The Village

Seth’s Perspective

The next couple of days were a whirlwind! Calling old relatives and friends, tying up loose ends, and making arrangements; my foggy mood was indescribable. I had no idea what to feel… frankly I felt everything and nothing all at the same time as I prepared to bury my mother… the woman who was everything to me as a child, and almost nothing to me as an adult. Pain, loss, guilt, relief, and about a million more emotions were fighting for space in my head. Of course, the promise she had coerced out of me to fix things with my father and make sure he wasn’t alone was like a cloud hanging over me.

I was at the airport with Eli waiting for Zach and Riley’s plane to land. I had all but given up on feeling anything, then Zach floated down the escalator. My heart filled with joy, relief, and excitement, god I had missed him. With Zach by my side… I could face anything. Zach and Riley made their way towards us, I embraced the man who was the center of my world, and Eli lifted Riley off her feet and swung her around, they reunited with a kiss that literally stopped traffic as the other travelers watched them and smiled at the show they were putting on. Damn, I was even happy to see Riley! The wake wasn’t until the next night and the funeral the following morning, so we had the rest of the day to just hang out. We loaded the luggage into the old Cadillac, left the airport and got on the freeway. Riley was in the front passenger seat, Eli was at the wheel, and I was in the back seat with Zach almost sitting on top of his lap. I just wanted to be close to him.

As we were driving my phone rang, it was Colton, he was the first Villager I had heard from since I left North Carolina. “Hey, Colton. What’s up?” I answered. Zach sat next to me smiling like he knew something.

“I’m sorry to hear about your mother” he said.

“Thank you, Colton. Is everything good with you?” I asked.

“I wasn’t gonna call you, but Zach said it would be alright since it was good news” he said, then added, “They’re giving me guardianship of Ella.”

His news trumped everything else as that moment. “Oh my god, that’s awesome!” I bellowed into the phone.

“What’s awesome?” nosey Riley asked from the front seat.

“Colton is being awarded guardianship of Ella” I yelled so everyone in the car could hear.

“Who are you with?” Colton asked when he heard the cheers. I told him and he asked to be put on speaker. “I’m so sorry for your loss everyone” he empathized, “and I cannot thank you all enough for your help and kindness towards me and my sister.” We all yelled our cheers and congratulations before I hung up.

“We got word yesterday but he wanted to tell you himself” Zach said. I was happy for them. Regardless of what was going on in my world, his call was a reminder that everybody has their own shit to deal with.

We were continuing our drive towards home when Eli exited the freeway and pulled into the parking lot of a dive bar. “Me and my friends used to sneak into this place when we were in high school” Eli said. “They got good burgers and I’m hungry as fuck.” It was early afternoon and we gorged ourselves on burgers and relaxed with a couple of cold tap beers. The mood went from somber and confused to fun as the two Halls did what they did best… loved us two Westins. The fog of bullshit seemed to disappear for a while.

“All the other in-laws are coming into town and the others are moving into a hotel tonight” Eli said after we had finished lunch and were heading towards the car.

“The four of us are going to stay at the house with Father” I added.

“So, are the kids coming too?” Zach asked.

“Brad and Scotty are bringing Maddox and Brooklyn, but my sisters decided to leave the kids home with their in-laws” I answered. “They’re all coming to the house tonight and I volunteered to make dinner, so we need to stop at the grocery store before we head back.” We stopped and got groceries, then back to the house. Father was out with my sisters so the place was empty when we arrived. Eli got Riley and Zach settled in while I put the groceries away and started prepping for dinner. I decided to steal Max’s recipe for a low country boil… it was simple but got attention. I had everything I needed, shrimp, sausage, corn, onion, potatoes, and Old Bay. All I had to do was dump it all into a big pot, then when it was ready, dump it out onto the counter and everyone could dig in. Easy. I found my mom’s old 7-gallon stockpot in the pantry and organized all the ingredients on the counter.

