The People in Rossford

Mixing It up With Me

2

“So,” Chad said, sitting down and folding his hands on his lap when Brian had taken his hands from the piano, “are we on, or are we off?”

“On or off?” he said.

Chad repeated “On or off?” in a mocking voice.

Brian frowned.

“You’re the grown up,” Chad said, ducking his eyes. “You’re the one who’s supposed to be asking questions like, where is this going? What are we doing? Like… Don’t you ask that? Don’t you wonder?”

Brian frowned. He said, “You started this, Chad.”

“That,” Chad told him, “is not the grown up answer.”

“Look,” Brian’s voice rose. He held up a hand and went to the door. He closed the classroom door and came back to Chad.

“You’re grown up. Just like me. You were the one who came to me.”

“And you didn’t resist,” Chad said. “I don’t remember you saying: rape, rape.”

“I didn’t,” Brian said. “But whatever we are in the class room, outside of it we’re equals. So…” he shook his head, blew out his cheeks and leaned against the piano, “You tell mewhat you want.”

“That’s not fair,” Chad said.

“Chad, that’s exactly fair,” Brian said. “In fact it might be one of the first times in my life I really have been fair.”

When Chad didn’t say anything Brian said, “You’ve gone after me so hard, and so aggressively. What do you want?”

“Well, when you say it like that you act like there’s nothing good about me. Like it’s all one sided. Or do you let every student kiss you and blow you in your classroom?”

“Chad, I would be afraidto do that. I was afraid.”

“I just want the truth,” Chad said. “I just want to know what you think about me? I mean, if I’m just a kid who’s giving you a thrill, then…. I don’t even know that I care. But…. What the heck is this?”

“I don’t know what it is,” Brian said. “And I don’t know how I feel about you. And really, Chad, I don’t know how you feel about me. I mean, you can’t really think I’m your destiny or… anything like a boyfriend. And the truth is I’ve never had anything like a boyfriend.”

“Never?” Chad said amazed.

“That’s beside the point,” Brian pushed the subject away.

Chad said, “I’m just really attracted to you. And what we’re doing I really like. And… I want to keep doing it. I mean, I want to do more.”

“You want to fuck?”

Chad’s face went red.

“What?” Brian said.

“The way you said it. The…”

“Well, it’s no point in beating around the bush,” Brian said. “Or using euphemisms. I mean, is that what you want?”

Chad was trembling and had been since the moment the word fuck came out of Brian’s mouth.

“Do you?”

“Chad, you’re playing with the grown ups now, and… I mean, I can’t talk to you like what we’ve done we haven’t done. And so I need you to answer my question.”

“I do,” Chad said. “I do want that.”

Then Chad added, “and I don’t want it just once. I don’t want you to walk away and act like it didn’t happen. I want a steady… ”

“Guy to screw?”

“I want someone who doesn’t mind me staying over.”

“You want a boyfriend,” Brian said.

“I don’t know if that’s exactly it,” Chad said. “I want… What I said.”

He came forward and put his hands around Brian’s neck.

“Are you gonna stop me?”

“No,” Brian whispered.

“Your neck feels so good.”

Brian kissed him.

“That’s the first time you started it,” Chad said.

Brian kissed him again. His lips felt so good. His mouth was strong and gentle. There was mint in his breath.

“Come here,” Brian said.

He placed Chad against the wall, kissing his mouth and his eyes and this throat. Chad moaned, his arms around Brian’s neck.

“You are beautiful,” Brian murmured. “You are goddamned beautiful. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not hurting me.”

“Not,” Brian murmured, through kisses, “what I meant.”

Chad parted from him long enough to say, “You won’t hurt me that way either.”

“I hurt everyone,” Brian said flatly.

“Not me,” Chad insisted, and turned Brian around, so that Brian’s back was to the wall, and then Brian felt Chad’s hands on his belt, pulling down his trousers and the blood going to his groin, his penis getting thicker.

“Right here,” Brian whispered.

“Are you afraid?”

Brian shook his head, a little smile showing teeth.

