The People in Rossford

“It’s just really sort of unbelievable,” Keith McDonald said, sitting down and sighing while Dan handed him a Scotch. “I’ve never been this close to death.”

“Then Bob really is dying.”

Keith nodded. “Dan, it’s certain. And I don’t know what else to say without being corny.”

Dan plopped down in the old easy chair on the other side of the bay window.

“All I ever wanted to do was help people,” Keith said. “Since I was a little boy. I… I used to look up at that cross and think, I want to be like that. I want to be like Jesus. And when I saw the priest at Mass. I knew that would be me. I knew that’s what I should be doing? How many people know?”

“I still don’t know,” Dan said.

“Com’on,” said Keith. “How can you not know? This parish loves you. You are a great priest.”

“I’m a priest who makes a lot of mistakes,” Dan said. “I have made a lot of mistakes. I can’t believe myself sometimes.

“I was a slow listener. God never spoke to me clearly. I never absolutely knew what to do,” Dan admitted. “For me, everyday is a hint. I think, alright, I’m a priest today.” He shrugged. “It worked out today. It worked out yesterday. Let’s hope it works out tomorrow.”

Keith McDonald laughed and said, “Well, I’ve done some things. I’ve made some mistakes too. But…” he shook his head. “I always knew. Some people don’t believe in God, but for me it’s not even a matter of belief. Sometimes he pulls you. He pulls you so strong. He shouts at you. You can’t resist the pull.”

Dan watched the passion on Keith’s face and said, “I envy you so much.”

“Don’t.”

“No,” Dan shook his head. “For you…. God is this great, shouting, dynamic force. This fire.”

“Dan, you’re not like any other priest I’ve known,” Keith said. “I know God is alive to you.”

Dan laughed and spread out his hands.

It was a while before Dan admitted, “Yes. But for me he’s a consistent, nagging voice, muttering to me, and I,” he said lifting the heavy Scotch glass and swirling the fluid slowly, “am a very stupid, lazy boy who is slow to listen.”

Dan took a sip of Scotch and frowned.

“Damn, when I first went into seminary, I didn’t even drink. Look at the reprobate I’ve become.”

In his room Keith tried to say a rosary, but he couldn’t. He unhooked the beads from his fingers and muttered, “I never could get into it.

“I know…” he said, undressing.

“I know you want me to be your priest. And I love it. But… I don’t know the details. And I don’t know how to help Barb or any of these people. Lord, I’m so weak… And so bad. So much of the time. I sin so much, and you take me back. Please, see past everything I’ve done and make me something. Please make me something that can be good, and be of use, and bring joy.

When they came into town, Noah, who had never paid much attention to the layout of Rossford, had a time finding the apartment building Danasia directed him. It was, in fact, almost sunset, and everything was orange and gold when they reached the complex on the outskirts of Rossford overlooking green grass and reservoir creeks.

“This is it,” she said. “Let me get my bag out of the trunk, and then I’ll give you a kiss and say thank you.”

“How about I wait to make sure he’s there?” Noah said.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I do,” Noah said seriously. “Anything could happen.”

Danasia had taken her bag from the trunk now and Noah said, “Go in. See if he’s home, and if he’s not come back.”

Danasia gave him a smile somewhere between tired, and surprised, and then went in through the glass doors of one of the long, beige buildings.

Noah turned the car off and waited. He only had to wait about two minutes before Danasia came out in consternation and said:

“No one’s home.”

“You can come home with me,” Noah said, reaching to open the door. “Then we can come here later.”

Danasia nodded, absently, and climbed in.

“Damn, Lee!” she said.

“Who?”

“My dad. Lee.”

“Lee Burns?”

“No,” Danasia shook her head. “That’s my last name. My other father’s last name. It’s complicated. That one was a son of a bitch. Lee adopted me.”

Noah narrowed his eyes.

“No,” he shook his head, deciding against it.

“No, what?”

“His last name isn’t—”

“Philips. Lee Philips.”

“Oh, shit!” Noah clapped a hand to his head.

“You know him?”

