Kane

'I'm not Muslim. When l was living with them, my grandparents used to take me to Church with them every Sunday without fail ... that went out of the window real quick when I went to live with my father!'

'How come?'

'There was NO way he was gonna shift his arse out of bed to cart me there!! On a SUNDAY??? FFS!!! He wouldn't have minded if I'd went under my own steam. Woulda made his life easier, having me around for a few hours less! Happy days!'

'Pops and me used to look after Nan ... Pops mostly, l s'pose! She'd get so confused and you had to watch her like a hawk in the kitchen!! Jeez was she dangerous!! Leaving the pan on and stuff like that! But when he keeled over with a heart attack, they wouldn't let me look after Nan by myself and so they put her in a home and said I had to go live with my father! There was no-one else to take me, they said! He wasn't happy 'bout it  first, 'till he twigged he'd get more money from Income Support! Then he said 'yes' quick enough!'

'What about your Mum?'

'Don't know. They couldn't find her, l guess. Pops used to tell me she'd gone back to Africa but Nan would always suddenly pipe up and say he'd murdered her!'

'WHAT?? Who had?'

'My father. But they just said Nan wasn't talking right and there was no proof ... bla bla, bla bla!'

'Do you think he could have?'

'Jeez! Yes! That's why she left me with my grandparents l think. To protect me. She used to come see me when l was little but she'd tell me to be gentle whenever I hugged her. Her saying 'Be careful!' that's the only thing I can remember her of her voice ... ' 

He choked a bit then made the excuse that it was a bit of the lasagna but the tear had run down his cheek before he started coughing! He looked away ... l did too.

'We gonna eat this fuckin' salad naked or you gonna put its dress on or what??'

I grabbed the vinaigrette in its jar and passed it to him.

''The ingredients have separated out ... so shake this like it's an old man's willy!'

He laughed out loud, called me 'a filthy bastard', but shook it watching the oil droplets get smaller and smaller as he did so. I almost prayed out loud for that line having lifted the mood and making him laugh.

I returned from the sink with the lettuce in one hand and the salad spinner in the other ... another new gadget to intrigue him!!

'Kane, I want to tell you something. I've been doing some thinking ... '

'Time for me to shift! Yeah, l know but what's that outside?', he said, scooting back his chair and wandering over to the window to peer out.

It was then I too noticed the reflection of flashing blue lights in the kitchen window that overlooked the park. My nose joined Kane's, squashed up against the pane and I could see on our side of the square that there was a squad car parked with two bobbies who were stopping any car or pedestrian that passed. I could just make out another on the far side of the park too so it was obviously happening there as well.

'They're taking it all rather serious, don't you think? How much of a baddie can your Mr Ug have been?'

'Let's just say I'd rather him than my father but he was still a nasty fucker!'

'Your Dad was really that bad?'

'You bet he was! And he wasn't a Dad! Don't call him that! I used to try 'n get out of the house before he sobered up, which was the easy part, 'specially during term-time, and only come back as late as possible at night! That was the difficult part! He'd always find some excuse to beat me ... if he could still stand!'

'Oh fuck! I'm sorry! Did the school not do anything?'

'Huh! Bruises don't show up so good on black kids! Specially if you don't bother to look for none! If he'd already passed out, it was better, 'cos I could maybe find something to eat and he wouldn't hear the microwave. I had to put the rubbish in the next door neighbour's bin though, otherwise if he'd found it, he'd accuse me of wasting his food by eating late at night! And I'd get my ass whooped some more 'course!'

'I'm sorry, Kane. I don't know what to say! I really don't!'

'Thanks, but it wasn't your doing. Don't matter none now that the bastard is six foot under. Gotta look ahead not behind, ahead not behind!'

Something told me his last words were more for his own ears than for mine.

'Anyways, what was you wanting to tell me?'

'I need to get away from London, the city. To our house in Cornwall. I just need space, freedom to think I suppose.'

'And I need to leave? I get it. You've been too kind as it is.'

I looked at him and laughed.

'No, thicko! I want you to come with, you big dimwit!'

'What?'

'You really don't get it, do you? We both drive down to Cornwall. Together.'

'Oh!'. The beginnings of a smile ....

'Unless you're an ax-murderer? In which case, the offer's off! Or unless you think I'm the serial-killer???'

'Huh! You? A serial-killer? Yeah, right?!!? You've already been kinder to me than anyone else in the whole of my life! Just how to get past the fuzz outside? They're stopping everyone!'

'Leave that to me! Clothes maketh the man, Kane, clothes maketh the man!'

He looked at me quizzically.

'No idea what the fuck you just said but whatever!'

'Never mind! Forget it! I need a poop so you can clear up! Ha ha!' I moved towards the door.

'Fucking didn't see that coming!! Nicely done, you bastard!'

Then as I reached the hall, 'Sorry that was such a heavy evening Ben.' He took a deep breath, 'But it's hard even saying even that much. So thanks for listening.'

He couldn't see my face. Fortunately.