The People in Rossford

“Well whaddo we do with all this?” Lee said, spreading the cards and the other contents of the wallet out.

“For starters,” Tara Veems said, pocketing a fifty dollar bill. “We keep the money.”

“We keep everything,” Fenn said, sounding distracted as he emptied the wallet and Lee’s eyes lit up while he snatched a hundred dollar bill.

“He carried a mint on him.”

“And I bet he kept a mint in the bank,” Tara said.

“That’s what worries me,” Fenn said.

They looked at him.

“Look, someone with this much money is going to be missed.”

“I have Lemonade’s word on it that he won’t be,” Lee said. “He didn’t really have cronies. In fact, and you’ll love this, he fucked over the mob from what I hear. I don’t know which mob, hell it could be the Japanese mafia for all I know, but he had a lot of enemies, and he was falling on some rough times.”

“It would explain,” Tara said, “why he came after your boy Noah for that half a million. You’d think that the rumor of a suitcase of money would make most people sort of…” Tara shrugged, “I don’t know, chalk up their losses and move the fuck on.”

Lee was turning Joe Callan’s blue bank card up and down, and now Tara and his cousin looked at him.

“I was just thinking: what if we could get into his bank account? How much would be there?”

Tara looked impatient. “I thought you just said he was on hard times?”

Lee nodded, putting the card down on the kitchen table.

“Hard times for a rich man could be very different from hard times. I mean, think of it. We had half a million dollars, and just think how much of it we spent?”

“Well, it’s no use trying to get into his account unless you know his PIN number.”

Lee was silent, considering.

Fenn looked at his cousin: “You’re going to try to figure out his PIN number!”

The door opened just then, and Fenn’s eyes lit up as he rose.

“Todd,” he rounded the table and brought Todd’s face down, kissing it.

“Oh, shit!” Tara murmured in a low voice, for she had already seen what Fenn, pulling away from Todd, was just seeing enter.

Unshaven, a bit of a wreck, Brian Babcock came in and said, “Hi, folks.”

Wet and exhausted, Kirk climbed off of Ralph, and gently laid himself on the bed beside the man who was still on all fours. Ralph collapsed gently, lying on his stomach and squeezing his ass tight.

“That was just what I needed too,” he said, sleepily. “Why’d we break up anyway?”

“Because that’s all we had,” Kirk told him, looking up at the ceiling, his hands behind his head.

“So was I right? Did a good fuck clear your head?”

That, Kirk, realized, was the reason they hadn’t lasted. Ralph just talked so goddamn much.

So Kirk just did like he had back then, and ignored him.

While Ralph prattled, Kirk realized he had basically done what he said he would never do: used someone purely for sex. He had wanted very badly to lose himself in pornographic acts with Ralph and ride him like Paul would do, or would have done to him. He’d needed to be, for a few minutes, a pornstar with not much of a conscience anticipating no repercussions. And when he thought about it, Kirk also realized that if Ralph wanted another go, for now, he was willing to do it. That was the kind of person Ralph was. Some people were. They just didn’t bear too much reflection and didn’t mind being tumbled.

Am I any different from Paul?

“You’re so cute when you’re looking stern and serious,” Ralph said, snuggling up to him. “You know that? You wore my asshole out, you know? You think you wanna have another go? Or you want me to fuck you this time?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kirk said. “It’s all good with me, you know.”

“Then you’re staying awhile?”

“I can stay all day.”

“Good. Then we can fuck all day. It’s been so long!”

Or maybe I just wanted to stop being different from Paul. Maybe that’s why I’m here.

Ralph kissed him up and down. His mouth went to Kirk’s breastbone, kissed him down his stomach, kissed his navel, stopped at the patch of dark hair over his sex.

“Maybe we just all need to fuck sometimes,” Ralph observed.

And, Kirk, hardening again, as he negligently stroked Ralph’s head while Ralph began to to give him head, thought maybe that was as good an answer as any.

“What the hell are you doing here?”Claire Anderson demanded when she walked into the house with Julian.

Brian blinked and looked at her.

