A Long, Hard Life

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind

But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long
(Erase all the pain 'til it's gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

– "Somewhere I Belong" by  Linkin Park

***

Anton's Perspective

It was very late when I heard Mathias enter our bedroom. He spoke barely above a whisper, I surmise so as to not wake Chonay. I looked across the bed into the eyes of my brother, Emil. Mathias trained us both so I expected him to be as alert as I was. Assassination was a reality in our lives, so we were drilled from childhood how to listen for danger. My attention lingered on the blue in his eyes, vivid even in the darkness.

"Deres Højhed," Mathias addressed me in our native Danish while holding my bed robe. I carefully extricated from our tangle of limbs, smiling at the way Chonay grasped at me in his sleep.

"Unf–?!?" He complained as Emil pulled Chonay back against him in a comforting hug. Chonay quieted right away when my brother placed a sweet kiss on his brow. My brother's gaze flicked to meet mine as he held our companion.

I yearned to feel his lips touch me like that. A pang of jealousy poisoned the moment and I joined Mathias in the adjacent room, shutting the door with a soft click.

"What is it?" I asked our head of security and perhaps my oldest -my only- friend outside my strange little family. Mathias breathed a sigh.

"Your father is on video call." 

I pinched my nose against the headache I knew was coming. "A moment, I must get more presentable."

A few minutes later I entered the suite dedicated to our security detail. My father's face loomed large on one of the computer monitors. I directed security to clear the room and sat.

Count Owain Spencer, my father, sat in a lushly appointed office in Copenhagen. He was a Spencer, UK nobility by birth, wed to my mother, a member of Denmark's High Royalty. He looked excellent for his 53 years. He groomed his Scottish red curls and his beard immaculately short, showing only a dusting of silver at his temples. His black business suit fitted his broad shoulders perfectly. Our eyes were alike in color as well as expression as he studied me from across the world. I inherited Mother's pale blond hair, bone structure, and flawless skin but otherwise I gazed upon my older reflection.

I felt so many powerful emotions just looking at him but I knew better than to act on them. I schooled my face to a measured calm and greeted my father formally.

"My son, my heir, Anton." He greeted me with a patronly smile that never touched his eyes. "Congratulations are in order. I heard about your success with the Turnberry purchase. This haphazard business group you assembled is more effective than I estimated. I might borrow them if things continue at this rate."

I gritted my teeth. "Thank you, Father, but all credit due for the Turnberry purchase belongs to Emil, as you know."

"Perhaps," Father deflected idly. "But your success matters. In fact, your success got the attention of the Grandees of Spain. One of them has just pledged his daughter's hand in marriage but the Spaniards are notoriously fickle. We must strike while we have an opportunity. I'm thinking June is a lovely month for a wedding in Spain."

I masked my alarm but only just. I put on a face of placid amusement. "You and the Grandee must not have seen the latest news out of Melbourne."

"Your business with the homosexuals, you mean? That only plays to our advantage. The Spaniards are quite vocal in their support for 'gay' rights. Besides, modern technology has made it possible to conceive without once touching your bashful bride. I'm sure you'll be able to continue as you have provided you are discrete." He emphasized that last word with teeth.

"I've arranged for you to meet with the Grandee. Be prepped to leave within the hour. We will brief you on the details en route."

"What about Emil?" I asked

"What of him? He can finish your business in Australia. He is, as you say, responsible for the success of your group." Father smiled smugly, apparently pleased that he turned my words in his favor. I clasped my hands in my lap and took a moment to cool down and consider my next words. I could no longer afford to let him bait me into emotional outbursts. I looked up.

"I regret to inform you but I can't fly to Spain at this time. Nor will I be able to for the foreseeable future."

Father's smile fell and his eyes grew colder.

"I don't recall giving you an option, son."

"I have a contractual obligation that I must see through before I can entertain other opportunities."

"Get out of it." Father insisted.

"I can't. The penalties for breaking the contract are considerable and the legal language is quite binding."