“God, yes, I know him. I—I’ll take you to him.” Noah started up the car.

“Where are we going?”

“Fenn Houghton’s!”

“You know Fenn!”

As they turned the car in the other direction and headed south down Ridley, Noah laughed, “I LIVED with Fenn! Let’s fucking go!”

“Hey, guys,” Brendan said, coming onto the back porch.

“When did you get here?” Dena said by way of greeting.

“Your mom let me,” Brendan explained with a grin. “I knocked and everything. What’s up, Milo?”

Milo shrugged, and Dena shook her head, and pulled Brendan back into the kitchen.

“Milo’s grandfather.”

“Bob Affren!”

Dena nodded. “He’s not good.”

“He’s sick,” Brendan said. “I mean, my parents go to Saint Agatha’s now, cause it’s closer. But our family’s friends with the Affrens. We knew he had been sick awhile.”

“When old people are sick for awhile, I think it means they’re dying.” Dena said.

“He’s not that old,” Brendan protested.

“Maybe not,” said Dena. “But he is still dying.”

Brendan nodded and went out onto the porch. He sat next to Milo.

“Milo, I’m sorry,” he said.

Milo nodded.

“Do you know what it is? What he has?”

“I was too scared to ask,” Milo said. “And no one tells me anything. I don’t think Grandma would want to talk about it. It’s gotta be some type of cancer.”

He looked up.

“The worst part is I don’t even know how long he has, and he just… lingers. He’s got good days, but he just lingers… It’s so not like Grandad at all.”

Brendan chuckled.

When Milo looked at him, he shook his head and said, “It’s just that… I remember, a long time ago. I was maybe about, I dunno, ten. We lived closer and were still going to Saint Barbara’s. Well, anyway, this temporary priest we had, when Malloy had just started out, was talking about some changes in the Mass he wanted to make, and Bob just stands up in the middle of Mass, and now your grandma’s trying to hold him back, but he says, ‘This is just bullshit! This is bullshit—’” Brendan burst out in the middle of laughing, and Milo began chuckling too.

“And then there was this one time, when we were supposed to have a pizza party at school, and your grandparents were some of the folks in charge of it. Anyway, the pizza didn’t work out, somehow, and so we had fishsticks. Now, like, this pissed all the kids off. We had fishsticks and white bread. And so Bob Affren says, like in this low, growly voice, ‘Loaves and fishes! Loaves and fishes! If it was good enough for Jesus it’s goddamned good enough for you little bastards.’”

Dena had enteredt the porch in the middle of the story and began laughing with the memory. They were all coughing and laughing, and tears were running down her face.

Dena declared: “He put the fear of God in every kid in the seventh grade.”

“I don’t know why I have to go in,” Kirk said as they parked outside of the Video Watch.

Paul slunk down in his seat and hissed, “Just go in.”

“Fine,” Kirk said. “And get… what is this?”

“Hell Fuck Bunnies.”

“What the hell kinda name is that?”

“A great name for a gay porno. Now just get it.”

“Fine, already,” Kirk said, pushing the door open. “You owe me,” he said as he shut it, and walked into the Video Watch.

Slunk down in the seat, Paul pushed himself up a little to look into the store. He had to squint to see through the glass. Yeah, Kirk was talking to him, and it was that dumpy kid. Why had he done that? What had been going through his head? Paul turned his head, sensing, after years of its absence, shame.

When Kirk returned, Paul said, “Great. Let’s go.”

“You’re welcome,” Kirk said strapping himself in and starting up the car. “I love you too. Should we get Milk Duds and popcorn.”

“If you want,” Paul said. “But I’m not in it.”

“Good,” Kirk said. “I don’t ever want to think about you fucking anyone but me.”

“Actually,” Paul said, pushing himself up as they came onto Birmingham street, and he cracked his neck, rubbing the back of it, “Neither do I, sweetie.”