“I mean, you look a lot crappier than the last time I saw you, but I know who you are. Is Paul here?” She turned to Fenn.

Before Fenn could answer she said, “And Paul felt bad for you. He felt sorry for what he did to you. You know, he felt so bad he almost had me feeling sorry too. But what did he do to you? Didn’t you bring every bad thing on yourself? You know,” she turned to Julian, “I told myself, I said, if I ever get a chance to tell him off… And now, here you are!”

“Here I am,” Brian said, quietly, spreading his hands.

“And then you sent me that movie. Me and my mother.”

“Yes,” Brian said.

“I didn’t even know you. I didn’t do anything to you. That woman, my mother, she didn’t…”

“I know.”

Claire stared at him.

She took a deep, angry breath.

“You stand here, looking like you slept under a bridge, smug like… shit wouldn’t stick to you, instead of like you smell like shit—”

“Claire—” Todd interrupted, but Fenn put a hand over his, and put a finger to his lips.

“And you just nod your head and say,” Claire imitated him, “I know. I know. You’re a sick bastard. You don’t—” she shook her head, “—You don’t even care. You don’t give a damn.”

“That’s not true,” Brian said. His voice was low, half dead. Todd knew it was how he registered fear and deep regret.

“You don’t… feel,” Claire went on, amazed by the levelness of his voice. “You don’t care.”

“That’s not—”

“Well, you’ll feel this,” Claire said, and with that she reached up and smacked him across the face.

“And this is for my mother,” and she smacked him again.

“And since he’ll just tell you he understands, this is for Paul.”

She smacked him one last time and then she growled, “You… son of a bitch,” and turning, went up the stairs.

Brian stood there, his face red and stinging, and just then the door opened and Paul came in, and then stopped, staring at him.

“I brought him back,” Todd said. “I brought him back here. Where he belongs.”

Paul looked from Todd, to Brian, and Brian, his voice tight, said, “I’m going to make all of this right, Paul. I will. I promise.”

“I wish I could make it all right,” Brian said to Fenn.

“I wish I could turn around and undo everything I’d ever done. Every life I ruined.”

“Is that your way of saying you wish you hadn’t’ve had an affair with Tom?”

“Yes,” Brian nodded.

“It so wasn’t worth it. How many years did it take me to figure that out?

“It’s my way,” Brian said, “of saying… I guess, just what I said. That I wish I could undo every horrible, crazy thing I did. But, I think I can undo this one. I think I can make this one up.

“Fenn?” Brian said after a time.

“Yes?”

“How come you let Todd come and find me?”

“Todd’s not a dog, or a cat to be let to do anything. He told me he was going after you.”

“But you didn’t tell him you didn’t want him to?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not petty? Or did you think I was?”

“No,” Brian said. “I just didn’t know you were that good. I mean, I thought that would test the limits of your…”

“Goodness?”

“Yes.”

“How do you know it didn’t?”

“I don’t,” Brian said.

“I thought of how I forgave Tom, who I loved. And then I thought about you. I thought about that night, when I caught you. When… I threw you out. I think I did a thorough job of it. I think I threw you out so thoroughly you should never go through that again. And, I think that when you fuck up people’s lives, for once, Brian, you should be dragged back to make up for all the damage you’ve done.”

Fenn shook his head.

“I don’t know. Maybe then people could start to like you.

“Maybe you’d start to like yourself.”

Kirk Hanley went to answer the door, and was so shocked he couldn’t shut it. He couldn’t do much of anything.

“Can I come in?” Brian said.

“Haven’t you done enough?”

“No,” Brian said. “No, the problem is I’ve never done enough. I tear down things. I never put them back together. Like a little kid. I’d like to start with you. Please?”

Brian had bathed and shaven, but he wasn’t impressive the way he was before, and his speech was so not what Kirk had expected, that he nodded, and let him through.

“Paul didn’t know I made that DVD,” Brian said. “I… I was angry. Because he told me he was with you, and I hoped that he would be… No, I didn’t really hope that he would be with me. I was just angry because no one I’ve ever been with actually wants to be with me. That was it. I’ve talked to him.”