By the time Riley and Zach were settled, the house was full of people again. Father, my sisters, and their husbands were back from lunch, and Brad was back from the airport with Scotty, Maddox, and Brooklyn. Brad introduced his children to their grandfather for the first time, it was awkward for my father but those two little shits are so personable that they instantly made him feel loved; they did all the work. I could see my father was choked up; it took the death of my mother… but the day had finally come where he was surrounded by his family again. We were all doing our damnedest to just move on, the past suddenly didn’t seem that significant.

After a couple of hours of family time, I went into the kitchen to start dinner. Riley followed me to help. Over the last couple of weeks, I was subtly teaching her to cook. I invited her into the kitchen to help with dinner every night and would give her tasks like chopping, or marinating, or easy side dishes to make. I figured if we kept it up that she’d know how to cook by the time they moved into their own place and she’d be none the wiser. Eli came into the kitchen and sidled up behind Riley putting his arms around her waist and nuzzling her neck, “Whatcha’ doing’?” he asked his fiancé’.

“Making cornbread” she said.

“Since when do you cook?” Eli asked in disbelief.

She shot me a sly smile and said, “Seth has been teaching me… whether I like it or not.”

Riley’s smart, I should’ve known I wasn’t being as sneaky as I thought. “Figured that out didja’?” I asked with a laugh.

She laughed back, “It’s fun hanging in the kitchen with my favorite brother in-law.” Like I said, Riley drove me nuts, but I really liked her… just like a typical little sister. Scotty and Brad came into the room and both started helping us. Before I knew it, half the Westin clan was in the kitchen cooking and talking… it’s what we did.

Zach’s text alert went off and he looked at his phone then announced, “My mom and dad just landed.”

I looked at him in confusion, “Your mom and dad? Here?”

“Yeah” he answered, “they just touched down.”

“You didn’t tell me they were coming” I said in shock. I mean, hell they never even met my mother.

Zach came up behind me, kissed my neck and whispered in my ear “Your mother just passed away, did you really think they wouldn’t be here for you guys?”

I got all misty and started to choke up. Of course, they came. The Halls have been on my side 100% from day one. Eli looked over at me, smiled said, “Damn, we hit the in-law jackpot.” He was right.

“Invite ‘em for dinner” Brad said.

“Yeah” echoed Theresa, “I haven’t seen them since your wedding. Text them, Zach.”

Zach shrugged then texted them an invite and the address. About forty five minutes later my in-laws arrived. I was still in the kitchen when I heard Eli introducing them to my father, “I’ve heard a lot about you” Father said. “Thank you for being so good to our family.” It was a nice sentiment, but it hit me weird… ‘our family’ He hadn’t been a part of ‘our family’ for over a decade. It would take some getting used to.

Mom Hall came into the kitchen and almost passed out when she saw Riley in an apron taking the cornbread out of the oven. “Country living is rubbing off on you, honey” she said to her daughter as they hugged hello. Then she came over to me “I’m so sorry, Seth. How are you holding out?”

“I’m good” I said as we embraced. “It all just feels weird. Being back here and dealing with all this.”

“I’m sure it does” Kelly empathized. “We’re all here for you.” I knew they truly were. Kelly Donned an apron and jumped in like she always did. We found a couple of platters to dump the low country boil onto to make it look fancy, I added parsley and lemon wedges while Riley set out the bowls of melted butter, and cocktail sauce. Like I said, easy but got everyone’s attention because it looked fancy as hell. My family filled their plates and we all sat at the big table in the dining room. I remembered that table from when I was a kid. The first thing we would do when we sat at the table was join hands and pray… Father demanded it, It was more of a show than a giving of thanks. But not that night, that night we didn’t pretend to be a happy family. We were a happy family. Happy to be together regardless of the circumstances. While we were eating Kevin and Randy showed up with Scotty, Matty, and Mom and Pop Nicholls. I couldn’t believe all the people who were coming for my mother’s funeral. None of them had ever even met her, in fact most of what they’d heard about her was bad… but they were there for US, just like they had been for the last decade. I don’t think my father had the slightest clue how many of the people in that room were more of a parent to me than he had been, but now I was expected to fix that. Forgive him. Make sure he wasn’t alone. Damn, my mother had asked a lot of me, whether it seemed like it or not… it was a fucking lot.

