The Girlfriend Watches
So my train got into K around dinner time. It was chilly and the air felt like if was going to be full of snow any second which for K, apparently is normal in November. Susan had suggested we go out for dinner which in some ways felt easier. We would be on neutral ground or something liked that. But I was tense. Nervous. I was about to talk openly about this thing that I had never imagined telling anyone. And not just to a stranger or even a friend, but to Steve's fucking partner. Because she was turned on by it. I found it a little creepy.
And I realized I was kind of pissed with her. I wasn't interested in turning this thing that we did that felt so personal and intimate – and nuts – into fodder for her masturbation fantasies. I couldn't even think about that. Yuck.
Don't get me wrong. Of course women get to have fun as much as guys do, but I don't want to know about it. Anatomy and all that. But, if this thing was going to happen, then I would have to find a way to not see what she was doing, since I assumed that she would definitely want to be doing it while Steve and I did whatever we were going to do. Get it?
We went to a pub down the street that Steve often went to. I ate a veggie burger since I'd lately gone off meat. I'm not sure why, but it kind of grossed me out. Steve, of course, being the straight dude in the room, had a real burger. Susan was the one to order a steak. So much for gender norms. You will have noticed that I'm focusing on the food a great deal. That's because the conversation made me nauseous and I frankly don't want to talk about it. But I guess I will for posterity's sake.
At first we were all sweetness and light. Nothing controversial. But after the second glass of wine, Susan chewed the last of her beef and turned to me. She looked slightly aggressive as if she was about to cross-examine me on the stand in front of a jury. Maybe it was the carnivore in her.
“So, Mark. Why did you start fucking Steve?”
At least she went straight to the point. But I also decided to meet this blatant untruth with anger. “Just to be clear, Susan, I didn't fucking start it.” But I knew as soon as I said the words, that they weren't completely true. I sighed and took a sip of my wine. “Yeah, ok, I went with it. But he fucking started it.” I turned to him. He had his usual grin. Then I said, “If you hadn't taken off your underwear, if you hadn't taken advantage of the fact that we were both stoned...”
He said, very quietly, “And? You would have gone to bed and no one would have been the wiser?”
“That's exactly what I mean.”
What he said next surprised me. “Well, it is true. I did push things.” He looked at Susan and said, “You've got to understand that I'd never looked at a guy before. Never got hard for a guy before. And I still haven't, except for Mark.”
Susan looked thoughtful, but she said, “You know, Steve, I don't really care how it started. I just think that if you two do this occasionally, then I want to see what it looks like. And frankly, it turns me on.”
I looked around the pub wondering if anyone heard us. It was making me paranoid. It wasn't the usual pub conversation now, was it? I said, “Ok, fine. I just want you to know, Susan, that I don't want to be your jerk-off material.”
Now she looked annoyed. “Fuck you, Mark. If you're going to fuck my boyfriend, then you get to follow my rules.”
Oh, I saw it now. She wanted to take control of this so she wouldn't feel vulnerable or weak. I kind of got it, really. I wouldn't call it empathy, but I could see where she was coming from. I might do the same in her position. So I got it, but at the same time I had a feeling that Steve wasn't about to cede control. Or at least all of it.
And, true to form, Steve took control. He said, “So tonight? Is everyone game?”
To ask if I was game was the wrong question. It was more like whether or not I was capable of doing this. I sighed. “Fuck, sure.”
Steve slapped my back like the bro he is and said, “Awesome. Susan?”
She chuckled and she actually looked excited. “Definitely.”
I sat for a moment, feeling dread. Then I flagged down the server and ordered us some vodka shots. What else were we to do? At the same time, I was thinking about Trevor who was mere blocks away. I hadn't told him I was coming to town. And there was something about the conversation that felt like one of those teen movies where a small group of kids make this bargain with the devil or someone and spends the rest of the movie paying the consequences. I decided to give myself a goal, a goat to tell Trevor and maybe forestall the curse.
