Coming of Age

As the days in Chelan passed, AJ was in much better shape physically, he was able to eat and had stopped losing weight. He was down 15 pounds and his family was constantly at him about it. To stop the incessant badgering AJ called his long-time doctor and made an appointment.

His long-time doctor felt he was in the best shape of his life and told AJ that he was jealous. AJ had a long conversation with the doctor and was questioned extensively about his diet, exercise and mental state. Evelyn had cornered Dr. Baxter at the grocery store before AJ went in and expressed her concerns. Dr. B got AJ’s permission to set his mom straight about the physical aspects, he knew the emotional part would take time and that AJ needed space and time without people asking, ‘how are you doing’.

Dr. Baxter met with Evelyn after he had examined AJ. “Evelyn I’m glad you finally agreed to come in so we could do this face to face. I need you to listen and HEAR me.” Evelyn nodded her assent.

Dr. Baxter – “Evelyn AJ agreed to let me give you the results of his physical or we would not be having this conversation. AJ is in the best physical shape of his life. He acknowledged that he has lost 15 pounds over the last 10 days which is not ideal but not catastrophic either, especially since he has stopped drinking and eating pizza. He just lost his wife; I seem to remember a certain patient who lost 10 pounds after the loss of her father and she told folks to mind their own business.”

Evelyn – “George, that was different. He’s my baby and I have not always been the best mom to him and I will not stand by and watch him destroy his health.”

Dr. Baxter – “Evie, that is not happening. His health is extraordinary; all of his labs are within range, his body fat is exceptionally low, his resting heart rate is Olympic athlete low, his blood pressure was so low I took it twice after my nurse took it twice.

This next piece is from me as your family friend and what I observed in my conversation with AJ. You and the family need to give him space to grieve. You all are smothering him and I get the distinct impression everyone has reverted to AJ being a 5-year-old boy. He is not and you need to recognize that and stop or you run the risk of him telling everyone to go to hell.”

Evelyn – “George thank you for seeing AJ and sharing the results of his physical. As far as the rest, I know we need to respect his privacy but he is our baby and we want to protect him.”

Dr. Baxter – “Evie please remember he may be your youngest but he is also a widower and father. Treat him how you wanted to be treated when your dad died or risk some backlash. He has his grandpa's Irish temper, slow to ignite but explosive and rash when it does.”

Evelyn shared the results with the family – AJ was in prime physical health, 175lbs, 44” chest, 30” waist, 4% body fat, extremely low blood pressure and resting heart rate. Dr. B made it clear that the family needed to support him and stop asking, ‘how are you doing’ that was driving AJ mental. Be there if he needs you but stop treating him as though he is a 5-year-old.

It was time for them to head west to finalize all the plans for the memorial and settle in. Charlene and Elliot were still trying to get AJ to stay with them but after a call with Evelyn understood that it had nothing to do with them and the funeral home incident but everything to do with Syd having grown up there. Evelyn, Jonathan, Caleb and Conor would be staying with them when they arrived the day before the service. AJ would stay with Gran. Trav was staying with Julia but would be with AJ every day while Julia was at work. Trav was set to start his new job at Microsoft in September – he was taking the summer to get married, find himself and Julia a new place to live and get moved in.

The day of the service arrived – AJ had driven Gran and Nanny over to Charlene and Elliot’s. He was arriving with the boys; period end of discussion and he had told the ‘rents they could go to hell if they continued to push on bringing them. The night before had gotten to the point that AJ was going to take them back to Gran’s house when Nanny intervened. She pulled the ‘rents aside and told them point-blank that they needed to back the hell off or risk losing AJ, Conor and Caleb for good. AJ rarely dug his heels in but he was and they needed to respect his desires as their dad. Apologies were offered from the ‘rents but AJ was still upset with them and it was clear to everyone.

On the day of the service Gran, Nanny and AJ arrived to pick the boys up, they were dressed in the wrong outfits which AJ knew would happen as they were not hearing what he was saying. When AJ could not find the right outfits which were laid out when he left, it was game on.

AJ was emotionally on edge and he had had it with the constant second-guessing from both sets of parents. He had arrived two hours early for this very reason, so he grabbed all their stuff and loaded it in his new Tahoe. When he went to take the boys, Elliot made the mistake of trying to stop him – AJ simply dialed 911, explaining to the operator that his in-laws had kidnapped his children and he need their assistance in getting them out of the house so he could take them to their mother’s funeral.

The looks on the ‘rents face were priceless and they stepped aside, it was clear to everyone that AJ had not dialed 911 but the intent had been made crystal clear. As AJ closed the Tahoe door he turned to his elders and said – ‘goodbye’.

AJ – “Gran/Nanny please ride with one of them to the church.”