“Wow, this is a great dinner, Seth” my father complimented. “Where’d you learn to cook so well?”

‘Oh I don’t fucking know. Maybe me and my brothers learned when we were forced as teenagers to fend for our fucking-selves because you fucked up our lives’ I thought to myself as I politely answered, “This isn’t a big deal, just boil a bunch of stuff in a pot.” Damn, this wasn’t going to be easy, I had so much resentment built up inside me. I mean, my father was being nice, pleasant even. He truly seemed to have changed, but I couldn’t let it go. I swore to myself I would try. That evening I was surrounded my family and my soul was at ease, my husband, my brothers (I include Scotty under that umbrella), my sisters, my in-laws, Kev and Randy, Mom and Pop Nicholls, the kids… and now my father. Again, it felt weird including him under the umbrella of family again, but there he was. After dinner everyone started to leave the big house and head back to their hotels. The next night was the visitation at the funeral home, the morning after that was the funeral. But that night had been family night.

Zach and I stayed in my old room, and Eli and Riley moved into Theresa and Mary’s bedroom. My dad didn’t even flinch at the unwed Riley and Eli, or two gay boys sharing rooms under his roof. That alone was a big change. The first thing Zach did when the bedroom door was shut and locked was move the nightstand and push the twin beds together. Then he kicked his feet out from under himself and jumped up in the middle of the makeshift double bed with his hands behind his as head and legs crossed. “So did you ever bring a boy up here?” he asked with a mischievous smirk.

“No!” I protested, “I was a good little, straight acting church boy when I lived here” I laughed.

“Didja’ ever bring a girl up here?” He asked with a snicker.

And I answered with an “Ewwwww. No!”

“Oh my, god” Zach laughed. “You have never sounded gayer!” I jumped up on the bed, straddled his hips, and put my hands on his shoulders pinning him to the beds.

I moved my face in so that our lips were almost touching, “You’re the first boy I’ve ever had in my bed.” Then I kissed him. “I’m so happy you’re here” I whispered. “This is all so weird to me. It doesn’t feel real.”

“What about this?” He asked as he kissed me with his lips and grabbed my denim-clad ass with his hands. “Does THIS feel real?”

“Hell, yeah it does” I answered as I kissed him back and pushed my groin against him in a dry hump.

“So, did you fantasize about boys while you laid in this bed?” he asked playfully.

“Yup. All the frigging time” I answered as I kissed him back.

“What kind of boys did you think about?” He teased.

“Hot blonde Soccer jocks” I said making him laugh, but I was fucking serious. Zach Hall was my fantasy. When I saw him in that dorm suite, I swore he jumped out of my fantasy and into reality. “I’m fucking serious” I whispered, “I had this image of the perfect guy. Blonde, athletic, smart, fun, hazel eyes, and a fucking smile that lit up the world” I said.

He smacked my ass and laughed “yeah, right.”

I looked at him and said “When I saw you in the dorms for the first time, my fucking fantasy came to life. Even Eli knew it. He was standing next to me when I first saw you, and he knew.”

Zach smiled that Zach smile, kissed me, and said, “Even if that’s total bullshit, I’m honored.” FYI, It wasn’t bullshit. “And you know I felt the same thing, except there was a shitload of fear clouding my feelings.” He suddenly got serious as he recalled our first meeting. “You were so damn hot, and your smile was just so… so fucking real. Then that night when you came out to us all…”

“You mean when Eric outed me?” I corrected with a laugh.

“Yeah that” he laughed before continuing. “A hot gay guy living in my suite… you were my wildest dream and my worst fucking nightmare all rolled into one. I knew if I was living with you that sooner or later, I’d have to face my sexuality.”