We had three shots each and by the time we left, we were feeling no pain. The thought of getting it on with Steve would normally get me all bent out of shape, but this? With a witness? Even with several ounces of vodka in my system, it still felt intense and, frankly, scary.
But we got back to their place and Susan, I guess to set the mood or some damn thing, lit some candles and put on some soft music of some kind. I wasn't paying much attention. Then Steve, bless him, produced a joint and he and I proceeded to consume it. Susan didn't like pot, so it was just the two of us. We sat on the couch a little distance apart and Susan settled herself into the armchair opposite us. I guess we weren't going to the bedroom, which in some ways felt right.
She was wearing jeans and a little sweater which, if I had been straight, I would have been all about. Remember my 'yuck' from earlier? Yeah, well my plan was to not look at Susan at all, whatever else happened.
Once the joint was done, I was feeling pretty spinny. That's a word, right? In any case, Steve was definitely feeling the same because his eyes were half-closed and he was looking at me in that way that I was very familiar with. The same look he had given me the very first time we did what we were about to do. He slid closer to me and said, “Why don't you take your shirt off, Mark. Get comfortable.”
Steve had a way with saying things. They were like hypnotic suggestion. And in the mellow light of the room, he looked really fucking sexy, his hair all messy and cute. I pulled my t-shirt off and threw it on the floor. Steve did the same, then pulled himself even closer so that our legs were touching. He reached over and slid his hand up my leg where he found me hard as rock in my pants, if the tent in the fabric wasn't his first clue. He slowly undid the fly and gave them a tug, pulling them down to my thighs. He gripped my dick which felt hot and desperate.
For a second I was distracted by a sound from Susan, but I refused to look at her. I didn't care what she did. And when Steve leaned over and started to kiss my chest, she was forgotten, along with my name and everything I ever knew. Except, to my happy amazement, Trevor. I could see his face in my mind.
Steve sucked on my nipples, one after the other. I decided to lose my pants so I pushed them down and kicked them off. I had decided to not bother with underwear, so I was suddenly naked. My cock was incandescent with need, stiff and drooling. I took it in my hand and Steve licked his way down my belly, then took the head of my cock in his mouth, using his tongue to collect the juices, then caress the head, sending crazy jolts of goodness through my cock.
Steve sat back and got out of his pants – underwear-free as well, I noticed happily – and surprised me by pushing me back on the sofa so I was lying there looking up at him. He got on his knees and sat on my dick. He said very softly, “Fuck me, Mark. I want her to see you fuck me.”
Again, I decided to pretend Susan didn't exist so I just heard the operative words: 'fuck me'. Steve, ever the boy scout, had stashed some lube behind the sofa cushion which he proceeded to fish out and hand to me. I grinned at him, feeling really excited. Not Trevor excited, but more animal-in-heat excited. Elemental. Thoughtless.
I lubed up Steve and myself and threw the bottle onto the floor where it made a surprising amount of noise. Steve adjusted his position so he could push himself down on my dick. I heard a noise from Susan and I tried to unhear it. I focused on the feel of Steve's ass, the softness of him on the inside, the warmth, the way his body enveloped me. I started to push up which I gripped his hips. He closed his eyes and his mouth stayed a little open as I went deeper, pushing, thrusting, driving. It felt amazing and not just because I was stoned.
Steve, for his part, was running his fingers over the head of his sticky cock, rather than jerk himself off. He seemed to be teasing himself with the tips of his fingers. I reached over and took hold of his big balls, tugging them. He gasped and his cock gushed precum. He adjusted the angle of his ass and I fucked him faster, my hips getting into the whole dance we were creating together. I knew I wasn't going to last long and as if Steve could tell, he suddenly stopped and pulled himself off me. My cock was sticky and juicy and red at the tip.
He moved backward and reached down and retrieved the lube. I knew what was coming. He got his fingers all wet and slipped most of them in my ass. At least it felt like that. I choked and cried out, but not because it didn't feel amazing. With one smooth movement, he pushed forward and skewered me. He pushed my legs really wide so my knees were almost flat on the sofa. It felt like the best yoga pose ever. It allowed him to get low so his groin touched mine while his dick could still start to hammer away at me, and allowed him to lean down and at the very moment he started to fuck, our mouths met. He practically swallowed my tongue, his lips suctioned to mine. He changed angles and fucked faster, then again. He kept sucking on my tongue, then he bit my top lip, then the bottom.
