay pushed me down on my belly, so I got up low on my knees so my ass was elevated. I turned and said, “You guys can fuck me if you want. Maybe not together...that's just for porn...”
Josh laughed and slapped my ass. “Maybe we'll start training you, Steve. That would be fucking hot, don't you think Sanjay?”
I wasn't sure if he was serious, but at the same time it kind of intrigued me. Maybe someday, but not then. I heard the lube being opened, and then I felt Sanjay's cock sliding up the crack of my ass. Josh moved around and I got up on my hands and let him slide his dick in my mouth, using my head for stability as he plunged his cock in. I could barely take it, but the hot flesh on my tongue, the soft musky scent of his body made me relax even more and I let the head of his cock cross the barrier into my throat.
At that moment, Sanjay's cock found my hole and started to push. He pushed and then pushed harder, gripping my hips and I felt myself stretch to welcome him in. After sliding in slowly, pulling back and doing it again, he suddenly started to hammer me, the force of his body making me take Josh's prick even deeper. It was like they had rehearsed or something, as if they had decided to completely spit-roast me. And I loved it. I didn't bother with my own cock, it could take care of itself.
After a few minutes, Sanjay pulled out and said, “Let's switch.”
Josh pulled out of my mouth and a long rope of spitty precum followed his cock that drooled onto my face and hung from my mouth. I took a deep breath and then Sanjay was there, pushing his cock past my teeth, the head pressing against my throat. I glanced up and the two of them were kissing with all kinds of energy, Josh's arm around Sanjay's shoulders pulling him close. Those two had chemistry, just as I'd hoped.
But I was distracted by all the hard flesh in my mouth and Sanjay began to slide it out, then ram it home, his slightly shorter cock not quite reaching my throat but it allowed him to literally fuck my face which was intense and exactly what I wanted.
Then I felt Josh's dick investigating my hole, slowly spiralling into me, then that became a bunch of short thrusts until I could feel his balls hitting my ass. At this point I did reach for my own cock, giving it a stroke, but I realized I didn't have to do much before I blew, so I stopped.
They rammed me at both ends until Sanjay pulled out of my mouth and said, “I'm going to cum on your face, Steve...”
It wasn't a question, and when he did it was epic. Like porn scene epic. He was pumping his cock with the head at nose-level and I stuck my tongue out and licked the head where a big pearl of precum sat, and then his cock suddenly spurted in long ropes on my cheeks and nose, and lips and dripped onto the bed. I licked up what I could but there was a lot. It was as if he hadn't cum in weeks, because it kept on spewing and finally I put my mouth over the head and collected the last of it. Once I swallowed, I felt Josh's prick tunnel into me faster and he started to swear and then fucked me more deeply, accompanied by some deep gasping.
He finally stopped and said, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
Sanjay laughed and collapsed on the bed. Josh pulled out of me and lay down beside him. My ass was actually sore, but I was happy. I got on my knees, wanting some playful payback and so I got up so I was jerking my cock right about their faces. I said, “Now it's my turn.”
I was so hot by this point that it only took a minute and I pointed my cock down and, still stroking, felt a really nice explosion go off in my body and my cock started to blast, long jets of cum hitting Sanjay's mouth, and nose, then I turned and did the same to Josh, who tried to catch it, but it splashed all over his face. I started laughing because it felt so good.
When I was empty, I lay down in between them and we didn't move, but I felt Sanjay take my hand and Josh leaned over and kissed me, his mouth tasting of my cum. I licked some more off his face then Sanjay leaned over and the three of us kissed, all calm and cosy.
I must have dozed off, because when I woke up, Josh was in the midst of lifting my ass off the bed then leaning forward and rubbing his cock on my hole. He sat up and leaned forward and I watched Sanjay do the same thing to him, his arms around Josh's torso as he was obviously sliding his dick into him.
Still waking up, I managed to massage my cock as Josh began to fuck me, and fuck himself on Sanjay. I was half asleep but it seemed everyone came quickly, because when I choked and spewed cum out onto my belly, Josh closed his eyes and groaned, then Sanjay almost yelled and obviously spewed into Josh. Josh pulled out of me and turned and he and Sanjay kissed a whole bunch more.