“And everything worked out great” I said with a kiss.

“Fucking great” he replied. “Now here we are and little Seth Westin has his dream boy in his bed.” ARGH! That damn smile of his. I couldn’t resist it! The next thing I knew we were making out like two teenagers with raging hormones sneaking one in before their parents got back from dinner. Even through the two layers of denim I could feel his hard manhood pulsating. Our kiss was harder than our cocks as we pushed our faces together trying to get as much of each other as possible. I felt a little guilty as we fumbled to strip each other, I mean my mother had just passed away and my father was just down the hall… yeah fuck it. The guilt melted away and was replaced with an unbridled lust that I would have been punished for even thinking of when I was growing up in that house.

After a whole lot of maneuvering, fumbling, unsnapping, and unzipping I was cock to cock with my boyhood fantasy. It was hot rigid tool against hot rigid tool as we pushed and gyrated on the makeshift double bed. Zach let out his first moan and I greeted it with a sternly whispered, “Shhhh, my father’s just down the hall.”

“That just makes it hotter” my hot blonde fantasy jock groaned back with a smirk as he reached under my ass to grab his cock and repositioned it so it was nestled comfortably in the loving cleft of my ass cheeks. Still straddling his hips, I moved up and down letting his precum dribble along the precipice of my haft. I could feel the hot molecules of his manhood leaving their trail as he forged the way towards mecca. I pushed and gyrated coaxing his explorer to enter me, each time the bulbous tip met my yearning ring it contracted in hope that he would penetrate. We had no lubricant to work with other than pour natural fluids. Zach spit in his hand then rubbed it on my crack, he spit again and stroked himself with the slick throat slime. Our lips met again as he prepped us both for the capstone of my teenage fantasy.

I bit my bottom lip as I bounced up and down on the sphere of my lust doing my damnedest not to let out an impassioned scream that would wilt the yellow rose of Texas. Zach thrust his hips up to meet my efforts as I bounced on the hard pogo stick. With my hands planted on his shoulders and my head thrown back, I bounced and he thrusted, over and over again. My screams were internal but loud as they took over my mind. I looked down to see the smile of lust on my dream boy’s face. Damn he was gorgeous and the look of pure ecstasy on his face made me love and want him more. I bounced higher, he thrust deeper as we both bit our tongues trying to hold back. I was stroking my cock when our eyes locked and he nodded… giving me the signal he was ready. I Quickened the strokes to my own manhood, then I felt it, his hot load filled my ass. The creamy heat ensconced my insides and pushed me to the point of no return. My cum shot out of me like a fountain as I all but bit my tongue off in restraint.

Suddenly there was an explosion, Like a bomb had detonated. There was a thud, then a sharp pain in my ass. The twin beds we had pushed together separated and we fell to the floor between them. Zach’s hardness pushed its way to the hilt! He was buried more than balls deep to the point of pain and torment. There was look of shock on Zach’s face as we both realized what had happened and I tried to pull myself off him. Once I was off, I felt my backside to make sure there was no blood, the pain was there, but it wasn’t awful. Zach laid on the floor still in shock as I stood naked above him with a foot on either side of his perfect body.

We were both flaccid as windsocks by then, I looked down and Zach had horror in his eyes. “I’m okay” I said quietly, then smirked a little. Zach started laughing and the two of us did our best to enjoy the hilarity of the situation in quiet and not wake the entire state. We wiped ourselves clean with one of my T-shirts, pushed the beds back together then my teenage dream spooned me and I fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up alone the next morning and heard voices coming from downstairs. I pulled on my socks, jeans and a T-shirt and went into the hallway. Eli was coming out of the girls’ room and we went downstairs together. When we got to the kitchen we saw father, Zach, and Riley drinking coffee, eating bagels, laughing. “Good morning boys, help yourself to bagels and coffee” Father said in a jovial voice. “I was just getting to know your partners.”