We hadn't done this that often, but it was the most intense version of being fucked by him I had experienced. Not as intense, mind you, as Trevor. No way. He was in another league. And that thought felt really good, even as Steve leaned back and spit in my mouth, then covered it with his, our tongues going nuts. This was elemental, being fucked by Steve, just about his pleasure and mine, about his body moving into me and mine taking him, and the speed he reached was, in the end, beyond anything he had done before. I wondered where he found the energy.
But I actually didn't care. I could feel my cum starting boil in me and I decided that I would just let it burst whenever it did. My cock was being massaged by Steve's lower belly which felt amazing and he was, in effect, jacking me off, so I didn't have to do much. I just kept kissing him and let it happen.
And when it happened, holy fuck, did it happen. As my body started to reached the crest of the fuck-wave, Steve started to make this sound. Kind of like someone being tortured, but it got louder, interspersed with gasps, interspersed with other sounds that I can't even describe. And the other thing he did, like a kid showing off their new bicycle, he kept looking at Susan, grinning his fool head off. That part I was less interested in. I didn't care what Susan saw, or didn't see, or whether or not she was turned on. Far from it. I put her out of my mind again.
So yeah, my cum was reaching the point of no return, I could feel my balls telling the rest of my body to get ready for something. It came slowly and then not slowly at all. Steve's cock was like one of those giant pile drivers and it was moving a hypersonic speed. I could hear his voice getting higher. But soon, I was lost in something that took over my body in a way helped by the THC in my blood, and my cock just started to pulse as if it was spurting every time my heart beat. I shot and shot, long streaks of it up between us, pooling on my chest. Steve growled in my ear, “Cum you bastard, cum all over us.”
And I did. And it seemed to set him off because he almost yelled and fucked me even harder, almost sliding the sofa sideways across the floor. And in the corner of my ear, I heard some sounds from Susan and I presumed she as having a good time. I didn't fucking care, frankly. I was lost in it. Steve started to kiss me again. I looked into his green eyes as we necked, and wondered for a moment what my mom and his dad would think of us right then. But I realized it didn't matter. We were just guys getting it on. If we had been actual brothers? Well that would be a whole other problem now wouldn't it? For a second I wondered what it would have been like to fuck my actual brother. Interesting fantasy, but I let it go as the last little explosion of pleasure faded away, my cock twitching with aftershocks. I could feel a little river of cum sliding down my belly and pooling around my cock.
We stopped kissing and he leaned back and slowly slid his dick out of my body. He looked down at all my cum smeared on my abdomen and laughed. He leaned down and licked some of it off. I was afraid for a moment that he was going to go over and share it with Susan, which frankly alarmed me and grossed me out. But thankfully he just licked his lips and swallowed. Whatever sexual response those two would have after this was entirely their own business as far as I was concerned.
And again, I had the thought that as amazing as that fuck had just been, it was way less amazing than being fucked by Trevor. Because with Trevor, it was accompanied by a full-on, no-holds-barred crush. Maybe way more. With feeling. With longing and hope and all sorts of other things. This? With Steve? It was just two guys – who happened to have experienced adolescence together – getting randy, and getting off. Pure and simple.
I pulled myself up and, making sure I didn't look at Susan, made my way to the bathroom and got in the shower. I wanted to clean myself off – not him, but these circumstances. Not because of Steve, but because of her. It was as if she had sullied something that was way fun – fucked up, but fun. If she hadn't been there, we probably would have hung around and talked, maybe fucked again. But not that night. No way. I was done. And I hoped that Steve and I wouldn't do this again for a long time.
When I got out of the shower, the bedroom door was closed, so I assumed that those two had already started their de-brief which, I assumed, involved more fucking of a kind that to my homo mind didn't bear much thought. So I took the opportunity to dress and get my stuff and get the fuck out of there. And I knew where I was going. It's obvious, right?