To the ‘rents “I will be staying with friends as I am over all of you meddling in my shit. I had a simple request for this morning – dress the boys in the outfits I laid out, but they were not deemed ‘good enough’ by you. You never once asked me why I was insisting those be the outfits. Elliot / Charlene, I get today sucks for you as well but you are not making it any easier by battling with me. Mom / Dad, siding with them on this puts you in the same place as me.

Conor, Caleb and I are going shopping and I pray to God that I find duplicates of those outfits because Syd bought them for the boys to wear for pictures to give you for Mother’s Day. Given tomorrow is Mother’s Day, it was my way of honoring my beautiful love. Stop, I don’t want to hear another apology, another platitude or another ‘we were trying to help’.

The thing is – I didn’t ask for the help and you didn’t bother to ask if I needed or wanted it, you just did.

 If it is not clear to you at this point – I am done. Do not call or contact me unless and until I reach out. You have been against us since we told you we got pregnant and frankly, the comments should have told me who you truly were back then but we wanted you to have a life with us. The best person I know and the one that kept my temper in check is no longer with us and with that your buffer.”

Stunned silence ensued as AJ got into the Tahoe and drove off. He drove straight to Nordstrom and luckily was able to buy the same outfits Syd had purchased and changed the boys. He made it back to the church with 20 minutes to spare. The boys were in the jogging stroller as AJ entered the church. Nanny and Gran tried to intervene but AJ made it clear it was done.

When AJ’s siblings approached, they realized immediately things were amiss. AJ would not discuss it, period end of all discussions. AJ talked with the minister and changes to seating were done quickly – AJ would sit on the Dias with the minister and the boys in their bouncy seats which had been put in place. As others came into the sanctuary AJ and the boys greeted them with warmth and grace. Those that knew AJ well, knew there was something amiss. When they tried to broach the subject, they were immediately rebuffed but this was not the time or place to push.

At one point AJ overheard Syd’s high school boyfriend and his fiancé talking trash about how Syd married down and wound up dead because she was drunk. He also overheard several other comments about Syd being a drunk at the time of her death. He was livid but not surprised. That said he would handle it in his opening comments and ask the offenders to leave.

As the service started, AJ rose and went to the pulpit. Caleb started fussing, Charlene made a move toward him. AJ shot her a death stare and turned to pick him up. He calmed Caleb and started talking to those gathered.

He relayed the overheard conversations in the vestibule and asked those individuals to leave. When they did not stand up and leave, he called them out by name making it clear to everyone that the services were for Syd’s friends and family to say goodbye, those who chose to participate in idle gossip were neither friends nor family and were not welcome.

AJ started talking about his wife, their mistakes, her cancer, her death at the hands of an intoxicated government agent and the eternal love and bond he had for Syd. It was a moving tribute.

He turned it over to the minister who ran the rest of the service. The readings were read, the message was delivered and it was now the time that AJ was to sing ‘amazing grace’ but something was tugging at his heart, he looked to the back of the room and saw Syd sitting there mouthing – ‘the dance’, was that Scott sitting next to Syd? Get a grip man, why would Scott be here. He closed his eyes dipped his head and spoke to those gathered explaining that he would be singing a different song. He encouraged everyone to be supportive of each other, be open to love and trust and support their friends and family – not to try and control them as you will miss the opportunity to know and love them.

AJ sang ‘the dance’

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
If I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey, who's to say, you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

If our lives are better left to chance
Oh, our lives are better left to chance
Oh, our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

AJ looked to the heavens – “My dearest angel, I will miss you, until we meet again, I love you to the moon and back, in a whisper ‘always and forever’”. He looked to where he had seen Syd and Scott but the seats were empty. Wow, my head is fucked up. There was not a dry eye in the church. AJ turned and picked up Conor and Caleb and made his way to the church entrance to greet guests as they left. He held the boys to limit interactions to conversations and no physical contact. He placed the stroller next to him to ensure the distance between him and the family.

Scott was sitting in the last row of the church; he was trying to remain inconspicuous. He could not say why he was here other than he was drawn to AJ like a moth to a flame. He was considering blowing up his life to make AJ his and he could not for the life of him understand where these feelings were coming from. He had always dated girls but if he were honest with himself, he did check out hot guys – how do I compare, fuck that guy is built, is that a sock in those pants, basic stuff like that. When he first saw AJ standing there in his ratty old sweats holding his son all he could think about was – fuck me I want that man. Everything about him made Scott want to make him safe, make him feel better, make him hard, suck his dick and honestly, he wanted to feel AJ slide his dick up his ass.