“I’ve talked to him too.”

“No, you haven’t, Kirk,” Brian said. “I bet you won’t even listen to him. He told me how torn up he was. About all that you had been through, the hurt you had been through.

“It’s… it’s real easy to think we’re the only ones who’ve ever been hurt.”

“What are you saying?” Kirk said. “Are you trying to tell me that Paul told you about my life, and you come in here to tell me that I don’t understand other people have pain?”

“No,” Brian said, shaking his head. “I’m talking about me, now. And maybe Paul. I always thought about my pain, my hurt, and what I did came out of that. That’s why I always understood lonely people, and hurting people. Because I was hurt and lonely. That’s probably why I went after Paul.

“But… I didn’t understand what he’d been through.”

“And if I could only understand poor Paul’s life, then I would forgive him?”

“Yes,” Brian said. “That’s it, exactly.”

Neither one of them said anything, and then Brian said, “Look, I just want you to ask yourself one thing? Firstly, do you hold it against him that he did porn?”

“I hold it against him that he did you,” Kirk said. “And that he didn’t tell me about the porn.”

“Well, then,” Brian said, “ask yourself this. Just ask yourself. If you’d spent the last ten years of your life being paid to screw people, and you had no experience of loving someone, when you finally got to love, how would you react? I’m not saying let him off the hook. Or me, either. Hell, I’d understand it if you threw me out, or punched me, or spat in my face. I’d get it. I’m just saying, as a fucked up person, that there are parts of Paul so fucked up that he immediately does what he hates.”

“And that’s an endorsement to go back to him?”

“No, Kirk.” Brian shook his head. “It’s not. It’s.., an endorsement to try to understand him.”

Brian pulled up to the house, parked and got out as Claire was stepping into her car in the driveway. She sat there, Paul standing beside the car, and Brian screwed up a new kind of courage to approached them. Funny, he’d always mistaken cockiness for courage. Not this trembling he felt right now, not this sucking up shame.

“I did it,” he said.

“Did what?” Claire looked at him from out of the car.

“Talked to Kirk.”

“You what?” Paul started.

“I didn’t think he’d listen to you. You’ve already tried that. I thought maybe if I went and explained… some things, then maybe he’d be ready to hear you. And I think he is. But you have to be the one to go see him. He’s got his pride, and he should. He feels really stupid, and used, and afraid. I told him how sorry I was, and that seems to have made a bit of a difference. I think in a way he sort of saw us in cahoots or something, both trying to make an ass out of him.”

Paul nodded.

“Well, thanks, Brian.”

Brian nodded.

“Todd’s in the house,” Paul said.

“All right. Goodbye, Claire.”

Claire looked at him and said, “I still don’t like you.”

“No,” Brian figured, “I can’t imagine you would. Maybe you will next time. Maybe I’ll be a little more likeable.”

Claire was about to say something rude, but instead she only shrugged, and backed out of the driveway, waving at her brother.

“Brian, could I talk to you?” Paul said.

Brian nodded as Claire honked and then headed up Versailles Street.

Taking a hand through his marmalade hair, Paul said, “You’ve apologized to me. And made up. But, I haven’t apologized to you. I’ve never had to. It’s not that I haven’t wronged someone, or… someones. But I never had to deal with the fall out. There are people I can never look in the face again. I’m not glad about what you did, Brian, but… I don’t know… It wasn’t until you did it that I realized what I had done. How… I’m sorry, Brian. You’re not any worse than me. I deserved it.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Kirk didn’t,” Paul said. “My sister didn’t, and my mom didn’t either.”

Brian’s sinuses went dry, and he turned away, but Paul touched him on the shoulder.

“But I did. I’m sorry I treated you so badly.” Then he added, “But I’m not sorry we slept together. I’ll never be sorry about that. I just wish we could have been nicer, I could have been nicer, when we were doing it.”

“Go try to make it work with Kirk, all right?” said Brian.

“If he’ll let me.”

“He can’t let you if you don’t go to him.”