I made my way to Trevor's apartment. It was only a half dozen blocks. While I walked I called him. He picked up and I said, “Surprise. I'm in town.”
He sounded so happy. “Fucking amazing! I didn't think I'd see you until next week!”
“Well here I am. I'll be there in five minutes.”
Once we had kissed and he had put his hands all over my body as if trying to make sure I was the same guy as when he saw me last, he poured me a glass of wine and we sat on his sofa. There were a lot of sofa's that day.
I took a big swig of wine and put it down on the coffee table. I took his hand and said, “I have to tell you something.” He looked all serious and also put his wine down. I quickly said, by way of a preface, “I'm not breaking up with you. Don't worry....” And I decided to say the thing that had been on my mind for a few weeks. “I totally love you, Trevor. I had meant to say it sooner, but now seems like a good time.”
His eyes filled, and he leaned over and kissed me in that way he has, like he's in slow motion or something. He said, “I love you so much, Mark. I can't even describe how much.”
That felt awesome to hear, especially with the thing I next said. “So, the thing I have to tell you isn't just that I love you. It's that...well...this thing started to happen – that I let happen – with Steve. A short while before you and I met. We started...damn, this is hard...we started to fuck. Like really fuck. It's only happened three times. But there it is. I've been wanting to tell you, but I've been afraid. I'm still afraid that you'll look at me as if I'm a freak and drive me out of your apartment. But there it is.”
I stopped and took a deep breath. I could barely look at him. I took another swig of my wine and held the glass as if it was a life preserver. There was silence. I finally looked at him. He was staring at me in a weird kind of way. He didn't look shocked, just confused. Then he nodded and said, “Tell me more.”
That surprised me. “More? What do you mean? Like details?”
He nodded again, then said, “Maybe details. But also...what does it mean? To you. Why do you think you and Steve fuck?”
That was the question, folks. Why indeed? I thought about what I had thought when we were doing it. That Steve and I were just guys. But we had also gone through adolescence together and shared a room together and even though we weren't actually brothers, we had a brotherly vibe together. So maybe it was about a shared history? Intimacy? Did it make sense to me? What helped me enormously was when he reached out and took my hand. It seemed to stabilize me.
I finally started saying something. “OK, well, it hadn't happened until this year. Never before. It had never occurred to me and I assume to him. We went to this dance club in our home town to celebrate his graduation. We took E, of course. And somehow, by the time we got home and into the same room where he and I had slept through our teen years...I don't know...we got horny and then we were naked, and then we had sex. It was crazy, but it happened. He says he's straight, by the way. I'm the only guy, he says, he will ever fuck or be fucked by. Isn't that whacked out?”
Trevor didn't say anything, but I could tell he was thinking really hard. Then it looked as if some clouds had cleared in his head. He squeezed my hand and said, “So what you have done with him is like this other thing. It exists in its own place. I'm saying that because I can tell you are with me. I feel you with me.”
I almost cried but I said, “Trevor, I am so with you. I will venture to say that I will always be with you, barring disasters. I love you. Just you. This thing with Steve isn't about any of that. It isn't about emotion at all, except for some brotherly loyalty, I guess. And it's important for me to say that I don't want it to happen any more. It's not like it hasn't been...well...fun, but what you and I have. Fuck! That's the best thing ever. What we have counts. That doesn't.”
He nodded again and said, “Yeah, but I'm not saying you two shouldn't do it. I'm not saying that at all. I just want to understand it. And I guess you do, too?”
I leaned over and kissed him and lay my head on his shoulder. “Yeah. I do want to understand. I sort of do understand, but not quite.” I stopped, considering for a second, then said, “So if in, say, six months, Steve or I wants to fuck again, and we do, how would you feel about that?”
Now he laughed and kissed my hand. “I don't know, Mark. Part of me thinks it's fine. Part of me is a little turned on if I'm honest....” He stopped, as if he got to a thought that surprised him. “Part of me...and this is going to say a lot about me, Mark, so don't judge me too much...wants to see you do it.”