"Send me a copy of this contract on the plane. I'll have my team look at it."

"I can't, I signed a nondisclosure agreement. Informing you of this much risks a breach of contract."

"Why would you sign such a thing?" Father looked aghast. "When is this 'obligation' due?"

"I'm uncertain, I will have my team contact yours once we know."

Father leaned forward with a chilling peer. "Clearly you require closer supervision, my son. I'm having Gerolt audit your legal and financial transactions immediately. Unfortunately, we might have to freeze your assets pending review. I'm sure you understand."

"Of course," I agreed with only a hint of pique.

"Dispense with this 'obligation' in the meantime. We might be able to salvage something from this mess you've made. Oh, and son," he lowered his voice with a steely edge. "I suggest you reevaluate your priorities. Keep a bag packed. This won't take long."

The screen went black and I sat back in my chair. I stared up at the ceiling and prayed that the plan we set into motion months ago bought enough time.

Chonay's Perspective

I roused while it was still dark outside. I lay on my back with a pale blond head resting on each of my shoulders. We twined our legs together in a comical panoply of sleep. Today's escape involved slipping from between them by pulling up on the headboard.

Not unlike how I imagine a butterfly feels crawling out of the cocoon. I grunted. Creator, what a thought.

I took a quick shower and downed all of the medication I needed simply to function as a normal adult.

One drop of cannabis oil under the tongue to keep the screaming anxiety at bay. Lexapro and Klonopin to ease depression and ASD symptoms. Emil gave me my testosterone shot yesterday, I won't need that for two weeks. Ugh, I can't wait for normal chromosomes to go on sale!

I cherished my alone time too much to wake my boys up. Besides, most days it was fun figuring out how to escape their amorous clutches. I felt blessed that they held me like that at all. It said things about how they felt about me that words could not explain. Still, looking at how they hugged when I left the bed cemented my decision for later.

I did my morning swim in the hotel pool, saving the gym for after the boys were awake and I could join them.

I stopped in to check on my new Boy, Zeke. He was up and dressed as he arrived last night, looking freshly fucked and well-chewed. He explained how he was on his way home for a shave, a shower, and a fresh valet uniform for work today.

I bounced on his bed as he pulled on his shirt. I bade him good morning and tweaked a nipple before he covered it. I smiled at his squeak.

"You're an early worm?" I asked.

"Bird, you mean?" He corrected me.

I tugged on his cock through his jeans. "That looks like a worm to me. Any regrets now that you're sober?"

"Should I have any?" He looked nervous.

"You tell me." I crossed my legs on the bed and drew him to sit facing me.

"You consented to be my Boy last night. You gave me authority over you in all ways, in all things. How much of that was hormones and booze talking?"

He scratched the back of his head as he thought about it. "I was clear enough when I said it. Though I had to wonder how serious you were."

"As a heart attack, Zeke. Nothing has changed." I squeezed his hands soothingly. "There are practical concerns to consider. We aren't Australian citizens. I'm American and you know my Princes Charming are Danish royalty. How willing are you to travel? What about your family and friends? I assume you have a passport after following Surf Season all over the world."

"I do, yeah, but how can I afford to pay my way?" He added.

"Leave that to me. I need an assistant to organize my shit and inform me when there is a fire to put out. It's simple work and I'll pay you. You'd travel with us. You'd have a room like this. You can have friends and lovers but I must meet and approve any potential lovers. That is non-negotiable. All I need to know about is whether or not you're serious and if so, what you need to tie up loose ends here."

"I, wow, hell yeah, I'm serious! I'd just like it if I could have a little time to talk it through with my mates, maybe break the job offer to my old man and find out which way he's gonna blow."

"We're leaving in two days, Zeke." I cautioned. "You don't have to be my Boy to get the job."

"But I want to be your Boy! I don't know why yet but it feels right, it feels important to me. It's the most important thing in my life right now."