When AJ looked right at him, he panicked and had to make himself scarce. He and Maureen had fought long and hard about Scott coming to this service, she didn’t understand what the hell Scott was thinking – why he ‘needed’ to be there, he didn’t owe anyone anything and didn’t even know this woman. He came and now he was hiding from the object that was so confusing him, making him wake up in cold sweats, have the most erotic dreams about, acknowledge to himself that he wanted this man's cock up his ass pounding away at him until they both came hard. The weird thing to Scott is he felt more manly, sexier, more desirable daydreaming about being taken by AJ. These feelings were kicking his ass but he could not get rid of them. They were there in his head and he LIKED them. He had to figure out how to make AJ notice him and allow him as more than a friend, he had to win this man's heart and soul. Scott had no idea if AJ was bi or not but his heart was telling him to pursue him and make him his. Every part of his being was screaming – IDIOT SHOW HIM HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO YOU!

Yet he was hiding in the vestibule out of sight because he was scared – scared of rejection and scared of a life with Maureen, the cold-hearted bitch. UGGGGHHH. The service was over and AJ was greeting guests as they left and headed to the O’Reilly’s for a brunch. Scott would wait and slip out after everyone had left – should he go to the brunch or not. Fuck what do I do? As he was getting ready to make his move to his truck, he ran into a woman he had seen with AJ but wasn’t sure who she was.

Eva – “Excuse me. I’m sorry I didn’t see you there. I’m Eva, AJ’s sister, well not really but we refer to each other as brother/sister. He is my niece’s husband. Fuck I’m rambling, damn your gorgeous. Shit did I just say that out loud?”

Scott – “Eva nice to meet you, I’m Scott. I recently met AJ and his boys. I wanted to pay my respects so I drove over from Pullman. I’m sure you know this already but you are gorgeous as well.”

Eva – “I’m too old for you. Shit, there I go again, saying what’s in my head. I don’t see a wedding ring on your hand, why are you not hitched?”

Scott – “Engaged to be married in August.”

Eva – “Why do you sound like that is not a good thing?”

Scott – “I’m questioning everything right now. I met someone recently that takes my breath away, makes me horny, invades my dreams and a lot of my waking moments. I can’t get them out of my head.”

Eva – “Sounds like you need to break off the engagement and get with this mystery person.”

Scott – “Easier said than done, he doesn’t even know I exist.”

Eva – “Holy shit batman, you are the police officer that is hung up on AJ.” Scott looked absolutely shocked and was standing there with his mouth opening and closing with nothing coming out. “Scott, I’m sorry my filter is gone today. AJ’s close friends you have met – Travis, Chase & Brett have all mentioned that they think you may be falling for AJ and that AJ has his head up his ass not seeing it. So is AJ the someone that takes your breath away?”

Scott just shook his head yes. He was being confronted with something he did not know how to handle. Eva took the lead and grabbed him by the arm pulling him toward the parking lot but it was empty. Everyone had already left. “Well, my big, beautiful man, you will have to drive me to my brother’s house where we can continue our conversation and my efforts to get you your man.”

Scott led the way to his truck, opening the door for Eva, making sure she was settled into her seat. He walked around the truck, thinking what the hell is going on here. How do I put this into words as I am certain she is not going to let this go, how does she know AJ would be open to it, he did say there were 2 bi guys and 1 confused one, no he’s too uggggh to be bi or gay, shit man get it together. He opened his door and climbed in, before he had his seatbelt on Eva was on to him again –

“So, Scott, why do you think you are into AJ? You’re engaged and from what I see are completely unprepared for a same-sex relationship. Are you prepared to bottom? Or would you consider yourself a top? Have you ever sucked a cock before?”

Scott chuckled – “Slow down Miss Bossy Pants. The why – who the fuck knows. All I can say is from the first moment I saw AJ’s eyes I was hooked – there was so much honesty, humility, kindness and love in those sapphire oceans. They moved with an unbridled passion I was done and didn’t even know it. I was there to tell him his wife had less than an hour to live and I had fallen hook line and sinker. Then he started scurrying around to get clothes on I thought ‘fuck me he is beautiful’. While I was with him in the hospital, I overheard some of what he said to Sydney and the little shit wrapped me further around his pinky. I was so hoping to find him to be arrogant, egotistical, selfish, an asshole, something to break the spell he had me under but NO, the bastard talked about how much he loved her, how he was going to miss her, how he would stay strong for the kids and the thing that sealed it for me is he told her to go be with Gramps and Grandad and he would meet her when his work was done. He didn’t pitch a fit, he did swear, he did beg, he did bargain with God, he accepted his fate all he asked was that God takes care of her until he could be with her again.”

They were both crying at this point and Eva in her usual desire to keep things a bit light said – “Well shit, you can’t have him because I want him. Fuck I wish my ex-husband or current girlfriend cared that much for me.”