I had to pee like crazy, and when I got back to the bedroom, Josh and Sanjay were spooning, with Josh behind, his arms around Sanjay's chest whose cock was half-hard and drooling cum on the bed. They seemed to be dozing and they looked so sweet that I decided to head home. To be honest, as I put my clothes on in the living room, I felt a bit wistful. I wanted that kind of intensity and focus on someone and them on me. I could tell that those two were going to hit it off. It was obvious.
I got home to an empty apartment. I had a snack and watched a stupid show on some stupid streaming service for a while. But then, still feeling sad and, frankly, lonely, I went to bed and hoped I would feel better in the morning.
After my evening with Josh and Sanjay and realizing – and hoping – that those two might fall for each other, I decided I needed to keep broadening my horizons. So to meet more people, I started going to things: art gallery openings, readings in bookstores, more lectures by interesting people, stuff like that. It was fun and interesting, apart from anything else. And it was at a modern art thing in this industrial building south of Downtown, that I saw this dude. This very cool looking dude. This really sexy looking dude. He seemed young and dressed in a nice bohemian kind of chic. I followed him around for a while, admiring his legs, his lean body, his messy, shoulder-length brown hair. He was less masculine than most of the guys who caught my attention, but he was almost Ilya level gorgeous. Well, not quite, but still really nice looking.
At one point he stopped at this big abstract painting full of colour and big brush strokes. I came up beside him and said, “It's like a celebration, right?”
He looked at me with that lightning fast appraisal some people can do and then he smiled. “Yeah? A celebration of what?”
“Fucked if I know. Of summer? Ice cream? Good wine?”
He laughed, and smiled, and laughed some more. His face was all animated and cute. Without even thinking I said, “You look so happy...like a little boy.”
He stopped, startled. I wondered if I had said too much. But he gave me a really bright smile and said, “I am happy...and then there you were.”
Oh boy. How sweet was that? I grinned at him and said, “And here I am. I'm Steve, by the way.”
“Troy.” He looked at me for a moment, then said, “You want to grab a drink?”
So that was that. We went to this little place down the street – a real hole in the wall – and drank bad white wine. I didn't much care because Troy was taking up all my bandwidth. I didn't expect to be attracted to a guy like him. Soft and slightly feminine, but somehow with a guy's energy. But he really was boyish and kind of otherworldly-beautiful. I sipped my wine, ignoring how bad it was asked, “So how old are you?”
He laughed and said, “Yeah. I know. I look too young, but I'm twenty-one. And I assume you are about the same?”
I knew I was blushing, but I said, “That's me.” I raised my glass and we toasted to who knows what. I just wanted in his pants, I wanted to kiss his whole body. And I wanted to know him. He must have seen my eagerness because he smiled sweetly and reached underneath the table and stroked my leg. He couldn't reach my crotch which was probably a good thing because he would have found a lot of activity.
But I could tell he was just as into it as I was. We finished our wine and he said, “I don't live very far away...” He stood up and looked at me, his eyebrows raised.
I smiled my best smile and said, “That's very convenient.”
We walked quickly the few blocks to a big old house. He place in the attic was the size of my living room, but it was nice and cozy. I threw him on the sofa - which he quickly unfolded into a bed – and we kissed and ran our hands all over each other. Then he pushed me over and got into my pants, hauling them off, and I undid my shirt. I was just lying there in my briefs and he looked at me with a slow smile. He pulled off his clothes almost casually and then removed my underwear and brought them to his nose, breathing deeply. He saw me watching him and he said, “I fucking love the smell of guy's underwear. It says so much, don't you think?”
I could tell it worked for him, because his nicely proportioned, but not huge dick was standing rigidly at attention. I wanted to get over there and taste it, but he had other ideas. He leaned down and started to lick my cock all over, then used his tongue to run around the ridge the whole time sucking, like it was a big piece of candy. He then sat up and said, “Suck me at the same time.” How could I refuse?
He angled his body over to me and fed me his dick and went back to mine. I got the sense that this guy had a bit of an oral fixation, because he had professional level skills. While I got to know his prick, he spent time showing me all the ways you can drive a person nuts by edging them with their mouth. He sucked and pumped and licked and pumped and brought me to the moment of bliss and then stopped, sucking on one of my balls for a while instead. Then back to my poor cock, using his tongue up and down the head, and jacking me with just his forefinger until I was almost crying and then the fucker stopped again.