Eli and I poured ourselves coffee and toasted bagels as we listened to the conversation and exchanged curious looks. The three of them seemed to be having a great time. Zach was showing my dad a video of Petunia running around with Zoey and Jimmy the goat that Max had sent him. Then it hit me, “crap, I didn’t even think about Petunia.”

“Don’t worry” Zach said. “She’s staying at BroMax Farm and having a great time.” BA and Daddy are going to watch them when Max and Brody leave.”

“Leave? Are they coming to the funeral?” I asked.

“Yeah” Zach said. “They should be here for the visitation tonight.” Wow. I hadn’t thought about them coming, or the Halls, or Mom & Pop Nicholls, or Kev and Randy, any of them! It never occurred to me. I thought this would be just a small family thing. I looked over at Eli and he just shrugged.

“It’s so nice that your friends and families are coming to support you” my dad said. Yeah, he was softening up, and I was starting to think of him as dad again, instead of “Father” this ominous figure. “I heard a thud in the middle of the night” My dad said as I choked on my coffee.

“Guilty” Zach said quicker than a wink as he raised his hand. “I fell off the bed. I’m used to the queen-sized one at home.” Dad just chuckled as he accepted the explanation for the bump in the night. Eli and Riley looked at me and rolled their eyes knowingly. I just shrugged.

“So how can we help Mr. Westin?” Zach asked, changing the subject.

“Well, they’re coming to take the hospital bed back this morning, and I would like to get the house cleaned up before the funeral tomorrow. The immediate family will go to the cemetery after the service, and we’ll invite everyone else back here for brunch, I’m having it catered.”

“Who’s going to be here to let them in?” Eli asked.

My dad looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before answering, “honestly, I have no clue. I hadn’t thought of that.”

Zach picked up his phone and texted his mom, she responded instantly, “My mom said they’d be happy to meet the caterers and greet people.” Of course, she did, that’s Kelly.

“That would be wonderful. Please thank her for me” My dad responded before going to a drawer in the kitchen and getting a spare key to give to Zach. After that we all pitched in to clean the house. We stopped late afternoon to get ready, then we all drove over to the funeral home together in the Cadillac. We got there about an hour before the visitation started, Brad and Scotty pulled up about the same time we did, without the kids. “Where are Maddy and Brook?” My dad asked and seemed disappointed that the grandchildren he finally got to meet weren’t there.

“They’re coming later with my brother and his husband” Scotty said making my dad smile in anticipation of seeing them again.

We all walked into the funeral home together, oh my god, the place was wall to wall flower arrangements, ‘that’s nice, mother must have had a lot of friends’ I thought. My dad went to speak with the funeral director while the rest of us walked around reading the cards on the flower arrangements. I was wrong, these weren’t from friends of mother’s they were from friends of ours! Max and Brody, Gina and Dylan, Eric and Hunter, Cam and Elliot, Cam’s parents, Darius, and Tommy, Dr. Ayers, The J’s, BA and Daddy, Harris and Terrance, The Hall’s, Mom and Pop Nicholls, Mauricio and Darren, Marc and Jordy, Matty, The A’s, Chip and Alec, Alec’s moms, Chip’s dads, our old landlord from Milwaukee Jeff and his wife Annie, Teddy, Brad’s office, Brad’s clients, My sister’s in-laws, Their friends from out east. Brian’s in-laws and friends, Eli’s friends, There was even and arrangement from Colton, Craig. Mason, Taylor, and Maverick, and another from Rodney. Merilee from the coffee shop, Benji and Joel’s aunt and uncle. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a single damn person I had ever met that wasn’t represented! I was so touched… that was the moment I lost it. I stepped out for some fresh air. My sister’s and their husbands drove up while I was sitting on the steps with watery eyes.

“You okay?” Mary asked as they approached.

“Yeah, just a little overwhelmed” I said. “I swear to god that everyone we have ever known has sent flowers. It’s a fucking botanical garden in there.”