“Unh unh. Not anymore. We don’t have any…”

“I do,” Chad reached into his pocket. “I am a trashy kid in love—”

“Don’t ever say that?” Brian whispered,

“Who else,” Chad continued, “comes totally prepared and lubed up?”

Chad pulled at Brian’s waist, and then Brian pulled at his and they struggled out of pants and underwear, Brian breathing hard and shallow. When Chad was ready, Brian kissed him deeply and slipped his hands over his ass murmuring, “You are so soft.” And then he slipped a finger inside of him and Chad cried out and moaned, and then Brian lifted him up, and as he lay against the wall, Chad planted his feet against that wall, and pulled Brian inside him.

They fucked like that, Brian back against the wall, pants down, Chad’s legs around his waist, peering into each other’s eyes, gathering up speed, faces reddening, breath through teeth, shivering.

“You’re right,” Brian said to Jesse in class that day.

“He’s not right or wrong,” Chad said. “It’s really a subjective matter.”

“Not all the time, Brian disagreed. And in this case Jesse’s right.”

Chad scowled but Radha said, “Relax. It’s just one question.”

Chad didn’t look at her, but he looked up at Brian, who looked at him and then said, “Does anyone want to put the Gelineau scale up on the board. It will be an exam question.”

“Gelineau scale?” Radha whispered to her brother. “Why did I take this class anyway?”

“I have no idea,” he said. “Because you are so not a music major.”

Chad had his hand up, but Brian said, “Cynthia, why don’t you.”

Chad made an audible noise of disgust and folded his hands over his chest.

“Is it just me?” Radha whispered to his brother, “or has Chad gotten super weird?”

“Chad was always super-weird.”

“Okay, well then super-sized weird.”

“Secretive,” Jesse shook his head. “But he always was.”

“That’s good,” Brian was saying. “That’s real good, Cynthia.”

“Shouldn’t she have the notes in squares?” Chad said. “They didn’t use round notes in the tenth century.”

“But we’re not in the tenth century, Chad,” Brian said smoothly.

“But…” Chad began, and then clamped his mouth shut.

“Yes, Chad?” Brian said in a voice Radha could tell was falsely pleasant.

“I’m just saying,” Chad said, while Cynthia stood at the chalkboard, disconcerted, “if I put it up on the board like that, then it wouldn’t be all right.”

“Talk to me after class,” Brian said shortly, in the teacher voice that brooked no disobedience and Chad said, darkly, “With pleasure.”

“What’s going on with you?” Jesse said, pulling his bag over his shoulder.

“Nothing,” Chad said, cranky.

Jesse opened his mouth and then closed it.

“You know what?” Radha said. “We’re just trying to be friends. But apparently you don’t need those. I’m going to meet Cameron and Julian downstairs,” Radha told her brother. “Dinner’s at six.” She looked at Chad. “You can come if we’re good enough for you.”

With a turn of her head she headed out the door. Brian Babcock called her.

“Yes, Professor Babcock,” she approached him.

“I just wanted to tell you,” he said in a quiet voice. “I know you’re a freshman, and maybe you think you’re in over your head. You’ve done really well in this class. I hope that maybe we’ll see you again next semester?”

“Not,” Radha said, “if there’s anymore Gelineau Chant.”

“Oh, com’on now, a little Gelineau’s good for everyone.”

“It’s good for monks,” Radha said with a grin. “I’m a Hindu. See you, Dr. Babcock.”

“Later, Radha,” he said with a smile that disappeared when Chad stood in front of him.

“You’re disrupting the class,” he said shortly.

“And you’re being totally unfair.”

“How?”

“You know how,” Chad hissed. But then, trying to make his voice more regular, repeated. “You know how.

“Ever since… things started…”

Brian shook his head.

“This is a discussion for my office,” he said. “And we’re headed there. Come on.”

“Thanks, Dr. Babcock.”