He looked really embarrassed. I thought of Susan and realized it was sort of the same. But not. Because for me, the thought of Trevor watching? Holy fuck. That really got me hard in my shorts. He must have noticed, because he leaned over and slid his hand up my thigh and into my shorts and massaged my dick. He said, “No underwear...interesting.”
So at that moment, I told him the whole fucked-up story of Susan and her demand. At the end, he started to laugh. Not meanly, but certainly with energy. “She totally drove Steve to do it. Not that he needed encouragement, but I bet she gave him an ultimatum or something.”
I hadn't thought of that. “Maybe she did. Steve was pretty adamant that we do it in front of her. He said it was kind of part of their sex life now, but maybe you're right, maybe she said either show me or get the hell out.”
Trevor kissed me and rubbed my cock some more. “Yeah. I bet she did. So Mark...I want you to know that this is fine. It's totally fine. If you and Steve occasionally have this thing, then of course you should do it. It seems clear you and I are in this for the long haul,” And I nodded vigorously, “And, like I said, if some day circumstances allow it, I would totally be down with being there when you do it. I assume that means I wouldn't get to join in?”
I was having the same thought at the same moment. Would Steve be down with that? Who knows? I would have to see what he thought. I said, “I have no idea, Trevor. Maybe? But who knows? He probably wouldn't want you to touch him. At least I think so. I'll let you know if that changes or if he says he's into it.”
Trevor gave me his mid-day smile and kissed me. He said, “Are you too tired to fuck?”
I laughed. I mean really laughed. “No way. But I want you to fuck me. I want you to take me, Trevor. Every time you fuck me it's like I'm giving myself to you. And I don't mean just physically. I want you to have me.”
He did start to cry a little, but at the same time, he started to undo my shorts. I pulled them off and tossed them aside. He did the same. He was wearing really tight boxer briefs. They were plaid and should have been worn by a fucking porn god they were so hot. I leaned down and pulled his dick out of the top of them. I sucked on the end for a while as if I wanted that sweet nectar that flowed out to save me from everything that was bad in the world. I pulled his briefs down so I could get at the whole thing. It lay there against his stomach, surrounded by trimmed blonde hair. And his big balls were so vulnerable and beautiful. I licked from his hairy nuts up to the big head, and then again. He was moaning and he ran his hands through my hair.
I took his dick in my hand and pulled it toward me so I could engulf it with my mouth. His body felt hot and he smelled like the best spring day even though it was November. I let his cock go deep, and he helped me by pushing his hips forward, pushing himself behind my tongue. I couldn't really breath, but I didn't care. I wanted him in me. So much so that I pulled my mouth off him and said, “Take me to bed, Trevor.”
I got up and he followed me, taking me by the hand. We got in the bedroom but we didn't get in bed. He got behind me as I stood in the middle of the room and he put his arms around my chest and pulled me close. He pushed his cock up the crack of my ass really slowly, in that Trevor stop-action way. And again. He started kissing my shoulders and I took my cock in my hand and slowly stroked myself in time with his dick. Each time it travelled from the bottom of my ass to the top, he pressed a little harder. I could feel my ass cheeks massaging him. For such a simple thing it was almost as intense as being fucked.
But after his cock slid so amazingly up the crack of my ass, the head caught at my asshole and he stopped. He just held it there, the head just holding itself at the point where my hole would open, but not quite open. It was some crazy liminal space I had never known was there. I started to make this sound like a kid crying and I gripped my cock tighter, ever-so-slowly running my thumb over the head. Trevor whispered in my ear, “Mark....you and I. We will always have this. My cock in you. My life, in you. And yours in mine.”
He pushed a little and my ass opened and he moved a little further into me. The place – you know the one – through which every cock as to pass, his cock went through as if going faster would cause an explosion: achingly slow. All the muscles of that place I tried to relax and I could let him go that slow. It was beyond intense. I threw my head back as his dick seemed to move one millimetre at a time. I felt his arms move and he took one of my nipples in each hand and squeezed them.