Mary sat next to me, wrapped an arm around me, and gave me a peck on the cheek. “We’re all surrounded by amazing people. For a lot of years, we hated them, but maybe things turned out the way they were supposed to.” We just sat there for a few minutes before I took a deep breath and my sister escorted me back inside.

The casket was open and sitting in a parlor off to the side of the main receiving room, I spent a little time talking to my mother, saying the things that were probably best left unsaid, but it felt good to say them… it was cathartic. I had a private cry, said some private prayers, then went back into the main parlor to join my family. Zach came up to me holding his phone, “Did you see this?” he said as he pulled my mother obituary up on the funeral home’s website. It was a nice tribute that made her sound like a saint with the perfect loving family as most obituaries do, but at the very bottom were the words Zach wanted me to see “Donations can be made in her name to The Village, an organization dedicated to making life better for young LGTBQIA adults.”

“Who put that in there?” I asked.

“He did” Zach said nodding his head towards my father who was approaching us.

I showed him the obituary on the screen and asked, “did you do this?” he knew what I was referring to.

He nodded, “I’m proud of you, Seth. And the significance of what you’re doing is not lost on me. Maybe those donations can help save some kids from parents who are is ignorant as we were.” He DID understand how much he hurt us. He DID have remorse. It didn’t fix everything by a long shot, but it was enough for me to lean in and hug him. He whispered in my ear, “I am so sorry for all I put you through. Your mother died with so many regrets, Seth and so will I. I don’t want one of those regrets to be that I never tried to make things right. I know I can’t change or erase the past, but I hope we can build some kind of future, no matter how fucked up it may seem.” His words were heartfelt.

I whispered back, “Did you just say, ‘fucked up’? I have never heard you swear before.” He laughed and hugged me tighter. We just stood there in the middle of the funeral parlor embracing each other and sobbing. The past would never change, but my dad was right… the future could. It was time to move on.

The doors opened and the family lined up to greet people in the main parlor. HOLY FUCKING SHIT! There were so many people there, our entire village from Phoenix, my friends from college, Brian and Eli’s friends, Brody and Max… so many people. There were a few relatives, cousins, aunts, and uncles who lived in the area and came to pay their respects, some friends from my parent’s new church, some neighbors, even a couple folks from the old church (who were now also reformed), but most of the people there had flown in from all over the place to support me and my siblings. I felt so fucking loved. I never hugged so many people, so hard in my entire life.

While I was standing in line next to Brad shaking hands and greeting people, a gentleman in a suit addressed him. “Brad?” He asked.

“Yes, and you are?” Brad asked with a pleasant smile.

“I used to attend church with your father” he said as he hung his head in shame. “Um… I was one of the people who came with your father to Phoenix to... um… bring you home.” Bring him home? OH SHIT! This was one of the guys who abducted my brother! He looked Brad in the eyes, reached out his hand, and said, “Brad, words cannot express my regret for what we did to you… and the others over the years. I am so sorry” the regret in his eyes was clear and his voice was sincere. “I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Brad’s face dropped and his eyes were locked to the man’s as he listened to his words and processed what was just said. Then my brother surprised… no shocked me. He shook the man’s hand then embraced him, “Thank you for that” Brad’s said in a voice that crackled with emotion, then added, “all is forgiven, and thank you for coming.” Scotty walked up as the two men were embracing and Brad introduced his husband to the man, then he called Maddox and Brooklyn over and introduced them as well. The man looked at Brad and his family, then smiled, nodded, shook his hand again and thanked Brad before moving on. It wasn’t until after the man left the funeral home that Brad told Scotty who he was.

“It felt good to hear an apology” Brad said as he sobbed a little and wiped his eyes and nose with his handkerchief. “And it feels good to finally be able to forgive. Damn good.”

Scotty hugged him and said “Finally, after a fucking decade, some closure.” Brad nodded in response. I couldn’t believe what I had witnessed. After that, Brad seemed genuinely happy and at peace with it all. For the rest of the night, he stayed close to my father and did his best to help him through his difficult time.

I marveled at my brother. A true man and role model.

To be continued…