“Don’t do that,” Brian said, stuffing his things under his arm and heading out of the old class room in the music building. He loved how the music building was so removed from the rest of campus and so old and almost neglected. His office was downstairs and as he came into it, Chad shut the door behind him.

“You know you totally would have marked me down for putting a Gelineau scale up like that. And you gave me a B on that paper. I would have gotten an A a month ago.”

“You want me to give you light treatment? Don’t you see how bad that would look? How bad, how unethical it would be. It wouldn’t be fair to you. It wouldn’t be fair to the other students.”

“But it’s fair to penalize me? I think… I think you’re mad about what’s going on between us.”

“I am not mad,” Brian said. “I am trying to be fair.”

“Well, you’re not.” Chad reached into his bag and pulled out the exam. “Because this is an A paper.”

“It’s a B plus at best,” Brian said.

“Then give it a B plus.”

“No.”

“I hate you!” Chad said.

“That’s not called for.”

“It is called for. You’re mean. You’re mad because… because when we’re together… can I say that out loud?”

“You can say it out loud here.”

“You’re mad because we tell each other things and to get back at me you mark me down.”

“That is not true, Chad.”

“You’re not fair at all. I know about how you broke up a relationship. I know about how you cried when you were a teenager, how you thought someone wouldn’t love you. So… you wanna get back at me cause I know too much.”

“You don’t anything,” Brian said in that cold, withering voice, “if you think that’s how I act in a classroom.”

Brian looked suddenly cold and unreachable and, oddly enough, very much a hurt lover and nothing like a teacher. Chad walked around the desk to him and, hesitantly, touched him on the shoulder.

Face tight, not speaking, Brian said, “I am not proud of everything I’ve done. Most things. But the one thing I am proud about, the one thing I take seriously is being a teacher. Those kids… like Radha, like Cynthia, who thought they couldn’t do it and are doing… great.”

“Radha is good,” Chad allowed.

“But you’re better,” Brian said. He shook his head.

“Don’t you see how hard this is for me?” Brian still didn’t look at him. “I know you now, Chad. That’s what’s changed. We tell each other things. We… share our bodies. I don’t know if it was wise or not, I’m sure it wasn’t. But I know what you want, what you dream, what you need, what you’re capable of. So you’re right,” he looked at him. “I judge you a hell of a lot harder. I won’t indulge you. I can’t. You’re a brilliant musician. You’re a wonderful singer and you’re going to be a great theorist. But, damnit, someone has to ride your ass.”

“You do a fine job of that already.”

“I’m serious.” Brian said.

“Sorry,” Chad ducked his head.

“It’s just… I know how good you are. I’ve taught you for two years. We’re together all the time. I’m your advisor. And now,” Brian shook his head and colored, “we’re more than that. You’re doing A work for someone else, but you’re doing B work for Chad North, and I’m not going to bend.”

Then Brian took the crumbled essay Chad had written, took out his pen, and marked a plus next to it. He got out his grade book.

“I’ll bend a little,” he said, sighing. “You’re probably right. I think we’re both right. I’m scared, Chad.”

“Of getting caught?”

Brian looked up at him and shook his head.

“Chad. This is a big school in grown up land. A Catholic school, but so what? Do you think I’m the only prof sleeping with a student? And in a gay relationship? Do you know how Catholics handle that?”

“Excommunication?”

Brian laughed scornfully and shook his head.

“No, by looking the other way and pretending it doesn’t exist.

“I’m not scared for me,” Brian said. “Or even for my reputation among the students. Not really. But you’re a really brilliant kid.”

“I’m not a kid.”

“Compared to me you are. And I don’t want someone saying you got where you were screwing your teachers. I go home at night. You go back to the dorm and get called a faggot. That’s the reality of life. I know. I was there.”

“I’m moving off campus next semester.”

“Well, now it’s this semester.”

Brian closed his grade book.

“Professor Babcock, if you go on like this, I’ll start to think you care for me.”

Brian looked up at him, touched his chin and motioned for him to come closer.

Brian kissed him on the mouth.

“When was there ever a time,” Brian said, “when I claimed otherwise?”