I gasped and said, “Holy hell, Troy. You know how to make a person crazy.”
He looked up at me, beaming. He said, “If you haven't noticed, I kind of like sucking cock. It's my thing.” He gave my cock a lick, then said, “Don't get me wrong, fucking is fun, but I like this better.”
I laughed and said, “I'm happy to go with whatever you have to offer. You're really sexy, Troy.” I wanted to kiss him, but since he was on top of me with his cock resting on my face, it wasn't all that convenient.
But he went back to my cock and edged me more. Like three more times? I lost count. I gave up trying to suck him because all my attention was on being kept right on the verge of an orgasm. And by the time he decided to let me cum, I might have reached the finish line if there was the slightest breeze, I was so turned on. So all it took was one little touch of his tongue on the little cleft under my piss hole and I threw my head back and at the same time he put his whole mouth on my dick and my body almost went numb I came so powerfully. I could feel it streaming out of my cock and into his mouth. He growled and swallowed. It clearly was his thing.
He rolled off me and onto his back and was jacking himself furiously. I turned the tables and went for his dick, taking just the head in my mouth as his hand moved fast below me. He pumped for a few seconds until he gasped and then blasted, giving me a mouthful and I swallowed very happily. I know some guys find the taste a bit too much, but not me. Or Troy, for that matter. In that moment, we realized we shared a certain interest. I had other ones, of course, but I was more than happy to get all cum-obsessed with him. Partly because he was hot, but also because he was a really decent, sweet guy. When I had swallowed everything, I moved up and we kissed. I said, “That was amazing, Troy. You taste like spring.”
He seemed surprised and kissed me back. He finally said, “Me, too, Steve. I don't meet many guys who are into it.” He paused and said, “You want to stay over...?”
He sounded almost wistful, but I really did. I felt really comfortable with him and I wanted to know more about him. And of course, give him as many loads as he would give to me. There's way more things to do than just fuck, right? But I could feel a little of the excitement of getting to know someone, having feelings for someone. It was the thing I was looking for when I left K. This thing with Ilya? It felt like a fantasy. It wasn't real. It was all in my head.
So I stayed. We hung out and talked about our lives and he made us dinner that was a bit like something Mark would make, but it was fine. I was glad Mark had Trevor to feed him properly.
And Troy was so easy to talk to. And later, when we had finished dinner, he took my briefs off and sucked me for ages. His whole edging thing was inspiring. I knew he did it because he got a much bigger mouthful of cum that way, but it was also over-the-top satisfying for me. In fact, I got to kiss him after I came and we shared the cum between us. And when I sucked another load out him...well, you get the picture.
I spent the night there and he showed me a few ways to suck cock that were inspiring. And got me off like almost nobody else could. By my count I gave him four loads that afternoon and night and I did the same for him. We were cum-brothers, that's for sure.
Don't be mistaken. It's not like I didn't want all the other things, but with Troy it didn't seem to matter. I was happy to just eat cum. And we kissed a lot, and cuddled and we spent time exploring each other's bodies, with our mouths and hands. It all felt so warm and intimate. To my surprise, he even let me fuck him on our second date, and he seemed to really like it since I was worried he did it just for me.
Before our third date, I managed to have a conversation with Ilya that Friday morning. He stumbled out of his room and I felt like I hadn't seen him in weeks. And the real bonus was he was just wearing underwear. Or it was the real torture. Holy fuck. They were purple and tight and fit his body like a skin and I really tried not to stare at him half-hard underneath. I wanted to tear those briefs off his body and take him on the kitchen table. His ass looked stunning and filled the briefs in all kinds of sexy ways, and his hips seemed sculpted like an ancient statue. God damn it! He seemed half asleep and I wasn't surprised because he had had a bunch of double shifts that week. I took pity on the guy and said, “Uh, Ilya, as much as I like seeing you walk around in your underwear...”
He looked at me, totally startled, as if it hadn't occurred to him that he was essentially naked. He blushed in the most adorable way and he mumbled something and almost ran into his room. He came back with a dressing gown on but didn't say anything else. The bonus for me was, I realized a second later, was that I had more or less come out to him and, in fact, subtly expressed how attractive he was to me. Or at least I hoped he read it that way, even though I knew it was just my fantasy talking. Gay guys so often have these fantasies that the straight dude they're lusting after will suddenly change his mind.