His whispered in my ear, “I'm not jealous – no way – but I do think it's true that Steve can't do this.”
I sort of laughed and sort of gasped as his dick moved a little further into me. He must had been only halfway there. I managed to say, “I wouldn't let him if he tried. This is you and me. That's the only thing that matters.”
We were cementing something, I realized. It was like we were saying some kind of wedding vows. I realized I was crying a little. I was overcome. He kept pushing and he moaned behind me. I could tell this was as intense for him as it was for me.
It seemed to take a hour, but I finally felt his body touch mine and his cock was deep in me. He tightened his hold on my torso and tucked his chin into my neck. Very slowly he pulled his cock almost all the way out, then just as slowly pushed it back in. He repeated this about ten times, but each time he put a little more energy into it. I kept my hand lightly around my cock, letting my fist travel slowly over the surface. I didn't want to put too much energy into it, I wanted this to last. I wanted, in that crazy way we want thing in the middle of being fucked, to fuck for ever.
But he was going faster and I matched his speed with my hand. He licked the back of my neck. He whispered really nice things in my ear about love and the future and how sexy I was, and how much he loved fucking me and all the greatest things. I tried to say them back, but I kept crying.
This was some kind of ritual. Who needed to get married? This was the best kind of ceremony. By this point he was thrusting harder, and I was able to push back with a little smack as my ass met his body. I threw my head back and let myself be lost in it. So lost that I almost didn't realize he was reaching the climax of it all. He started to growl and moan at the same time. He said, “Fuck, Mark. This is it...”
And it was it. He gripped me tighter and I pushed back more forcefully and at the same time I let myself really start to pump my cock which was almost aching with pent up energy. My balls hurt, for fuck's sake. But it was the best kind of ache.
Whatever I had done with Steve was completely irrelevant to this. There was no comparison. At all. And then he blew his gaskets. He started a long moan that went up and down in pitch and volume and my cock, almost without really having to do anything, started to shoot cum all over the floor in long ropes that splashed in front of us. I don't think I'd cum that much since I was fifteen.
We stood for a moment, just breathing and I realized our breathing was in sync, like we were dancing together. I slowly moved my hips forward and he slid out almost as slowly as he had moved in. I looked back at his big shiny, cum-slick cock. It was still hard and I knelt down and covered it with my mouth, tasting his cum, tasting myself. He ran his hands over my face, then pulled me up and we kissed for what felt like another age. He licked the tears off my face, and I saw that his eyes were full as well. Then we just stood kissing, our bodies as close as we could get them without crawling into each other.
Finally he let go of me, but then pulled me to the bed and we crawled in. Neither one of us said anything. He pulled the blanket over us and drew me to him, his arms encircling my torso and me face tucked into his neck. It was the best part of the whole damn thing: just lying there with him.
We lay for a while, still. I finally pulled back and said, “I just had a thought. You're going to be in K for how long before you finish? Three, four years?”
I could tell he was not sure where I was going with this. “Something like that. Maybe five. Depends on my research.”
I nodded and kissed each of his cheeks, one after the other. “Well I have two and a half years to go in my undergrad. What if I move here? Transfer. It shouldn't be that hard. I could do it in time for the spring term to start. And I suppose I want you to say that we can live together. That's what I really want, Trevor.”
He looked at me. I could tell he wasn't expecting it, but a slow smile appeared on his face. He was good at doing things slowly. Fucking me slowly and in this case, smiling at me the same way. He kissed me and said, “That's exactly what you should do. Fuck Mark, I wish I had thought of it.”
I grinned at him and said, “Who cares? It's the right idea at the right time. I'll look into it as soon as I get back to M.”
We talked for a while about the future. They're the best kind of conversation between couples, right? The next morning we switched and I fucked him. I fucked him deeply with him on his back, and we kissed the whole time. It was amazing and awesome and I swallowed a load of his cum afterward just to seal the deal, so to speak. Then I got on a train and started to plan for our shared future. Nothing is better than that.