They arrived at Elliott and Charlene’s. Scott argued that he was not going in as he didn’t want to create any tension but Eva would have none of it. She took Scott by the arm and brought him into the house, the moment she stepped into the house she could feel the tension. She kept Scott on her arm as she mingled through the throng of people, making light talk and introducing everyone to her friend Scott. Her girls ran up with tears running down their cheeks, she was immediately in mom mode. She introduced them to Scott quickly and then asked them what was wrong.

She quickly understood that AJ and the ‘rents had gotten into a huge row. AJ and the boys had left and no one knew where they were and they could not give Uncle AJ their cards and he needed them to feel better. Eva asked Carrie to keep an eye on Scott and Maddie – she made certain her eldest knew Scott was not to leave.

Eva went in search of answers. She found Cheryl and they had a long conversation and it was not a good situation, her brother, sister-in-law and AJ’s parents had made it impossible for AJ and he had told them he was out of the family and would raise his boys alone. As the conversation continued, AJ’s other siblings/spouses joined the conversation and it was apparent this was going to be a disaster. Eva was about to ask Steph a question about her eye when her phone rang and she stepped away and then disappeared.

Eva excused herself to go and continue her conversation with Scott. She found Scott, Carrie and Maddie on the back lawn coloring in Maddie’s Prince Charming coloring book. As Eva looked at Scott’s page his prince charming was colored to look like AJ, she leaned in and whispered to Scott “He is so much cuter in real life, isn’t he?”

Scott looked at his page, his ears turned pink and he stuttered out – “See, I’m hopeless. I don’t understand where all of this is coming from.” She pulled Scott to a corner of the garden to talk some more. Scott continued “what in the hell is wrong with me. I’m engaged, he just said goodbye to his wife. For fuck’s sake until 2 weeks ago I never had a sexual thought about a man and now I’m having wet dreams about AJ. Fuck I just said that out loud.”

Eva and Scott talked until Scott was the last guest at the brunch. Mat, Eva’s girlfriend found them and was a bit annoyed Eva had disappeared and was talking to a hunky man for the entire party. Eva assured her they were just friends and Scott was way too young for her. As Eva was escorting Scott out, JJ and Evelyn stopped Scott. They talked to him for about thirty minutes thanking him for coming and apologizing for AJ’s absence, they conveyed he was just emotionally too raw to be there today. Scott assured him he understood and thanked everyone for their hospitality. Eva walked him to his truck and made sure he understood that AJ was not here for very different reasons than were conveyed. She made sure that Scott spent a great deal of time thinking about what he wanted to do before turning his life upside and inside out. If he ultimately wanted to pursue AJ, she would assist in any way she could. The pair exchanged phone numbers and Scott headed back to Pullman.

When all the guests had left, he put the boys in the stroller. He asked Trav, Chase and Brett to collect the urn and photos and put them in the Tahoe. It was obvious to everyone there was an elephant in the room as AJ was not interacting with Evelyn, Charlene, Jonathan or Elliot. It became crystal clear that there was a chasm that was not likely to narrow in the near future when AJ addressed the family as he climbed into his Tahoe –

AJ – “I’m sorry for my part in creating tension today. I hoped and prayed today would be different and that this family could once and for all support me. That said – you won’t have to worry about that moving forward. Conor, Caleb and I will not be at the remaining events. I have made other arrangements to honor MY wife. The four of you continue to disappoint, first the wedding, then the pregnancy and now the fucking outfits for OUR boys. This is my life, not yours and as I stated earlier – I’m out.

To ensure clarity for everyone here – the three of us will inter Syd’s ashes alone, we will spread the remaining on the water alone and then we will continue with our lives alone. At this point, I am part of a family of 3.”

AJ got into his Tahoe and left his family standing there in stunned silence.

Chaos ensued after a few minutes of silence.

Trav spoke first – “I know I am not related by blood but what the fuck is wrong with you people. The shit Syd and AJ put up with when they were dating, got pregnant and then married should have been a wake-up call that your kids are capable people but it is clear someone stepped in it big time. EHHHEHHH, I’m not done – I’ve only known AJ for 3 years but I know him well enough to know he does not make knee-jerk decisions and for him to shut you all out tells me that someone fucked up BAD. Julia, let’s go and see if we can track AJ down.”

Steve, Brett, Chase, Brent, Trav, Julia, Jer and Cyn loaded into their rides and headed out. Trav had been calling AJ since his departure but no answer. He tried again and AJ answered – “Hey man.”

Trav – “Where the hell are you, the gang wants to hang and we aren’t going to take no for an answer. AJ answer me I need my bro, I don’t care if you need me but I need you.”