After he had some coffee and a piece of toast, I said, “Uh, Ilya...would you be cool if I brought someone home tonight? I mean to stay over?”
He looked up at me, his face – as usual – was unreadable. But he said, “Sure, Steve. No need to ask permission. This is your place, too.”
The words made sense, but I could feel that there was a lot going on under the surface. I couldn't tell what it was. I wasn't sure if he disapproved or was grossed out, or if he was envious because he didn't have time for relationships, or if he was jealous – which is the option I was hoping for, of course. In that story, he was pining after me and this would drive him nuts. But it was all just fiction, so I put it out of my mind.
So Troy and I went out for dinner at this Thai place downtown and ate some blazing hot curry. Thai food is like, I don't know, the apotheosis of food, in my mind. It has every flavour all wrapped into one. Troy had never had it before and was tentative and scared of the heat, but I think I won him over. Sweet dude. He looked all charming with his eyes streaming from the heat, guzzling a glass of water. I wanted to get in his pants right there. But I restrained myself.
We got back to my place around ten and I knew Ilya was at the hospital, so we had the place to ourselves. We hung out and watched some dumb that we made fun of, which was fun in itself. It was about the guests at this hotel in some chi-chi location and all the things they get up to, pointless dramas they have, who sleeps with who. Idiot stuff.
After the show, I got all randy and pushed Troy up against the back of the sofa with my pants down and fucked his face, watching him almost choke, watching the spit drool out of the sides of his mouth, watching – when I pulled out – the lines of pre-cum and juice trailing after my dick. He looked as turned on as I was, and jammed my cock back in like he was hurting for it. I fed him my balls and even angled my ass over his mouth and he feasted on my hole.
When I was about to slide my dick in his mouth again, he said, “Jack off on my tongue...”
I liked it when he demanded what he wanted, so I starting to pump my aching cock with the tip resting on his bottom lip, and each time some goo started to stream out, he closed his mouth over the end and slurped it off, which only made me more nuts, so it didn't take long. I jerked fast and felt my cock start to get really hard as a little tingle became a full-on bomb going off and I almost fell over it felt so good, and streaks of cum jetted onto his tongue and into his throat which he greedily swallowed.
Then it was his turn to get all aggressive and he pushed me down and, to my surprise, got himself ready to fuck me. I said, “What's going on? I thought you didn't like fucking that much?”
He grinned at me, his eyes wide and animal and said, “Yeah. I lied. I like it sometimes. I really fucking like it. And I'm going to especially like it with you.”
And without another word, he wriggled his cock into me and started to fuck hard and fast. For such a chill guy, he found some adrenalin. His cock wasn't huge, but he sure knew how to use it. He rotated his hips so his cock actually stretched me as if it was much bigger – like Trevor's – and it was intense. And it must have given my prostate a boost, because I could feel the beginnings of a glow that could only lead one way despite me having just cum. I held back, waiting for him and when he finally squeezed his eyes shut and almost squeaked while his body peaked, I let loose a more modest stream of cum all over my stomach as he gasped and kept fucking, then stopped moving, breathing heavy. I took his plump ass in my hands and pulled him into me, wanting his cock as deep as it could go.
True to form, he pulled out and got down and tongued my hole, sucking as much of his cum out of me as he could and fed it to me with a long kiss. What a sexy guy. The thing about cum aficionados is realizing all the creative things you can do with it before you get to swallow it. Really fun.
We were still half dressed but we didn't much care. He curled up together on the sofa, only meaning to nap before getting to my bed, but you know how it is. We were exhausted and sleepy and we just drifted off. It felt really good. I hadn't really slept with very many people since leaving Susan and I realized how much I missed it. And he snored which was adorable.
I woke up suddenly and there was the beginnings of sunlight coming through the window and Ilya was standing over us just looking down. I tried to sit up, but as I did, he turned and walked slowing into the kitchen where I heard sounds of coffee being made. I looked down at Troy and at myself. Holy shit. I had a t-shirt on, but nothing else. Troy's pants were still by his ankles, his underwear halfway down his legs. He must have ditched his shirt overnight, because he wasn't wearing anything else. And the part that really made me wince – cringe, really – was when I saw that my cock must have been there on display and you know what? It was hard as rock.