Kirk made popcorn, more because he was hungry than because he thought it went good with a porno. Paul was watching it critically, and Kirk realized that Paul had never gotten off on one of these things. It had been, after all, a job. Also, Kirk realized he didn’t resent it now, or feel intimidated by Paul’s past. The past wasn’t real. You couldn’t touch it, couldn’t grab a hold of it, hug it to yourself at night, hold it to you when it was unsure and feeling weak, or trust yourself to be gathered into its arms. All of that he could do with the man beside him.

“Right here!” Paul shouted. “Come here! Oh, my God!”

Kirk came out of the kitchen with the bowl of popcorn spilling on the ground, and sat on the couch beside Paul.

“My God, baby. It is. Look.”

Paul hit play again.

The music was crappy, and in the back of a pick up truck, two well toned guys were going at it. A blond boy with a tanned, oiled, bubble ass up in the air was being busily fucked by a tall brunette with a serious look on his face.

“And a great ass too,” Kirk said.

“True. But look.”

- You like that? You like that?

- Ooooh, oh!

- You really like—THAT—SHIT!

With each word he fucked him harder.

- Oh yeah.

- Call me Daddy.

- Give it to me, Daddy.

- Tell me ‘Daddy you need me to fuck you!’

- Daddy I need you to fuck me

- Tell me you need me to bust my nut in you!

- Bust it! COME IN MY ASS!

“I don’t believe it,” Kirk said.

- COME IN MY ASS! COME IN MY ASS! COMEINMYASSSSS! OHHHHH!

The brunette drilled him harder and harder, his mouth slack, his eyes vacant, but his ass muscles flexing, pumping when the camera went back to them. But when the camera went back to his face, it was completely unmistakable.

“I’m grossed out now,” Kirk said sadly.

“I just feel sick and sad,” Paul said. “And I don’t have a right to. Why do I feel sick and sad?”

“Cause you were a kid who has a past, and this guy’s a priest.”

“I’m trying to make it someone else,” Paul said. “I’ve been trying to.”

“Nope—” Kirk said, taking up a handful of popcorn.

- OH SHIT! LET ME SEE THAT COCK! COME ALL OVER ME NOWWWWW!

“—that’s definitely Father McDonald.”

THE KITCHEN DOOR flew open and Fenn, at the table, complained: “No one ever knocks. Noah, what the hell are you…?”

And then he stopped.

“Danasia!”

Todd looked at Fenn and Tom looked at all of them.

The birdlike girl in glasses with bag over her shoulder entered the kitchen, strode around the table and then put her arms around Lee’s waist.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m glad to see you too you old bastard. Noah, over here found me on the side of the road.”

“It was wild,” Noah said, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s been a wild day.”

“Look,” she said, sitting on the counter. “I’ve got some serious shit to deal with, and only you can help me.”

“Have you talked to Lemonade?”

Danasia crossed her arms over her chest and said, “Please.

“The best thing you ever did was adopt me.”

“Uh…” Tom began.

“Oh, yes,” Lee turned to him. “Tom… you know how you wanted a kid…? Surprise!”

Tom looked as if he still didn’t get it. Because he didn’t.

“This is my daughter,” Lee said, finally. “Danasia.”

When Noah came into the apartment it literally smelled grey with the residue of Benson and Hedges, and there was a large ashtray filled with old cigarettes. Naomi jumped up, the cigarette hanging from her mouth.

“I was meaning to clean all this shit up,” she said, smoothing her ash blond hair back.

“Naomi,” Noah said, “are you wearing my housecoat?”

“I showered,” she said. “I showered, you know, and it was what I found. I didn’t want to wear Paul’s cause I don’t know him… and…”

Noah shrugged, and moved past his mother to pick up the ashtray. He moved to the kitchen.

“I haven’t cleaned. Noah, I promise, tomorrow, I’ll…”

Noah had dumped the ashtray, and now, quietly he turned on the water and reached under the sink for the soap.

“Noah…”

She stood beside him, waiting for him to say something, but he was strangely peaceful and quiet. He reached under the sink again for the dish rack, kissed her on the cheek and then set the rack beside the sink of running water. Noah began scrubbing the cups and rinsing them and Naomi, reaching for the towel, started drying.