"I'm holding you to those words, Boy! Take care of your business and be here before we leave in two days. Pack to travel light. We'll replace things you need as we go."

I pulled him to his feet, exchanged contact information with him, then slapped him on the ass on his way out the door. 

I entered the bedroom just as Anton put Emil in a headlock over some brotherly infraction. They were still naked with bed hair, looking simultaneously sexy as fuck and boyishly adorable. Twin erections smacked against their thighs like a pair of weighty truncheons. The brothers stopped and watched in silence as I dropped to my knees before them. I took a cock in each hand and licked them like lollipops.

I slid the tip of my tongue under Anton's foreskin and rubbed the sensitive skin of his glans. He rewarded me with a body-quaking shiver, as well as the deep, throaty moan of a great predator roused to the hunt. Once my love's crown glistened with spit I turned my attention to Emil.

Little Brother stood up from the headlock in time to witness as I took the head of his organ into my mouth. I repeated the steps I took with Anton, adding insistent flicks with my tongue to his tip. I dug into the eye of his sex until it wept with his arousal. I immediately began nursing on him, coaxing his briny juices to flow.

Meanwhile, his balls filled my hand in a signal demonstration of pure masculine potency. I gently scratched the sensitive skin between his perineum and the back of his sack, enjoying how Emil's nuts pulled tightly against his shaft in time with his hissing breaths. I pulled on his balls rhythmically, milking Emil like a stud bull. I did likewise with Anton, guiding him alongside Emil until they stood with their bodies pressed tightly together, their cocks as close together as humanly possible.

Anton's weapon resembled a Scottish claymore blade, straight and solid from the base, tapering only at the tip. Emil's cock possessed a gentle upward curve reminding me of a Japanese katana sword or perhaps an English longbow. The crown of each tapered gracefully and fit nicely in my mouth. Fitting both inside proved as much of a challenge as attempting to force a pair of ripe, juicy plums past my lips. I tried though and I was thankful for their spongy texture.

By now I pumped both cocks in a frenzy of lust. I fed greedily on their shared juices as my lovers pulled on my hair in fits of random need.

"Oh, god, Chonay!" Anton growled my name. Emil lolled his head back, his words passing his lips as a single strained plea.

"Oh-h-h, fu-u-u-ck," he gasped. "I'm close, I'm fucking close!"

"Come with me, Emil!" Anton howled his release only moments ahead of his brother. I pulled back allowing their first, their most plentiful, salvos fire into my mouth. I took the rest of their virile streams across my face.

Emil, ever vigilant, fell to his knees and took my neglected hardon in his mouth. It took only moments subjected to his moist cauldron of heat before I echoed their cries of rapture.

Emil rose quickly and kissed me. Neither of us swallowed our bounteous loads. He passed mine to me and likewise I shared his and Anton's spent lust. We swirled our tongues through the creamy mass with long lusty moans and wet smacking lips.

Anton dropped to his knees and kissed me with hands trembling on my cheeks. The three of us passed our loads back and forth as frothy kisses until nothing remained but the taste of fruitful manhood.

Anton licked my face clean and drew back to sit on his knees, all smiles. "Thank you, lover. That is my favorite way to say 'good morning'."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Emil punctuated each pass of his words with a peck on the lips.

I hooked my arms around their necks and pulled them down into a steamy three-way kiss. "My loves, my end, my beautiful, fucked up men. May this journey bring us life, light, and love. Now carry me to the shower, I'm sticky."

They laughed and left me to make my own way. I yelled after them. "You laugh now but I'm closer to your junk! I shall have my revenge!"

---

* Author Note: I write in a fantasy world where sexually transmitted diseases do not exist but in the real world, PrEP before you play and glove it before you love it. Carry on gentlemen!

* Some of you know I'm typing with one finger on my phone from a hospital bed. Recently, my kidney function has grown sluggish. I'm having difficulty writing. Bear with me if I'm late by a day or two until my situation improves. Than you for reading!