I reached for my underwear which was still on the floor and found my pants. Ilya was still making breakfast noises as I pulled my jeans on. Troy woke up all groggy and adorable but I felt a kind of urgency. I said, “Let's get in my bedroom. Ilya's home.”
Troy grinned but knew what I was saying. He found his pants and put them on and slunk down the hall to my little bedroom. I did up my pants and went to the kitchen feeling like an idiot, or kid who has done something stupid and is about to get shit from his parents.
Ilya was sitting with a mug, waiting for the coffee to brew. I said, “Ilya, I'm so sorry. We should have gone to my bedroom. That must have been annoying to come home and find us there.”
Getting up for the coffee pot, and pouring himself a mug, then pulling another two off the shelf and filled them, he looked at me with a cool expression. “It's fine, Steve. I mean, it was kind of a shock. Maybe try not to again?”
I wondered why he was being so reasonable, but at the same time, he sounded pretty distant. Like he had tolerated something that maybe grossed him out. So I decided he was straight after all. He must be. A gay dude would make some snarky joke and move on. This felt a bit chilly. Crap. I felt terrible. I said, “Noted. Won't happen again. Sorry. Thanks for the coffee.”
I slunk back into my room and Troy was naked and lying with his arms folded above his head. He looked adorable and his cock was all rigid and delicious looking. I put the coffee down and gave him some attention. He caressed my head as I slurped his cock, pulling it deep into my mouth, and he started to fuck my face really slowly. I was getting to really like the taste of this guy. And his cum, when it flooded my mouth, was intense, just like him.
When he was done, I decided I needed to fuck him. I still felt embarrassed and complicated because, as I slid my dick into Troy, my crush on Ilya was competing with my embarrassment at him seeing me naked and hard, and with all the feelings I had for Troy. What a mess. Ilya was still gorgeous and polite, and almost elegant. I had never been around a guy – or a women, for that matter – like that. And I felt like a slob. So as I fucked Troy, who seemed to be into it, I tried to focus on him, on this shaggy-haired artist who liked cum, but a part of my head was somewhere else. With someone else. Who I thought would never want to be with me.
When I filled Troy with cum and we had lain around for a while talking and after I sucked another load out of him, he said he had to go to work. He worked at this art supply store – not surprisingly – and his shift started at noon. I tended not to work at the restaurant on Saturdays, so I had the day to myself and Ilya usually did as well. Troy left my bedroom and I heard the sound of quiet voices which made me feel even more embarrassed. Ilya was meeting the guy I just fucked and he must have known I had just fucked him.
I waited for a while before emerging. I lay in bed, fretting and feeling stupid. Finally I got so annoyed with myself that I got dressed and went out to find some breakfast, since I was also starving. Ilya was in the living room and there was some quiet music playing. I made french toast and as a gesture of conciliation, I made some for him. Luckily we had blueberries, so I piled some on top with syrup and a bit of yogurt and brought it to him.
I smiled my best smile and handed him a plate. “I made you some brunch.”
He looked up from a big medical book and seemed surprised. His face actually lit up. “Thanks, Steve. That's awesome. I love French toast.”
I was glad to hear that and I felt my stomach relax. I sat down beside him and we ate and chatted. It was like nothing had happened and I wanted it that way. When we were done, I took the plates to the kitchen and washed them and got us some more coffee. When I sat down again, I asked, “So tell me about Russia.”
Startled, he turned to me. “Russia? What do you want to know?”
Good question. “I don't know. I mean...I know you left when you were a kid, but have you been back?”
He closed his book and put it beside him, then took a sip of coffee, clearly trying to find a place to start. “Yes, I've been back. A few times. My parents' siblings and my cousins are still there. My family is from Perm. Do you know where that is?”
I dug my phone out of my pocket and found it on a map. I looked up at him. He seemed to be waiting while I figured it out. “It's way east of Moscow.”
He laughed. “In the middle of nowhere. Yes. That's it. It's not a bad place, but there is a lot of corruption and organized crime. My father did something that pissed off one of the crime families so we had to leave. He never told me what.”
That was interesting. His parents were scientists so I wondered what a scientist would have to do to get on the bad side of a crime lord. I said, “My parents are pretty dull. My dad is an accountant and my mom is a teacher. She's my step-mother, actually. She married my dad when I was fourteen and her son – Mark – is my step-brother.”
He nodded. I had this idea that he didn't understand divorce and all that for some reason. He sipped his coffee and said, “What about your mother?”
I kind of hoped he wouldn't have asked that question. I looked at my hands, realizing how much I hated that part of my story, but I sighed and looked up at him. “She died when I was six.”
An expression crossed his face. Just a brief little flash of something. But it seemed to suggest he felt something and you know what? It felt nice. He shook his head and said, “I'm sorry, Steve.”
It was all he said but it felt like a hug. Mark had said similar things over the years, but it never felt like this. So warm and caring. Fuck. Now what was I supposed to do? I wanted to kiss the guy and – I don't know – crawl in his lap and cry. But he was straight so I had to just swallow it. I finally said, “I guess we both have complicated childhoods.”
Ilya smiled and said, “I suppose we do. Tell me about Mark.”
He was treading on more difficult ground but I realized it didn't have to be difficult. “He's a great guy and I love him. He's headed for medical school. He and his boyfriend live in K.” I realized I wondered what Ilya would do with the gay thing. Because, of course, it was obvious that I was, or at least seemed that way. He didn't know I was bi, but that could wait.
Ilya, of course, didn't bat an eye. He said, “Nice. It sounds like you're close to him.”
I know what I wanted to answer, but rather I said, “He and I have been close since our parents met. He's a really amazing and I miss him.” As the words left my mouth, I realized I was getting choked up. I did miss him. Not the fucking part. That was just play. I missed him, his support, the fact that he got me. I even missed Trevor who was probably the perfect partner for Mark. I said without thinking, “You'll meet them some day.”
Ilya gave me a look. Sort of puzzled, a bit quizzical. I didn't blame him. Why had I said that? But I knew, of course. I took a sip of my coffee and stared at the wall.
“So you dropped out of school?”
I inwardly winced. “Yes. I needed to take a break. I'll go back, but not yet.”
“What will you do? I mean what are you interested in?”
That was a good question. Without thinking, I said, “Probably something like social work. I mean, I want to work with people having troubles, and help them solve their problems. Maybe that's therapy or advocacy. I don't know yet.”
I think I surprised him. He nodded and said, “That's amazing, Steve. I have so much respect for the desire to help, to make things better for people. It's why I'm in medicine.”
I guess we were getting pretty honest and it felt good. I sat back on the sofa, just looking at him. He was staring at me but clearly thinking about something. With a slow smile, he said, “You want to go for a walk? It's a beautiful day.”
This came out of the blue, but I of course was into it. I was into anything that involved spending time with Ilya. I said, “Amazing. Let's do it.”
He had grown up in Vancouver, so he knew all the places to go. We drove out to Mount Seymour and did a bit of walking, then to an amazing coffee shop, then to a bakery where we bought a chicken pie. It felt like we were on a date or something, and I had to keep telling myself this dude was just nice, not gay. We got back to our place and heated up the pie and had a nice dinner. He seemed relaxed and happy and I sure as hell was as well.
I got a text from Troy, but I decided to ignore it. I was all about Ilya and even though I knew there was nothing possible with him, it was nice to spend time with him. If nothing else, I decided, we could be good friends. I knew I could still channel the straight dude and just hang. I was still that guy. It was just that that guy was also the same guy that was crushing hard for him.
At about eight, Ilya and I cleaned up the kitchen and he seemed to withdraw, like a door closed in him. He said, “I've got to read a bunch of papers. I'll see you later. I'll be gone when you get up.” He stopped as if unsure of something. Then he said, “Thanks for today.” He turned and went to his room.
I sat at the kitchen table wondering about all the ways Ilya could be and what any of those ways actually meant. He could be so cool, but then there was this warmth that came out of him suddenly. He was so polite it was hard to tell what was going on in him. But what was still very obvious was I got no vibe from him of any kind. His friendliness was just that. His gratitude was just about simple kindness. Nothing else. I was sure of it. But it didn't change the fact that he was, to me, the most beautiful guy – beautiful person – I had ever met.
